Disclaimer: Surprisingly, I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any of its characters.

WARNINGS: This story contains non-consensual sexual moments, swearing, abusive behavior, lots and lots of violence and male-male relationships. Read at your own risk, rated M for a reason.

This story is AU and OOC

Hello!

This is my new fanfiction about Kuroshitsuji. This will be long and I'm feeling excited to post this because this is something I have never written before, long and full of angst. It's kind of a challenge for myself, and I love it!

My goal is to post a new chapter at least every other week. I try to stay on schedule but the upcoming entrance exam might mess things up a bit. However, that is not until April so I should be able to post the first 6-7 chapters on time. We'll just have to see what happens afterwards :)

But enough blabbering, hopefully you enjoy my story!

NOTE : REWRITTEN19.2.2014!

The biggest thanks there is to Aservis Roturier who helped me to write better chapters. Seriously, I still can't thank you enough! You are a lifesaver :)

Chapter One: Everyday life

"So fucking tight", the man gasped in pure bliss and pushed his hard member deeper inside Ciel's body. Sharp pain flushed through the boy and he grit his teeth. He surely hoped that the man would finish quickly. "Moan for me, bitch."

"N-never", Ciel answered with short breaths. His slender body shivered slightly from the pain and his blue eye was closed, just so that he didn't need to look at the man. "You will never make it pleasurable enough."

"I bought you, you do what I say", the dark-haired man reminded and gained more speed to make the boy moan under him. A deep frown appeared to his face when he didn't get what he wanted, but it surely didn't make him stop trying. He doubled Ciel over and rammed in him, ignoring the pained expression on the boy's face.

This was just a normal day in Ciel Phantomhive's life. For years, he had let different men use his body to find their release. For years, he had suffered from it. All that for just one reason: love. The stupid feeling that made everything else seem so unimportant, like his own wellbeing.

The man bended closer to suck the nape of Ciel's neck. An unwanted shiver ran through the boy's body but he managed to make I look like a shiver from cold. Not that it really mattered what he felt. It was all about the customer.

The dark-haired man grabbed Ciel's hips harder and started to thrust in deeper and faster. Ciel rocked his hips against the man with half-hearted movements but it didn't seem to disturb the client. The man's eyes closed in pleasure as he let out a loud groan when Ciel's muscles contracted around his arousal.

Ciel swallowed the feeling of nausea and turned his head away to look emptily at the wall. It would all be better if he managed to block the action out. He didn't surrender for the man though; it was simply a way of coping.

"I'm sure you enjoy my big thick rod inside you", the man smirked, his normally neat hair now messed up and sweaty from the action. Ciel could see the man was proud of his equipment and it made him laugh harshly. "What?"

"Your thing might be big but you sure don't know how to use it."

The man's face twisted in anger and he threw Ciel to the floor, the boy's head hit the nearby drawer and his vision darkened. A dull pain took control of his senses for a second and he didn't have the time to protest when the man was over him again and pounded in him with increasing speed. Ciel had to bite his lip to prevent any sounds from coming out but it was harder this time. The pain was so massive he couldn't keep all the voices in, no matter how hard he tried.

"So you like it rough, huh", the man snickered above him and angled himself better. "Then I'll give it rough."

The man gave Ciel no other warning before he was bended to the floor on all fours and penetrated with long and hurtful thrusts. This time there was nothing he could have done to prevent the sounds from escaping his thin lips. The man laughed at his pain and kept up the fast pace. Ciel could see the green eyes behind the dark framed glasses look straight at him, the amusement clearly visible.

This kind of treatment continued for minutes. Ciel tried to block away what was happening but it was too hard to do that, the man's moans and laughter filled his ears, and the constant slapping when skin met skin made him feel nauseous. It was so disgusting, yet there was nothing he could have done to stop it. After what felt like an eternity, the man finally found his release. He grunted and bit hard on Ciel's shoulder as he came, filling the boy's insides with his hot liquid.

Ciel's whole body shivered when the man pulled out and he collapsed to the floor, completely spent. He turned his head away when the man put on his clothes and wasn't moving until he heard the door shut close. With a slow movement, Ciel rolled to his back and let his mind go blank. He stared at the yellow ceiling and shivered.

