All right, everyone. This is my first MI4 fic, as well as my first Ethan/Will thingy, so I'm a bit nervous, hehe. I hope it's not too bad :)

The title is an Urdu word meaning "comfort provided by another person". It's one of my favorite Urdu words, and I thought it fit well here. Do let me know what you think of the story :D

DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack shit, sorry.

Surur
~remymckwakker

The One Where Brandt Nearly Causes Ethan to Lose His Hand

Consciousness doesn't come slowly, the way most people think it does. It comes all in a jolt, one that has Ethan Hunt opening his eyes with a large, gasping intake of breath, and attempting to sit up.

Attempt being the keyword in the sentence. As soon as he comes to, he finds himself being pushed back down, a warm, strong hand on his chest and another on his hand. It takes a moment for his eyes to focus, and when they do he finds himself looking up at a smiling Jane. "How are you?" she asks, and Ethan realizes she was the one who pushed him back down.

"I'm okay," he tells her. "No pain, though that's probably the morphine." She nods, and he goes on, "So, how long have I been out?"

"Three and a half days," she answers. "We've been taking shifts staying with you. Benji left half an hour ago."

"How are you guys?" asks Ethan.

"We're doing fine," Jane tells him with another smile. "Better than you, anyway."

He chuckles, then winces as his ribs protest. "And Brandt? Where's Brandt?"

Instead of answering, Jane just nods towards Ethan's side. He follows her gaze to find William Brandt asleep in a chair, with his head and arms resting on the bed near Ethan's arm. He looks absolutely exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and the lines on his face standing out more prominently than usual. "How long has he been here?" asks Ethan, and his voice is surprisingly soft.

"As long as you," answers Jane. "He threw up a storm when they brought you in, demanding to be allowed to stay. They had to give in eventually, mainly because he began threatening them. He's only ever left the room to go to the bathroom or eat. We tried to convince him to go home and rest, but he just refused." Her gaze softens. "I think he blames himself, for you getting hurt."

"That doesn't make sense," says Ethan, perplexed. "He couldn't have prevented what happened in any way."

"I know," replies Jane. "But he's not listening when I tell him so. Benji says he's a stubborn bastard." The corner of her mouth quirks into half a smile. "I'm inclined to agree."

"So he hasn't left? At all?" asks Ethan, just to clarify.

Jane nods. "Not once."

Ethan frowns. "I'm going to have words with him when he wakes. When did he fall asleep?"

"I don't know. He was already asleep when I came in. He's exhausted, you know. And HQ keeps calling him, trying to get him to fly down and get back to work. I don't know how he's managed to hold them off for this long."

"Ignoring them, I imagine," snorts Ethan, and then winces again. "Has HQ contacted you?"

She nods. "Yeah. Once you're discharged we're supposed to fly down and submit a full report."

"Funny how they're back up at once, now that it comes to paperwork," grumbles Ethan. "That didn't take too long, did it?"

"They're still working on getting everything back the way it was," Jane tells him. Before she can go on, however, Brandt stirs and wakes.

"Hello," says Ethan pleasantly enough, but Brandt's face goes white. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," mumbles Brandt. "You?"

"I'm fine too," Ethan answers. "Would you mind telling me why you haven't gone home and rested, Brandt?"

"You know, I'd love to," says Brandt, clearly dodging the question. "Just after I come back from the bathroom." He leaves like the hounds of hell are on his heels.

"What's with him?" asks Ethan, nodding at the door.

"I don't know," replies Jane, equally as nonplussed. "He's... sorta not okay?" It comes out as a question.

Ethan nods, and settles back into the pillows as a nurse enters and goes about her duty of asking questions, making sure he's comfortable, and summarizing the extent of his injuries. Soon after a doctor comes, does exactly the same things, and it's only after two hours that Ethan is allowed to rest, once the medical staff is satisfied.

Brandt hasn't returned.

He doesn't come back until later in the evening, when Jane and Benji are both there. Ethan gets the feeling that he wants to avoid being alone with him, and while he knows the reason, he's not going to bring it up until Brandt does. Some things are better left quiet for a while.

Croatia has taken its toll on Brandt, Ethan knows. It's obvious in the way he won't look Ethan in the eye, or make more than polite, forced conversation with him. It's obvious in how he jokes around with Benji and talks to Jane but does it all half-heartedly. And the cherry on top is when Brandt makes an excuse and leaves just fifteen minutes after he came, saying he needs to go take care of some things.

Ethan doesn't ask, and he doesn't comment, but he also doesn't miss the way Jane's eyebrows draw together in concern, and Benji looks away with what seems to be guilt. He knows, then, about Croatia, and Ethan figures Jane probably does too. And just like him, they're not bringing it up. It's definitely an ugly can of worms.

