A/N: Hi guys! Here's another kinda different/kinda weird one shot. It was essentially inspired by tinyhuman02 and I being obsessed with The Returned (if you haven't watched it, you should), so it is definitely something that I haven't done before. I also tried something new where I didn't write their entire back story in the beginning, instead I layered it as snippets throughout the piece. Soo I hope you like it :) Be open-minded!

Disclaimer: The usual! :)

April Kepner jumped out of bed as her emergency backup alarm chimed loudly. "Shit," she cursed to herself as she stumbled over her own feet and fell on her bedroom floor. She had been so tired last night that she had forgotten about her usual morning alarm. Thankfully, she had never turned her emergency alarm off. She rushed into the bathroom, despite her bruised knees, and hopped into the shower. She already knew that she was going to be late but she still tried to move as quickly as possible.

After showering, she pulled on a clean pair of blue jeans and a red blouse, and towel dried her hair before she ran into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. She threw two pieces of toast in the toaster before gulping down a class of orange juice. She quickly glanced at her watch and knew that she only had enough time this morning to make one lunch instead of two, and there was a person in this house that took priority over her. She could grab a cup of coffee and a sandwich at work.

She padded down the hallway and opened the door to the room that bore a pink name placard. "Avery, honey," she called softly. "We gotta go. Mommy's already late for work." She moved to sit on the edge of the bed and she gently ruffled her little girl's long curls. "Come on, baby, wake up."

"I don't wanna wake up, Mommy," she mumbled as she rolled over. "It's Saturday."

April couldn't stop herself from smiling. "I know, but you can see your friends at daycare."

Avery finally opened her bright eyes and set her face into a stern pout. "But I saw my friends yesterday!"

April laughed, but her daughter's strong resemblance to her father made it sound like a forced, strangled noise of discomfort. "Come on, sweetie. Do this for me and I promise that we can have pizza for supper."

"Fine. If I must," she sighed dramatically as she kicked off her covers and rolled out of bed.

April laughed, genuinely this time, as she watched her daughter walk into the bathroom. She truly had a beautiful daughter. She was very bright, and a tad melodramatic for a six-year-old, but she was a true treasure. The best thing that had ever happened in her life. Avery was the greatest happiness that she had...but she sometimes reminded her of her most paralyzing sadness.

April returned to the kitchen and made her daughter's lunch before she tidied everything away and pulled her hair back into a messy bun.

"I'm all dressed!" Avery announced as she waltzed into the kitchen.

April closely inspected her daughter's outfit, since Avery was currently in a phase where she wanted to pick out her own clothes, this was a morning ritual. "You look awesome, possum!" She teased as she kissed the top of her head. "Did you comb your hair? Brush your teeth? Put on deodorant?" She questioned. Her daughter nodded eagerly to every question so April allowed her to grab her jacket and turtle backpack and head towards the door. "Do you have everything you need, sweetheart?"

"Uh huh! Do you?" Avery replied. "Keys? Phone? Lunch?" She saw her mother look away and she narrowed her eyes in displeasure. "Mommy! You need to eat lunch!"

"I will eat lunch at the hospital," April responded guiltily as she ushered her daughter out the door. "I promise."

"You better," Avery warned.

April practically sprinted to the ER after dropping her things in her locker and changing into her scrubs. She skidded to a halt in front of the main nurses' station and grabbed her iPad.

"Hey! Where's the fire?" Amelia asked with a laugh as she walked up to her.

April offered her a smile. "I'm late. I'm really really late."

"Well, you'll be happy to know that I took care of the neuro consults in beds three and five. A resident is taking five for some scans and there's nothing wrong with three, just an overactive imagination."

"Thanks," the red-head sighed. "I really appreciate it."

Amelia pursed her lips before she probed, "So why are you late? Busy night?" She added playfully.

"Uh no," April began awkwardly. "I just couldn't sleep."

Amelia frowned as she watched her friend become absorbed in her work. She knew what that phrase really meant. "Dreams again?" April nodded reluctantly. "April, it's been—"

"I know how long it's been, Amelia," she interrupted with a sigh. "I've lived it."

