Snippets of Time

Disclaimer : I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters. They are the property of BBC. Only this story is mine.

This is my first attempt at Doctor Who fanfiction, so please be kind. Please let me know what you think. Also, this takes place before the 50th Anniversary and is my take on a few of the lives that Clara went through where she encountered the Doctor. This is the Ninth. I also intend to do one with the Fourth.

Chapter One : Newly the Ninth

He'd only recently regenerated into this body, only a few days really and already he hated it. Too old, big ears, daft old face, eyes too cold. Taller though, and leaner, and not at all like his Eighth self. He was tired, held the form of an old soldier, because that was what he'd become. The Time War was...He gripped his head with his hands and tried to drown it all out. The screams and the lives and the abrupt, horrible silence. This form, this face, this life. He wanted it over, wished he'd burned through all his other lives with the death of the last one. But no, Rassilon didn't reward monsters. He was being punished, the survivor and the reaper of the Time Lords. He'd fallen so far from himself that he wondered what he was supposed to do with himself now. No use traveling anymore, no use seeing what good could be done. Not when nothing would undo what he'd done to himself and his people.

His big body shook, hearts breaking all over again for all the things he'd lost. If his former companions could see what he'd become they would be horrified. He could practically see their eyes on him, accusing him, condemning him. He wished...oh he wished...

"Hey gent, you alright?"

He felt her touch just as her voice registered, realized he'd been sitting still too long and someone had noticed him on this bench all alone. He wanted to flinch, to pull away, to lash out. Instead he found himself leaning just slightly towards her, desperate for some form of contact. He was so alone, all alone in the universe.

"Shh, easy there now...you're going to be okay." Little hands were touching his own, just that. She hadn't moved closer, hadn't sat down next to him on the bench. Just the touch of two hands against his, just the soft cooing of her voice washing over his pain and desolation and drawing him back towards the light.

He'd come back to this place, to this planet, because here were the best memories of his life, all of them. All the people, the clever ones that had come along and the stupid ones that still managed to make him smile. Years and adventures with this one race made him quite fond of they and the planet they lived on. He'd only wanted to find some measure of solace, and aboard the TARDIS that was nowhere to be found. His lovely ship wasn't speaking to him, was almost catatonic with grief. She needed the time to mourn as much as he did. He supposed, in his way, this regeneration was all about grief. That was why he wore black predominately. Even his jumper was black. But perhaps, with time and the people like this woman standing so still and so near, he would heal. He'd survived, he hadn't burned through his remaining lives, so that meant that he was still meant to do something.

Slowly he eased his hands from his head, tilting his head so that he could look at the woman that had managed to drag him back from the abyss. With just a touch, just soft words, she had managed to reach him. She was short, small built and delicate in appearance. Dark hair, dark eyes, early twenties maybe. That was all he got of her at first, but then his senses went crazy. Time moved strangely around this girl, this person who had reached out to a Time Lord so deeply in pain that nothing should have reached him. Not for a long time. But she'd barely tried, and something was just off about her. "You...you're impossible."

She laughed, fingers linking through his to remind him that they were still there though she stood back from him some. "No, I'm Oswin." A grin was spread across her face, one that spoke of adventure and mischief and made a slow grin come up onto his own. He rose, releasing her hands as he stood to practically tower over her. Rassilon, she was tiny. Something niggled at his brain, some stray memory or thought that was trying to make itself known. Almost like de ja vu, except that he usually didn't experience that odd phenomenon.

"Do I know you, Oswin?"

She put a finger to her lips and smiled cheekily at him. "Spoilers."

He cracked up, surprising himself with the sound. "Oh you think you're clever now?" He should have been annoyed that she wouldn't give him a straight answer, but instead he was greatly amused.

"I know I'm clever."

She was enchanting, he decided. And it was most likely he did not know her, and she was just one of those people that went on to do something amazing and he just couldn't place her. Like the time he hadn't known he was speaking to the future King of France when he'd shown a child the way home again. Which regeneration was that in again? Fourth, fifth? Bah, it didn't matter.

