***AUTHOR'S NOTE***
Hey all… I haven't written anything for this website in over a year, so things may be a little rusty. Have some grace, please! I am newly obsessed with this show and so I am also new to the fanbase. I'm still perfecting my take on the characters, so go a little easy on that, too. I hope you like "my" Alicia and Will, but of course I do not own the Good Wife.
This takes place mid-season 5—what I HOPE will happen between them eventually! If it doesn't I might die a little bit! Please, please, please review! I love hearing from the few Good Wife fans on this website. Enjoy! (Rated M for a reason!) * * * * * * *
Alicia winced as her car began to rattle and growl at her. She shifted uneasily into third gear and then back again, unsure of what exactly she was doing.
"Mom, that doesn't sound good," Grace voiced warily.
"I agree," Alicia breathed. Looking up, she noticed that the front of her car was smoking—bad. With an exasperated sigh she pulled the car over to the side of the interstate. "I so do not need this," she murmured under her breath, glancing over at Grace with a smile. "You might be a little late to school."
Grace purses her lips, but she only says, "That's okay."
Alicia runs her hand through her hair with annoyance, but reasons with herself that it isn't so bad, and Grace is being her normal, tolerant self. She is thankful to have such good kids.
"I guess I'm going to look under the hood."
Grace smirks. "Do you have any idea what is under the hood of a car?"
Alicia grins wryly at her. "I'm a very good guesser."
"Uh-huh."
Narrowing her eyes with amusement, Alicia says, "Just stay here. I'll be back in a second."
It's beginning to rain as she steps out of her car. Perfect. It seems that every day since she'd left Lockhart/Gardner had been cloudy and/or rainy. The heaviness of loss and debt was constantly on her chest. It was liberating, and probably the right thing to do to leave Lockhart/Gardner, but it still felt like shit. Every time she entered her new firm she felt like she was betraying Will again.
Alicia lifts the hood of the car and peers into the mess of pipes, nozzles, and tanks. What a joke—like she could figure out this. The rain falls on the hot pipes and hisses, first just every few seconds, but then more frequently as the precipitation gets heavier.
She tugs on her suit jacket, as if that will help her stay dry and collected. A crack of lightning makes her jump, and Grace rolls down the window and yells, "Mom, get back in the car!"
Frustrated, Alicia sits back down into her car and pulls out her cell phone to call for help. Peter is the first one she tries, but it automatically goes to voicemail. She knew when she married a politician that he would be busy. Somehow that fact doesn't make it much better. Then she decides to call for the car service that Peter paid for long ago, that she hadn't had to use until now. They say they will arrive in about 30 minutes.
After hanging up Alicia looks over at Grace and says, "Looks like it's going to be about a half hour. I'm sorry, honey."
"S'okay. Not the first time I've been late to school, you know."
"Oh really?" Alicia raises an eyebrow. "Zach not getting you there on time?"
Grace laughs. "Something like that."
Alicia jumps when a loud honk sounds from just outside her window. "Shit," she murmurs, and Grace says, "Mom!" Alicia throws her an apologetic glance and rolls down her window.
Her stomach unravels at the sight of him. His eyebrows are drawn together, looking angry (as is usual these days), but the concern still leaks through just a little.
Will.
He looks as if he's about to throw a harsh comment her way, but then his eyes fall on Grace and they soften. "Car troubles?" He yells over the rain.
"Yes," Alicia says back, not really sure what to ask of him here.
"Is anyone coming to help you?"
"Not for another 30 minutes."
Will looks at his steering wheel, and Alicia can see his hands tighten on it. "Let me give you a ride," he finally yells.
Alicia blinks rapidly and then says to Grace, "Be careful getting out."
Grace nods and they both exit the car, bracing themselves against the rain. Will's warm leather seats welcome them, and Grace curls her hands over the air ducts as soon as the door is shut behind her. Alicia does her best to sit straight in her seat, holding her head up despite the rain dripping from her hair.
