1. Goodness Gracious

Hi, I'm – no.

I'm a kickass – no.

Did somebody call for a – no.

My name is April Kepner, and I used to be a police officer. People leave jobs for different reasons, especially jobs like that, but Charles Percy and Reed Adamson didn't have a choice. A man with a gun took their choice away while they were still rookies, and I took it…badly. I couldn't take it. Jackson was different. Jackson is my best friend: we graduated in the same class, we drink beer together (sometimes cocoa), and occasionally we bake together (meaning I bake, he eats). Jackson took it, Charles and Reed, and he stuck with it, and now he shares a patch with Alex Karev, also from our class. They even have rookies of their own now, although rumour has it Alex offered Jackson a hundred dollars for a trade: Stephanie Edwards for Jo Wilson, who broke Officer Myers' nose when he called her trailer trash. Alex calls her Hobo Jo, but the two of them get along just fine – maybe better than fine.

I'm a private investigator now, working out of the fourth floor of a ten storey office block in Seattle. On the seventh floor is Grey, Shepherd and Yang, the firm set up by legal eagle Ellis Grey. Derek Shepherd had been made senior partner by the time she passed away, and the first thing he did was to hire Meredith Grey, Ellis' daughter, and high flier Cristina Yang, straight out of law school. Cristina is crabby, antisocial and brilliant, and Meredith is crabby, antisocial, brilliant and in love with Derek, who is charming and brilliant (I might have had a teeny-tiny crush, but even Derek Shepherd's clients have a teeny-tiny crush on Derek Shepherd, so it's okay). We all sometimes run into one another at the bar across the street.

That bar is run by a woman you don't want to get on the wrong side of. Her nickname is 'the bone breaker', but I have no idea why, since Callie's more likely to break bread with you than break your face. She has a smart mouth and a sympathetic ear, but I'm better friends with her wife, Arizona. Arizona, a paediatrician, works longer hours than her practice allows, does more for her patients than their insurance allows and is somehow always home on time to kiss baby Sofia goodnight. Sofia's father is Jackson's boss, Captain Mark Sloan (in a city this big, you'd think there'd be more degrees of separation). He's dating Meredith's sister Lexie, who used to date Jackson, who's convinced I prowl the streets looking for trouble every night I don't spend watching TV with him, trying to get his icky boy feet off my end of the couch.

In summary, Jackson is my best friend, Jesus reigns in my heart, and there's probably something for you in the fridge.