Hey all, this is a one-shot that has been in my head for quite a while now. It was mainly inspired by a song by the German singer Unheilig. The song is called "Unter deiner Flagge" (engl. "under your flag") and there are a few lines that immediately conjured images of Thorin and Fili sitting by a fire and talking about the past, present and future.

Original:

Woher nimmst du die Kraft, immer nach vorne zu sehen

Wie ein Löwe zu kämpfen und in die Zukunft zu gehen?

Translation:

Where do you get your strength to always look ahead

To fight like a lion and walk towards the future

The story was also inspired by a song by Rise Against, "Prayer of the Refugee", parts of the lyrics are found at the beginning and end of the story.

Oh and virtual cookies for those who find the Supernatural allusions. And the one from Merlin, for that matter. ;)

So this story takes place during An Unexpected Journey, after the escape from the Goblin King. Actually I don't remember all of the events that happened but let's just assume that after Gandalf rescued the dwarves (and Bilbo) they travelled for another day or two before they met Azog.

No action, no ships, just a story about family and about what we are willing to do for those we love.

For whom the sun rises

Warm yourself by the fire, son,
And the morning will come soon.
I'll tell you stories of a better time,
In a place that we once knew.

Before we packed our bags
And left all this behind us in the dust,
We had a place that we could call home,
And a life no one could touch.

(Rise Against, "Prayer of the Refugee")

The night was quiet. Stars were strewn across the pitch-black sky, the moon was half full and not a cloud was to be seen. It was peaceful at last, and the dwarves of Thorin's company were fast asleep huddled in a small cave as far away from the Goblin King as they had been able to walk. Even the Hobbit seemed to have found sleep. Only Gandalf was missing, probably wandering around on one of his many mysterious walks he wouldn't tell anyone about.

For Thorin, sleep would not come.

He was restless, had been for days, the call of the mountain getting louder with every step he took towards the long lost home. He wasn't tired, which should have worried him – he was a dwarf, after all, and unlike certain wizards dwarves needed sleep to recover, especially after only having escaped the goblins by a hair's breadth not so long ago -, but he tried to not think about it.

Instead, he walked quietly towards the fireplace and let his gaze wander over the landscape in front of him. He couldn't see much with only the light of the moon illuminating the scenery, but he felt the hairs on his arms stand up in tingling anticipation. It was out there. He could feel it. The mountain as close, as was Durin's Day, and he could feel the blood burn in his veins as if his body knew that it was close to home.

Not long now, just a few days, if everything went according to plan.

Then again, when had that ever happened?

But it was quiet that night, no whispers in the dark, no muffled footsteps that might belong to the orcs that were probably still hunting them. Nothing would happen tonight. He turned around and headed back to the cave. He stopped at the entrance, and stood there for a while watching his company sleeping on the ground.

Bofur's snoring was filling the cave, but not even Bilbo seemed to be disturbed by it, for the hobbit was lying on his back, a blanket covering him but for his head and hairy feet. Thorin's gaze rested on the small person for a minute, recalling everything that happened so far and how grateful he was for Gandalf to choose this hobbit as his burglar. He had definitely underestimated the little one, and something told him that by the end of the quest Bilbo would have more than just one role to play. From Bilbo Thorin's sharp eyes darted to Bofur, still wearing his ridiculous hat, to dear old Balin, and finally came to rest at the sight of his nephews. Thorin couldn't help but smile as he saw them.

Fili was sleeping on his back, one hand resting loosely on his stomach, the other one holding the hilt of the sharp-edged sword he was so proud of. The rest of his weapons were stacked within an arm's length from him. His features were soft, relaxed in a way Thorin hadn't seen in his heir for the whole day.

Kili was curled up in an almost foetal position next to his older brother, using his coat as a blanket which he had drawn up to cover half of his face. All Thorin could see was dark hair at the upper end and a black leather boot at the lower. The youngest Durin reminded him of someone, but it took Thorin a few seconds to figure out who that was. Only when he felt the lump form in his throat, he knew. Most of the time he could ignore Kili's resemblance to Frerin, but in moments like this he couldn't deny just how much his youngest nephew looked like the brother he lost too soon.

Just as he was about to try and get some rest as well, Kili suddenly moved. Twisting and turning in his sleep, he moaned quietly, brows creased while his legs kicked out, making the blanket come off his shoulders. The young dwarf muttered something Thorin couldn't understand, and for a moment he simply stood there, insecure about what to do. But before he could take a step forward, Fili stirred.

The blonde reached out for his brother with his eyes still closed, before he woke up completely and kneeled down at the younger one's side.

"It's okay, Kee, everything's alright."

Gently he began to rub his back until Kili relaxed, his breathing calmed down, and Fili put the makeshift blanket back over his brother's shoulders.

"Ambâr, nadadith."

