Thank you so much for all your comments and for the support ! :) I've seen some questions about Damon's past, you'll find out what happened and for how long when Elena does… Here's the new chapter! :)

xXx

Fear. A mixed feeling of dread and reverence. A healthy emotion, meant to save you from recklessly putting your hand into the fire. Fear. It's a good thing it's there. But like all things in life it's best in moderation.

xXx

You say you are free but what you mean, is that you're lonely.
You say life is great, but I see you think "well if only…"
Because that look there is your eyes tells me all I need to know.
And I feel the same, so be real with me and we can take it slow…

xXx

Damon stepped aside, shocked and Elena hurriedly passed him, fumbling furiously with the doorknob that wouldn't budge. When she finally discovered she had to push the thing before turning it, she stumbled onto the deck, wetting her jeans in the process as the fabric soaked up the water from the deck. The waves appeared to come from all sides, higher than before. The wind rang in her ears. Elena made her way to a corner in the back, clutching the railing tightly as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.

She needed to get away, away from the boat but they were surrounded by the North Atlantic Ocean by now. She glanced to the sides. There was only about 3 square meter to maneuver, even at the far end. Ric seemed impossibly close, invading her personal space from behind the steering wheel. Elena put her knees on the bench and held onto the cold wet railing, staring numbly into the depth of the water, her back to the deck.

"Are you ok?" Alaric yelled concerned over the stormy wind.

Elena didn't reply, she didn't even turn around. All she did was stare.

Damon joined Alaric behind the steering wheel. "What happened?" Alaric demanded somewhat softer, not wanting Elena to listen in on their conversation.

"I honestly don't know… one minute we were walking down the stairs so I could show her around and the next she was pushing and shoving me up the stairs, trying desperately to get out. It was like, like the room was on fire," Damon told him, still oblivious to what came over her.

"That's strange," Alaric murmured, "I know her brother fairly well, the kid always speaks so highly of his caring sister. I wonder what came over her."

"Women…" Damon muttered.

"So, what are we going to do about this, we're at least two hours away from home," Alaric asked.

"Just leave her be for now, maybe she got sick. I'm going to mop the floor downstairs, the waves managed to flood the place, you should've seen the water streaming down when-"

Damon stopped mid-sentence as Alaric's eyes widened in horror. "What?"

"Shit!"

"What?" Damon wanted to know.

"Elena" Alaric mumbled.

"What is going on?" Damon demanded.

"Her parents," Alaric murmured, "They drowned in a car… Elena-, she was there I think. Damn. She must have panicked when she saw water filling up the room… door closed…" he added, a shiver running down his spine.

"Fuck." Damon cursed, "I knew about that, SHE told me about that, yesterday, how could I be this stupid…"

Both men stared at the shaking girl, crawled up on the white surface. Damon went downstairs again to gather a blanket and a towel. He made his way over to Elena but had a hard time getting there, the surface was wet and slippery and there was nothing he could properly hold onto except for the cold railing. The wind was blowing furiously. When he got to Elena he gently put a hand on her shoulder, sitting down next to where she was leaning.

"Elena?" he said softly.

She whipped her head in his direction, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"It's not safe out here like this, you can't be on your knees so close to the water, please come back and sit next to the cabin, it will block the wind out a little at least." He gave her his hand and led the way. Elena practically fell onto the bench. She was cold, sitting in the corner, her clothes had soaked up a lot of the splashing water. Together with the wind, it was a freezing combination. Damon kneeled in front of her, attempting to undo her life vest. She seemed too numb to move.

"Www what are you doing?" she demanded, shivering.

"I would like to put a blanket around you and give you a dry life jacket, this one's soaked," he explained and Elena moved her hands over her head, helping him get rid of the jacket. Her wrapped the blanket loosely around her and secured a new life jacket over the blanket, tying the loose straps under her arms one by one.

"Thank you," she told him a bit shyly.

After a moment or two, Elena seemed to have recovered. "You two have a nice place down there," she commented, glancing kindly from Damon to Alaric.

"Er, thanks," Alaric replied rather awkwardly. Damon just stared, at a loss for words. Elena noticed his discomfort and turned to his side "I'm sorry for what happened Damon, I should not have pushed you. It was just… the water, it was gathering and gathering and… that's not really my scene." she explained, a wry smile across her face.

"I'm sorry," Damon whispered, barely audible, "I should've known better."

"No, you shouldn't have. I went of this trip willingly, I'm not afraid of water, not anymore. But the circumstances were just a little, unfortunate. I'm ok now, don't worry about it." Elena reassured him.

