This is my version of a crack fic. It's my first posting in 3rd person, so I hope you like it!

"Can I be the first to point out how utterly ridiculous this is?"

Ratchet harrumphed in a sound of agreement to the Autobots' femme two-wheeler, Arcee. Looking up a tall metal pole, he said, "I cannot believe that you agreed to this, Optimus."

Near the top of the pole, Optimus Prime hung to the side with surprising balance from the tall mech. "The risks were too high not to agree: the amount of energon Megatron was offering would fuel our team—"

"—For nearly a year. Yes, I am quite aware of that." He groans in irritation. "But what possibly possessed him to request this."

Ratchet gestured forward towards the site that unfolded before them. The field had been pre-cleared by the Decepticons, and the Cons had also set up multiple large metal poles, such was the one Optimus was now hanging off the side of.

The Autobots had been allotted a row of the metal poles, enough for each of them. Arcee was standing next to hers, looking at it as if it might bite her while Ratchet continued to stare at the others around him as if they had all lost their sanity, all while not even considering touching his pole.

While Optimus hung from his pole with a sort of dignity only he could pull off, Ultra Magnus came in a close second, only being up because he was following Prime's orders. Bumblebee and Smokescreen were towards the end of the row, each goofing around and likely to fall at any minute, and poor Bulkhead sadly stared at his pole, trying to figure out how to climb it, while Wheeljack did his best not to laugh at large friend.

Opposite of the Autobots were the Decepticons with their own row of metal poles to climb. Megatron, hanging from one in the center, declared, "Today, I shall prove my superiority over you, Prime!" Giving a deep and evil laugh that rocked his frame, the warlord then announced, "My warriors shall crush yours at this challenge!"

As he announced this, everyone turned to a shrill scream from the Decepticon leader's right. There, Starscream laid groaning on the ground from his slipping and falling off the pole. Breakdown then began to laugh loudly and boisterously before falling as well, though he continued laughing. Knockout watched the pair with a bored expression as he casually clung to the pole. "I'm not fixing those idiots." Megatron groaned, shaking his head at the sight while running his free hand along his face.

Yeah, they seem real threatening…Bumblebee bleeped to Smokescreen who snickered and began to slip but caught himself with a slight yelp. Ultra Magnus glared at the two who promptly could be seen shutting up, with Bulkhead in the background futilely trying to shimmy up the pole.

Megatron growled before speaking again is his loud and booming voice. "We shall win this, Prime! Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!"

Breakdown had managed to pull himself back up the pole, and he looked over to Knockout. "Have you been downloading song lyrics into Megatron's hard drives again?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Knockout calmly replies before looking to the right at the silent mech on Megatron's left.

Soundwave had, instead of hanging from the side of the pole or clinging like Knockout, opted to stand on top of the pole, perfectly balanced with his hands casually clasped behind his back. He turned to meet Knockout's smirk and Breakdown's confused gaze before playing back Knockout's words. "I have no idea what you are talking about." Then, a smiley face appeared on his visor while Knockout snickered and Breakdown shook his head.

"You know," Arcee announced. "As much fun as it is to watch you guys embarrass yourselves, maybe you could actually tell us what this ridiculous challenge is for?"

"Oh, Arcee," Airachnid purred as she twirled around her post. "You don't need to be so defensive just because you're too scared to partake in this little challenge."

Arcee then began to growl at the spider femme. "I am not scared!" To prove her point, Arcee quickly began to scale her pole, growling to herself about showing up that Con.

Ratchet huffed. "I can't believe that the only one other than me who has sense enough to not partake in this ridiculous thing is Shockwave."

Said mech stood casually to the side before speaking to the medic. "Our refusal is only logical. It would be illogical for someone of my build to partake in a challenge such as this, as such with someone of your age." The computer like mech was near immediately met with a wrench to his single optic before he was falling to the ground with a loud thud.