It was cold. It hurt so much. But it was finally over. At least for a while.

After minutes of lying on the floor, Ciel finally rose up, taking support from the drawer when his shivering legs threatened to fall under him. He felt the too familiar feeling of nausea seep in and slowly made his way to the bathroom. The feeling got stronger and his body grew weaker with every step he took as he struggled his way towards the toilet, fighting to keep the nausea in just for a little longer. As soon as his hands hit the cold material, he curled up and let all the disgust take control of his body. He could still feel the man inside him. When the hot liquid slowly dripped out of his hole, he curled up again and cursed the man to the deepest part of hell.

After the violent contractions finally faded, Ciel slumped to the floor, out of breath and feeling too weak to move. He looked at the ceiling where a large mirror reflected his picture, his small body covered in bruises, his navy blue hair was a mess, soaked in sweat and glued to his pale skin. The eye patch over his right eye was loose and almost revealed the mess under it. Ciel tied the patch quickly so that the painful memories didn't have time to come to the surface, at least not this time.

With slow movements, Ciel crawled to the shower, not bothering to get fully up, and only turned the water on. He regretted his move immediately when the icy water hit his skin and made him yelp from the sudden contact. He cursed the broken heater again and turned the water on as hot as it would go. It could only warm up enough to be lukewarm but it was still better than ice-cold.

Ciel stayed in the shower and washed his body all the way through so many times his skin was red from all the rubbing. The disgusting feeling wasn't going off that easily this time and Ciel quietly cursed when his nails scraped his sensitive skin. A small drop of blood washed away with the water and Ciel shut his eye tightly, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Couldn't he get just a one day without hurting himself? Assuming his current situation, he couldn't.

After twenty minutes, he started to feel clean enough and shut the now cold shower before hurrying out to put on some warm clothes. The warmness welcomed his cold body as he put on a thick sweater which collar reached all the way to his chin. He brushed his slightly wet hair with his fingers to sooth the knots before he walked downstairs where his boyfriend waited. As soon as Ciel saw the cold light-blue eyes, he knew he was in trouble.

"Ciel", the annoyed voice welcomed him and Ciel sighted.

"Alois."

"How did it go?" Alois asked though Ciel could see the man had made his own decision already.

"Fine", he answered and was about to walk past his lover when a rough hand grabbed his arm and swung him against the wall.

"Fine my ass!" Alois yelled and wrapped his hand tightly around Ciel's throat. "He wanted his money back!"

"N-not my fault", Ciel said quietly while he struggled against the firm grip.

"It is your fault. If you weren't so bad at fucking, he wouldn't have said that", Alois snapped and threw the boy to the floor. Ciel coughed slightly before he stood up to his shivering feet. His fault? How on Earth was it his fault when the lazy bastard couldn't even fuck properly!

"Why won't you do it then", Ciel spat and received a hard kick to his stomach, the impact doubled him over as he collapsed to the floor, his vision blurring for a second.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Alois yelled between kicks and hit Ciel's ribs every time, making them crack threateningly.

"You should fuck them if you know how it's-"

Ciel didn't have time to finish his sentence when another kick hit his stomach and the world darkened. He shook his head and swallowed, thinking hard what he should say next.

"Why should I waste my time on something you love to do?" Alois spat back and Ciel's uncovered eye snapped open in shock. Loved to do? Did it really look like he loved to fuck around!? How dared he!

"I would stop but your fucking drinking is taking all our money!" Ciel yelled and just barely dodged the stamp pointed to his head. He had gone too far and there was no way getting out of it but he was just so pissed off he didn't care. "You forced me to do this? What the fuck is wrong with you? For fucks sake, you are my lover! No one else would ever do anything like this to the one they love!"

Ciel was sounding desperate but couldn't take control of his emotions anymore. He looked as satisfied smirk rose to Alois' face and the blonde leaned over him to grab his chin between the long digits.

"Love?" His voice was as cold as his ice-blue eyes. There were no gentle feelings in them, hadn't been for a long time. Still, he didn't want to give up. "Who could love a lowlife like you?"