"The wind has changed for the worse I see," Elena commented.

"On any normal occasion, Damon and I like it like this," Alaric commented, "We can go a lot faster this way, do more miles," he explained.

"How long have you two been sailing together? Have you met this way?" Elena asked.

Damon laughed a loud carefree laugh and Alaric joined. "No," he told her, "Ric and I met in a bar, both drunk off our asses. I just turned 20 back then. Somehow we kept ending up in the same bar from time to time and that's how we started talking one day. After a few months, we had an unspoken agreement about drinking every week together at the same place, around the same time. One day I told him about my boat and we've been buddies ever since."

"Now he's leaving out the part of him suddenly disappearing for three years without any explanation…"

Damon shot him a warning glace. "And Ric is leaving out the part where we took a vow NOT the question each other's behavior."

"Wow, sounds like a healthy bromance you've got going on there," Elena said in mock admiration, "Do you go for weekend trips together?" she continued.

"Yes we do," Alaric quipped back, "But when we go on long trips, we spend the evening in a harbor along the way. "We have separate bedrooms by the way," he added with a smirk.

"Two bedrooms? Where do they fit into the boat? I haven't seen those yet," she said, looking at Damon.

"I'd love to show you," he replied, "but I don't think that you want to go down there again, do you?"

"I think I do," Elena responded, "Will you take me?"

The two guys stared at her, shocked.

"Are you sure?" Alaric questioned in disbelief.

"Very," Elena replied with a smile.

"But what about what happened, why would you do that to yourself?" he wondered.

"I was hoping you two would allow the door to stay open this time, it should make it easier… I do need to go down there again, get back on the horse and all that."

"Of course we could figure a way to keep the door open," Damon assured her.

Elena nodded her head determined, "As long as I have a way out, I'll be fine."

Damon stepped in front of her, "Let me go down first, then I can't be blocking your way again," he said, wanting to avoid another panic attack –from both himself and Elena-, before descending the stairs. Elena took a deep breath when passing the doorway, but followed suit.

When they were both down again, he eyed her warily, but she seemed fine, curiously eying all the objects in the room. She walked to the front of the cabin, hands on the doorknob of his bedroom "May I have a look what's inside here?" she questioned.

"Sure, you can do whatever you like," he smiled. He tried to wrap his head around the situation. It was almost like she wasn't afraid anymore… almost. He wasn't fooled though, he could hear her small intakes of breath and there was a slight tremor in fingers as she let them slide over the furniture. She wasn't completely at ease, that was for sure. Still he was impressed by her bravery, the only thing he couldn't figure out was why she was down here again, why would someone do that to themselves?

After she had had a look at both bedrooms and the bathroom, Damon showed her how to fold the table in the middle, creating two new beds and a passage in between.

"Do you cook in here?" she wondered, pointing to the kitchenette.

"We do, it's not a four star meal, but it's enough to keep us both from starving," he told her.

Damon walked up the stairs again, but turned around when he noticed she wasn't following. He looked at her expectantly.

"Damon… could you do something for me?" Elena asked a little flushed from embarrassment.

Damon's mind was reeling. What could she possibly want from him? He nodded his head anyway, urging her to ask her next question.

"Could you close the door again, please?"

Damon shook his head back and forth in disagreement "You want me to lock you in, alone?" he asked in disbelief.

"NO!" she answered immediately.

"Ok, then what would you like me to do?"

"Forget it, it's ok."

"No, please, tell me what you were thinking, I'm sure I can manage…"

"Well, I thought, we could stay here just a moment with the door closed perhaps?" she asked in a small voice.

"Is that what you want?"

Elena nodded, Damon disappeared through the door and stood on top of the staircase a minute later, holding the door wide open.

"Ready?" he asked.

Elena nodded again and Damon slowly pulled the door to the frame. He looked up at Elena. He let it slide in the lock.

Elena sat down on the bench next to the table, breathing harder for a moment. Then she turned her back to the door for a second, Damon just kept staring.

"We should clean up the water," she broke the silence. "Where do I find a mop?"

"I can do it myself, you can go back upstairs," he urged.

"I'm fine Damon, can't you see?" she asked him, then her own words dawned on her. "I'm fine," she said louder, more to herself this time, "I did it." A broad smile lit up her delicate features when she looked up at him again.

"Well, I guess you are, " he smiled back, proud of the girl he had only known for a week. He stepped down the stairs and pulled a bucket and some mops out of the closet, then he got down and started soaking up the water. Elena joined him on the floor and helped him clean.