Amelia instantly felt guilty despite her best intentions. "That's not what I meant. I just meant that I thought the dreams had stopped since Matthew."

April chewed on her bottom lip before she reluctantly admitted, "I still have them from time to time."

"I'm sorry," she answered genuinely.

"I know you are, and now I need to get to work," April replied quickly before she pressed her iPad to her chest and started to walk away.

Amelia watched her head to the other end of the ER with a frown. She had known April Kepner for over nine years, since her first year of residency, but six years ago there had been a game-changer. One morning April went from a carefree, young bride and enthusiastic junior resident to a widow. His death had been quick and sudden, he didn't even make it into surgery. The entire hospital missed Jackson but it was obviously immensely different for April. Jackson was the love of her life and she had never, and would never, fully get over him. Jackson's death had changed the course of her personal and professional life. She was now a kick-ass trauma surgeon raising an unbelievable kid, and she was an incredibly strong woman.

But Amelia knew that she missed Jackson practically every second of every day.

"Hey Amelia," a familiar voice called.

The brunette spun around and smiled brightly at Matthew the paramedic, aka April's boyfriend and very hopeful wannabe husband. "Hi Matthew, how are you?"

"Great, thanks," he smiled brightly. "How are you? How's work?"

Amelia smiled back and answered, "Good." She knew that he was only asking out of politeness and that he was really wondering about April. "She's kinda busy right now, Matthew, but I'll tell her you stopped by." He nodded repeatedly but it was clear that something was bothering him. "What's wrong?" She questioned sincerely.

"I'm just worried about her," he exhaled. "I think she's been avoiding me a little since I dropped the m-bomb. Maybe I just shouldn't have proposed but I thought it was the right moment," he regretfully reminisced. "It's been two years! I'm ready, ya know? And I thought she was ready too."

She sympathetically placed her hand on his arm. "Just give her a little space. It'll be okay," she assured him softly.

Matthew nodded again, this time thoughtfully, before he finally smiled. "Thank you, Amelia. I'll see you later, and if April asks, I was never here."

Minutes after he left, April appeared out of nowhere like a ghost. "Was he looking for me?"

"I told him to give you space," Amelia told her honestly.

April smiled widely. "Thank you so much! Space is exactly what I need right now."

Fifteen minutes later, a teenage boy with a tonne of internal injuries from a motorcycle accident came into the ER and April spent the rest of her day in surgery. He miraculously pulled through and once April scrubbed out, she picked up Avery from daycare and took her to their favourite pizza place before dropping her off at Catherine's for their monthly sleepover.

April tiredly pushed her key into the lock and opened her front door with her shoulder. She dropped her bag in the porch and shoved both of her hands through her hair. She was going to have a glass of wine and a hot shower, and then she was going to bed.

She shuffled into the kitchen until the man looking through her refrigerator stopped her in her tracks.

"I'm sorry I'm so late, babe. Do you still want me to make waffles?"

"Jackson," she whispered in shock before she fainted.

"No!" She giggled as she wrapped both of her arms around his broad shoulders from behind. "Stay in bed with me. That's what you're supposed to do on your day off!"

He grinned to himself as he focused on tying his running shoes. "I'll be back in an hour and we'll still have plenty of time to spend in bed. I'll even make breakfast and bring it to you in bed."

She hummed in approval while kissing his neck. "And what will you make me for breakfast, Mr. Avery?"

"Well, I was thinking that I could make bacon and eggs, and waffles, and I think there are still some strawberries in the fridge."

"That sounds amazing," she moaned.

"And it will happen as soon as I get back from my run!" He laughed as he extracted himself from her grasp and stood up. He looked down at her lying on the bed, wrapped in a thin bed sheet with her red hair tousled, and he almost changed his mind. "God, you are so sexy."

She bit down on her bottom lip to contain her laughter. "Does that mean you're going to skip your morning run?"

He shook his head. "Nope! I refuse to be just another man manipulated by sex," he joked. "No matter how tempting you are!" He leaned down and placed a quick kiss on her temple. "See you in a little while, Mrs. Avery."

