EVERLASTING

Written on: 07/17/2020

Written by: sleepserum

A/N: After around six years I've decided to rewrite this, will be working on rewriting my other fics as well.

Skin on skin, there is much essence, sentiments and ethereality to it — but physical intimacies are only momentary; I do, however, remember the way her words flowed all too dearly and gently akin to a lullaby. If memories were only this simple — but it is not; we, cursed and chosen, live in a momentary world where the past and the future are all meaningless numbers and pawns onto the table, where only the present holds significance. And yet here I am, all too longingly holding onto the past — I am a lovesick fool, perhaps this is my end — my true end — but all end loses significance, there had never been a beginning.

That night. I do not forget, not at all, the way her lithe fingers shakily finds itself to cup my cheeks — her hands are warm, much unlike mine that are far too cold. I think, I think — perhaps it is because I am not human, that I am a piece of this world that can never truly become human. I think of how truly unfair time is, how I had never truly pondered on the unfairness of time back the? I do not know, simply that it was of little concern before — but, now, when I had a taste of love — a taste of what it means to be truly loved and to belong, it was all taken away.

I miss her. I remember the night we had shared, far too quickly it had passed, much too much time spent — but what feels like periods and periods of time ago only feels like yesterday. I thought, believed even, that — even though she will be gone that I would remain unaffected — that time yet again will revert me back to who I should play myself as, but love seems to be unfair and I had only learned of that.

I am no longer able to meet her, to ever witness her radiant smiles — I am no longer able to hear her laughter; for once, I am truly remorseful of losing even the simplest bickerings we had shared. What a wonderful world this truly is, all adorned in only the most beautiful creatures and colors — yet, there is nothing I see but the dreariness of this world. It is bleak and dull of any intricacy that I had once introduced to her.

Alice, Alice, Alice — if only I were not a remnant of your life before. If only my existence was not a reminder of your sister. Maybe then we could have our happily ever after. But it is all a simple child's game, there will never be the chance she could forget her sister if I existed within her reach, the true goal of this world will never be attained all because of my existence. My love, my love, my love, Alice — forgive me for having let you suffer for this long. I should never have been selfish to tie you down into this world.

And so I let myself sink in selflessness — my love is pure, unadulterated and all giving. I will let myself lose if it means that Alice would finally achieve truly being a part of this world, even if it means losing the love she had for me.

Wonderland is not so simple; here I am in the Land of Hearts — but there she was in the Country of Diamonds. I exist in this land but not in the other — it is a different time, perhaps a different universe, but who am I to think too deeply upon it? All that mattered was that it was a world out of my grasp and control. And so, it truly becomes an end — I have vanished from her memories, once and for all, truly happily ever after.

I should be grateful, euphoric — that Alice is truly in this world — but here I am being plagued by such envious and selfish thoughts; thoughts that question and hope for another life where Alice and I could live together, where boundaries and rules did not have to part our hearts. Each day, albeit seemingly like any other day where I am overworked like usual, my head spins far too much that it spirals downright to insanity. In the end, I cannot, in return, forget Alice.

Not even death could make me forget her. The act of killing someone should be easy as life was insignificant in this world — but a pull of my gun, finger curled against the trigger, all I can see is the image of Alice — the way her pale skin would be flushed red as tears would stream down her cheeks — or the way her eyebrows furrowed as she used her body to cover for an innocent (though, again, meaningless life) and looked through my existence with her piercing and determined gaze. Life mattered truly so to Alice and, now, I could not help but feel hesitation from killing without an order.

There are times I wish that I was not the one bestowed with this role, that I was not the one who had watched her days with her sister that I was not the one who had led her down to the rabbit hole and into Wonderland — but that would mean I likely would not have loved her a smooch as I do now, that is true and I recognize that, I love her for all the times we've shared, for the significance I once had to her — this bond we have is intricate and entrenched; a change in fate and role would have changed everything, I wonder how I would have loved her then if that was the case.

I do not, unfortunately, target the way her heart warmed at the way she loved me… her dearest time with her sister, that was all of me. I had held onto her love and guilt — I was truly the only one who could fulfill that role — and now it's the end.

I smile as I find myself gazing at the clear blue sky, "My dear Alice..."

