Hey! Another review on the way! :)

*sigh* Hiashi really is the worst father ever. Just like Kakashi, instead of doing something himself, he just lets others do his work and then does... what exactly did he hope to accomplish with this talk, calling his daughter disappointment and reprimanding her in every other sentence? I'm honestly not sure.

Just to wonder aloud about few things - he never said which lessons exactly Hinata defied; if Hinata had no control over Cursed Seal, the dark chakra would rip her to shreds - instead she utilized it rather well in her fight against Naruto, so that's actually credit to her chakra control; she didn't maim Naruto, even her ripping his guts was healed afterwards in few seconds, so to be clear she didn't do any physical injury to him that would last outside their fight; and if Naruto hurt himself for pushing his chakra into Hinata's body (where did he get chakra control for that?), that was his decision only and trying to make Hinata feel guilty for it is hypocritical.

On a sidenote, why was Hiashi allowed to watch? In both manga and anime, only participants and their sensei were allowed to watch preliminaries. What was Hiashi doing there?

That explanation for technique Naruto did... I don't even know where to begin how much that explanation doesn't make sense to me. Firstly, Sasuke never suffered those conditions when he had Cursed Mark even after repeatedly using it. And secondly, even if Hinata received different seal for any reason, I'm not aware of Naruto possessing any technique that allows him to suck out someone's chakra. Chakra transfer is possible, but only one way, willingly, usually in healing techniques. So again, where did Naruto learn techniques that can suck out someone's chakra? And furthemore, if Hinata would die from chakra's excess, it would be Naruto's fault for overloading her with his and Kyuubi's chakra.

Second sidenote, why was Naruto still bruised during their talk if he can heal through life-threatening injuries in seconds and has enough chakra to rival Kages?

I appreciate the talk afterwards and cuddling, but I just can't overlook how some things are making so little sense. They aren't that bad, but they take away some of the enjoyment I get from Naruto and Hinata slowly becoming closer.

Keep up the good work!

Hey! WND here, finally with a chance to leave a review! :)

I really enjoy your take on Hinata being more Hyuuga-ish, with all the fun and hilarity stemming from it. Even when some things didn't make much sense (I still don't think it was explained why Orochimaru targeted her along with Sasuke), I still enjoyed the flow of the story and interactions between various characters. :)

Sadly, it got a bit shaken in this fight.

The fight was actually quite good and revealed some bits Hinata was trying to hide, except I fear it served no real purpose. Naruto won't, more precisely can't, understand how Hinata feels about him, the pressure she faces as the heiress or even being a genius of hard work in his own way unlike Hinata. And his attempt to work it out through fighting isn't going to accomplish anything no matter if he wins or loses - win means only deeper strife between Hinata's ego and personal wishes and loss means reinforcing Hinata's superiority image over him. I know he couldn't realize it since he's no good with people, but somebody should have and that someone should have never had allowed this fight to happen in the first place *coughKakashicough*

And for how he won... by sheer dominance? Ending it whenever he wanted to? Blocking Cursed Seal by unknown way/technique he learned who knows where that reduced his life-span despite his Uzumaki lineage? That raises so many flags I feel it should have its own chapter just to explain everything. Kakashi didn't know how to do that and he studied under Naruto's dad and had decades of experience and chakra control advantage over Naruto. Jiraiya didn't know it either and he was presumably the best seal master Konoha has left after Minato and Kushina's passing. And by revealing all that to Hinata in the end basically translated to him saying: "You were never an opponent to me in the first place, Cursed Seal or not." So basically he threw up everything he tried to do in the fight into a trash bin. Again, I know he's no good with people, but this is bordering on sheer idiocy. *sigh*

I like this story, I really do, but it feels like half of the people here don't know what they're doing and those who do actually don't do a thing. In the end, I'll probably find myself cheering for crazy Hinata, since she's at least trying to solve her problems. Naruto isn't even aware of his yet.

They're adorkable.

Even in tsun-tsun, Hinata is still a lovestruck stalker.

Personally, I wish Naruto had actually been clanless in canon. Instead, he turns out to be from basically a Gary Stu clan of super ninja everyone was scared shitless of. Which is cool, but sporks some of Naruto's charm.