"Hey! I never changed my last name!" She yelled after him as he walked down the hallway.

"Whatever! You're always Mrs. Avery to me! I love you!" He yelled.

"Love you too," she answered as she smiled to herself and made herself comfortable in their bed. If she fell back to sleep then he would be back before she knew it.

When April awoke, she was lying on her bed and someone was patting her face with a cold cloth. She slowly began to move her limbs before she opened her eyes. As soon as she regained the energy to sit up, she scrambled off of the bed and landed on her feet.

Because there was Jackson, sitting not too far from her, holding a cloth.

"Are you going to faint again?" He asked with a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

April slowly shook her head. "I don't think so." She raised her hand to her face and felt the dampness. That cloth had indeed been on her face and he was holding it. He looked real, like she could touch him and feel the heat of his skin. He looked exactly as he had the morning of his death, young and happy, and wearing his favourite t-shirt and shorts. He even had stubble on his jaw and his eyes sparkled when he looked at her.

This was the most surreal dream that she had ever had.

"I'm ready to wake up now," she murmured to herself.

"You're not dreaming, April," he retorted quickly.

"Of course I am, and I'm not arguing with you because you're not real! I'm just really tired and stressed." She ran both of her hands through her hair and exhaled slowly. "I've had dreams like this before and I always wake up." She stomped her foot in frustration. "Why can't I wake up?" She yelled.

"April," he whispered softly. "Relax, please." He slowly stood up, thinking that any sudden movement would send her running, and began to approach. "You're not dreaming, you're not going crazy, and I am not a ghost. I know that I'm dead, I figured that out pretty quickly after you fainted, but I'm real, and I'm here."

She stared at him suspiciously and he could tell that she wanted to believe him but her common sense was telling her not to. "People don't come back from the dead," she stated matter-of-factly.

He smiled at that. "No, they don't...unless they have to."

"What does that mean? Are you like some kind of Angel of Death now or something?"

"No," he laughed. "I'm here because I need to spend time with you. For you, but also for me." He extended his hand towards her and looked at her pleadingly. "Just take my hand, April."

She stared at his open palm for minutes before she tentatively reached towards him. How many times had she dreamed of something like this happening? This was exactly what she had hoped for countless times. She had begged for it, and if this was real, then she had to take his hand. She would never forgive herself if she didn't. She finally placed her hand in his and gasped, "Oh my God, you are real."

Jackson sighed in frustration as she fainted into his arms. "I knew that she was gonna do that."

When she awoke this time, Jackson was nowhere to be found and she breathed a sigh of relief. She needed to stop having dreams like that. It wasn't healthy, and she knew that. She needed to stop pining for her dead husband.

She left her bedroom and started to walk down the hallway towards the kitchen and living room, but the sight in front of her stopped her in her tracks. There he was again. Jackson. Tall and beautiful.

And he was standing in front of their daughter's bedroom door.

Either he was real, or she was crazy. Maybe both.

"I didn't know you were pregnant," he murmured as he placed his hand on the door.

"I didn't either," she answered, "not until...after."

He sighed before he turned to her with a happy smile. "Is she great?"

"Of course," April replied with a grin. "She's yours."

"And I bet she's gorgeous like her Mama."

April blushed as she tucked her hair behind her ear, six years of grieving had not cooled Jackson Avery's effect on her. "She has your eyes, and she's stubborn like you. She's perfect." She paused before she asked, "Is that why you're back? Because of her?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "No, I don't think so. I have a very strong feeling that I'm back for you." He paused before he turned towards the kitchen. "Is there anything in the fridge? I'm starving."

"I would imagine you would have an appetite after six years," she muttered to herself. "I think there are some leftovers in there." He sent her an unpleasant expression over his shoulder and she giggled. He had always detested leftovers. "I can probably make you a salad and a sandwich."

"Sounds delicious!" He took a seat at the island counter while she began to grab ingredients from the refrigerator. She still knew what he liked, and she was starting to digest the reality of their very weird supernatural situation.

It didn't truly feel weird though, not to him at least. It felt normal...and right. He didn't feel as if he had been gone for six years. They had done this very same thing hundreds of times before...before he died.