A jolt wide awake, there is pain at the back of her head as she wakes all too suddenly and sits up from the couch she had slept on, there is a gasp that leaves her lips as her breathing turns ragged and quick; her eyes are wide as she adjusts to the brightness of the room around her.

"Big sis…! What's wrong?" The twins are quick to respond, immediately running to hair aid with their identical worried gazes.

It takes a moment for Alice to grasp reality back at hand, she takes a nervous gulp before chuckling as she raises a hand with a wave of dismissal, "Oh… ah, it's nothing — it just felt as if someone was talking to me in my head."

Those words piqued the Mad Hatter's attention, his gaze drawn away from the book he was once reading; his expression remains blank as he watches Alice converse with the twins. "Hm, this could be dangerous. I'll have to be careful then."

Elliot is first to notice the peculiar stare Blood had, "Something on your mind?"

Blood lets out a hum as he rests back on his seat, "There is… the possibility that his words and love is far too domineering it could have possibly reached her even in this land." he pauses as he closes the book and sets it on the table, "for tonight, leave us alone — tell others to be careful with their words."

Elliot nods, fully understanding the situation — truly so, he had felt bothered and even the slightest guilt for turning his back towards Alice — but his loyalty runs deeper than love.

Alice continues to appease to the twins' worries, disregarding her own worries and questions that began to swarm in her thoughts. "Who are you…?"

Night falls — and it was time for everyone to return to their quarters; Blood and Alice walked side by side to their shared chambers, although oftentimes their walks were quiet — the silence brought about this time was heavier and Blood knew there was something that had bothered her, more so, he was sure of what it was.

"Alice, you've been quiet for a while — is something bothering you?" Blood goes straight to the problem.

Alice smiles then shrugs her shoulders, "Well, a little bit, but it's probably just a bad dream — so don't worry about it. By the time I wake up it'll be nothing but yesterday's memory."

Not before long they reach the doors to their room, as soon as they had let themselves in, Blood locks the doors, holds onto Alice's wrists and gently pulls her into a hug, "Alice — tell me, I'm worried for you." He adjusts his position as he pushes Alice by the door, keeping her locked between him and the door, "Alice…" Lips ghost along her cheeks then to her jawline.

"Blood… I'm sorry, i told you — it's okay." Her heart quickens its pace, not out of charm and romance but in fear — it feels a little different this time and there's anxiety that spirals in her heart as she raises her arms to lightly push his chest, "let's just go to bed, please?"

My dear Alice.

The voice runs in her head, growing louder — there's a vague and blurry image of a man donned in red clothing — white hair and some sort of rabbit ears? Alice thinks it was somewhat like Sydney but he was a completely different rabbit. He heart skips a beat as she falls quiet once again.

Before Alice could utter another word, Blood presses his lips against hers, the moment he pulls away he lets a hand hold her wrist, "Please, forget about him — don't mind those voices." His eyes are radiating one of sorrow and remorse, almost pleading.

Alice had never seen Blood in such a state — but it made her all the more wonder who it was plaguing her thoughts and why did it seem like Blood knew? "You mean—" how is it that he knew?

Blood initiates another kiss, but, this time, it was truly at a loss of any spark of romance; Alice knew something was wrong, that something was up and that her thoughts were for nothing and Blood knew that, his actions prove it so. Back then Alice would have loved the way blood loves her, it was romantic — seductive and all loving and mysterious that set up in flames, this time — it was all watered down and it was as if her heart burned for another.

"Alice, Alice, Alice..."

Alice, Alice, Alice. The voice continues to echo in her head, Blood is losing dominance in her thoughts and his voice is being drowned out by another's voice.

When Blood looks at her — she looks at him, studies the way she reflects from his eyes — he looks charming as usual; she had a free hand cup the side of his cheek and Blood leans to it. Her head tilts to the side, studying the way she loved him, the way she remembered him — and, for a moment, Blood's face distorts in her eyes — no longer the same midnight colored hair — it turns into its opposite: white. Alice's eyes widened and her hands stopped — shivers even the slightest as she sees a man completely unfamiliar; eyes so full of love, all in such a beautiful crimson.