Wheeljack snickered. "Watch out for the Hatchet." He then ducked the wrench coming his way, a self-preservation instinct he had developed over his time at the base. Looking to Bulkhead, he said, "See! You're doing better—and you slide back down…"

Deciding to take back control of the situation, Megatron announced loudly, "Why are you so confused, Prime? We are merely trying to beat you at your game!"

"What are you referring to, Megatron? What is the point behind this whole challenge?" Optimus asked in a slightly confused tone.

Growling in frustration, Megatron yelled, "Don't play stupid with me! We intercepted clips from your human pets' phone conversations! We know about what you have doing!"

All the Autobots shared looks of confusion. What could the kids possibly have said that would lead the Cons to think of something like this? Casually, Ratchet said, "This is probably Miko's fault."

"HEY!" "Miko…SHH!"

All the Cybertronians turned their gazes to the bushes between the opposing row of poles but off to the side. After a bit of rustling, a familiar yet angry Japanese girl in a wild outfit came storming out, dragging an equally familiar teenage boy behind her, him grasping her wrist while futilely trying to hold her back with a young boy wearing large glasses ran after them, trying to keep up.

"Miko?!" Bulkhead yelped in surprise, falling back down the pole.

Wheeljack sighed. "You had almost made it to a decent height that time…"

Yanking her arm from the teenage boy's grip, Miko used the now free hand to jab a finger at the Autobot medic while placing the other hand on her hip. "You better watch it, Hatchet."

"Human!" Megatron yelled. The teenage boy, Jack, and the younger one, Raphael, yelped and jumped, but Miko crossed her arms in a bored gesture as she turned to stare at the Decepticon warlord. "Did you or did you not have a conversation about the Transformers being on poles?"

Cautiously, Jack asked, "What conversation did you hear, just to be clear?"

Megatron motioned to Soundwave who then turned on a video clip that was slightly muddled by static.

"…called Transformers… on…poles."

"Well, excuse me…not being kept in the loop."

"Hey…the one who asked."

"…our Bots?"

"Yeah…name the military…uses for Cybertronians."

"Ha! Could…see them up on the poles? …wish…could see them dancing. …would pay for that!"

"Miko! Do you know how bad…I can't see them ever getting good…Especially Ratchet."

Blinking, Miko and the two boys blinked in confusion, sharing a look before realization dawned on them. "So…" Miko began. "You called all the Autobots here to challenge them to dance… on poles… based off of a partial conversation you heard from us…" Megatron slowly nodded. The human kids looked at the warlord before looking at each other again.

And then they burst out laughing.

"Dude," Miko began as she doubled over laughing. "That was not the whole conversation!"

The Conversation:

"Miko, is there ever going to be a day where you don't have detention?" Jack asked as he and Raphael sat at his house, his phone sitting in front of them on speaker.

"The day they stop giving homework and forcing us to listen to lectures," she drawled back.

"So, basically when there is no more school?" Raf asked.

"This is why you're the smart one in our group," she responded as she gazed out a window of Bulkhead's jeep mode. He was currently in a deep conversation with Wheeljack, something about how Hatchet was eventually going to find out it was them who broke some tool, not Smokescreen. Seeing the passing scenery, she suddenly asked, "Oh smart one, what are these box things called?"

Taking a quick picture at a stoplight, she sent it to the pair. They opened the picture as Miko waited on the other end of the line. "Oh, those box things?" Jack said.

"They're called Transformers." Raf responded. "They're electrical boxes on telephone poles."

With a snort, she says, "Well, excuse me for not being kept in the loop."

"Hey, you were the one who asked," Jack snapped back.

Ignoring him, she said, "So, like our Bots?"

"Yeah, like the name the military informally uses for Cybertronians," Raf adds.

"Ha! Could you see them up on poles?" Miko asks. "I wish I could see them dancing. I would pay for that!"

"Miko! Do you know how bad they would be? I can't see them ever getting good at that. Especially Ratchet." Jack shuddered as he spoke, the others mimicking him.

