I worder whatever happen to harry when he return to the bank in the books I worder how he save his life from the goblins lol

let's be honest, how many people can say they fucked with death literally

dont really like how every character seems to know almost about everything about harry.

dont really like harrys incubus like powers feels little bit too much of mind rape

the veil thing would have been better

The lemons are, as usual, fantastic. The story itself...well, that really needed a bit more polish.

Firstly, I know it's your schtick and all, but a male main character who literally sexually charms -every- woman he comes across can drag a story down. Heck, it happens in the Anita Blake series. This is compounded by the fact that practically everyone is fem!genderbent in order to make all the women lesbian/bisexual who only needed the right male to fuck them straight so they can worship him. Don't get me wrong, this can work and are enjoyable in your shorter stories (Inheritance/Parselgod are two good examples where this is both enjoyable and doesn't interfere with the story) but not the longer ones like this. The stories become caught in a terrible tug-of-war between lemons and the excuse for them, and telling a good tale.

On a pure story aspect, I was a little disappointed in how Dee Dee vanished from the story early on until Blood got the stone. I wasn't expecting her to be there to help Harry but the story starts with the impression the two are often talking (you even make reference to them having tea together is a regular thing) yet she is absent for a good number of chapters. Harry never once asks her if she can give him any hints even if it's just to be told there's nothing she could say that wouldn't break the ancient laws.

Some of the story feels forced due to the shoe-horning needed for the relationships to work. Your constant gender-bending of Kal-El isn't a problem but then it raises the question of why bring Kara into the story at all or why not gender-bend her to make an interesting non-Harry male character? Outside of your purely lemon stories, there's really no real need for Harry's partners to have the exact same skill sets as they then become redundant or you have to force situations that require that skill set to be doubled-up on in order to save the day. That Kara doesn't use her powers/isn't a cape fifteen chapters until the end means she's mostly just another warm body that is/isn't in the Collective and who has to be juggled.

What is ultimately frustrating is you then double-downed with your love of Kara and having the older version show up. As much as anyone might love Super/Powergirl in any of her itterations, there is just not enough for more than one to be a constant cameo in this story. That you bring Powergirl into the story during the story arc that brings a RED SUN to Earth just shows how much the story gets put on the backburner for the women to be focused on.

Harry's powers are also rather all over the place. Mostly because there's no real showing of what exactly he can/can't do. We see a lot of physical fights but anything magical has him struggling (the fire wraith scene specifcally states he was only able to keep drawing the heat out of the area due to the sex he had prior to the fight). Harry gets accussed of being a dangerous wand waver and the greatest irony is that apart from teleporting, healing, small random moments during a fight and magic during sex, he doesn't do anything with his magic.

This is never more apparent as the focus starts with him being Master of Death and then changes to the heir of Lorelei being somehow how dominent trait. The only thing we constantly see is the runic tests which reply fancy sci-fi equipment.

What's also annoying is the entire "Dragon" mythos around Harry. It's there from the very beginning, infects everything all the badguys do as well as him being Master of Death yet the story never properly explains why this has made it out into the wider world. Heck, just say it's a prophecy if you want to. The fear the badguys feel at seeing his dramatically lessens without a reason behind Harry being the boogyman in the shadows.

You're a solid writer, if sometimes a little too A-B-C with the plot, but a lot of the finer details can often get lost due to the focus on the relationships. One of these details being just why Blood had a rage on against Harry. There's also the big thing of you literally repeating the same plot twice "just" to bring in another woman. I don't mind Savage/Dracula reusing the vampire formula, that was a plot threat which you left dangling in an obvious way. But you went so far as to have a sister (even if it's only through friendship) of a Harry's girl get turned into a vampire and there be a race against the clock to save her. This gets repeated right down to the two sisters fighting it out after the new-vampire finlly breaks from the virus. And I can only ask, what was the point? It wasn't needed to get the gang into the know (especially with Holly's mission) and a near-miss could have given the push for Willow just as much as the turning did.

I'll also say that the repetition thing also didn't work with the Blood/Philosopher's Stone and Savage/Shadow Valley. Not just with Lara only showing up in those two arcs but even the "oh crap, it's statues!" joke and the evil mastermind losing his sanity. A character on the good side gets a power boost just in time to stop the big evil (Jane to Thor, Alex to Blue Beetle) while the insane madman has an object of power that keeps the true evil force from killing him. I won't say the arcs are beat for beat but you got really darn close.

Although I'll allow you the "is it a bird, is it a plane?" joke that you slid in the arc.

I think one of the biggest issues with this story is its pacing. Yeah, I know, comics have world ending threats happen all the time. But there's gradual build up for those. The Harry Potter books always have the big even happen at the end, just like with almost all TV shows and other books. By the time we get to the Lorelei and the barriers between life and death being broken, well the reader is pretty much burnt out and will just go "meh" when reading the story in one go. Honestly, by the time we got to the endgame I was feeling like I had just spend hours rereading the same thing over multiple times with how similar each event played out.

Technically there are quick a few issues with the writing itself. You get your point across with no problem but there's a large number of lines which got mentally reworded as I read them. Sometimes it's missing or added words, sometimes it can be a strange way the line is written. The biggest one is repetition of words/concepts too close together. Another one or two run-throughs before the chapters got posted wouldn't have hurt.

Heh...maybe I'm whistling into the wind and this is like complaining about a porno's poor story/acting but I know you can do better than this.

The errors are small but numerous. Seriously? Flexes instead of reflexes?

why didn't harry accio the philosophers stone?

did you turn superman into superwoman? why do that when you have supergirl? o.o

I feel that hw lost his virginity to Gabrielle, or Fleur, as a reward for saving Gabrielle. Even tho nothing would happen to her, he didn't knew it, and he went ahead and saved a girl he didn't knew at all..

Yep, I know better than most what it’s like to feel as if you’re the only one in the room with any sense.

This damn story makes nongod damn sense. Too much crammed in to it and too much harem. Way to much harem

nice ending to an awesome story

"I won't decimate your waffles" I'm laughing so hard at that and I am now gonna find some way to sort it into one of my stories.

/He obviously lost his virginity to Ron after saving him from the lake.

/Dobby, as a reward for getting the gillyweed? Neville for the idea? ... Snape, as punishment for stealing the gillyweed?

/...Trevor the toad?

/... I apologize for putting that imagery in anyone's head. As a side-note, I like the way you left it out there all ambiguous-like. I've seen plenty of fics where girls other than our French flower take to the hero's bed after the second task.