They had been so happy. They had easily been the happiest couple that they had known.

He quickly hopped to his feet and moved to stand beside her. He pressed a palm against the countertop while his other hand brushed through her hair. He had taken so many little things for granted in his young life, but one thing that he had always appreciated was the beauty of his wife. "You look really great, April," he whispered.

"Thanks," she replied softly. "My hair is longer, I think, and I started to go to the gym but I'm a little busy to do that regularly so I—"

Jackson interrupted her rambling by covering her mouth with his in an eager kiss. "I miss listening to you ramble like that," he chuckled.

She turned to him in shock and gently touched her lips with the tips of her fingers. "That felt very real."

"It was supposed to," he joked.

She slowly reached for him with shaking hands and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "God, this is crazy," she whispered to herself as she practically pawed at him, grabbing at his shirt and feeling his muscles beneath her hands. "You're the same, exactly the same. I can't believe it." She murmured incoherently to herself before she pulled him down for another kiss.

He threaded both of his hands through her hair and she melted into him like so many times before. She pressed herself against him and hungrily nipped at his bottom lip. One of his hands slipped down to her waist and he slowly lifted her off of her feet and onto the kitchen counter. She gripped his t-shirt with both hands and moaned as she pressed her mouth against his neck.

"Bedroom," he faintly heard her say. "Bedroom."

April giggled as she cuddled into Jackson's chest and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso. She even entwined her feet with his; she just couldn't get close enough to him. "That was incredible," she whispered. She hadn't had sex that incredible in six years. "And you smell exactly the same." She planted a soft kiss on his chest and giggled again before she rested her head in the crook between his shoulder and his neck.

"You smell exactly the same too," he responded with a smile on his face.

She was quiet for a long time before she spoke again. "I slept in your Harvard sweater for I don't know how long after...because it still smelled like you...and then after a while it just smelled like me. I still wear it to bed sometimes though," she confessed. She nervously chewed on her bottom lip before she glanced up at him. "What are you doing here, Jackson?"

"I dunno," he replied honestly with a furrowed brow. "I think I'm here because I haven't moved on, and there's gotta be a reason. Maybe we didn't have enough sex," he joked. "Maybe that's why I'm back."

She laughed and gently smacked his chest. "I don't think that's it!"

"You're right," he agreed. "We had sex all the time so that's not it." She smacked him again before she rolled over onto her side and he spooned her from behind. "I'm sorry. I'll be serious again," he promised with a kiss to the back of her neck. "Tell me about your life."

"Well," she began hesitantly. "Avery is my life. She's everything. I spend every moment with her that I can. I just want to make sure that she's happy, and healthy, and cared for."

Jackson grinned broadly to himself as he listened to her. "That sounds amazing." He had always known that April would be a great mother, and it was completely obvious that she was. He was happy for her. It was clear that April's bond with his daughter and the way that she was being raised was not what was preventing him from experiencing an afterlife. "What else? What about work? What kinda surgeon did you turn into?" He asked excitedly.

"I'm a trauma surgeon," she told him proudly. "The ER is like my second child."

"That's great, babe," he answered enthusiastically. He had always pictured her as a neurosurgeon, but he could see how her personality was well suited to trauma. "I bet you're a badass."

She turned onto her back and looked up at him with a smirk. "Yeah, I am."

He leaned down to begin kissing her again when her doorbell rang. He groaned in frustration as he watched her scurry out of bed and pull on a pair of yoga pants and an old t-shirt.

"I'll be right back!" She called over her shoulder as she ran down the hallway.

She opened the front door with a breathless laugh and flushed cheeks and was shocked to find her wannabe fiance on the other side. "Matthew!"

"Are you okay?" He questioned with deep concern.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you haven't answered any of my calls or texts. I was getting really worried."

April instantly felt guilty as she looked at his troubled expression and big brown eyes. He wasn't being nosy or suspicious, he was actually genuinely worried. Yet another example to add to the list of 'Why Matthew Is The Greatest Guy In The World' and 'Why She Is A Terrible Person For Not Loving Him The Way That He Deserves'. She sighed as she leaned against the door frame. "I'm fine. I'm just feeling a tad under the weather."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" He asked eagerly. "Tissues? Gatorade? Maybe some soup?"

