Creation began on 05-14-20

Creation ended on 06-03-20

Neon Genesis Evangelion

The Freedom of Vengeance: Memories and Lifetimes

A/N: The ramifications of Shinji's victory over the Familiar that killed his mother.

Gendo Ikari

It was only an hour-and-a-half since they had lost their surveillance of Shinji and the living Familiar that was revealed to have been the culprit of Yui Ikari's murder, but it was an hour-and-a-half that held some sway over a lot of people. For Gendo, he started recalling things that he was certain had never happened in his past. Just ten minutes after Rei had left his office to recover from the strain of using her Familiar to enable him to watch some of his son's fight against the Familiar he saw over nine years ago, he saw a vision of himself getting killed by his son with a few firearms and an expression of absolute contempt towards him. He then saw himself facing an older man that bore a resemblance to Shinji, but had a prosthetic arm and a sword, which he then used to sever one of his hands from his body, followed by an encounter with another teen version of his son, and he looking down upon him and forcing him to operate a giant robot with a horn against a legion of creatures out to destroy the world, regardless of whether or it deprived him of his life and freedom.

"How sick does one have to be to do what you did?" He heard someone say to him, seeing every version of Shinji he could possibly see, from the child he left behind to the teenager that hated him enough to want him dead, even a version of him that appeared to be stuck at age fourteen, but with signs of severe premature aging and eyes that were as devoid of any light as his own probably were to his own son, each one either moving on without him or was damaged in a way that prevented them from moving on with their lives.

"You can talk all you want about retribution," he heard another man say, seeing a paler version of Shinji with his hairs disorganized, like he cut his own hair and had no training, and was dressed for a Japanese funeral armed with firearms and possessed a right arm stripped down to the bone, "but retribution means nothing when the person that pays the ultimate price for your crimes and arrogance is the one forced to go on in a life where all he tried to hold dear to himself is taken from him and he can't get any of it back, leaving him broken beyond anyone's capacity to mend. And you know what they call someone who is so broken that they can't be mended? A real lost cause because they can't be saved the way you want them to be."

What is this? He wondered, sitting at his desk, holding his head in his palms.

What were probably his confusing moments were these images of himself with these two women that were clearly not his wife…and then he shot the one with blond hair in front of a nude girl that looked like Rei. But throughout these images or visions or whatever the Hell they were, he kept seeing a lack of relationship building with Shinji, seeing only himself hurting his son with absolutely no regard to his feelings, including a scene in which a version of himself had clawed at Shinji's back in front of some girl that looked like the Soryu redhead, except with red eyes. These images led him to deduce that this related to the theory of alternate universes, worlds separated by an infinite series of possibilities and impossibilities throughout time and space, resulting in parallel dimensions with an immeasurable degree of scenarios that were different from this one. This meant that he was bearing witness to alternate lifetimes where he lived a different life, but exhibiting a constant detail that was more than likely a permanent aspect of each alternate's existence: None of these potential lives of his included living with his son or engaging him in any positive way.

-x-

Misato Katsuragi

She kept seeing her past self without her father, but she kept seeing him dying or just walking away from her past self. But these images of these different scenarios in which her father leaves made no sense to her, unless they were of an alternate series of lives in which life played a different way, and then she met Shinji, who was also a lot different from the way she had seen him before. Sometimes, she saw him as a simple teen forced into a life of conflict by his father, whom he had very little to no communication with, and other times as someone that wanted nothing to do with his father or anyone else. And at the end of her life, she either died as a result of conflict, took her own life, or lived the rest of her days with someone in her life.

Is this a vision of alternate lifetimes? She thought as she saw a version of Shinji that was, more or less, paler than the one she knew as a Familiar Summoner…and with a right arm stripped to the barest of bone. Insane.

In at least one other vision, she saw Shinji with a little girl that he was very protective of, as he threw her to the ground when she saw herself trying to ask her something, probably relating to her father being injured. And in another, she a different girl with him and the protection was the reverse; the girl was protective of him because he was the one that was in a state of vulnerability. If these visions were indeed of alternate lives she had, some of them were slightly better while others were less than easy to process, especially the ones where she died.

-x-

Asuka Langley Soryu

The girl was disgusted with what she saw happen before her eyes as she laid in her bed. It wasn't that she had a problem with people around her, but seeing different versions of herself that were either more violent or intrusive of other people's personal space because she had a perfectionistic attitude or superiority complex made her wonder if alternate timelines and forms of existence that differed from the one she had right now seem worth knowing about. One alternate life she detested where she felt superior to others included this unrealistic obsession she had with an older man with a ponytail.

And this girl's supposed to be me in another life? She wondered, watching this version of herself abuse a weaker version of Shinji Ikari, simply because she felt she could. He's not even a threat to anyone, let alone her.