He's discharged from hospital a few days later, and he's planning on tracking Brandt down and making him explain, he really is, but he's immediately swept up in a wave of calls from HQ and demands of paperwork and reports and meetings. In fact, he doesn't see Brandt at all until their shared flight back to DC.

They've got the center row, the four of them, with Jane and Ethan in the aisle seats and the other two in the middle, Benji next to Jane and Brandt next to Ethan. Ethan notices how Brandt tries to switch with Benji and Jane, but they both refuse and in the end he's forced to give in and sit next to Ethan.

This is going to be a long flight.

Jane settles down with a book once the plane is in the air, and Benji takes out his laptop, but Brandt tosses and turns in his seat in an attempt to sleep. Ethan watches as he wraps himself in a standard airline blanket and tries to force himself to relax, but it's clearly not working. He wants to intervene but he reminds himself it's not really his business, and so he settles for watching a movie on the inflight entertainment system.

He really does try to focus, but it's hard because next to him Brandt just won't relax and sit still – he's muttering curses under his breath now and practically writhing in his seat. Finally, somewhat irritated but also fascinated, Ethan pauses his movie and says mildly, "Counting sheep helps."

Brandt stops and stares at him. "Sorry, what?"

Ethan chuckles. "Counting sheep helps, when you can't sleep." Brandt still looks confused, so Ethan goes on, "That's what you're trying to do, right? Sleep?"

Brandt nods, somewhat suspiciously. Ethan almost smiles before he remembers that Brandt can probably strangle him right there and make it look like an accident. He's seen what the man is capable of and he doesn't want to be on the wrong side of that.

There is a heavy pause, and then Brandt says, "I've counted 1503 sheep already."

Ethan has no idea what to say to that. If he's counted 1503 sheep and still can't sleep then Ethan doubts there's much he can do other than knocking him out or drugging him – both of which Brandt will probably murder him for once he regains consciousness. Finally, Ethan says, "Okay, then. Try something else."

"Helpful," mutters Brandt sarcastically, but closes his eyes and tries to settle down anyway.

Fifteen minutes later Brandt has finally stopped moving and is stuck in some parody of sleep, one where he stirs and shuffles and his clothing makes irritating noises against the material of the seat, and Ethan tries to ignore him until his head is about to explode. He tries, he really does, but when the scraping of his clothes against the seat gets loud enough to be heard even over his movie, Ethan gives up.

"For the love of God," he mumbles, reaching out to shove Brandt. It doesn't go exactly as planned, though, because the minute his fingers touch Brandt's shoulder Brandt shoots up and before Ethan even knows what's going on, Brandt's got his fingers in a painfully tight hold.

"What are you doing?" hisses Ethan, trying (and failing) to release his fingers.

"I could ask you the same thing," retorts Brandt. Jane and Benji are deliberately ignoring the going-ons in the seats next to theirs, and Ethan kind of hates them for it. His hand is beginning to throb.

"You were being annoying," he huffs, and almost winces at how childish he sounds.

Brandt raises an eyebrow. "I was asleep," he points out.

"That's not what it looked like," Ethan tells him, again trying (and again failing) to get his hand back.

"I don't care what it looked like," Brandt replies, his eyebrows furrowing. "Don't attack me in my sleep."

"I wasn't attacking," defends Ethan. "I was trying to get you to shut up."

"Once again, I was asleep," repeats Brandt, and damn but his anger is making Ethan feel like an idiot. Now that he's awake, Ethan's excuses don't seem that sound. That, and he thinks if Brandt doesn't let go soon he'll have to have that hand amputated, which really isn't good for his career as an IMF agent.

"Whatever, I'm sorry," he finally bites out, hating the words as they leave his mouth. Ethan Hunt does not simply apologize, but really, he's attached to that hand. It's his dominant hand. He needs it.

Brandt just nods and relaxes again. "Can I have my hand back?" asks Ethan, resolving to get Brandt back for this, once his hand can function again.

Brandt snorts and releases Ethan's hand, and with a grateful sigh he begins massaging it with his other hand. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Jane trying to suppress a smile, and he makes a mental note to get back at her too. Maybe at the same time as he gets back at Brandt. Five seconds later he adds Benji to his list when the techie begins grinning.

He is halfway through his revenge plan (doesn't matter that he probably won't carry it out; it helps pass the time) when Brandt once again begins to move in his sleep, or whatever it is, and Ethan groans mentally. This is getting old. He knows better than to "attack" Brandt though (his hand still hurts), so he opts for lightly laying the same hand on Brandt's shoulder.

Either he's a really nice, considerate guy, or a really big fucking idiot. He just doesn't learn.

He's fully expecting Brandt to snap his fingers this time, but it doesn't happen. Surprised (and not a little apprehensive), he looks down to see Brandt somehow fully relaxed, sleeping soundly and not moving at all.

Huh.

How'd that happen?

Was it his hand that did it?