"How did you do that?" he asked in wonder.

"Step by step," she smiled up at him. You helped, thanks for that!" she said.

"It's pretty amazing, that you can just switch your fear off like that," he told her, a little envious.

"Ow, I promise you, I can't… I wish," she murmured.

"Then how does it work?" he asked her, interested.

"Fear is all about control, first you have to realize that you are afraid, which can be quite difficult. Admitting to being scared was the hardest thing for me for a long time. When you manage that, you have to discover to what extent you are scared, find out what you can and can't do, see in what ways you are limited. Then you take it from the start, you take a gentle first step and wait for a moment until the tightening in your chest subsides. It's a gradual process, one step at a time. It can take minutes, days or even months. You envision your ultimate goal and you work towards it, taking very tiny steps and figuring out a way to deal with the fear every step of the way."

Damon looked at her in awe. "Have you done this many times?" he wondered.

Elena laughed humorously, "Over a hundred times I think, you can't imagine… But it gets easier," she added happily.

"How come you asked me to close the door then?" Damon questioned.

Elena giggled a little "Well, I looked around the room and spotted the hammer in the corner and you would be in here with me,"

"So?"

"This cabin is way bigger than our old car, it would take at least fifteen minutes for the cabin to fill up, especially at the slow rate the water is able to come in here. By that time you could easily crush the wooden door with the hammer, I'm sure of it," she replied.

Damon smirked, pleased. "So you rationalize situations when you get scared?" he asked her.

"I do," she said, wringing her mop one last time. Damon emptied the bucket and opened the door for her.

When they stepped back on the deck, Alaric glanced confused from Elena to Damon and back again. "That took quite some time," he noted.

"How about I make us all some hot chocolate?" Damon suggested. Elena and Alaric agreed in unison.

As soon as Damon disappeared behind the door, Elena turned her attention to Alaric "I'm sorry about my outburst, I must have seemed crazy for a second there, it won't happen again," she assured him.

Alaric stared at her in disbelief "You have nothing to apologize for!" he replied firmly. "Besides, I've seen far worse with Damon," he added.

"Did he tell you about the woods?" Elena asked in wonder.

Alaric couldn't hide a smirk, "Yeah, he messed up big time, didn't he?"

Elena shrugged. "It wasn't the most pleasant experience, no, but we've moved on. Over the last couple of years I have learned not to judge, anyone can freak out every once in a while when certain circumstances align. That's exactly what you just witnessed."

Damon was ascending the stairs and overheard Elena's last comment.

"I was actually surprised you showed up today, 24 hours is not a lot of time to forget and start over, certainly not after what happened."

He had his hand on the doorknob but wanted to hear her answer before joining them again.

"Who said I forgot?"

"Well, you're here, aren't you?"

"Yes I am, but what happened is just not very forgettable, you know?"

Alaric nodded his head and Damon made his way down again, not wanting to hear more.

"Will you be able to forgive him?" Alaric asked.

"I already have. There's obviously something going on, causing him to behave like that. I know he's a sweet and honorable person, I can see it in the way he apologized, the way he came to me when I was emotional. I just hope one day we can really be friends, I think he could use a few more friends."

Alaric petted her shoulder "You're a good influence Elena, he could use a friend like you."

xXx

When Damon entered half an hour later, he was carrying two remaining cups of hot chocolate which he handed silently to Alaric and Elena.

"Thanks," Elena told him sweetly, grateful for the hot beverage. "Thanks buddy," Alaric said, holding up his cup. Damon only acknowledged Alaric's comment and turned his back to Elena, staring ahead into the distance. How could she betray him like that, why would she even come today if she never bothered to give him a new chance. Who said I forgot? Her words kept occupying his mind, just like the tone she'd used, as if it were the most logical thing in the world.

Maybe it was.

But it still hurt.

On the way back, Damon didn't say a word, imposing an uncomfortable silence on the boat, especially when Alaric and Elena gave up on trying to make conversation. When they arrived back in the harbor, Damon and Alaric briefly shook hands. Alaric hugged Elena before bidding them goodbye and then they each stepped into their respective cars.

"Are you mad at me?" Elena asked Damon after another three minutes of silence.

"No, I'm not," he replied shortly.

"Ok, then what are you? You have been in a different mood ever since you made us drinks," Elena questioned softly.

"I'm just… disappointed." Damon replied.

"With me?" Elena wondered out loud.

"It doesn't matter, I don't want to talk now, if that's ok." Damon spoke.

Elena decided to give him his space and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the side of the car. It was already dark outside, it took her moments before drifting into a slumber.