Ciel didn't know what to answer. They had fought about this same thing for so many times it had lost its meaning. A numbing feeling crawled to his body and he shuddered. He couldn't bear to look the other man in the eye, afraid to see how much hatred was in them.

"Can't say huh? Now you can tell why you sleep around?" Alois said victoriously.

"Because you force me to", Ciel said and never had time to cover from the fist that smacked him to the face. Ciel felt his lip crack from the force and the burning sensation took over his chin. He fought back the tears that forced to come to his eyes and gave his nastiest glare to the other man. "You are the cause of this everything!"

Before Ciel could blink, Alois was over him, pinning him in place with his legs, and hit everywhere he could reach. The man's face was flushed pink, his eyes cruel and his teeth tightly together as he breathed between them. When the man again grabbed Ciel's throat, he didn't feel the urge to fight back.

"You are the cause of everything!" Alois snapped and Ciel's mind went fuzzy, the grip around his throat preventing him from breathing correctly. "It's your debt that got us to this. Your cursed parents got the loan to you! So who is the blame from all this?"

"You!" Ciel screamed with his last powers and received a hard punch to his ribs, feeling the bones give away. He shuddered in a breath and felt a sharp pain when his lounges filled with air.

"Who?!"

Ciel knew his body couldn't take it anymore. It was only a matter of seconds, when another punch would come and put him out cold. He knew what he had to say, there was no other way to make the beating stop.

"M-me", Ciel's quiet voice answered. Alois nodded and released the boy's throat. Ciel rolled to his side, holding his throat while the rough coughing fits rocked his body. He felt his eyes water and whipped the tears away before Alois could see them. He wasn't going to cry in front of the man, not in a million years.

Ciel's eyes widened when he felt Alois loom over him and his body was roughly turned over. Alois lifted Ciel's bottom from the ground and tugged his pants down while the boy looked to nothingness, knowing what was happening next.

"Show me what you did with that man", Alois whispered to his ear and bit the earlobe hard, earning a muffled cry from the boy. Ciel heard Alois unbuckle his belt and pull down his pants before he positioned his fully standing erection against Ciel's abused hole. Alois took his time lifting Ciel's sweater over his head and placed his hands to the scarred back.

"God you're disgusting", he smiled. Slight scrapes lingered here and there, most of them caused by Alois himself, which made the man snigger. "So dirty, I like it."

Alois leaned in to lick one of the scrapes and earned a muffled, disgusted cry from the boy underneath him. Ciel shut his eyes tightly. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be violated by the only man he truly loved. What could he possibly do? If he declined, Alois would definitely punish him harder and make him feel even worse. Would fighting really be worth it? When Ciel felt the hard digit force its way inside him, he decided it was.

Without a warning, Ciel smacked Alois away from him; the impact threw the man further just enough so that Ciel could escape. He jumped over his lover's body, the angry hand just barely missing his leg as the boy ran upstairs.

"Ciel! Come back right now!" Alois yelled but the boy didn't stop. Alois started to chase the boy who ran straight to the nearest room where he managed to lock and shut the door just before Alois' nose. "Open the fucking door!"

Ciel put a chair against the door, making it stop the handle from turning. He knew the block wouldn't last long and Alois wasn't even trying to hide the anger in his voice, this would definitely get messy. Ciel ran to his phone and dialed a number he so often used in these situations. The phone rang a couple of times before a drowsy voice answered.

"Ciel… What's wrong, it's quite late", the usually cheerful and clear voice was now rough and slow. Ciel glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 2 am. He ignored the time and started to speak before the boy could interrupt him.

"I might not be able to go to school tomorrow", he said and heard his friend shift in his.

"What is it? Are you sick?" the voice asked worriedly.

"I might be", Ciel answered and shuddered when the door almost cracked open, letting out a nasty sound.

"What was that? Ciel? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine Finny. I just… wanted to let you know in case I don't show up", Ciel said and shut the phone just when Alois stormed into the room, his eyes locked to Ciel's as he walked slowly towards his pet.

