A/N: -Squints eyes- "Last updated Feb 19, 2014." Oh. . . dear.

Would a cheesy smile, a bag of lollies, 30 packets of chips and lots of sparkles suffice for an apology? Yes? GOOD. Yay! Now I'm forgiven! But yeh I guess life got in the way . . . Ohohoho. But seriously, you would not know how many times I've re-written and changed this chapter. I think I'm more satisfied with how it turned out now than I could've been with previous versions so I guess that's a plus? Right? Thank you for all your reviews! I really appreciate them and sadly, I haven't had the chance to reply to the non-account ones because I usually include them in the A/N . . . and to have an A/N I need a new chapter. . . so uh yeh.

Disclaimer: With all this shizzles that's been going on in FT I really can't say I'm the mastermind behind it all now can I? Boohoohoo.

Replies to Reviews:

Guest (Feb 20 2014): Hello! I wonder if you still keep tabs on this ffic though ahahaha. I'm SUPER glad you liked it and oh boy, your review is so schweet! The references though . . . Did you spot them all?! Lucy and Natsu will be meeting very soon! Proud to report that I've been acing uni like a pro! Muahahaha.

Tawny (Feb 21 2014): TAWNYYYY You've nearly deciphered it! Do you use the phrase "om nom nom"? *HINT* Very happy you like my Lucy! Ohohoho! It's winter now over here so I will accept that 1+ year old hot chocolate! Thank you!

Guest (May 9 2014): I'm happy you like the story! What are you talking about? Lucy is ALWAYS PWETTY. I guess it's a bit difficult to include appearance descriptors without it sounding forced but I have included some in the ending of this chapter! Enjoy!

Guest (June 8 2014) & ft shipr (Oct 26 2014): I have updated kids! READ!

Smidget (March 18 2015): It has been blasted away! Now hand me your golds and treasures little miss pirate!

Title: Shamelessly Sassy Superheroes

Chapter 4: When Lucy becomes internet famous

Maybe it wasn't such a flash idea to take a trip to the petrol station slash convenience store at a time too dark to be called 'safe' because now, Lucy was stuck in a kind-of-maybe life-threatening situation. At least she wasn't alone though – she was accompanied by an 80-something year old granny, a high school girl who seemed to be unhealthily obsessed with her Smartphone, one fatigued office worker and a trainee cashier who was probably about to piss his pants. Wonderful. Perhaps it was some kind of fate that had led to the gathering of what Lucy guessed to be the more unfortunate and vulnerable bracket of New Pork.

Her mind did a mini flashback to probably around five minutes ago when she was just happily at the back aisle of the store, marvelling at the range of chip flavours available, unaware that her Friday night would be ruined moments later by some dim-witted and loopy robber.

And now, Lucy found herself clinging and plastering to the aisle shelves and magazine racks as she very slowly made her way to the front of the store as per the demands of aforementioned robber. Stealth probably wasn't working very well for her.

"God dammit," she hissed to no one in particular as her winter coat became caught on a shelving hook. It seemed to take a while for her to actually reach the store lobby and maybe it was out of habit but she slapped on her (masquerade) superhero mask for good measure. For a second there it looked like she actually had a plan.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the robber loudly and hastily yelled at them to "sit down and get on the ground". Say what? Was this guy stupid or stupid? Nevertheless, everyone obliged because they were scared but mainly because he was armed with a gun that he waved about carelessly in his hands.

Lucy managed a half-sitting, half-squatting position near a stack of giant candy canes (probably from last Christmas) that were on quick sale while the other hostages shakily got to the ground. The robber didn't spare his hostages a single glance as his gaze shifted to the store clerk but if he did, he would've noticed that everyone in the store was breaking out in cold sweat and half-way there to a panic attack. The cashier was probably in his late teens or early twenties, but a university student no doubt. And on closer inspection, his name was Tom – his 'Hi I'm a trainee and my name is TOM' name tag made it quite clear too. The robber crinkled his nose at the young man in front of him, separated only by a glass barrier that the latter prayed to be bulletproof.

"Hey kid, hand over the cash unless you want a hole through your head," the older man drew the gun closer to the cashier – it was probably a good metre away from the latter's face. And that was when Tom started to frantically press any available key on the cash register in hopes of keeping his life and brains intact. Thus began his struggle with the cash register – he almost looked like a senior teacher trying to operate the computer in class. It wasn't a pretty sight. The struggle was real. The other hostages looked on in fear and horror and when over five minutes had passed it was clear that the robber had lost his patience with the young clerk. And that was when Lucy knew she had to make her move if she even had one.

"Hold it!" Everyone's gaze had effectively turned to the old granny who had brazenly intercepted what may have been Tom's final moments. Lucy's potential moment had just been stolen. Sweet.

