Rated M

Disclaimer: Not mine

How to tell Sammy

There is pain and darkness and fear all around him and if he will not be careful hate and angst will enter him as well and devour him, eat him up from the inside so that he will be one of so many who scream and shout in misery. For eternity. There is no salvation, no way out. Dean has tried many times but his hands are bound to heavily, the door to his cell is locked cautiously and the only person coming to visit him is his torturer. Each and every day he will come to the hunter's cell, open it and take him out into a room that smells of blood, sweat and so much fear that he has to gag every day he enters it. Strange how much he thinks about the other tortured souls that are here when he is not. It is as if their screams are imprinted into the dark walls and their despair still clings to the shackles that the demon now straps to his wrists.

Dean tries to stay silent. In his life he has learned to endure a lot of pain both mentally and physically but this is simply too much. The demon plays with him, he enjoys sticking sharp blades and needles into his already ruined flesh and with a sob the hunter's barriers break and he screams so loud that the noise rings in his own ears. He will be here till the end of time and perhaps even longer and the most terrifying thing is that this will repeat over and over and over again until he would slowly break inside and forget who he is. Everything will vanish, he has seen the souls that are lost and even more frightened than he is now.

When the torture is over the demon frees him from the shackles and Dean's body will crash to the floor, a helpless heap of what is left of him For today he goes back into his cell where he cries until his eyes burn. He once was a fierce hunter but there is nothing left of his former self except a shadow of the man he was back then. Dean so wishes to see his brother Sammy again or his uncle Bobby. He misses them terribly, all of them but he will never see them again. If he would they would have to endure what he had to and that is something that he doesn't even want to think about.

His sobs go on and on but he will not fall asleep. Never. Souls don't need sleep and so everything will repeat. The next day comes and it all happens again. Then the next day. And the next. And the next. Days stretch to weeks which stretch to months. The man with the dried tears on his face loses his sense for time and he slowly gives in, is about to forget his name and his little brother Sammy whom he loves so much.

He is about to sink into this darkness forever when a bright bluish-white light illuminates his cell and a long forgotten warmth flows through his body. Someone touches him by his arm and Dean flinches because the unexpected touch is comfortable and welcome but it also hurts because he shouldn't be touched in a gentle way. The light doesn't care, it embraces him, cradles him to something that feels like a solid body beneath the glow and he gets carried away. It is as if there are no barriers, the being cradles him in its arms as if he was a beloved one, so careful with such a soft touch that Dean weeps in this sweet embrace of light and love. It feels like coming home. He has never before felt someone's arms encircle him so lovingly, so full of care and knowledge. The other being carries him away from the fear and pain.

He comes back from hell, the hunter will live again because someone cares enough to save him. HIM of all souls locked into hell. The thought makes him warm and fuzzy inside, he lets go completely, smiling and weeping. His soul tries to get closer to the other being, like cuddling and it feels great, he feels loved and everything will be okay as long as he is near this creature.

Dean woke up from his sleep and sat up in his bed with a startled yelp. He remembered everything from this dream, every second and it had felt like an eternity. The despair and pain were still with him, the older Winchester brother carried it in his soul but he also remembered the bright light from his dream. It had been Cas who had dragged him out of hell and whenever Dean remembered this moment he prayed for his angel because his soul missed him so much it hurt. It was like the angel was imprinted on the very essence of his being and though Cas had healed the burned mark of his hand on Dean's arm he could still feel the warmth of Castiel's grace on him.

With determined movements Dean swung his long legs out of bed and had a look at his cell phone. It was only three in the morning but he didn't feel tired any more. So he got up, still longing for Cas to be by his side. He knew the angel was busy in heaven and he often didn't call him when he felt like seeing him, but today the knot in his chest felt tighter than ever. So the hunter put on his clothes, his shoes and went out so he would not wake Sam with his prayer or conversation with Cas. If he appeared…

Slowly, deep in thought Dean went outside to his Impala. He would drive a few mile he didn't want Sam to see that he was so attached to the angel, that he was so desperate to see him that he called for him this early in the morning. The hunter would never admit it to anyone else but himself – and it had been hard enough to admit to himself – that he needed the angel. Badly. It felt strange and normally Dean would simply laugh it off when he fell in love but this was different. This was something really serious and he was sure that he was not the only one seeking comfort in the other's presence.