Soft ringing lured Ciel out of the darkness. His blue eye opened slowly as he looked around and tried to figure out what the voice was. His whole body hurt, it was difficult to breathe and Ciel was sure a few ribs were broken. Not that it was the first time. He turned to his side, wincing from the pain, and looked around the dark, messed up room. Alois wasn't anywhere near, which of Ciel was grateful. He knew that the man wouldn't hurt him when he was in this position but it still wouldn't have felt comfortable it the man was there.

The ringing stopped for a second, only to start again. Now Ciel realized it was his cell phone, lying under a pile of bloodied sheets. It took all the power Ciel had left to crawl to the phone. He looked at the screen and saw Finny's name.

"Ciel! Are you alive!?" Finny yelled as soon as the phone was answered.

"Obviously I am", Ciel said with a very hoarse voice. Every word made his throat burn and he gasped in pain.

"God, you sound awful", Finny said and could hear the boy rustle something on the other end. "Do you need me come over? I'm just outside your apartment, it takes just five minutes for me to-"

"DON'T COME!" Ciel yelled. His heart pounded loudly in his chest as the fear took control. No, Finny mustn't come here; he couldn't let the other boy see the apartment, or the state he was in. "I'm fine, you don't need to come."

"Are you sure? I can give you your homework too", Finny offered but Ciel declined.

"I'll be coming to school tomorrow. You can give them to me there."

"You think that's a good idea? You sound like crap", Finny stated with a worried voice.

"I'm fine. This kind of thing will be over in a second", Ciel assured and heard his friend let out a long breath before he dropped the subject.

"By the way Ciel, I have to tell you something", suddenly Finny's voice rose up and he started to speak faster. "You know the bar, Undertaker's, that's on the center? There's a very nice restaurant right next to it, the one that's very popular between lovers, well guess what, Bard asked me to eat there with him. A date!"

Ciel's eyes widened in surprise. Bard did?

"Are you sure it's a date?" Ciel asked. Finny had so many times misunderstood the situation and gotten his heart broken, Ciel really hated to see his best friend so depressed

"I'm positive", Finny snickered. "I was so surprised when he popped the question, we were just calmly walking on the road and he saw the restaurant, and he immediately asked if I wanted to go there with him. Of course I said yes!"

"I'm glad for you", Ciel smiled. He changed his position slightly and hissed from the pain. He had almost forgotten what state he was in by just listening his friend's voice and would have done anything to keep talking to him. "Finny, I have to go, but feel free to talk to me tomorrow."

"Okay. Try to get yourself a better. Bye!"

"Bye."

Ciel shut the phone and looked around the room. The mess was immense. Someone had knocked the drawer over; all the clothes inside now lingered here and there on the floor. The mattress was out of place and Alois had ripped the sheets in half; stains of blood lingered here and there. Ciel didn't have to think at all to know where the blood had come from. He still felt the soreness on his lower back and grunted in annoyance. He wasn't sure how much more his body could take anymore, not to mention his heart.

With a loud grunt Ciel lifted himself up the floor and did his best to ignore the aching body as he started to clean the mess. He had to get everything done before Alois got back, experience had shown him that it he didn't, the earlier ministration would repeat itself. He managed to clean the room just in time when he heard the front door clicked open and the heavy steps walked towards the room. Ciel held his breath when the door opened and Alois' narrow eyes peered through the room.

"Come downstairs", Alois turned and walked back downstairs. Ciel let the breath out and follower his lower with careful steps.

"Sit", Alois ordered and pointed to a chair next to the table. Ciel sat down and kept his eyes on the bag the man was carrying. The smell of warm food hit Ciel's nostrils and he heard his stomach growl. He frowned and tried to remember the last time he ate? He really couldn't tell.

Ciel eyes widened when Alois placed a freshly cooked meal in front of him. Ciel stared at the steaming pork with big pile of mashed potatoes and fresh vegetables. Water rose to his tongue as he looked at his portion but something kept him from reaching out to it. He turned his eyes to Alois.

"What's this for

"You haven't eaten anything yet, have you", Alois said and started to eat his own meal. "Eat it before it gets cold."