To test his theory, Ethan retracts the aforementioned hand. Brandt tenses, begins to stir. Ethan puts it back on Brandt's shoulder. The analyst relaxes. Ethan raises an eyebrow, does the whole thing over again. This time, Jane finally puts her book down and says, "Stop it."

He raises both eyebrows at her. "Stop what?" Without realizing he takes his hand off Brandt.

"That," she says, gesturing with her book, as Brandt's entire body tenses. "Stop experimenting, or whatever it is you're doing. Let him sleep."

"I'm not doing anything," Ethan defends himself, but if Jane's expression is anything to go by, she doesn't believe him.

"Honestly, it's like seeing someone kick a puppy. Stop it."

Ethan is beginning to worry that the volume of Jane's angry whispering is going to wake Brandt, and this time he's likely to lose more than just his hand. So he hurriedly puts it back on Brandt, even patting him on the shoulder a little. It has absolutely nothing to do with the kicked puppy thing.

Absolutely nothing, and if Ethan hears otherwise he will commit murder.

Jane just shakes her head and goes back to her book. Ethan wonders what's up with her, before turning his head to scrutinize Brandt some more.

The man is fucking curled in his seat, looking for all the world like he's on holiday. Ethan hasn't seen him this relaxed since – well, since he woke up in the hospital, and that's not saying much because even then Brandt was wound up tight. Absently he wonders why exactly it's his touch that is helping Brandt sleep, when it's the same hand he nearly ripped off a while back. Maybe it's a subconscious thing.

He adds it to the list of things he's not going to bring up until Brandt does.

Ethan is in favor of waking Brandt up the moment the flight touches down, but Jane says to let him sleep a little because it's going to take some time before they have to get out, and Brandt needs all the sleep he can get. That he hasn't been resting due to Ethan's hospitalization goes unsaid, and once again Ethan wonders why the hell Brandt didn't find himself a bed and get some sleep. He looked, and still does, like hell warmed over. And that's not a good look for him. Or anyone, really.

Somewhere in the middle of the flight, somehow, Ethan's hand has found its way to Brandt's forehead, and it rests there as Brandt sleeps away peacefully with his head lolling sideways. Ethan wishes he can say it's painful to keep his hand in position for so long, or uncomfortable, or awkward – hell, anything – but it's really not. And that surprises him, because he never expected to be okay with this. And he never expected Brandt to be okay with it, either.

The world is a strange place.

The plane has just come to a stop and people are beginning to get up, and Ethan decides it's okay to wake Brandt now. He removes his hand from Brandt's forehead and gently shakes him, and says, trying to keep his voice soft and non-threatening, "Wake up, Brandt. Time to get off the plane."

Instead of instantly waking and attacking like Ethan expects, Brandt mumbles, "Five more minutes."

"I – okay," sighs Ethan. In any case they're going to get off the plane last, to avoid the hassle of dealing with impatient passengers. Jane is still reading and Benji is humming some song under his breath, laptop stowed away.

Except that when it is time to leave Brandt still refuses to wake up, and Ethan has to resort to poking him in the side. That does elicit a reaction, and Ethan ends up with a sprained wrist. "God damn it, Brandt!" he gasps, cradling his hand.

"Sorry," says Brandt somewhat apologetically, once he realizes what he's done. "I thought you were attacking me again."

"I was trying to wake you up," Ethan tells him through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry," Brandt says, and he does look sorry. "It's not going to happen again... I hope," he adds as an afterthought.

Ethan rolls his eyes, and Jane laughs. She is quickly making her way up his shit list. So in Benji.

Will is right there on Numero Uno. Ethan's not sure he can ever use his hands again.

They make their way through the airport in silence. No one says anything right until the end. Benji and Jane say their goodbyes and leave in the first cab they find, which leaves Ethan alone with Brandt.

To say this is awkward is an understatement.

"So," begins Ethan. "I've been wanting to ask you something."

Brandt blinks, and then looks away. Ignoring the less than encouraging reaction, Ethan goes on, "When I was in hospital... why didn't you go rest somewhere, a hotel or something?"

There is silence for some time, and just when Ethan is about to throw in the towel and change the subject, Brandt speaks up, "There was nowhere to go." It's a lame excuse and they both know it, and Ethan actually says so.

There is another silence. Brandt fidgets and stares at his shoes for a bit, before finally mumbling, "I felt guilty." That's it. Nothing more.

Hunch confirmed, Ethan is just about to ask exactly why he felt guilty, but before he can do so, Brandt's cab arrives and he mutters a hasty "Bye" before getting in and slamming the door. Ethan is about to ask if they can just share the cab, but before he can do so it has already sped off, leaving him standing in the dust thrown up by its wheels.

William Brandt is the greatest mystery Ethan Hunt has encountered, and he is determined to solve it.

So- what do you guys think? Feedback is greatly appreciated :)