His thoughts revolved around his angel while he drove to a nearby lake he had seen on their way through yesterday. There was always Cas on his mind and the longer the angel was gone the more he thought about him. Dean sighed and pulled over into a small road that led to the lake where he stopped his car. It was cold outside but he didn't care because the fresh air would calm him down a little. So he got out of the Impala and walked a few steps. Whenever Dean prayed for Cas to come to him he would do this as if he tried to be cool, as if he tried to convince himself that he didn't need the angel that urgently. Waiting killed him today.

"Cas. Can you hear me? Please… Angel… I need to talk to you." Talking wasn't what he actually had on his mind. With slow steps the hunter turned around his own axis. He pleaded. "Castiel. PLEASE!" Then his voice got very low and silent. "I need you, Angel." No living being on this earth would ever see him like this – pleading that the angel would come to him, desperate for his embrace, longing for his touch - except for the man in question. Dean expected nothing from this life. He just wanted Cas. That was all he asked for and all that he needed to be happy.

"I'm here, Dean." A soft and low voice said behind the hunter and he turned around on his heels. It was always the same: at first he would stare at Cas' calm and beautiful face and marvel at those wonderful big blue eyes, then he would break into a huge smile and walk over to the man he longed for so much in two long strides to wrap him up in a tight embrace before kissing him hungrily without any hesitation.

It was the same today and the angel grabbed the back of his leather jacket with his fists and clung to him for dear life. When Dean moaned into Cas's lips the angel just made him walk backwards towards the Impala, Dean's backside suddenly against the cold, black metal. Without much ado Cas poofed their clothes away, he wanted this as badly as Dean and wasn't able to wait for another second.

The night air was cold but neither man noticed, they were so wrapped up in each other that nothing mattered but what they did. Cas grabbed Dean gently and sat him onto the hood of his dear car but he never would say a word about it, because this was Cas. No further words were spoken, for the angel claimed Dean's mouth again in a nearly brutal kiss, devouring his mouth, liking, sucking tasting. His hands roamed over the hunter's well toned chest, mapping every detail of this beautiful body in his arms.

Dean pulled him closer, he wanted more but Cas had his way with him, kissed him endlessly. The hunter gave in to every touch, he wanted to be dominated by Cas, it felt great to let go of his usual self and just be at ease. His heart beat faster when Cas grabbed his back and pulles him closer to his body. Without preparation he entered the hunter's body and both moaned at the sudden pleasure. This was what heaven must be like, Dean thought when the angel's gentle movements carried him away.

Cas never got enough of his hunter, he took him every way possible, on the hood of Dean's car, in the backseat, on the cold grass, against a tree... He never got tired of feeling Dean's body against his own, always kissing him like it was the last time they saw each other. It made the older Winchester brother mad with desire and so the night passed so fast...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When the sun rose Cas sat with his back against a tree, his arms full of an exhausted hunter. Stopping was hard for them but Dean knew that sooner or later Cas would leave him again and go back to heaven. Maybe he would see him tomorrow, maybe next month. The hunter's heart clenched in his chest, this situation was unbearable. He really needed Cas, there would never be enough time to spend with him.

"Don't leave so soon, love." Dean whispered while cuddling deeper into the man's arms.

"I would love to join you and your brother on your hunts." Cas answered and Dean felt his heart beating faster, hope rising in his chest. "But nobody knows about you and me. Not even Sam. And how would you explain to him that you get laid by an angel every night?" The man was right about Sammy. He didn't know. Dean wasn't sure if he suspected something but he tried to hide this…thing…he had for the angel. It had started a few weeks after Cas had rescued him from hell and it was so normal what they did from time to time that Dean had never even thought about telling his brother about it. Nevertheless, all he wanted was Castiel. Nothing else mattered, he would endure everything for this man. He was a hunter for God's sake, people staring at him or talking behind his back was nothing new and he never cared.

"I will talk to him. Today. Just don't leave me for another long time." Dean pleaded which made Cas chuckle softly behind him.