"Grace going to school?" Will asks.
"Yes—are you sure you have time for this?" Alicia asks, but she isn't sure what she'll say if he says he doesn't. She doesn't have any other plan now.
"Yeah, it's no problem."
Luckily or unluckily, the drive to Grace's school is a short one. Grace is too preoccupied by her lack of warmth to notice the stiffness in the front seats. Alicia looks back at Grace and asks, "Do you have a change of clothes at school."
"Yeah."
"Will your shoes be too wet? Do you need me to bring you a different pair?"
"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
Alicia smiles weakly at her. Although she is concerned about Grace, she can't ignore the fact that her entire left side is tingling with its close proximity to Will. She can't ignore the fact that his hands are white from clutching the steering wheel; can't ignore that his eyes have not left the road; cannot ignore the fact that he's barely breathing. Anger and hurt are thick in the air, and she doesn't know what to do about it.
Will pulls into the parking lot of the school, as close as he can get to the door. Grace pulls her backpack after her and politely says, "Thank you, Mr. Gardner." Will gives a curt, "Of course," back to her.
"Zach will probably pick you up," Alicia calls after her. Grace waves back as she hurries into the building and disappears.
Alicia turns to look back at the road as Will pulls out of the parking lot. Her stomach churns and she can feel the tendons in her neck tensing. Every part of her is angry, but every part of her is wanting. She had refused to examine her feelings any more. After she left Lockhart/Gardner, all she did was focus on the look of pure hatred in Will's eyes as he fired her. That fueled her to forget any feeling she might have had for him.
She thought it would be like that for a long time. Or at least for long enough that she could go to Hawaii with Peter and secure herself to him for once and for all. But day after day, the feelings slowly came crawling back. As she saw glimpses of hurt in his eyes—as the anger chipped slowly away. Will's anger was a powerful, dangerous kind of anger, that didn't ebb easily. It just swayed when the hurt was there to take its place.
"Thank you for picking us up," she whispered after a few minutes.
"It was the right thing to do," he says nonchalantly. His rough voice resonates in the center of Alicia's chest. She holds it there, hating how delicious it sounds.
"Still, you didn't have to."
He slowly drops one arm from the steering wheel, too cautiously for it to look natural. "Most people would have." His jaw clenches.
"What's that supposed to mean? That I wouldn't have?"
"I don't know what you would do."
"Because I've changed, right? Because now I'm the kind of person who betrays those who have given her everything, right?"
Will just shrugs. "You said it."
"Because you were thinking it!"
"No." His voice is cold. "I don't think about you, Alicia."
Alicia's breath catches, but she hastily recovers, hoping that he doesn't notice. She has grown tired of this fighting. It leaves her drained, shaky, and feeling out of control. She doesn't like to feel out of control.
"Leaving Lockhart/Gardner was the best for everyone involved."
"That's bullshit," he growls. "It made no sense. We were in the black, finally. Out of debt completely, after all that work. Things were finally going smoothly and we were functioning again. We made you partner, dammit. Lockhart/Gardner was a solid business—"
"Who cares about the damn business!" Alicia exclaims. Her words catch in her throat, and she can hardly croak out: "This wasn't about business."
They pull into a parking spot in the parking deck. Apparently he knew that she was going to court today, even though they weren't working on the same case. It's dark, and they can hear the pounding rain just above them. "Oh, sure it wasn't. It was because you couldn't stand being around me, right?" His voice is slowly raising. The pain masked by anger is flooding into his eyes. Alicia bites back her own pain so that she doesn't appear weak in front of him.
"Go to hell, Will! Don't you think I hate myself for this, too? Don't you know that I fall asleep and wake up with you on my mind? I can't stand how you look at me, I can't stand fighting with you. I'm terrified of how I feel about you. I'm terrified that you won't feel the same way. I couldn't stand next to you every day and deny my feelings every day. It's too painful." Alicia's voice cracks. "Fuck you. Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I've been running from that since the first time you kissed me? I had to do this. I had to."