Who is he? Who are you? A sense of heavy grief washes over her — tears seem to well up by the corners of her eyes — it hurts, it truly so hurts. But memory fails to serve her right.

"It hurts…" Alice utters, but the way she looks at Blood was distant. Blood knew, then, that she was not talking to him.

Impatience takes over — desperation alongside it. He wasn't going to allow it, not in this lifetime, not ever. Words are becoming powerless — if that is so, he will have to make sure she stays. He pulls her and sets her to bed and goes on top of her, he looks down on her with such a pained expression — as if hesitant and regretful of the actions he will do.

"Blood, please, don't do this — I'm trying to think — it's hurting and I don't know why but I—" for some reason i don't feel the same way as you do anymore.

Blood doesn't let her finish, sealing their lips once again.

Alice struggles, pushing him the slightest, "Stop it, blood — you're not like this — I know that. But I just don't feel the same — something isn't right."

"Forget about him, it'll all be better when you do. It'll be as if this never even happened. We can forget today if that is what you wish."

"But that isn't my wish — Blood, you know that, if something is in my mind I want it answered." Alice was a resolute woman, both of them knew that.

"I won't let you." Blood tries to hold her closer but Alice simply struggles — she knows Blood won't hurt her, but this was unfair — unjust.

"Peter…"

And even the smallest whispers could make a room fall silent.

Blood pulls away and looks at her, "Alice, you have me."

Alice furrows her eyebrows and her lips press in a thin line. "Blood — this is the end."

And a memory once locked away resurfaces.

Like spring and summer intertwined, fresh greenery and the scent of afternoon is sweet like honey, a tinge of citrus to it and there is the fragrance of a freshly made tea. But the scent of nature is stronger — nostrils flare at the sharp scent of the earth that stings; there is a feeling of being unsafe, as if prying eyes were staring right through her defenseless sleeping nature. Eventually eyes flutter open, though slowly and groggily, she doesn't let herself sit up just yet — eyes blinking and taking in the imagery before her, she ought to let it be a normal day until her eyes perceive a strange little white rabbit, all donned in intricate and silly, although extravagant, crimson clothing with golden outlines — she doesn't forget to note the glasses it wore and she blinks, another blink, before she yawns and heads off into another drowsy nap. After all, dreams in a dream happen.

It was quiet for a few seconds — she thinks she's finally falling asleep until there was a faint sound of a poof, she grumbles ever so slightly and decides to turn in her sleep until she feels light and no longer feels the hardness of the earth beneath her. Her eyes open wide until she faces a man with white hair and… a pair of rabbit ears on top of his head — he wore a smile on his lips and the first thing she knew was how deeply she stared into those crimson hues that seemed to drown her in an ocean of blood.

But she couldn't care about that — the next thigh that happened was how they carelessly jumped into a hole.

Hate. Absolute hate and resentment — all that she lost, all that she missed — thrown into a peculiar world with peculiar people — there was, without a doubt, fear then simply grew into annoyance and the many things all in such a short period of time — it all resurfaces back. She thinks that hate is everlasting — that, in forever, she will never forget the craziness and fear she had felt from being brought into the world, forced to drink some sort of medicine — she thinks that hate will be seeded into her heart but she doesn't forget all the time they've spent the bickering and constant pushing.

Until one fateful night.

"I've always wondered, how is it possible that in the span of however long I've spent here I can never really find myself truly at peace." She finds herself staring at the full moon, all too bright and almost as if it had prying eyes looking intently at her vulnerable existence.

If only hearts would make a sound, Peter's heart would have shattered — but it remains monotonous, ticking as ever. "What do you—"

"I keep thinking… worrying, going back home and all—all those misadventures and almost dying, how funny isn't it? I always thought how life is precious but when it all comes down to me, I wouldn't think twice about saving myself." Alice laughs at her own self-deprecation, but this was something she could never open up to with just anyone — funny how one of the people she so thoroughly despised is the one she's opening up to. She looked into Peter's eyes, she knew why — despite all the mishaps here and there in their journey together, it was still such a wonderful wonder world to live in and it was all thanks to Peter. "Thank you, Peter. I… you're the only one that I can open up to about this — Nightmare's out of the picture, he can walk into my thoughts anytime since he has the power to do so, but, for some reason; no matter how much I push you away, you're always there to listen. Even how you appear to be, you're actually really patient and understanding beneath this facade of yours."