The scene held a kind of intimacy that made Thorin feel uncomfortable, like he was intruding something he wasn't supposed to be a part of. Quietly, he stepped back, but Fili must have sensed him anyway for he lifted his head and turned around to face the older dwarf.

"It's just another nightmare," he said almost apologetically. "Don't worry."

Another. The word echoed in Thorin's ears as he watched his two nephews more closely.

"Why didn't you tell me about that?"

Fili shrugged, looking down onto his brother and back to Thorin.

"You never asked."

It was as simple as that, and still Thorin thought that there had been a time when he would have noticed, would have asked. But ever since the idea of reclaiming the lost mountain had manifested itself in his mind, he had been more and more blind towards such small things. It made him wonder what else he might have missed.

"We don't have long until the sun rises," he informed Fili. "Get some sleep, lad. It's going to be a long day. I'll keep watch."

But the blond-haired dwarf shook his head, one hand still on his brother's shoulder.

"I won't fall asleep anyway." He seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Would you mind if I stayed up with you?"

Something in his eyes told him that his nephew would only accept one answer, and therefore he nodded. He had to admit that he'd actually like talking to the young dwarf for a change, after having spent the day discussing routes with Balin and Dwalin.

The fire was burning low, the last twigs merely smouldering away in the ashes. The two dwarves sat down close to it, and Thorin noticed how Fili glanced once again at Kili's now unmoving form.

"How long has he had these nightmares?" Thorin asked, unsure about whether the question was maybe too personal. Of course he was as close to Fili and Kili as an uncle could be, but he knew for a fact that there were things he didn't and would never know of unless they told him.

For a moment Fili looked kind of uneasy.

"They started a few weeks ago, I guess. He only has them occasionally," he added hastily, as if to defend the younger one.

"You should have told me," Thorin said. But Fili shook his head once more.

"You have enough to worry about, uncle. Kili's my responsibility. If only he wasn't such a handful at times, I swear I already have a few strands of grey hair because of him!"

Fili spoke light-heartedly, but the expression in his eyes gave him away nonetheless. Thorin knew that looking out for Kili could be a challenge, to say the least, he knew that far too well after practically having raised the kid himself after Dis' husband had died. And yet Fili never complained, not even when he had been a child himself and should have let the grown-ups carry the burden of responsibility. For Fili, looking after his little brother was as natural as breathing. Maybe even as necessary as that, Thorin thought.

"He reminds me of Frerin."

It was only when he saw Fili's eyes widen that the exiled king realised what he had said. He couldn't remember the last time he had spoken about his brother, let alone to his nephews. No matter how many stories of the Lost Mountain, of Smaug, of times long past he had told the children, he had always avoided the subject that even after all these years hurt the most.

Fili was eyeing him almost cautiously, as if he wasn't sure what to make of the situation. Thorin sighed quietly, turning his head towards where his youngest companion was sleeping peacefully now, taking in the image of his still form and the way his lips were curled to a nearly invisible smile. Frerin had had the same look upon him after a long day out in the mountain and a bedtime story told by his older brother.

"You take after your father, Fili, but Kili is like a mirror image of Frerin. Sometimes when I look at him, it's like I'm seeing my brother again."

But even Kili was now older than Frerin had been when he died. Thorin had lost count on how often he'd asked himself how there could be so little justice in a world in which the young had to die and the old were to live.

"What was he like? Frerin, I mean," Fili asked almost shyly.

At first Thorin didn't know what to respond. How did you describe someone as special as his little brother to someone who had never known him? Words could never do him any justice, and he feared that whatever he said would not be enough.

"He was kind. And funny." It wasn't exactly the most detailed description, but it was a start. "He used to follow me around once he had learned how to walk. We used to play out in the mountains and pretend we were in the middle of the greatest adventure of our lives, fighting invisible dragons and climb up trees and look for treasures in the ground."

Fili was watching his uncle, and Thorin thought that he could see a flicker of recognition in his nephew's eyes. It didn't surprise him, since Fili and Kili had been just the same. More than once he had been sent out by Dís to look for the boys hours after they had been due home.

"Frerin was always looking for trouble, although he'd say that trouble was looking for him. But he was also brave, probably the bravest dwarfling I knew. When he'd done something wrong, he never tried to blame someone else but accepted the punishment without even blinking. And when the time came and war was upon us, he was eager to fight even though he was underage."

Thorin's voice suddenly became raspy. Even after all these years, he couldn't forget the look on his brother's face when he'd been ordered to stay behind. He could still see his face going red, and the determination in his eyes that should have told him that this time, Frerin wouldn't accept No for an answer. If he had paid him more attention, then maybe... but Thorin forbid himself to finish this thought.

"I didn't know he'd snuck out and joined our forces until it was too late," he said, biting his lip and using the sharp pain to keep the other at bay.