"And what do you want you old crone?" The robber clearly had no respect for the elderly.

"While it may be true that," the granny squinted a little at the cashier's name tag before proceeding, "young Tom here is struggling with the cash register, he's still only a trainee. As his customers – nay, seniors in life, it is our duty to be patient and give him another chance!"

Did she just do a fist pump? Everyone just gawked at her as she held the robber's attention. Her speech lasted another five minutes before the robber begrudgingly agreed to give Tom more time. Nobody had really noticed, with the exception of Lucy, that during the long lecture, Tom had actually located the fabled red button under the counter and was pressing it like a madman. Moreover, a small crowd was actually gathering up outside of the store. Yeah, usually, something really fishy is going on when you see a man clad in black, holding the clerk at gunpoint from outside the store.

While they had managed to successfully stall the holdup, the robber was maybe actually really losing a grip on his sanity. Perhaps he felt that he was losing the upper hand in the situation – being lectured and bested by a frail senior and not being able to smear his grubby palms over a good wad of cash were probably contributing factors. So he decided, against whatever possible better judgement he held at the time, to fire a shot at the ceiling.

Bang.

Smoke drifted in the air and the smell of burnt gunpowder wafted throughout the store. Silence befell them until the man began lashing out at said hostages, throwing at them a barrage of nonsensical threats - something about making them eat dirt and run marathons. But Lucy didn't register a single word that escaped his mouth. The sound of her heart beating erratically at her chest seemed to override his yells and she could almost hear herself gulp in spite of her parched throat. Her otherwise fashion faux pas mask seemed to offer her some sort of comfort while her palms were sweaty, cold, and not to mention, shaky. Yes, Lucy Heartfilia was more or less trembling in fear and it was mostly because she had no idea what to do - that and she could somehow imagine a holier-than-thou-should-be version of herself laying on the floor like a ragdoll that had been assaulted with tomato sauce.

She had already been a superhero fledgling for a solid four months but never, and I repeat, never, had she encountered a situation like this. This wasn't like the time she had to look for Mary's cat nor the time she had to retrieve little Jim's soccer ball from the tree. Shammazel was ten times less dangerous than this guy and most likely 100 times saner too. All the 37 or so missions she had done thus far seemed so inconsequential compared to this where she would potentially be responsible for the lives of three other innocents. Shit. Shit. Shit. As if swearing could help now of all times.

'Oh god I wish I was Erza,' she thought internally to herself. How had she even landed herself in this situation to begin with? Oh right, 'cause she wanted chips. For the love of whatever saintly entity out there, why? This was almost like an action movie scene except there was no impending sense of relief that a hero would magically appear to save the day. Sure, she was a superhero fledgling but this was different from a movie. She didn't have guaranteed safety and neither did her fellow hostages. There would be no more stalling because the granny's screen time had already partially ended. The robber was a loon and smoke was still wisping out from his gun. And the hole in the ceiling? She couldn't even see it. And that was when it all clicked.

The gun was a fake. Maybe. Suddenly she regretted not studying up on guns but it was too late now and that was the only hope she had. It was do or die. The police didn't seem to be showing up yet and Tom was seriously looking dishevelled from the button-mashing he had been occupied with. Poor Tom. It was time for Lucy to hopefully save the day.

Perhaps it was because the robber was armed and she wasn't, but the giant candy canes at her side suddenly seemed like the perfect lethal weapon on hand. Yeah, desperate times called for desperate measures. Bracing herself, Lucy discretely stood up from her sitting position and equipped herself with said weapon. She cleared her throat a little, readying herself for the impending exchange between her and the crook.

"Hey baldie! Drop your weapons and surrender before I beat the living daylights out of you!" Lucy waited for a response to her shounen protagonist speech as she held the candy cane towards him in the most threatening manner she could think of. Everyone else just gasped while the high school girl attempted to sneak in a shot of Lucy's moment of valour to be posted up later on her Fritter account because that would like totally make her internet famous.

The man, in turn, drew his gun towards her instead of Tom and gave her a dirty look.

"I'm not friggin' bald you shitty cosplayer!"

"I'm not a cosplayer! I'm a superhero (fledgling) god dammit you beached whale!" Yeah, she seriously didn't feel like being insulted by some half-wit who hadn't even had the decency or common sense to cover his face when carrying out a robbery.

Okay, maybe she shouldn't have said that because now he was totally aiming the gun at her too-pretty-to-be-shot face.

"I'm sure your mother in the countryside wouldn't be too happy about this! Think of how heartbroken she'd be!" The beauty of Japanese police drama speeches - but seriously she was running out of ideas.

"My ma's in jail," he snorted while maintaining his 'I'll just go ahead and shoot a hole through your head' pose.