Will's face is still skewed into an angry scowl, but it's obvious that he's been caught off-guard. Alicia looks away from him and takes a deep breath, attempting to collect herself. She can't keep looking at him and seeing the hatred. It's too painful.
After a few silent moments, Alicia murmurs, "Thanks again for the ride," and steps out of the car. She does her best not to slam the door, and then she draws herself up and begins to walk away, her heels clicking on the concrete.
Each step brings up more emotions. She can feel the tears gathering. Damn it. She's not a crier. She hates crying.
She hears Will get out of the car behind her, and hurries a little. The last thing she wants is to be stuck in an elevator with him.
"Alicia, wait." His voice is suddenly close. She is scared to turn around, but she does anyway.
His eyebrows are drawn together in that wonderful way that they do when he looks up at her. The hurt is so obvious in his eyes; she can tell it's threatening to consume him. Just the sight of his pain makes hers so much worse. "I hate you," he says hoarsely.
Alicia's breathing catches and the tears finally do spill over. "I know," she replies hollowly.
Suddenly the space between them disappears as he pushes her into the concrete wall beside them. Their lips collide clumsily and urgently, and his hands are suddenly at her face. He pushes her hair to the side and his warm lips press against hers. She is stunned momentarily, but then her purse drops from her shoulder and she is suddenly clutching him tighter that she ever has.
His breathing is heavy, and after a few moments Alicia realizes that the wetness from her face is not just from her own tears. One of his hands leaves her head and cups her neck, and then explores her shoulders, her side, her hip. She can't remember ever feeling so on fire, so full of emotion.
His lips are soft, urgently sucking on her bottom lip, his tongue caressing hers. Her hands find his hair and she pulls him close to her. The feeling of his face on her face, his chest against her breasts, his erection against her stomach… it's all she's ever needed.
His mouth breaks away from hers and his lips find her neck. As he presses them to her soft skin, his hands are finding her clothes. He pushes her skirt up and tears the panties from her body. Alicia tips her head back and clings onto the wall behind her, panting heavily. His lips are still on her neck, and his fingers find her there. Two fingers slip in, stretching, pushing, taking her already to places she hadn't been for a long time.
"Will," she moans, her voice feeble.
His lips travel down her neck to her chest, pulling her shirt to the side and finding her breasts. He moans into her, and the sweet vibration of his voice sends shivers down her spine. She closes her eyes, almost unable to stand with all that he is doing to her.
The teasing doesn't last long. She can feel that he is ready, and she is too. She hears as he unzips his pants, and then he is in her. She gasps, wrapping her arms around his neck and opening her eyes.
His eyes meet hers and they both stop breathing. The anger has melted into passion; raw, fearful, wonderful passion. He is vulnerable again, and so is she. They study each other for a few seconds, and then he is kissing her again, pulling out and thrusting in. A tiny moan escapes her, and he pounds harder. The concrete wall is hard behind her. She's thankful that he has lifted her up, because at this point she knows that she could not stand.
He pounds harder and harder, and she clings to him, pulling on the back of his suit. Both are panting, gasping, pulling each other closer. Her lips find his neck and she nibbles softly, barely aware of what she's doing. She's never felt so full, so complete in her life.
He pulls her to him, still inside of her, and leans her into the wall. She wraps her legs more tightly around his waist, and both groan at how deep he is going. She concentrates on the sound and feeling of his breathing next to her ear, overcome with the greatness of it. He kisses her deeply once more, and then slowly pulls out, pushes in, pulls out, gathering speed until Alicia is shouting his name. It is excruciatingly good. He groans into her, slamming his length into her, and finally he comes inside of her. She can feel his release in his entire body, it relaxes him. The tension leaves him, but he does not set her down. His hands are at her head again, holding her to him.
"Alicia," he murmurs. Her name is so enticing on his lips.
Alicia turns to look at him, pressing her lips onto his jaw.
"I am in love with you," he breathes.