And then, seeing a vision of another lifetime, she saw a version of herself with red eyes instead of blue, and a kinder personality, involved with a version of Shinji that seemed to suffer from strained familial ties and self-injury.

Her, I don't see as an embarrassment to myself, she thought, watching as she kissed the boy, and rather passionately, too. Oh…

In at least three different lives, she saw a larger version of her Familiar, Kyoko, and herself in a red, form-fitting outfit akin to a diving suit…and ending up dead as a result of getting mauled by these…harpies…or killing herself. She refused to let any of these lives reflect upon herself; whatever acts that led to the befalling of these aggressive ladies, she was not going to let echo upon her life. Nobody but she could decide her fate, for better or for worse.

-x-

Rei Ayanami

She didn't understand it. She didn't understand any of it. The visions of the commander, the visions of his estranged son, none of it. There was a giant, cybernetic cyclops, either orange or blue, giant creatures of brutality and light, and a colossal being of light with crystal wings holding a black moon in its hands. A boy, screaming, wailing, unable to escape from what others were forcing him to do against his will…and then nothing much after.

As much as she wanted to question it all, including why the boy resembled the commander's estranged son, she stayed silent as she lay in recovery. The other visions were also confusing, seeing the Soryu girl getting ripped to pieces of reduced to some form of pulp, people across the planet melting and her voice constantly speaking of how some world was full of sadness. Then, there were visions of a little girl with hook swords she appeared to be fighting against with a crescent blade of metal and bone emerging from her left arm while she was wearing a blue yukata with white tigers sewn into it. Followed by these was one vision that seemed like a dream: She saw the commander's son, the Soryu girl and herself asleep by some tree, holding hands. It seemed…pleasant in a way, but even this, she didn't understand at all.

Why was she seeing visions of what never occurred in her past…and would never occur for her in the present?

-x-

Shinji Ikari

He had dreams before, little fantasies of happier times that conflicted with his nightmares of nonsensical happenings. Except these didn't feel like dreams, not while he was awake and sitting in the ruins of an underground garage where he had the most intense battle of his life so far with the inhuman creature that had killed his mother. They felt like they actually happened to him, in some form or another, time and again, even though he didn't necessarily experience any of these events personally. He saw a creature that, in his heart, represented his deepest, darkest, most insatiable of dread: A colossal humanoid covered in purple armor that had a long horn on its head with a large mouth full of savage teeth, able to shred through flesh and bone, looming over him, reaching out to him with its claws.

He was either ensnared by the behemoth or freed from it by himself or someone that put up with him. If these were memories, it amazed him to see a version of himself with a skeletal right arm and a sickle, another version of himself that appeared to be sickly with a little girl with sea-green eyes that seemed to care a lot for him, and there was even a scene of himself with another little girl that made him feel protective of her.

If these were me in different lifetimes, some of them could've been lived better, Shinji thought as he slowly got up and stretched his limbs. I didn't have this power, but I had people more involved in my life, friends, relatives that wanted me around. Hell, I'd even settle for a romantic interest like those girls.

But he knew those lives could never be his own; alternate forms of existence were only for those alternate forms of existence, not for whoever perceived them. Even if he wanted to live like those other versions of himself lived, he couldn't fit in. Those bonds would never be like his own…and the worlds they lived in would never be like the one he lived in. They had benefits and advantages afforded to them in the past, but he… All he had to work with were his Familiar powers and whatever resources he could obtain from the ruins of other parts of Japan.

I don't even have an education, he admitted to himself as he leaned against the walls until he regained his proper balance. And working for NERV was going to promise me an education? I have better odds learning from retired educators than some government-sanctioned group that takes Familiar Summoners and turns them into living weapons to torture others that want nothing to do with them…and anyone else that treats Familiar Summoners like people instead of monsters. NERV…is like a plague that spreads across the land, poisoning the water and crops. The people being infected, Familiar Summoners and regular people that still live in Japan and choose to live with them. And the remedy…is anyone that will take a stand and fight for the people against NERV's unethical practices and a world that sees young people with strange abilities as potential threats…simply because they either have no understanding of their power…or as another method of upping the arms race.

As his strength returned to his knees, Shinji ran out of the garage and had his home set in mind, back to his roommates, Kensuke Aida and Nami, two people he knew and trusted.

To be continued…

A/N: Well, only the most important characters had glimpses into their alternate lives and either understood them or found them confusing. But with this incarnation of Shinji, I think his understanding of how even if he was able to see other possibilities of how he could've lived, he has to accept the reality of his own predicament. He knows he can't mend the estranged relationship he has with his father, be treated like a regular person by other people because he's a Familiar Summoner, or even establish a romantic relationship with someone if they see him as either a threat or a rival. But he sees some possibilities in his life, such as protecting the people from NERV, who hassle them viciously in a sense.