A/N.: Arrow is my new obsession and so is Olicity (pff, if you don't ship it, you're just wrong). This was meant to be an Olicity story, but, as I started writing it, it became a huge angst feast. Turns out Oliver Queen and angst are attached at the hip. This is gonna be a two-shot, three-shot, maybe, and I still have plans to include Olicity feels (can't live without them). It's my third fic and my first multi-chapter, so I'm shaking here.

Sorry that this is kind of depressing and it has no action and it's kind of a long string of thoughts (wow, I'm just realizing how much boring it all sounds and I'm so sorry). In my defence, Oliver probably spends a lot of time brooding, so consider this his thoughts when he's staring at empty space, lol.

Disclaimer: The fact that I don't own Olicity makes me cry at night.

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

Oliver had never given much thought about 'mercy' before the island. He came to terms with the fact that he had been a shallow asshole before the shipwreck and that he had only known about small mercies during his old life. The mercy of waking up hangover free on a clear sunny day after a night of partying with Tommy, for example; or the mercy of escaping his parents' wrath when they were too busy to tell him what a screw-up he was; or the mercy of being in Laurel's good graces again after breaking up for the fourth, maybe fifth, time; he only knew about those kinds of mercies.

During his time at Lian Yu, whichever flimsy concepts of mercy that he knew had crumbled to dust. At first, he had hoped God would be merciful towards him and would send someone, anyone, to get him out of there. Oliver had never given much thought about God before either, though he found that he couldn't help but believe in God when his life was hanging by a thread. So he held onto that belief for as long as he could, which was not that long.

He had soon learned that the people on that island would only hold him at their mercy and that they didn't know anything about compassion. In that place, there was no space for mercy. Yao Fei had shown him mercy and died to give him a chance to live. Showing any form of it would only get you killed. Oliver soon concluded that he didn't believe in God, much less a merciful one. He couldn't afford to believe in God and, even if there was one, he doubted he'd find redemption anywhere in Lian Yu. He could only trust himself, his skills, and that meant showing no signs of mercy. Kill or be killed, those were the rules.

After leaving the island, he ended up realizing that the real world was a different kind of jungle, but a jungle nonetheless, and his rules remained. The only difference was that now Oliver could afford to show his enemies a small amount of mercy, the kind that was never shown to him. Yes, he did vowed to fulfill his father's dying wishes by riding the city of its hidden criminals, the most dangerous ones, the ones who hid in plain sight; but he also vowed to give them one chance to change before he killed them, and Oliver called that mercy. One chance, that's all his enemies had. It was more than what was given to him and it was enough to appease Diggle's and Felicity's minds.

He knew Diggle understood why those were the rules. Despite being one of the most honorable men Oliver had ever known, John Diggle was still a soldier and he knew war. Although Dig understood, he didn't agree with the ever rising death count, and Oliver couldn't blame him; the man had seen enough of killing for a lifetime.

Felicity also understood, but she had never been through war. She had never felt the burden of taking a life to save her own, had never felt the desperation of it on her skin, and Oliver hoped she never would; he would make sure she never experienced that feeling. Yes, Felicity was more than smart enough to understand the concept, but she didn't know the feeling, and she didn't agree with merciless killing. In fact, she made sure Oliver knew how much she disagreed with it, though she never made him feel like a monster for doing it; she did understand why those were the rules, after all.

The fact that they backed him up in spite of what he had done, of what he did on a daily basis, was enough to help Oliver rationalize that he knew what mercy was, so he never thought that his concept of it would change.

Then, Tommy had died. His best friend, one of the few people he truly loved, had died. He was sorry that it took another tragedy to make him see things clearer, to help him see that he was doing this all wrong and that this was not the person he wanted to be. He was determined to do things differently and diminishing the body count was a step in the direction he wanted to go. He owed it to Tommy's memory to make things right.

Now, Oliver had new rules. No more killing, unless there was no other choice. He could tell that Diggle and Felicity had been proud of his decision and their approval showed him that it was, indeed, the right one. He had finally learned how to be merciful. It took him time, but he realized the importance of it. He knew now that he would never be at peace with himself and with his mission if he didn't leave the island behind.

Oliver would never forget what Lian Yu taught him; it had changed him completely and that couldn't be undone, but he couldn't be the killing machine he once was either. Tommy's death was the deepest thing he felt since returning from the island. He hadn't only lost people he cared about on the island; he had also lost a part of his soul. He taught himself to shut down everything but his skills and spending so much time numb made him think he was already immune to the kind of pain the loss of a loved one brought, but he was wrong.

Coming back had reminded him that there were still people he loved and wanted to protect, and that these people loved him. He kept his distance, because he didn't think he deserved their love anymore. He knew they wouldn't feel the same if they ever found out about the Arrow. Tommy's reaction to knowing the truth only proved him right. His best friend thought he was a murderer and that more than anything made him realize how much he craved mercy for himself.

On his dying moments, Tommy had apologized. Tommy had forgiven him, even though Oliver had never earned it. Then and there, he vowed to spend the rest of his life trying to earn it, trying to find mercy for himself.

Oliver needed to find redemption.

A/N.: Review and, please, don't be mean! The definition of the words 'redemption' and 'mercy' were taken from oxforddictionaries dot com. Oh, and I'm sorry for any grammar errors, english is not my first language.