She slowly shook her head. "Nope. I'm fine. I just need some rest."

"Well call me if you need anything, and please answer my texts," he added with a smile.

"I will," she sing-songed. "Thanks for checking up on me."

"Anytime! I love you!" He called to her before he ran towards his truck.

April waved to him and closed the door with a wide smile on her face. He did always make her smile.

"I don't think I'm here because you haven't been able to move on."

"Jackson," she sighed as she turned around to face him. "Moving on from you was something that I never wanted to do."

"I know," he smiled sadly. "And I didn't mean that as a jab. It's actually nice to know that that's not why I'm here," he explained. He approached her and cradled her face between his large hands. "You deserve to move on and be happy. You deserve a guy that worships you. Does he worship you?"

"Worship is a pretty strong word," she giggled. "But he's really good to me, and Avery. He's very kind."

"That's good," he smiled genuinely. "What does he do?"

"We met in the ER. He's a paramedic."

Jackson crinkled his nose. "I suppose that will do."

She smacked his arm playfully and he lifted her off of the floor. He carried her towards the living room sofa but they were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She knew exactly who it was and it wasn't Matthew this time. "I gotta get that, it's Avery calling to say goodnight."

Jackson's eyes lit up excitedly. "Where is she?"

"She spends a weekend once a month with your mother. She loves hanging out with Grandma Catherine."

Jackson sat up on the couch and watched her run back into the bedroom to retrieve her phone. She walked back towards him with the device pressed to her ear and a smile on her face.

"Hi baby, how's your evening going?"

He pulled her into his lap and listened attentively as she talked to his little girl. She rambled on about her dinner, and her pajamas, and the game of cards that she had played with her grandmother and Jackson couldn't stop thinking about how much she sounded like a mini version of April. "She sounds perfect," he murmured as he kissed her neck. They said goodnight and then another voice echoed through the phone. His muscles tensed and his hands gripped her hips tightly. He had never thought that he would miss his mother's voice. That voice had nagged him for years, he had always yearned to get rid of it. He could have definitely been kinder to her when he was alive.

When April ended the call she noticed that Jackson had a rather forlorn look on his face. "What's wrong?" She asked as she ran her hand over his clean shaven head.

"I just realized how much I miss my Mom, and how much she must miss me," he answered quietly.

"She misses you a lot," April told him before giving him a kiss. "Of course she does, you're her baby boy."

He gave her a weak smile as he realized the irony of their situation. He was the one who was dead; he shouldn't be the one being consoled. "I'm glad that she has you, and Avery. She always loved you."

"Because I was the perfect daughter-in-law," she quipped, "except for when she thought I married you for your money."

He gave her a real smile this time. "She got over that pretty quickly though."

She grabbed his face and kissed him again. "Come on, let's go back to the bedroom."

And so April spent the rest of her night and all of her day off with her dead-but-in-the-flesh husband. They cooked meals together, talked and cuddled, and yes, they had a lot of sex. She felt like a newlywed again, and in order to bring herself back to reality she took Jackson to visit his grave a few hours before she had to pick up Avery from Catherine's.

"Wow, that's me," he murmured as he sat on the grass in front of his headstone.

"Yeah," she confirmed as she stood a few feet behind him. The image in front of her was a hard one to swallow, and one that she absolutely needed to see. "That is you."

"I have fresh flowers," he chuckled awkwardly.

"Between your mother and I, there are always fresh flowers," she answered.

He took a long, deep breath before he turned around to look up at her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked in confusion as she finally decided to sit down beside him.

He turned to her and spoke sincerely, "For leaving you."

April was baffled, and both amused and touched by the gravity of his statement. "Its not like you had much of a choice. You just went running, like you did every morning, and you never came back." She laughed, "Until now apparently."

He took her hand and squeezed it between his own. "I wish I knew why I was here so then I could let you get on with your life." He looked towards his headstone and sighed, "This is the only version of Jackson Harper Avery that you have now."