Shikamaru would've probably had better luck pointing out that Naruto already had years of training, he just didn't have anyone willing to correct his mistakes and now he does. So his improvement over a week (and nineteen hours a day) makes perfectly good sense. He's not advancing beyond what he should, his mistakes have simply been corrected and he's drilled hard to keep those corrections. Hinata would have reacted much better to such an explanation, I think, as it would mean he wasn't advancing and instead that he was already at the level he is and was just sloppy before Kakashi squished it out of him.

If I remember correctly, canon says Kakashi could not get the hang of the Rasengan and invented the Chidori as a lightning based replacement. Though, given his genius, that never did make any sense. It's not even a complicated technique.

What Hinata said about their last chapter conversation being their second nicest...I don't think that's remotely true. Could be remembering wrong.

Saw someone complain last chapter in reviews about angst and nihilism. Naruto's never-give-up attitude is still present, so the claim of nihilism is dumber than Sakura in a bash fic. He had about a line worth of anger time due to his frustration at being beaten up in the street and other physical, mental, and emotional abuse for his whole life. I think it's fucking fine for him to have moments of anger and frustration about his life, it's not remotely angst. Especially since it wasn't even important to the chapter and lasted, as I said, around one line.

Hinata's reaction was incredibly out of character for this story.

Lol, you flipped roles! Hiashi is a bro and Hinata has a pole up her ass. Though more of the sexy tsundere kind.

I just finished the fanfiction. It was a breath of fresh air. Good story, believable characters, good dialogue. I really liked how you changed the personalities of the characters. Good job

I think the character I liked the most was Temari, she suffered and wanted to reduce her loneliness, that someone would understand her.
As for Hinata, I honestly expected something more Tsudere and since I saw that she was obsessive, I expected something more compulsive and daring. But it turned out entertaining, I think you did Hiashi and Neji like that to balance the family.
As for Gaara, it was always seen that he wasn't going to kill even in the end.

I was rereading the story again and I noticed you changed the dialogue between naruto and hinata after the whole fight with orochimaru in konoha, it’s way less darker than it originally was. At first hinata admitted that she liked naruto but was also jealous of him and that she wanted to humiliate and break him by taking something from him by raping him and I guess stealing his innocence but in this new one she just admits to liking him, I’m fine with the changes, I was just curious of the noticeable changes.

I enjoyed this a lot, thanks for writing it.

I like where you decided to end it, too. Instead of a drawn out mega fic you ended it where it was manageable both to read, and presumably to write.

Where was Jiraiya in this whole mess? That's my only real question?

Hmm. Well, I just finished reading all the chapters (marathoned most of them in the last day). I have mixed feelings. You did a LOT of things right, and there were parts that I really enjoyed. But at the same time, you also had some serious characterization flaws - i.e., not the character themselves not conforming to canon or anything, but you had issues with random aspects in a character just appearing or disappearing.

Pros:
*Your fic in general is a huge breath of fresh air. Doesn't mean it's necessarily GREAT, but damn was it original and NEW.
*The romance between our two main characters was sweet when it worked.
*The absolute disregard for canon concepts was wonderful. Bijuu dying for a century for example. Given how not EVERYTHING was disregarded means that the reader really has to throw away all preconceptions (which is hard!) because some things from canon may still stand, and some may not.
*The vast majority of characters are interesting. Gaara, Shikamaru, Hinata, Naruto, Temari, etc, are all great characters (they may not all be good people, but as you mentioned in an AN, loving to hate a character can be a good narrative device too)