The gun is a fake. The gun is a fake. The gun is a fake. Holy bejeezus the gun better be fake!

Lucy's inner military officer told her to take up arms and charge in like the bravest (mainly reckless) war soldier ever and that she did. The candy cane would become her trusty sword in this upcoming battle - at least that was the plan. Unfortunately, her plan all but failed on her when she realized she had completely overlooked something vital. Sure, the giant candy canes were on quick sale because Christmas was long gone - but that wasn't the main reason. They were damaged goods. Almost immediately after she directed the candy at the robber, it resembled fancy striped walking cane as the shattered regions at the tip conformed to gravity. Quadruple shit.

The silence that followed seriously wasn't reassuring and Lucy was pretty sure the baldie was wearing a disgustingly smug look on his face. More like, he totally didn't take her as a threat anymore because he just snickered at her. He actually snickered at her. She definitely wasn't screwed over enough to warrant this...right? RIGHT? Was this what it felt like to be unjustly regarded as a weakling? It made her feel like a paper bag full of poop that had been set alight outside someone's house only to be put out by the oncoming rain.

The man's focus on her seemed to fade and that was the one thing she had to prevent. She had to divert his attention from the other hostages at all costs - if she could hold out till the police arrived then that was enough.

She wasn't going to let any meathead hurt others or steal money under her nose. God it'd be so much easier if she was capable of beating him to a pulp like a piñata without having to face the legal and moral repercussions. Apparently tough times brought out the worst and darker sides of the blonde.

While Lucy had been somewhat distracted by her dark train of thought, the robber had all but lost interest in her - he was a man with a mission (for money) and he was no sadist (maybe). By the time the blonde had noticed, he had already turned away from her and was headed towards Tom. This was bad. Like really bad. She didn't even have the time to swear like a sailor in her head - rather, she opted to dig in her coat pockets for some sort of miracle. No, really - she literally never takes anything out of her coat pockets (minus snotty tissues) and she was silently praying that her keys or pocketknife were sitting snugly in said pockets and not her handbag which lay lifeless on the floor of the snack section. Hey, who was to say the robber wouldn't rob the hostages too?

Anyhow, it wasn't long before she felt the coldness of the holy metal stick known as a key in her fingers. Sweet holy mother of something. She had read somewhere that a key, wedged between the base of her fingers could act like a blade if she punched hard enough. Suddenly, the situation didn't seem so hopeless anymore but then came the second thoughts.

Was she seriously going to stab baldie in the back with her keys? Heck, she didn't even know if he was going to lunge for an attack at anyone and it's not exactly as if she's defending herself. She simulated the possible outcomes in her head and maybe around 99.99% of them weren't looking so flash. For starters, she'd become the legit offender and secondly, a failed attempt might actually provoke him to attack. Thirdly, she had just realised that her potential weapon was in fact her diary key. It was approximately two centimetres long and would most likely snap on impact. Eh shit. So in reality the option to attack him with a key wasn't even there.

With that said, she was still totally desperate for a solution so she kept searching - searching into the depths of her coat pockets, hoping to find something aside from lint and she did. Bingo. The box of Wally Winker's ultimate gobstoppers that Levy had forcefully given her would become her saviour - maybe. At the very least, she knew the box corners were hard enough to make her ass ache after sitting on them for so long. She concentrated all her strength into her arm and strengthened her grip on said box before hurling it like an ace pitcher at the baldie's back. It all happened in slow motion. The hostages eyes were trained onto the purple box as it was in mid-flight, their mouths slightly agape and heads tilting slightly as it made a beeline towards the robber. Plonk. The box dropped like a fly upon impact with its target, scattering its contents across the tiled floor and everyone gulped. The room was deathly silent save for the sound of gobstoppers that rolled around like glass marbles. Lucy could literally feel the anger that seeped from baldie's figure. Was this all a very big mistake? Not even the immense trepidation felt by the hostages in the room could stop time as they watched the man turn around, gloved fists clenched like the schoolyard's biggest and baddest bully before he landed a punch.

Nope, nope, nope. This could not be happening. Lucy tried to stop herself from edging back in fear as she realized just how close the robber was to her. Maybe her sense of distance had gone awry during the whole confrontation. As the seconds ticked away she could feel his shadow loom over her and she seriously thought she'd be crushed like an ant - and that wasn't quite far from the truth. Within moments, she felt the hard impact of his sweaty forehead on hers and an accompanying 'clonk' was audible before he fell to her side and landed on the floor. Apparently gobstoppers rivalled even the most slippery of bath soaps and banana peels on the floor.