She stopped him from saying anything else that would make her feel overwhelmingly sad by kissing him. "Let me take you back to the house, I have to pick up Avery."

Jackson followed her to her new SUV and hid out in her bedroom while she spent time with their daughter. It killed him not to be able to see her, or talk to her, or hug her, but he understood April's reasons for keeping him away. It wasn't exactly easy to explain to a child that her dead father was alive again for some unknown reason. Her reaction would be impossible to predict. She would probably be incredibly scared and confused. April herself had fainted twice.

He restlessly picked through April's collection of medical journals and looked around the bedroom while he waited for her to put Avery to bed. Not much in the house had changed in six years, except for the fact that none of his things were here anymore. Well, some of his things were still floating around. There were dozens of photographs of him and April in a drawer in her bedside table next to their wedding bands and her engagement ring. He also found his favourite sweater and his favourite pair of sneakers in the back of the closet. His memory was still here even if he wasn't, and that made him happy.

"What are you doing?" April asked quietly when she finally entered the room.

"Looking at pictures of us," he smiled. "We were cute."

She giggled as she jumped on the bed. "Yes, we were. We were very cute and very in love. That's why we eloped after dating for only three months."

"Do you ever regret it?" He asked curiously.

"Not for a second," she answered quickly. "Best years of my life, and it gave me Avery."

He paused before he revealed a tiny secret that he was hiding from his brief period of snooping. "Do you want to get married again?"

She raised a brow in suspicion. Had he found a certain item that she was trying her best to ignore? "Were you looking through my drawers?"

"Guilty," he shrugged with a boyish smile. "Are you going to marry him?"

She sighed before she lay down and rested her head on his stomach. "I honestly don't know. He really wants to, and he had a really sweet proposal."

Jackson began to run his fingers through her hair. "Do you love him?"

"I could," she whispered candidly.

They talked until April fell asleep in his lap. He carefully put her to bed before he sneaked out of the room and padded down the hallway. He stood in front of Avery's bedroom door for several minutes before he finally turned the doorknob. He had to see her. He couldn't pass up this opportunity to see his daughter. He sat in the armchair in the corner and watched her sleep. He found that although he was almost constantly hungry, he was never tired so he knew he could do this for hours.

He started to panic slightly when she rolled over onto her back and stirred.

"Daddy," she murmured sleepily.

His eyes widened and his mind raced before he finally responded, "Yeah, princess?" He left the chair and knelt down on the floor beside her bed. She probably wouldn't even remember this in the morning, she was still half asleep.

"Can you get me Mr. Fuzzy Pants?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked at her large collection of stuffed animals. How was he supposed to know which one was Mr. Fuzzy Pants? He reached for a teddy bear dressed in a pair of overalls and he heard her giggle. "What?" He questioned with a smile.

"That's Paul! Mr. Fuzzy Pants is over there," she told him as she pointed towards a fat penguin.

"Right." He grabbed the animal and tucked it underneath her arm. "There you go. Mr. Fuzzy Pants is a good cuddler." He leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Go to sleep, sweetheart, and don't tell Mommy about this."

"Okay, Daddy," she sighed before she closed her eyes again.

"Rise and shine, sunshine!" April called pleasantly as she opened the door to Avery's bedroom. "Time to get up, buttercup! Wanna help me make breakfast before school?" She reached her daughter's bed and ruffled her curls as she removed Mr. Fuzzy Pants from her grasp. "Come on, sweet girl, get up out of bed."

Avery sleepily blinked up at her before reaching her arms towards her and April picked her up with a smile. "Okay, someone's sleepy today," she murmured.

"Are you not working today, Mommy?" Avery asked softly.

"No, not today, honey. I took the day off."

"Can I take the day off too?" The six-year-old asked excitedly.

April laughed softly, "No, not day. School is very important. Now let's make some breakfast."

Avery cuddled into her shoulder as she carried her to the kitchen. "Okay, Mommy. Can we have pancakes?"

"Sure thing!"

"I had another dream about Daddy last night," Avery told her as she stood at her side and carefully passed her an egg.