Two hours later, Elena woke while Damon was pulling the car into the driveway. They headed to their respective bedrooms, both exhausted from the eventful day. Sometimes there was no need for conversation.

xXx

I see your lips tremble and still you claim, that you are happy.
I'm here by your side, would lend you my hand, if you would let me

Only to be there for each other, couldn't we create a détente.
Put away those fears and reach for my hand, is that not what you want?

xXx

Elena woke up with a start, twisting her head back and forth. It was still dark outside. Her alarm clock informed her that is was 3:43 so she shifted onto her side and closed her eyes again.

"No! Stop, you have to stop!"

Elena opened her eyes again and perked her ears. Her mind started racing until she realized that Damon must be having a nightmare again. It probably woke her up in the first place. Remembering his reaction when she woke him up last time, she decided to leave him be and turned around again. Drifting into unconsciousness yet again.

3:58 "No! Let go of me! I don't, stop! You-" Elena opened her eyes again. Was Damon still having a nightmare? Maybe she should go-.

No.
She couldn't.
He would only get mad again.

"Don't touch me, I don't want to, I…" Elena couldn't help but listen, the house was completely silent except for his strained cries. Whatever he was dreaming about, it sounded pretty personal, she felt bad for him. He wouldn't want her to hear this, maybe she should wake him up before he said anything he'd regret.

"I hate you!" "Let go… LET GO!"

That's it, Elena stood up and made her way to his room, when she opened the door, Damon was tossing and turning, she had to wake him, it was torturous to see.

She had to do something. But she wasn't about to walk in uninvited again.

She glanced at her phone again. It was 4:01. She could call him perhaps. Maybe his ringtone would wake him, or-. She had a better idea.

A few seconds later Nightswimming boomed through her speakers, she turned up the volume as she sat in front of his door. R.E.M.'s famous riff resounded loudly through the empty house.

"I don't, I never have, don't touch me!" he murmured once again, softer than before.

"The photograph on the dashboard

taken years ago,
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every street light

reveals a picture in reverse
Still it's so much clearer

Nightswimming

Deserves a quiet night…mm mm mm mm mmm mmmmmmm"

The music broke Damon's cries. Suddenly he was silent and the stirring stopped. He eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room, disoriented.

"I forgot my shirt at the water's edge
The moon is low tonight
Nightswimming

deserves a quiet night…" she finished the first verse in a whisper.

Damon stared at his door in disbelief.

Elena stood up and went back to her room in silence.

"Hey," Damon she heard Damon murmur "What happened?"

She turned around, making her way back to his room. "You were having a bad dream… And I- I thought I'd try something different."

Damon shook his head, he still felt dazed and sleepy.

"The song," he mentioned.

"You told me it calmed you down, and by the looks of it you could use some calming down."

Damon smiled a little, then tried to remember what happened. His mind brought him back to his piano, the boat, then he recalled the conversation he overheard and his mood turned bitter again.

Elena noticed his sudden change in expression "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking, this is another episode you won't forget…"

Elena shook her head trying to make sense of the words but came up blank "I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

"Your conversation earlier with Alaric, how you told him he was stupid for thinking you would forget about what happened yesterday," he said a little angry, but mostly sad.

"Damon," Elena wanted to reach out and comfort him but stopped herself in time, "you didn't hear the rest of that conversation, did you? The part where I said I did forgive you for everything that happened?"

Damon shook his head, "So what are you saying? That you forgive me but you can't forget about it?" he demanded.

"Yes…" she replied simply.

"But I thought, the Coldplay song, it's-"

"It was a nice gesture Damon, and you seem to ignore the important thing here: I forgive you. We're ok, we can move on…"

"But I wanted a fresh start, a second chance…" he said disappointed.

"If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that forgiving and forgetting are two very different things, Damon. You got your second chance, or I wouldn't have gone sailing with you today, but forgetting, that's not something I can just decide to do. It's hard to never think about something that has happened and I do not control my thoughts. And in my humble personal opinion, forgetting isn't that healthy either."

"How so?"

"Can I tell you something? About me?" Elena asked him.

"Of course," Damon replied, intrigued.

Elena sat down on the bed, making herself more comfortable. She took a deep breath and started talking: "When my parents passed away, I was left with one horrible memory, for months I couldn't think about them, not even about the millions of wonderful times we had together, all that was left in my mind was that one dark night. I knew I had to find some way around it, to bypass that memory to get to the others, but I couldn't," she swallowed.