Peter's head tilts to the side, unsure of what kind of message Alice was implying, he did understand that Alice was showing gratefulness but the entirety of the message was ambiguous in nature. "My apologies, my dear, by I am quite unsure of what you—"

"I like you, Peter. I think I've fallen for you." Alice's face flushes in pink as her lips upturn into a smile — she tries to look at him in the eyes but she finds herself wavering with the way his eyes widened. She sees the way his lips part and close as if trying to form the words but no sound could ever come out — his skin ,too, flushes pink as his hand raises to his chest.

"...! Alice, my dear, do you… do you truly — really… mean that? I will accept even your slightest jest, I truly do not mind even the simplest farce!" Peter's words begin to fumble, disoriented and uncertain — he doesn't want to overwhelm himself at the unfolding of events but if he had the same heart as Alice had he knew he might have died from a heart attack.

Alice pouts, "Are you telling me I'm a liar? You know that goes against my values… I really do mean what I say — but… I understand that my words may seem a little far-fetched you wouldn't believe… after all, I have been so adamant about pushing you away, so let me prove it to…" Alice scoots closer, her hand on top of Peters — she could vaguely feel the way his clock heart ticks, it doesn't change pace as she knows how it should be — she smiles as she leans close, her face only a few inches away from his. She could feel the warmth radiating from both their faces and so she closes her eyes and lets her lips slowly press against Peter's.

It doesn't take long before Alice pulls away, she opens her eyes and it widens in shock when she meets Peter's, all teary as it streams down his face. "P… Peter?" Unsure of what to do she tries to find a handkerchief but before her attention is averted, Peter cups both her cheeks and pulse her into another kiss.

It's a little bitter but much sweeter.

"Alice, Alice, Alice, my dear — I have longed for this day."

Alice falls numb at the soft mattress — her head feels like a blur as sher thinks of all the memories flooding in; all the misadventures she's experienced in the Land of Hearts, especially the way she had been camping with Ace, the way she warmed up to the Queen of Heart — how could she have forgotten the way the Hearts Castle role holders became her family? The thought at the back of her head causes her to feel an outburst of emotions — her voice all lumping in her throat as she feels tears well up at the corner of her eyes, "I want to go home…" was all that she could utter.

"This is your home, Alice. Elliot, the twins — they're here for you. The twins — I have never seen them affectionate, you know that — they are cold and menacing, you have warmed their hearts that no one else could; are you willing to throw them away when they look up to you so much?" Blood holds her close, peppering her with kisses by her cheek to her neck and down to her shoulder.

Alice shakes her head, looking away from Blood, "I love you all — that is true, but this isn't home, not anymore — this was never my home in the first place. I hate that I'm being thrown around like a collection — but this isn't it, I know better — I want to go back home."

"You're confused, Alice. The emotions are making you impulsive — I know you, you're driven by emotions — it's alright, I understand. So let's sleep, in the morning all will be better — you'll love this world again and you'll want to stay here again, alright?"

Blood's worms are charismatic and soothing, it almost persuades Alice to agree — but she was a strong woman with a fiery heart. She presses her lips in a thin line as she looks at Blood, "No."

Blood then frowns, "Then, I guess we'll have to work it out the hard way — won't we?" After all, though a gentleman, he was still the head of a Mafia syndicate. But Alice wasn't afraid — maybe the slightest, yes, but she'll go back home no matter what.

The grip around her wrists is tight and with futile attempt she struggles, "Peter… Peter…! Come back, come back! I want to go home!" Her scream pierces Blood's ears and it makes her throat sore, but with determination burning she will call out to him even if it almost seems all for naught.

At nights like these, it almost seems impossible to sleep, or even make an attempt to do so. People like him are in no need of such humanly needs such as sleep and food — exhausting, though ,exists in a way it's simply made to make matters and circumstances natural. Peter shakes his head as he sits by the armchair with a book in hand — it's been a while since he's ever picked up a book. There is a somber expression upon his face at the memory that resurfaces — this was a book Alice had given to him. He flips to a page where a blue ribbon bookmark nestled.