"God the world sure is wonky today", Lucy groggily thought to herself as she watched the pretty red and blue disco lights dance off the walls. Techno music was all the rage nowadays because that's all that seemed to be blaring in the background. Honestly it was giving her a headache. She dazedly picked herself up from the cold hard floor, walking over to some random place to retrieve what looked to be her handbag. What was she even doing here? She didn't even have the energy to apologize for gatecrashing some random's party but home sounded like a pretty comfortable place to be at the moment. She continued to trudge forward to what looked like the exit before bumping into a familiar scarlet-haired lady.

"Erza?!" Lucy did a double take.

"Lucy! You're finally conscious! I was going to call the ambulance but it seems you're fine now. Does it hurt anywhere? What happened? No wait, you don't have to reply, we've got enough eyewitness reports so maybe you should head home. Mirajane is worried sick about you! Do you have a car? Or do you need me to call a taxi for you?" Erza continued her worried rant, not realizing that Lucy was staring off into space like a despondent potato as she attempted to regained her bearings.

The blonde had a short moment of realization as she noticed that this was no disco party - more like, she was at the petrol station and the police had arrived. The unconscious robber was being transported out to the police car by officers in a wheeling trolley and a crowd was clearly encircling the outside of the petrol station. How long had she been out cold? What even happened after she went out cold? She had a billion nervous thoughts and questions swimming around in her head and absolutely no answers - and that seriously bugged her.

"Erza?"

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Did...Did anyone die?" Lucy worriedly (and very cutely) quirked her head to the side, shifting her chocolate orbs to her feet.

"Lucy I think you should head home. I'll take care of it here and Mirajane will keep you updated. The taxi's waiting outside and try not to get crushed by the crowd." Erza proceeded to usher Lucy outside, convinced the blonde needed a good long rest.

"Roger that Erza."

For some reason or another, simply trying to exit said petrol station proved to be a majorly difficult task. There were probably just over 30 bystanders crowded around the automated doors of the station, all armed with their $1000 Smartphones and trying to sneak a shot of the so-called 'crime scene'. Jesus, the power of social networking and desire for short-term internet fame never ceased to amaze Lucy. The blonde tried to ignore the flashes of camera lights directed at her and the police as she pushed her way through the crowd, resisting the urge to hurl every single mobile phone in the vicinity into the far reaches of the Earth.

God, these egocentric, big-headed vultures who devote half their lives to internet pixels. They're even worse than the bloody paparazzi.

The blonde secretly hoped that the lights reflected by her mask would blind the suckers. Relief washed over her though as a yellow taxi came into view. The faux leather seats in the vehicle felt like heaven against her sore back and stiff rear as she literally sank into the cushiony goodness it had to offer. Once she had hit home, enjoyed a nice warm bath and slinked into bed, the night's commotion seemed strangely distant. Lucy didn't even have enough energy to write a diary entry but she was pretty damn sure she'd remember the details anyway. Work obligations could wait till tomorrow anyway since Mirajane was popping by in the morning to get this shit sorted out. Lucy soon drifted to sleep, lamenting over the fact that she didn't even get to buy any chips for what was supposed to be movie night.

Ding Dong. Ding Dong Ding Dong! DING DONG!

Lucy tried to muffle the sounds of her doorbell as she covered her ears with her pillow. It must've been Mirajane who was enthusiastically assaulting her doorbell.

"Cominggggggg," the blonde groaned tiredly as she made her way to the door.

"LUCY! YOU'RE INTERNET FAMOUS!" Mirajane literally threw herself into the apartment as she shoved her tablet into said person's unsuspecting face.

Lucy's eye's skimmed the list of headlines and she immediately felt like hurling herself off the nearest cliff.

"BREAKING NEWS: BOMBSHELL BLONDE DETAINS ARMED ROBBER IN LOCAL PETROL STATION!"

"WHO IS THE BLONDE? CATASTROPHE AVERTED!"

"'SHE SAVED MY LIFE,' CLAIMS HIGH SCHOOL GIRL!"

. . . And the list went on.

"Mirajane. . ." Lucy's voice sounded lifeless and dull.

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Go buy me 30 packets of chips please."

A/N:

So, did you like it? Did you hate it? Please review! But no flames please ohohoho.

I would just like to apologize for my tardiness! And I'm pretty sure I told some reviewers that Lucy and Natsu would meet in this chapter but that has been postponed till...next time heehee!

I didn't want to overload it with developments. I wanted a good pacing with this story so you will find that there will be time lapses between chapters.

Lucy has now completed plenty of minor missions after the Shammazel incident and I've made note of it in this chapter~ I just didn't want to detail every itty bit of information!

Thanks again for all the encouragement and feedback! Honestly, the recent reviews really did spur me to patch up and complete this chapter! Love you all!

- Cup Ramen xoxo !