They ended up talking most of the day, which surprised him. The slow path had never appealed to him. Too much to see and do for that, but with Oswin things were okay. Not perfect by a long shot, but just...okay. She didn't pry, just let him speak about whatever he wanted, and she told him she wanted to see the stars, that she was working towards that dream. All the while she gave him the feeling of someone he'd known before, many times in fact. Someone that had come through his life that he had either forgotten or lost before. And all the time she failed to ask the one question that always started with a new companion, a new adventure. She didn't ask him, and he didn't tell her. He knew her name, she did not know his, and didn't ask. Who are you? I'm the Doctor. Doctor Who? Just the Doctor.

As darkness fell he decided it was time to go. Back to the TARDIS, off on another adventure. Maybe with a brand new purpose and a brand new companion. "Oswin?"

"Hm?"

"There's something I want to show you." Yes, he decided, he was going to be taking her with him. Her light and vibrancy was just what he needed after the things he'd been through. He was comfortable with her, and she made him smile despite himself. A new companion and a new adventure was exactly what he needed to fully shake his melancholy mood. Keep moving forward, don't look back, don't dwell on things he wasn't ready to deal with. "Come with me?"

"Sure." And they were off, walking along a well maintained pathway off to the side alley he'd parked in when his memories and the pain had gotten so bad he'd had to get off the TARDIS.

Once they made it to the sentient ship he called home he opened the doors wide and strode over to the console, sweeping his hands out to present the ship in all her glory to his new friend. "See Oswin? Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Its...its..." She popped her head into the ship then out again, several times. His grin started fading around the edges as she took longer and longer to say something. Maybe she wasn't as adventurous as he thought her to be. Maybe she'd just seen another living creature in pain and gone to his aide. He still hadn't asked her about that. But some deep part of him hoped she would be impressed, that she would take it in stride and be impressed and come with him. 'Please, Oswin...Don't be afraid.'

"Its smaller on the outside!" He did a double take at that then had to fight off a grin. "Never heard that one before."

"Oh fantastic. Absolutely, brilliantly fantastic!" And there she was, in her little white dress and hat, right in front of him where he wanted her to be. And that marvelous word! Ooh, he loved it! He watched her circle the console just in front of him, spinning around and trying to take everything in all at once. "Beauty, you are. Absolutely beautiful...fantastic..." Eyes alight, that smile on her face, and no sign of fear. Curiosity, amazement, and true awe warred across her features, but she wasn't afraid.

He felt the buzz of the TARDIS pressing against his mind, curious about the new arrival and the change in her Time Lord. She wasn't speaking to him, not in the way she had, but she was projecting curiosity and a slight amount of pleasure. New companions were good, new Doctor needed a new companion. Needed someone to go on adventures with him, to keep him in check. Especially now, with what he was this regeneration. A soldier, a survivor of the Time War. She was special, this one.

She finally came to stand in front of him again, looking up at him and grinning brightly. She hadn't questioned him when he'd asked her to come with him, and hadn't hesitated to come into the TARDIS though she didn't know him enough to trust he would lead her true. Why? Why did she have to be this way? Absolute, unwavering trust in a man she knew so little about. Perhaps, before he asked her to come with him, he should know these things. His slight smile faded, the calm he'd found turning into knotted confusion inside him.

"Oswin?" Her gaze was rapt on his own, hands idling against the little bow on her dress. So he had her attention at least. "Why? Why did you stop and help me? Why do you trust me, when we only just met? Why do I feel as if I know you, have known you?" His tone was firm but not cruel, having no wish to upset her. He hadn't meant to ask more than the first question, but once he'd started they kept coming, and this regeneration was both curious and stuck in a state of painfully believing he was about to be betrayed. No one would possibly wish to stay with him, after all he'd done.

"It was the right thing to do." She chewed her bottom lip and dropped her gaze, the smile falling from her features. "You just seemed so lost, so lonely. Poor gent, I thought, someone should do something for him. But no one did anything, no one seemed to see what pain you were in, and I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Couldn't just walk away like all the other people around. Blind, uncaring of another living creature in pain so deep he shook with it. You needed someone, anyone, to give a damn. Someone to take your hand and hold on tight until the pain subsided."