"Oh yeah?" April asked curiously. She knew that Jackson frequented Avery's dreams but she hadn't mentioned it to her in quite a while. "Was it sad? Do you wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head quickly. "It wasn't sad." She giggled before she spoke again, "He just confused Paul and Mr. Fuzzy Pants!"

April's hands stilled but she tried not to appear too disturbed by the information. She went about the rest of her morning as usual, but when she returned from dropping Avery off at school she went straight to her bedroom, and her dead husband's hiding place.

"Hey babe," he greeted with a grin.

"Hey yourself," she replied slowly. She crossed her arms over her chest and quietly tapped her foot. "Avery told me something interesting this morning."

"Oh yeah?" He answered casually.

"She said that she had a dream about you, which isn't out of the ordinary, but then she said that you didn't get her stuffed animals right."

"Well it's confusing," he argued. "Who names a teddy bear Paul?" He laughed until he noticed April's raised eyebrow. "That's what the dream version of me probably said," he tried to add nonchalantly.

She smiled before she sighed loudly, "Jackson, what if she had thought it wasn't a dream?"

"I couldn't help it! I just wanted to watch her sleep!" He shrugged once he was at a loss for words. "I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry."

She wanted to be mad at him but she just couldn't. He had just wanted to see his daughter; she would have wanted the exact same thing. "It's fine," she whispered. "Just be careful, Jackson."

She began to walk towards him and once she was in reach he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap. "I've seen you and I'm still here. I've seen your new boyfriend and I'm still here. I've seen my daughter and I'm still here. I don't know why I'm still here," he stated in frustration as he pressed his forehead against hers.

She kissed him softly before she smoothed out the wrinkle between his brows. "Is it selfish and wrong for me to want to keep you here?" She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and rested her head on his collarbone. "I don't want to let you go again. I want to keep you."

"I really wish I could stay," he said as he rubbed her back.

"You were hit by a car," she whimpered. "You went running and you never came back. What kinda dumb luck is that? And now I'm a freakin' trauma surgeon! I save car accident victims on a daily basis but I couldn't save you."

His other hand moved through her hair as he cooed to her. "Shhh, it's okay." He kissed the top of her head lovingly when she began to sob. "Babe, it's okay, it wasn't your fault." He slowly manoeuvred her onto her side and held her while she cried.

Maybe this was why he was here. Maybe he had to help her deal with her guilt before he could move on.

When April awoke several hours later, her eyes were puffy and her throat was incredibly dry. She hadn't cried that hard in years...since the last time that she had cried over her dead husband. She fully opened her eyes and saw that Jackson was lying beside her, and he had been watching her sleep.

"Hi," she croaked.

He smiled as he reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Been better," she tried to joke.

"It's okay," he assured her. "What I'm putting you through now is not normal and I'm sorry."

She adamantly shook her head and moved her hand to stroke his face. "Don't apologize. I've dreamed about this so many times." She started to kiss him slowly as she wrapped her body around his. "Make love to me one last time?"

He kissed her back hungrily and rolled her over onto her back. He truly hoped that it wouldn't be the last time but he was aiming for closure. Closure was the only way that he was going to experience an afterlife.

They actually made love twice, and Jackson was more than ready for round three when April realized what time it was.

"Oh!" She squeaked. "I have to get dressed! Matthew will be here soon." She wrapped the thin bed sheet around her body and slipped out of the bed.

Jackson propped himself up on his elbows and watched her walk around the room. "Do you guys have a date or something?"

She shook her head as she shimmied into a pair of jeans. "No, on Mondays Matthew picks Avery up from school and brings her to Bible study, and they should be back soon! Sometimes he takes her out for ice cream afterwards and that makes them a little late."

Jackson took a moment to process what she said, but even after that he could not make any sense of her words. "Umm...what?"

"Matthew. Avery. Bible study. Ice cream," she laughed. "Do you want me to say it again?" She teased.

He fully sat up and looked at her in confusion. "April," he began slowly, "why don't you take our daughter to Bible study?"

