Was that a Clone Wars Reference?

I so don't care about anything else other than Gohan. Going into this story I expected to read about his adventures in space, so far it looks like a DBZ recap with out of character actions and a bit of AU. Let's hope this changes in future chapters because I don't want to read a play by play report of what happened on Earth.

In regards to Goku meeting his parents in the afterlife. THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN! They were mass murderers, no way in hell would they be let out of there just so they could meet with the kid they didn't care much for. And Goku is supposed to be a moron, not some eloquent dude.

Also, I hope that Gohan stops acting like a wild animal as he grows up. It's super annoying. I'm not here to read about some retard that acts like a tiger, but a cold and calculated martial artist out to conquer planets in the Universe.

People that aren't from Earth can't power up. They're at their max strength all the time. So it's stupid to say that Raditz's power level went up.

ULTIMO TOPE PATADAAAAAAAAAA

Time for. . . A REREAD!

You probably shouldn't go "x50" for super saiyan. That might work in the beginning, but that is only gonna spell trouble later on. Just make super saiyan more powerful.

Why is Gohan 10x stronger than Cooler?

Hmm, the numbers are getting kind of ridiculous, and meaningless.

Sigh. As much as I find the obvious copying of that Star wars scene questionable, I did find it funny. It does make sense for this fiction, since Dragonball is light-hearted and often comedic.

However, remind yourself that you are writing a story, not a screenplay, not an anime, not a movie. You are putting words on paper. That means interlacing random lyrics in the midst of a narrative simply means that the narrative is chopped up and unreadable. Background music is NOT A THING for written works.

I skipped the whole part with the random Japanese lyrics, because it is utterly unreadable and uninteresting. The lyrics completely breaks the flow of the story, and makes it impossible to follow what is going on. There is absolutely no case where you want to put in distracting lyrics that cut up your story into chunks. No fan-fiction has ever made it work. No published work ever included it. It can never work.

*Groan*

Stop turning characters into rapists to make them more EVVVIILLL.

It's childishly bad writing, and makes me stop caring about your characters. This is dragonball. People are strong enough to fight to the death. Stop trying to make rape a thing. If you can't find a way to make a villain hate-able without rape, you need to seriously work on your writing skills.

Also, the fuck is up with those power levels? Eating 1 bite jumps 10 times. Eating half jumps another 10 times? Power don't work like that. You don't just jump 10 times whenever.

Also, could we stop the with rapey guy vibes.

Work on your grammar and spelling. Ex. It's "Trailing smoke", not "trialing". Also, stick with English for names of attacks, unless you really need Japanese (which basically never happens, except for things Kai-o-ken). No one is gonna remember what Japanese means.

I love the delinquent squad.

Pls don't make gohan a furry. I'm getting worried.

Awesome chapter!