Was that not almost exactly what he'd been thinking earlier? Something wasn't right. Everything was off, not just a little but allot. Something twisted painfully inside him and he snatched up her wrists and drew her forward. "I don't want or deserve your pity." His tone had gone harsh, bordering in that place where he ceased being the man she'd seen thus far. She pulled at his grip, looking up at him again. She wasn't afraid, but she should have been. He was not a nice man, hell he wasn't even human. Time Lord, alien, monster, murderer...

"You're hurting me!" He let her go and watched as she scrambled back from him, hands tucked against her body. Her tone had snapped him out of the state he'd been in, and it was then that things really settled in his mind. He was insane, or his other self had gone that way before regeneration took him. It would fade, his mind would repair itself as the regeneration settled, but he was obviously violent and in no fit state to be near another living creature. All she'd wanted was to make him feel better. Empathy wasn't something he understood very well, and she had it in spades it seemed.

"Oswin, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." He ran a hand through his short cropped hair then over his face before leveling a blue eyed stare at her helplessly. "You need to get away from me, Oswin. I was stupid, shouldn't have brought you here..."

He trailed off, head dropping down and hands against his skull again, pressing firmly there as his mind whirled all over the place trying to comprehend what he'd done to himself, to his people. And now to Oswin, who only wanted to help him. "Forget you ever saw me, Oswin. Forget me." He needed to get out of here, leave the planet and this time and send himself to idle in the Time Vortex until his regeneration was finished settling. He'd thought he'd be fine, out in the world again so soon after, but he'd been wrong. And now he'd hurt someone that didn't deserve it, and he just couldn't stand that! He started shaking again, pressing harder against his head and hoping everything would just stop. That he would wake up and the Time War would never had happened, that he was still in his Eighth regeneration, that his biggest problem was being all alone and contemplating rather or not he should go back for another adventure with Grace.

"Oi, old soldier!" Her voice was sharp, shattering his thoughts once again and drawing a wide eyed look from the Doctor. Old soldier, she'd called him. Did she know him after all? Was he missing something about her and she was just waiting for him to figure it out? He was clever, really he was! Brilliant even, he'd been told so many times in the past. But this was the present or was it the past? Not the future, not possibly, he'd know. Superior Time Lord senses and all that, but why couldn't he recall exactly when he was, even within the protection of the TARDIS? Why did he feel as if time itself was coming apart at the seams? Why, why why...WHY?

"Hey! Concentrate! Snap out of it before you hurt yourself." She'd stepped back towards him despite what he'd done, but he hadn't noticed her doing so and that made him blink at her. He'd lost time. Him, a Time Lord. He saw the bruises beginning to form on her wrists and winced at them, feeling all kinds of horrible for hurting her. He felt her hands on his once again, like when they'd met earlier in the day, but this time they were wedging against him. Trying to get his hands off his head? Why?

"Easy now gent...just breathe okay? Lets get these hands off your head before you squash that clever brain of yours, yeah?" She pulled his hands away slowly, but he wasn't fighting her on the matter. She thought he was clever? "Good...good, that's right, calm down...stay with me now." Her tone had gone soft again, fingers lacing with his and easing in front of them. He took a step closer to her, just so that she didn't have to reach quite so far. What did she mean though? Stay with her? He hadn't gone anywhere, had he? Aside from being lost in his own memories, that is. And why was she still here? Why hadn't she gone when he'd told her too, especially after he'd nearly broken both her wrists. He was a danger to her until he settled, but...

"Don't drift off again now, I just pulled you out of it." An old memory hit him, several of them in quick succession. Always of a flash of brown hair, of striking brown eyes and a clever fantastic person leading him on his path or setting him back on it when he'd thought he'd fallen from it. Someone that had chased him through each regeneration even as he chased her and forgot every time he found her again. But always she was running to him, to save him, to safeguard his life in danger. To usually lose her own in the process, or disappear again before he could thank her. His guardian angel, all the way back to his first regeneration.

"I know you, Oswin, I do."