She mumbled incoherently as she snapped her bra back on and pulled a t-shirt over her head. "I don't...I just...anymore...and Matthew likes to do it...she likes the time with him...and I...with work..."

"April, stop and look at me," he demanded. She slowly turned to face him and it was the first glimpse that he had gotten of a woman that he didn't know. "What's going on? What are you hiding?"

"Matthew takes Avery to Bible study and he takes her to church," she finally confessed.

"What?" He gasped. April had always had the most faith of anyone he had ever met. It was definitely a defining aspect of her character and one that she had always been upfront and unashamed about. He couldn't grasp why she wouldn't want to participate in something so important to her with her daughter. "Why? I don't understand." He ran both of his hands over his shaved head in frustration. "I am seriously so confused," he chuckled.

April ignored him as she focused on fixing her appearance in the mirror. "I can't talk about this right now," she answered dismissively.

He huffed as she left the bedroom and he was forced to remain hidden. He needed to take the time to come up with something stern and profound to say to her when she returned. But he was still so confused. Did April Kepner not go to church anymore? The idea was unfathomable. When they had first started to date, some of the Jesus talk had been a little off-putting, especially to a guy like him who had grown up around only doctors and had never been to a church a day in his life, but he had admired her convictions. He had admired her ability to believe in the good when he could only see the bad. Her beliefs made his impending afterlife something to look forward to, but now...now he didn't know what to believe.

He redressed and listened to snippets of April's conversation with Matthew and he waited for hours until she returned again.

"Don't think I forgot what we were talking about," he told her immediately.

She sighed as she closed the door behind her. "I didn't expect you to."

"You need to talk to me about this. It's probably why I'm here," he muttered to himself. He slowly sat down on the end of her bed and patted the space next to him. "Come here and talk to me."

She reluctantly sat next to him and reached for his hand. She squeezed it tightly before she spoke, "It wasn't like it was something that I just decided to quit one day," she tried to explain. "I just started working on Sundays and finding excuses not to go, and it just slowly slipped from my priorities list."

"Slipped from your priorities list?" He repeated in astonishment. "That doesn't sound like you."

She wrenched her hand from his and ran both of them through her hair. "It sounds ridiculous...but...it just...happened."

"Nothing just happens," he responded quickly. "You're mad at Him for some reason. Just talk to me about it."

"It was hard for me to connect with Him...after you," she admitted. "My faith never seemed like a strength when it came to you. Remember how it almost broke us up when I first told you? And it definitely didn't stop you from dying!"

"You're mad at Him for taking me," he whispered. He quickly turned his body towards hers and cradled her face in his hands. "You can't keep thinking like that, babe. I won't let you. Your faith defines you, you can't just throw it away like it doesn't matter. God didn't punish you so don't punish Him." He had no idea if anything he was saying was appealing to her, but he trudged forward. "He hasn't abandoned you so don't abandon him, or he might abandon me," he added with a laugh.

She laughed with him as she started to cry. "I just miss you so much, Jackson."

"I know," he murmured as he pulled her into a tight hug. "But you'll keep getting through this because you're stronger than anyone I've ever met. You should show our daughter that side of you more, it's pretty unbelievable." His arms tightened even more around her as he placed a kiss in her hair. "I love you, everything about you, even the things I didn't like and the things that confused me, because they all make you you."

He continued to whisper to her as he moved them into a lying position on the bed. So, she had forgiven him for dying but she hadn't forgiven herself or the big man upstairs. She had always been a selfless person who was incredibly hard on herself. Doubt and insecurities had always plagued her, and he had been the one to banish them once he had really gotten to know her. He wished that he could stick around and tell her everyday what she needed to hear, but that wasn't an option.

And he knew that she could make it on her own. She just needed to believe again.

April didn't even need to open her eyes the next morning to know that something was different. There was no weight on the other side of the bed. A pair of arms was not wrapped around her. And everything just felt quieter. She slowly rolled over onto her other side and reluctantly opened her eyes. She felt tears roll down her cheeks, but she also couldn't stop herself from smiling.

He was gone.

A/N: Please leave a review! It's always nice to get feedback, especially when you try something new :)