This is actually a pretty unique take on the gamer genre. I can’t wait for more content!

this was great. shaping to be one of the best jaunes

This is some interesting my guy. Pretty cool idea.

I just want to know who will be the one Jaune end up teaming up with, I'm tired of Pyrrha or Ruby or Yang…It's not like that they are bad,just, boring,cuz everyone write so, I've never read any fic in which Jaune team up with a boy(like Ren?Adam?Idk)and that'll be pretty interesting, anyway.

This is pretty interesting! Nice work and keep moving on!

This seems to be a great start to the story! I liked how much more complex aura uses were in this story and I especially like the 'prices' for the semblances. I look forwardt to the next chapters!

very interesting and realistic take on his training, most people would definitely be alarmed if a kid just kept swinging his sword in a backyard at the dead of night. this is why i like this fic, so many unexpected things that makes sense yet it doesnt bother the story at all but rather helps it progress forward by having jaune bond with a new character. bonds of people is the true power they say

As always your world building is your strength, going with the idea that he can exhaust his Aura more rapidly than someone younger because it's something his body doesn't rely on is an interesting and good point.

You made a mistake here "he could pump his aura full of aura", I think you meant to write his body full of Aura.

Ouch Jaune certainly has chosen a brutal way to increase the amount of Aura he can pump through his skin but it's certainly good to explain both how he'll become strong enough to earn his Nightmare fighting and how he'll survive the mental scars it will give him.

I'm not surprised that Jaune lost the right to use the Backyard after all he did, he's lucky he didn't get kicked out what with him screaming bloody murder after his image training.

Jaune was lucky the manager was willing to play ball with him because like the manager said he could have easily chosen to ignore Jaune's ultimatum and simply wait for the complaints to pile up until he could legally kick him out. Combined with the horrible references it'd give him to future living conditions and he could have easily fucked himself over.

Thankfully he got a kind person, hopefully it will convince him to stop trying to give ultimatums like that. Manipulation that blatant is only going to piss people off especially with Jaune having such a poor position.

I do have to wonder what kind of training the manager thinks Jaune is doing exactly. Also you really should give him an actual name and have Jaune be either introduced to him or as implied by this meeting already know him from at least the interview process.

This story is off to a good start so far. I really like the amount of uniqueness you've put into this Jaune's Semblance. The thought Aura system here is also pretty sweet too. All in all, I'd say that this fic has loads of potential to be pretty damned good. Keep up the good work!

That said, if you can, get yourself a beta who can proofread the chapters. That would help out the fic a great deal and make it even better than it already is.

Finally, have you put any thought on the pairings for the story?

Well, i think the arc was solid. I learnt what he did day to day, got an idea of the ppl he interacted with ( complaining tenants, teacher manager, and his boss and the waiters). I got to watch him acknowledge his dumbass mistakes and reslve to grow from them. With the way youve tried to make everything balanced, I'm not sure he will be ready and able to pass the beacon exams tbh, which is really cool because it feels suspenseful in a way for me. I like it, thumbs up!

Nice work. I can't wait to see where you are taking this.

Jaune should just make a semblance that turns what he feels into an aura around him.
So he can mix with that semblance that increases pain and the more pain Jaune feels, the more pain others feel around him.

that'd be pretty neat.

I Like it and waiting the next chapter.
Show me more Jaunes progress!

Jaune

Holy crap this story is good with Jayne having to pay a price if he wants to take the easy way is genius