In time, the lonely traveller will one day reach home, this time — he must face the challenges on the way back to his dearest place.

Peter finds himself chuckling, he remembers all the trouble and adventures the little traveller had faced, had to ward off spirits and monsters, it was a ridiculous and feel-good story but also a heartwarming one. He doesn't forget his favorite scene where the lonely traveller falls into a lake which apparently sends him into a dreamlike dimension, he meets a soul who introduced herself as the world's mirror.

It was an interesting story overall, he averts his gaze — looking at the night sky, he wonders if Alice, too, was experiencing the night period at the Country of Diamonds?

He emits a long sigh, gaze heavily set upon the blue ribbon bookmark in his hand.

"Alice..."

Peter… Peter…! Come back, come back! I want to go home!

In a split second, there is the sound of glass shattering in his head, the clocks are ticking in disarray as he feels warmth burn inside his body. His eyes widen at the familiarity of the voice — back home…? But it's impossible… no, it was possible — nothing was impossible in Wonderland, but it was dangerous. For Alice to return, she will never completely fall into this world, all because he exists.

This would break the rules.

He ponders, his teeth sinking into the flesh of his lips, should I…?

Then, he thinks, rules are the least of his worries — the executioner could have his head, but Alice comes first. Love and Loyalty coexists and his heart is sworn not to his duty but to his love.

He stands and draws the clock from inside the pockets of his coat — it was time for his beloved to come back home.

A door clicks open, "My dear Alice…"

Alice's expression doesn't falter, the fire continues to burn as she stares right at Blood, "I'm going home, Blood. That is that, you can't stop me."

Blood frowns, "I have always adored your tenacity," he begins as his hand wraps around her neck, thumb resting by little crevice of her throat and pressing the thin layer of skin, "unfortunate that such a strong lady will have her end — and on my bed that, is, but that is alright — it is replaceable; you are not, which makes your end all the more valuable, is it not?"

Death has yet to occur in her options, her eyes widen as she feels the tightening of Blood's hands around her neck, her legs make an attempt to kick him away however Blood's got them locked. "B… Blood—" Air was slowly growing scarce — and the more she gasped for air the more painful it became, there's a burning sensation in her throat and in her head, trying to stay alive and staying hopeful.

"Are you truly certain of going home now?" Blood's gaze was cold despite such a smile that had an air of criminal romance to it.

Alice puts up a front, smirking despite the struggle, "Yes."

Before Blood could have ended her life — a gunshot echoes.

Alice's eyes widens as she looks at the trance door where the man who had plagued her thoughts finally came to exist; relief settles warmly in her heart, however, the fear continues to tingle — it rings inside her head and causes her legs to be numb. She feels trickles of liquid drop at her wrist — crimson, all red. She takes in a nervous gulp, her face paling as she sees the angered gaze on Blood.

"Release her." Peter's voice is as cold and domineering as he treads slowly towards them. "My dear, forgive me you had to witness such a grueling scene — it must be done."

Blood clicks his tongue as he stands away from Alice, pulling his gun quickly and aiming it at the white rabbit. "Ah, yes, the Prime Minister — dog of the Queen, dare I say how it is you yourself that will be the very reason the little lady will never be at peace?" The shot at his side continues to ache, but that was of little matter — he's had worse injuries and had endured a fatal gunshot for hours before.

Peter disregards comments directed at him and simply narrows his gaze, "That is of little matter now, Alice's safety and wants comes first priority."

Blood doesn't waste any time for talk, time was running out — this was a difficult battle after all, it was a win or lose situation. The gunshots don't stop and the continue in a roundabout session.

For a moment Peter and Alice's gaze meet — Alice nods in understanding as she slowly and quietly let herself wak out of the bed — she trusted him, knew that he would never let her go and so she sneaks to the window — clicks the lock open and pushes it wide open. The ground is much farther than she realized, falling from this height would guarantee death — she gulps as she watches Blood stagger in his injured state as Peter calmly avoided his shots.

"This is the end, Blood Dupre!" The gun is once again aimed at the Mad Hatter, but this time he doesn't pull the trigger and simply runs to where Alice was.