"I was stuck. Then there was the overwhelming fear… I couldn't be in a car anymore, let alone in a pool, even eying a lake was more than I could handle. It crippled me because I hadn't just lost my parents, I lost my life, a million little things that used to be so normal were suddenly out of my league."

Damon nodded his head in understanding, but said nothing, wanting her to continue.

"One night, all of my friends went to a party, in the woods and I was asked to join. When we got there, the woods turned out to be located next to a lake and I had one of my infamous panic attacks. My chest felt constricted and I was breaking down completely. My friends called an ambulance… Once they got me breathing more regularly again, I was asked to step into the ambulance for a drive to the hospital. I freaked out again, completely blacking out in the end, they had to sedate me."

Elena swallowed hard at the memory.

"When I got back home, I realized that I couldn't keep going like that, something had to change. So I took a piece of paper and started writing down all the things I lost. I stayed up all night writing and in the end I filled almost two entire pages."

Elena was quiet for a moment. "So, what happened next?" Damon asked softly.

"My friend Caroline found me crying in my room and I showed her the list, telling her about all the things I had lost, every little thing I couldn't do anymore... We talked for hours and I felt a weight lifting."

"Once I started talking, there were less and less outbursts, my friends became more aware of what set me off and when something bad happened I felt supported, it lessened the fear. These days that list I made of things I could not do is almost completely crossed out."

"That is really impressive… But what does this have to do with not forgetting?" Damon wondered.

"I just wanted to point out to you that forgetting is never the solution. Then you miss the whole journey. You miss that joy of being able to look back and see how far you've come. You're not even talking about forgetting, you're talking about ignoring."

Damon gave her a questioning look.

"You know as well as I do that there is no forgetting, even you, who insists on it will still know about what happened in the woods three years from now. Our minds collect memories, they capture every experience that stands out. Even if you would like to start over, you'll still think about it from time to time, as will I, it's only natural," Elena explained. "But it doesn't have to leave a bitter taste in your mouth."

"What you are asking me, is to never mention it again, that's called ignoring. If I thought it would help you, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I promise you Damon, it won't work. It will become the elephant in the room."

"Then what do you want?" Damon questioned.

"I want us to put it out in the open, you do not have to explain yourself, but you cannot act like it never happened, cause you'll turn it into a ticking time bomb before you know it. It's a lot like drinking energy drinks in a way, we don't want to be tired so we ignore it, cover it up. We might trick ourselves for a short period of time. But in the end the thing we are ignoring catches up with us, crippling us when we least expect it. When you don't try to ignore it, you can control it."

Damon let her words sink in, not able to answer straight away.

"You're really in a good place…" he murmured, partly to himself.

They sat in silence for a moment. He tried to wrap his mind around her story, trying to figure out how her experience could apply to him, but he came up blank.

"What do you suggest I do?" Damon wondered.

"About what?" Elena asked.

"About my past, you might have noticed you're not the only one experiencing… episodes."

"I couldn't tell you, first of all because everyone is different and second of all because I have no clue where your episodes are coming from."

"I can't tell you," Damon said hastily, "Not right now," he added.

"That's ok, I didn't ask you to," Elena retorted.

"You said you forgave me," he remembered.

"I did, because I do."

"Why?"

"Because you are a good person and you deserve to know that I will not hold it against you, that you have a second chance. We might not take it back to the start, as your Coldplay song suggested, but we do move on from this."

"Why would you think I'm a good person?"

"Because I've seen it, today when you helped me for instance and I heard about it from Stefan's stories. He likes to talk about his big brother," Elena informed him with a smile.

"So what happens next?" Damon asked.

"I was thinking about letting you get some sleep," Elena quipped, standing up from the bed.

"Are you tired? Because I'm not," Damon replied.

"Not really," Elena responded.

"Than what do you think about a movie?" Damon suggested pointing at the flat screen, he was not ready to fall asleep yet and he didn't feel like being alone.

"Sure," Elena said, as she slid back on the bed, leaning her back against the headboard this time.

Not that much later, they both faded into unconsciousness above the covers as Harry Potter, Ron and fled Gringotts bank on a Dragon's back. And Damon, Damon was sharing his bed with a girl for the first time in ages…

xXx

Now give me your fears
And I'll give you hope in return
Now give me your tears
and I'll have you love have you learn
As long as you're here to stay
I promise we will find our way

xXx

Fear. A mixed feeling of dread and reverence. A healthy emotion, meant to save you from recklessly putting your hand into the fire. But sometimes the thing we have to fear the most is fear itself…

xXx

Song: (translation of) Geef mij nu je angst – Guus Meeuwis