This was highly unnatural. Ciel scanned his lover's face and tried to look for any hint that would tell his true intention. Alois didn't look one bit different from normal, maybe a bit more stressed but that was it. Ciel tested the food with his fork before he took a bite; the taste filled his mouth and made his stomach growl. He managed to eat half of the portion before Alois dropped the bomb.

"I have a new job for you."

Knew it, Ciel thought and dropped the fork to the food. He had known this would happen but had hoped his prejudice would be proven wrong. It never gave him any god if Alois was being nice.

"It's a week-long job and he demanded that you must do everything you are told. It starts tomorrow; you meet him at Undertaker's, the bar near the center. You will skip school for the whole week and if you do anything wrong, you know the punishment."

Ciel looked emptily at his food, not really seeing anything. A week-long job? Right after what he just experienced? He swallowed the lump in his throat and placed his shaking hands to his lap. He didn't want it, no matter how much money they got. Week-longs were always the worst.

"Ciel, are you listening?" Alois asked and Ciel realized he had stayed quiet.

"I heard you."

The plain answer didn't please Alois and he roughly pushed the table against Ciel's abused chest. The boy groaned in pain and curled forward to protect his body even a little.

"How do you answer me?" Alois asked.

"Yes, your Highness", Ciel answered, his head lowered down. This answer seemed to please Alois more and he pulled the table back to continue eating as if nothing had happened.

"Be sure you don't disappoint me again."

When Ciel next morning woke up to the alarm of his cellphone, he immediately wished he could stay in bed all day. His pain was even worse and it took him almost two minutes to get out the bed and triple the time do to the morning chores. The thought of the upcoming week threatened to crawl to his mind but he did his best to ignore it.

A week isn't such a long time anyway, I can handle it, he told to himself, knowing it was a lie. Ciel didn't want to think about anything. Not about the empty apartment, not about the cold side of the bed, and surely not about the "I'll miss you" he never got. As he walked down the street towards his university, his thoughts turned to his friends that waited for him inside. He sped up his steps the best he could and rushed to the auditorium where his lecture was held.

Just when he was about to get inside, a firm hand grabbed his arm and pinned him towards the wall.

"Well well well, if it isn't Ciel Phantomhive", Ciel turned around towards the too familiar voice and his eyes widened as he recognized the dark framed glasses and green eyes. "Agent you going to greet me?" The man whispered to his ear, making Ciel shiver in disgust. "I bet you missed me."

"I wouldn't miss such a lowlife in a million years", Ciel spat and pushed the man away from him. The dark-haired man took a deep breath and fisted his hands, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"The way you moaned that night simply says otherwise."

"You were the worst of my life!" Ciel fumed and flinched when he was suddenly pressed against the wall, the man's body pressed tightly against his as he raised a fist to hit the smaller boy.

"Why you little piece of-" The man started but stopped when a sadistic smile rose to his face. He leaned closer to the boy and gave his earlobe a long lick. "Should I fuck you right here so that everyone can see how much you really enjoy it?" He whispered and groped his crotch. The boy winched from the pressure and tried to push the man away from him, only to find that his body was strictly pinned in place.

"You'll be dead before you even start", Ciel spat and tried to glare at the man, only to notice that he couldn't move it either. Damn it! He was in a serious trouble and there was no way out of it. Not unless the man wanted to free him, which he obviously wouldn't do in a long time.

"We'll see about that", the man smirked and Ciel felt the cold hand moving up his stomach, slipping under his shirt and caressing his bare chest. He let out a sharp gasp when the man's hands moved over his nipple, making him grit his teeth. Ciel shut his eyes tightly and tried to think his way out of the situation. If he could just move his body…

"What's happening here?"

Ciel startled slightly when he recognized the voice speaking to them. In front of him stood Sebastian Michaelis, every girl's wet dream and every boy's nightmare. His black hair sparkled in the light and his slender hips moved from side to side with every step he took. Red orbs locked to Ciel and the boy swallowed, a flush appeared to his face and he turned his eyes away slowly. Sebastian was able to turn every girl in to a mush just by looking at her, so why was the man making his body react too.

"Sebastian. What a pleasure to see you", the man holding Ciel said and continued to touch the small boy. "Would you mind giving us some privacy?"