End of Conversation

"The rest of the conversation is pretty pointless to this issue," she finished, grinning from ear to ear.

All Cybertronians present were silent, letting their words sink in. Then, Ratchet suddenly yelled, "Wait! Bulkhead! Wheeljack! You broke my scanner?!"

"Hey!" Smokescreen yelled. "I got extra patrol duty for that!"

Megatron just hung from his pole, slack jawed. "So… this is not a skill that the Autobots have been practicing…"

"Nope," Jack responded.

"Then why were you talking about dancing on poles?" Ultra Magnus asked curiously.

"Dudes," Miko interjected. "Google it."

There was a momentary pause as all the Cybertronians, both Autobot and Decepticon, appeared to be staring off at nothing in particular. Then, as each had a ping of the result engine come back to them, resounding responses came from them.

"Oh, frag no!"

"That's what humans like to watch?!"

"Why is this man taking off his coverings—No, nope, not happening!"

All the Cybertronians jumped off their respective poles and moved away from them as if they were about to explode, even Soundwave. Megatron ended up backing up into Optimus, and the two spun to meet each other's gaze awkwardly.

Clearing his throat, Megatron said, "We never mention this again." The Prime actually smirked, but before he could speak, Megatron said, "I will tell about the incident in Techron!"

Visibly paling, Optimus quickly announced, "Mention what?" After Megatron gave a swift nod and turned to storm away, Optimus turned and hurriedly approached his men. "Let's move: now!"

"Sir," Ultra Magnus began. "What happened in—"

"Not. A. Word." Noting the serious glint in the Prime's optics, Magnus nodded in agreement as Optimus moved on past them.

Shuddering, Knockout says in a disgusted tone, "Humans are absolutely horrid characters. This is just as bad as their interfacing!"

"You know," Miko drawled out. "Knockout kind of sounds like a stripper name."

Knockout's optic twitched while Breakdown muttered, "Uh oh…"

Jack and Raf along with their respective guardians as well as Airachnid and Breakdown watched together as Knockout chased after Bulkhead, both in their vehicle modes while Bulkhead tried to keep the cursing Decepticon medic from his charge. "So…" Jack began. "How long do you think this will go on?"

The army green jeep and crimson red Aston Martin zoomed past them. Casually, Breakdown responded with a shrug, "Till KO calms down." They zoomed past coming from the opposite direction. "Eventually."

Airachnid snorted from where she stood next to Arcee. "I would have done better then you."

Matching the spider femme's snort, Arcee responds, "For once, I don't give a frag if you win at something." The pair zoomed by again.

Jack's phone buzzed. Answering, he said, "You know, Miko, you make it a habit to get yourself in trouble." A pause. "Wait: when did you get pictures of everyone?"

Bulkhead soon found himself being chased by several Cybertronians, both Autobots and Decepticons, all after his charge and her cell phone.

"I don't think this is what Optimus had in mind when he says he wanted both factions to get along and work together," Ratchet comments to Shockwave as they watched casually from the side.

"Agreed," the Cyclops mech responds. The group zoomed back by, multiple grounders and seekers chasing the poor Wrecker. Then, after a pause, Shockwave responds, "Is it logical to assume that I was not the only one to take pictures other than the human female?"

"Pit yes. Look at this angle I got on Starscream."

This all started from a conversation with Graceful-Kuja. She mentioned the transformers on her telephone poles, and it took me a bit to realize that she meant electrical boxes.

Also, after her asking if she could ask me something, I say sure, thinking it might be something serious or story related. Instead, she sends this:

"I've been wondering this for awhile, but the head injury is making me voice it now... Am I the only one that thinks Knock Out sounds like a name for a male stripper?"

After my momentary O_O moment, I had to agree with her. So, I put it in, along with whatever other slag popped in my head. (also, her head injury was just a minor cut: nothing serious)

So, let me know what you think! I might write more crack fics if this little one-shot does well. ^w^