"I'm going home!" Alice then jumps out of the window, she closes her eyes as she feels the air against her skin —

Not before long, protective arms find themselves wrapped around her body, she smiles against the warmth but doesn't dare open her eyes.

"Peter, I'm sorry I forgot about you." her voice quivers, what seemed like a falling sensation only became a numbing feeling to her. "Don't try to comfort me — I know, it isn't really my fault or yours — it just feels wrong, you know, when I truly love you — I really do but then why did this have to happen — was it in the rules I have to leave my home?" Her voice trembles as her fingers curl against Peter's clothes.

Some words just don't fit right into place, Peter hotels her close as he wonders what he could say — I miss you, you shouldn't remember me — "It feels like such a sin for what we have been — Alice, my dear, my existence will only bring you pain, do you not remember? I… the time you've treasured for so long, you will live in guilt and I do not want you to suffer any longer."

Alice pulls away the slightest, eyes fluttering open as she looks into such familiar and love-filled crimson hues, "What… what do you mean?" She tilts her head, confusion evident.

Peter frowns, "Do you… not remember…?"

"Do you mean the night I confessed to you? Peter… I would never regret that — in fact, what I do regret is how I had forgotten it — how I had forgotten that I truly love you and just you." As sappy as it may be, it was true — the time she had spent with him was most valuable to her. She smiles, leaning close to him as she presses her lips onto his. Quick, tender and sweet — she pulls away and smiles, "Let's go back to the Land of Hearts — back to the castle, I want to go home with you, Peter."

Peter smiles, letting their foreheads touch, "Of course, my love."

It wasn't before long until they felt closer to the end — Peter's legs straightened as they find themselves landing in a void space, crystal like kaleidoscope shapes floating around them as a door of intricate patterns of diamond, hearts, spades and clovers in shades of red and black with golden outlines appear in front of them. When Peter lets Alice stand on her own, he reaches his hand out to her.

Alice smiles, accepting his hand as they walked together towards the door.

Welcome home, Alice, to the Land of Hearts.

"Tell me, did you miss me?" Alice tucks herself in bed, comfortably under the comforters as she scoots closer to Peter who had his arms wrapped around her.

Peter chuckles, "You had never left my mind in every waking moment — if I had dreamt, you would have plagued my dreams just as much." He then lets his hand run through her brown tresses, pressing a kiss on top of her head. "Not too long ago, I had wished — and, admittedly I am not one to ever wish — that one day in another lifetime I could live alongside you, in a kinder time and a kinder universe." Peter's voice quietens, all full of sorrow and the reminiscent loneliness. "But, it seems fate is kinder — or, perhaps, I was just far too mad — and now i have granted my own wish."

Alice smiles, "I wish I could say the same — but i know for sure that even if I had forgotten you, my heart knew where it should have been placed, I just wish I had learned it sooner."

"Did you not enjoy the Country of Diamonds?" Peter asks.

She shakes her head in response, "No, I did enjoy it — I loved the world there but… some things are just better; no matter how much love and fun I might have experienced there, what I consider home will always be home to me and for me, this is home. Where you are and where all my friends are."

"I love you." Suddenly, unexpectedly — albeit a little expected. Peter smiles and peppers her cheeks with light kisses, trying to ease all her worries. "I love you and my love and loyalty for you is everlasting."

Alice chuckles, "I love you too — so please let's stay forever or until how much time permits us so." The end doesn't seem any terrifying, it was alright if it means that the rest of her days would be spent with someone she loves, in a place she considers home, surrounded by the people she cares about.

Peter nods, "Now, my love, let us drift to sleep — by the time the sun rises, you shall find yourself in another warm welcome."

Alice hums and closes her eyes, "You're right, I think Ace would tire me out first thing he sees me — so I'll get myself a good night's sleep. Goodnight, Peter."

"Goodnight, my love."

It doesn't take long until Alice drifts to sleep — Peter finds himself looking at the clock hanging by his wall — this time, he was loved for who he is not for the nature of his role — this time, he would no longer let himself fall back and let anyone take his love away, this time, he would promise to stay by her side — love her for eternity in an everlasting cycle.

A/N: Let me know your thoughts of the new version!