"Hmmm…. That sounds great. So I will no longer be your dirty little secret? Is this getting serious?" The hunter's heart froze in his chest.

"Cas, Angel." He nearly choked on the sob that rose in his chest. "This has always been serious, I thought you knew that…" Hurting Cas was unforgiveable and the comment the angel just made sounded so bitter that Dean instantly wanted to make up for everything he might have done wrong. He had been so selfish…

"It was serious to me. But you never told Sammy about it and so I thought you somehow hoped that it might end before you confess that you fell for a man. That you bend over for me" A violent blush crept up the young man's cheeks and he buried his face in Cas' chest. Somehow it turned him on when the angel spoke like this. First things first…

"It cannot get any more serious for me, sweet angel. I never thought about it, because I thought everything is fine when we are together. So Sammy will know. And the whole world with him. I don't care, Cas, I only want you… I'm sorry I hurt you. Maybe sometimes the smartass hunter won't go away completely. I never meant to hurt you…"

"S'okay, Dean." He gently bit into the hunter's ear. "Telling Sammy will wait for another hour. I want you."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

And oh, how he had him. Dean could barely walk straight when he walked back into the room he shared with his brother with Cas just behind him. He wanted Cas and he wanted Sammy to know about them. He didn't even care what his brother might think, though he was pretty sure that Sam would approve of their relationship. The younger Winchester was already awake and sat on the small table in the motel room, looking up when Dean and Cas walked into the room.

"Where have you been, Dean?" He asked and looked kind of worried.

"No need to look upset, Sam." Dean smiled when Cas closed the door behind them and faced Sam as well. "There is something I need to tell you." He wanted Cas. He needed him so badly ever since he had first touched him in hell but telling his brother seemed to be harder than he had thought. "Um..."

"Well? Did something happen? A demon? A vampire? What is wrong with you Dean?" Sammy got up to his feet and walked over to the other men, watching them closely. "And why is Cas with you?"

"Look, this is what we need to talk about, I...we...Cas and I...we..." He frowned when he couldn't find the right words and awkwardly scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact with his brother. "Guess I'm not that good with words, Sam." He finished lamely.

Cas – Cas! - rolled his eyes in an uncharacteristic gesture and grabbed Dean's shoulder firmly, pressing the man against the wall behind him with one swift movement, so fast that the hunter didn't even know what happened to him.

"But I know what you're good at." The angel mumbled against his lips before he kissed his lover like Sam wasn't there to watch them. And he was quickly forgotten, when Dean got all lost under Cas' sweet lips and his world turned to nothing but the angel's tongue in his mouth. His knees again turned to jelly and he grabbed Cas' trench coat for all he was worth. A low moan escaped the hunter when Cas let his hands wander upwards under Dean's shirt, then down towards his hip bones, caressing him there, never getting deeper, but his fingers drawing soothing circles, arousing at the same time.

"Cas..." Dean murmured between two kisses. He wanted more. Now! But the angel turned around to face his brother.

"This is what Dean wanted to tell you." Castiel said with a firm voice, not in the least embarrassed by what he had just done and in what condition he had left Sam's older brother. Dean still leaned against the wall for support, he would collapse if he now tried to stand upright. Cas was simply too much for him, his lover overwhelming him every time he left him senseless with lust. Only the angel could do this to him, he would never let him go and if Sammy now walked out of his life he didn't know what he would do. But the huge man just smiled, a bit confused by what he had just witnessed but mostly a positive smile.

"And you weren't able to find words for this?" He laughed and padded both men's shoulders. "A simple 'I love him, Sammy' wouldn't have done it?" He watched Dean up and down. "Erm... I guess I leave you two lovebirds alone for now..." A gesture towards Dean's clearly aroused state. "Just call me later." With that he was out the door.

When Dean wanted to come over to his angel the man held up a hand. "Stay right there." His voice was commanding. Dean loved it, was devoted to Cas. "I will take you right were you are!"

END

A/N Someone told me in a review I should write more detailed sex scenes... I try but it just won't work... Sorry for that, if it was what you were looking for.

Guess it is because I just try to focus on other parts of their relationship. When I read other fics I sometimes stumble upon a sweet sentence or a word that triggers something and makes me feel warm and fuzzy.