Cons:
*Relating to the point immediately above, the downside is that you basically have a fic composed entirely of OCs that share stories with canon characters. Pretty sure with the exception of 1-time-throwaway characters like Genma or whatever, the only character who's at all canon is Sarutobi. Having characters that are essentially OCs means that it can be hard for people to like them, because you're not using the build up of 2 decades worth of nostalgia and reminiscence. I.e. a Gaara who's actually psychopathic rather than just repressed and ignorant means he can't ever be a good guy, who Gaara is for the vast majority of canon. When I think of Gaara in canon, it's most certainly not his first showing that sticks with me the longest, it's his post-invasion persona.
*There are several cases of 'key' personality traits that appear or disappear as the plot demands it, rather than via character growth. Hinata seems to receive the most of these. Don't get me wrong, while I really do like the romance between her and Naruto, she fell for him MUCH too quickly, and her random 'Hinata is a rapist' thing didn't work at all. I don't mean that I didn't LIKE it, I mean that it straight up just appeared out of nowhere, for no reason except 'because the plot demanded it', and was angsted over. I guess maybe this can be filed under 'too much tell, not enough show'? Not really sure how to qualify it. While I actually really liked Hinata as a character, with a wonderful bed of weird personality traits, her going 180 on Naruto after he 'died' for her was poorly done. Her STRUGGLING with showing her affection with him over the next 30 chapters was done wonderfully though, so mad props with that!
*In the same vein, pretty much every character except Naruto was too gullible (LMAO - everyone BUT Naruto?! ahaha how is he the exception?!). Every insinuation, every accusation, every insult, by the 'bad guys', Orochimaru and Gaara, and even the kyuubi once or twice, was accepted without question (even, or perhaps especially, when they were blatantly false). While I get the fact they're supposed to be sharp tongued and like fucking with peoples minds, it was utterly ridiculous that every accusation they made was accepted. Hinata feels lust - welp, let's call her a disgusting rapist and she instantly accepts it. Let's have Gaara deconstruct someone's character - welp, that character will accept it as the gospel of god. It got to the point where whenever Gaara/Orochimaru opened their mouth I rolled my eyes. Every single conversation was somehow laser pointed 'accurate', and puncturing their ego destructively. Way too much over the top. The kyuubi's few were better, because they were clearly false, and done with ill-intent. And I don't mean like Naruto screaming "no that's impossible!" in denial or something, but like every character just accepts (maybe denies out-loud, but accepts nonetheless) Gaara/Oro trying to deconstruct their personality.

Minor issues I personally have an issue with:
*Age is a bit of a problem. I blame the fact that Kishimoto started Naruto with 12 year olds, before realizing he didn't have to pander to the shounen demographic anymore, so raised the ages with a forced terrible timeskip. One of the best parts imo of this fic as noted above was how you decided to ignore canon often. I wish you had done the same with age. Having the characters all aged up 3 or so years would've been great. You deal with significantly more 'adult' concepts (and I don't mean just the rape, I mean everything else) than kishimoto did early on, and unfortunately, every time someones age is brought to mind it creates a disconnect. Having adult problems and coming of age, much less dealing with lust (which, you know, biologically, may not even exist at that age, depending on the person) are done much better with teenagers, rather than PRE TEENS. While I certainly know sex can happen prior to age 13, there's absolutely no reason you couldn't have raised the ages of everyone by 3 years. Make graduation at 15 or something.

*The names in the epilogue lmao. Again, this is just a personal thing, but I utterly and completely despise the final chapter of Naruto, and ignore anything after that. With such different personality compared to canon, there is no reason the names should stay the same. I hate them too, but that's actually besides the point. Boruto was chosen as a tribute to Neji (boruto bolt, to match with neji screw), and given that Neji didn't have an epic redemption arc and later death (because he didn't need one of course), it just seems lazy. The final chapter of Naruto was shit, with random characters pairing up and random names for children made, so having those names appear here made me really despise the epilogue lol. I actually liked what you did plot wise (Gaara fucking over Akatsuki, them being made irrelevant, TemariShikamaru, etc), but the naming and keeping the same kids from canon, despite the fact that 100% of the characters are vastly different, was just lazy. I honestly would've preferred if there was just a little plot resolution, with interpersonal 'details' left vague or up to the readers' imagination. Instead you had a wonderfully original story that... turned out identical to canon. It's honestly a shame because you had such a FRESH story as I said.

TL;DR. So yeah, long story extremely short, you have a wonderfully fresh story, that I do recommend to other friends (fanfic readers) of mine, but there were a few issues, all of which most definitely could be solved by some post-work editing. I hope you give the story a once-over and try to mitigate some of the more glaring issues!