"William, the teacher wants to see you. So if you want to keep your status as the vice president, I suggest you go immediately", there was no hint of threats in the man's voice but William seemed to shrink under those strong eyes. He gave a last glance towards the Ciel and roughly pushed him away.

"Slut!" He spat between his teeth and walked away, quietly cursing the red-eyed man.

Sebastian turned to Ciel, who most definitely wanted to leave the place instant. It felt like the man's eyes saw right through him and suddenly Ciel became very cautious of his situation. He quickly tugged his shirt back down and straightened his slightly messed up hair. He tried to look everywhere but to the man but felt the man's eyes looking up and down his body. Sebastian waited for Ciel to look at him before he spoke:

"Did he hurt you?" He asked, his voice hinting a bit of worry. He covered Ciel's cheek with his palm and the boy felt a spark of electricity go through his body. The feeling was strange to him, something he never got from another person's touch, and yet, here he was, almost ready to purr under the slightest touch of Sebastian Michaelis.

"I'm fine", the boy pushed Sebastian away from him.

"Would you like me to accompany you to the class?" Sebastian asked. Ciel shook his head, finding it very hard to utter a word. "Are you sure? What if he comes back?"

"I-I can handle it", Ciel said quietly and started to walk away. "I don't need your concern."

He heard Sebastian sigh when he turned to leave but ignored it. He didn't understand why Sebastian was being so nice to him. People were never nice to him, unless they wanted something in return. Though Sebastian wasn't like the others, he still found it very hard to trust the man. It was easiest that way.

Ciel had walked for some time when he noticed that Sebastian was following him just a couple of steps behind him. Ciel glanced quickly at the man, his red eyes scanned the posters on the wall and it didn't look like he was planning anything. When Sebastian turned his eyes to Ciel and smiled, the boy felt his face starting to burn and quickened his steps. When he opened the auditorium door and saw his two friends sitting in the front row, he let out a sigh and hurried to them. He managed to go only a few steps when someone suddenly pushed him to the floor.

"Disgusting scum!" A man yelled and stomped to Ciel's fingers. The boy let out no sound when his fingers started to burn and only looked at the Chinese man standing right in front of him. "We don't need the likes of you to our school."

"Yeah, go back where you came from", a red-haired man next to him laughed, his shark-like teeth exposed to the boy.

"Lau! Grell!" Ciel heard Sebastian yell behind him. "Let him go."

"Can't you see Sebastian, it was his own clumsiness that he fell, we were just trying to help him", Grell said and gave his hand to Ciel; the boy only brushed it roughly away. "See, he's the cause of this."

"He hasn't done anything to you", Sebastian said.

"He's alive, that's enough excuse for me."

At this point Ciel didn't feel like listening anymore and quickly escaped from the arguing men. He rushed to the seats where his friends waited and slumped to the chair, exhausted from all the commotion. Finny's turquoise eyes turned to him, his smile dropping when he saw Ciel's distress. Bard behind him also stared at him but stayed quiet as always, the match slightly moving on his lips.

"How are you", Finny asked quietly and Ciel sighted. "Fine."

"Were they teasing you again?" Finny asked and turned to look at the three men on the entrance.

"Nothing new, is it", Ciel said and took out his books and notes. He started to scan through them when he suddenly felt Finny's gentle fingers touch his neck.

"You're hurt", the quiet and soft voice said. Ciel flinched and immediately covered his throat. Finny must have seen the bruises.

"It's nothing Finny; really", Ciel forced out a laugh and looked at his best friend. He noticed that also Bard stared at him but the man still said nothing.

"Who was it?" Finny asked and lowered his voice. "Was it Lau again?"

"No", Ciel answered and scratched his nails nervously. "It's really nothing serious."

"Promise me?" Finny said and pointed out his hand. Ciel stared at him and swallowed.

"Promise", he said and took the hand, shaking it gently. His stomach felt like it was on fire, the guilt burning his mind and body. He didn't like to lie to his friends, but it was the only way from letting them know his situation. It wasn't like they could help anyway. It was best for them all if he stayed quiet about it. The best for all…

- To Be Continued -

(The other two chapters will be rewritten during this week also.)