Seconds of silence passed before Fili looked straight at the older dwarf, his face serious when he spoke.

"He sounds great. I would have loved to meet him."

"I'm sure he would have loved you both," Thorin said with a smile. "You may not look like him, but your skills with the swords resemble his. It came to him just as naturally as it did to you, whereas I had to practise day after day to achieve what Frerin managed within an hour. And Kili's just as reckless as he was, and even harder to look after."

He had meant to say it jokingly, but by the way Fili's face fell he knew that he had failed massively. Inwardly he cursed himself. What had he been thinking, comparing the person most important on this earth to Fili to someone who had paid for his recklessness with his life? He wished he could take back what he'd said, but all he could do was watch his heir's eyes fill with worry once more.

"I can't let anything happen to him, uncle." There was a trembling in the young dwarf's voice that Thorin had never heard before. "If anything happens to him, I don't think I can..." He stopped mid-sentence, a shiver racking his body as he stared into the ashes before him. When he looked back up at Thorin, his usually blue eyes were unnaturally dark. "I won't let him get hurt. Now if it's the last thing I do, I will keep him save."

Thorin shuddered involuntarily. He had no doubt that his nephew meant every word he said, and it scared him. For the first time he asked himself if it had been a mistake taking both brothers on this quest. It was dangerous enough as it was, and having his heir distracted at the wrong moment could easily put not only Fili's life at risk, but endanger the whole group.

"We will all look out or each other," he stated firmly. "We are one group, and we'll have each other's backs."

Fili didn't seem to be reassured, for he kept glancing over at his brother with a kind of haunted look in his eyes that Thorin had never noticed before.

"How do you do it?" he suddenly burst out, as if he had been holding back this question for too long. "How do you find the strength to always look forward, to fight, to keep going towards that unknown future without any fear?" The blue eyes bore into Thorin's, the younger one practically pleading the elder to give him an honest answer. "I have but a fraction of the responsibility that you have and still I sometimes feel like I can barely hold it together. How am I supposed to take care of my people when I can't even look after my brother?"

The bitterness in his voice was frightening.

And the thoughts were more than familiar to the dark-haired group leader.

"You are young," he tried to recite Balin's wise words. "You need yet to learn about what it takes to be a leader, about what's in your power and what is not." Somehow it had sounded much better when Balin had said it. "When the time comes, you will be ready, I do not doubt that, Fili. One day you will be a King that will be loved, who will be fair and just and do what's right."

Fili nodded, but still looked not entirely convinced.

"And anyway," Thorin continued, "once we reclaim Erebor, I'm not planning on leaving again so soon. Unless you try to poison me or find whatever other way there is to get to power, you won't get rid of me so easily."

He grinned broadly, relieved to see his nephew smile faintly, and got lost in thought for a moment.

He could see it all, the grand halls of his forefathers, the ceilings decorated with sculptures carved into stone, he could hear the sound of laughter and music and feel his home.

"You asked me how I always keep going," he said quietly. "It's because I have something worth fighting for. I don't think that you can fully understand – I don't expect you to, for you are young and grew up in Ered Luin. That is your home. But for me, it never was. It was a place to live, but no home. I've once heard a man say that home is where the heart is, and I lost my heart to the Lost Mountain."

His eyes became distant as he spoke, images of the long lost home flooding his mind. Of course the younger generation couldn't understand, despite the stories they'd heard, because that's what it would always be. Stories.

"The moment you step into the old halls, you will know what I'm talking about. And I know that, by the end of Durin's day, that mountain will be ours again, and we will start a new life where we belong. That's what keeps me going."

He took a deep breath after the unusually long speech. He could feel Fili's eyes on him while he was staring into the ashes before him.

"We all have something worth fighting for. It may be hard, it may be painful, but it will always be worth it. It's those who have nothing to fight for that I pity."

Fili turned his head in the direction of where his younger brother was still sleeping quietly but for an occasional snore coming from underneath the blanket. When he looked back at Thorin, the older dwarf could see his eyes filled with emotions. Love, above all, but also a tiny sparkle of fear were reflected from the blue orbs.

"I promised our mother that I would bring Kili back to her," he mumbled. "I promised by my life that I wouldn't let any harm come to him. And now we've made half of our way towards Erebor and already I almost lost him twice." He looked at his uncle, eyes shining with worry and flickering ever so slightly with fear. "When he almost drowned trying to save the pony in that river, I didn't really think about it. Somehow it didn't occur to me just how damn close I had been to losing him there. But when that mountain broke away and I reached out for him and could still only watch as he disappeared beneath the rocks... I've never been so scared in my life."

His voice had become quieter towards the end, and for a moment Thorin was at a loss about what to respond. What did you say to someone who had just admitted his biggest fear? Especially if you knew that the worst dangers were yet to come? He remembered too clearly the feeling of utter terror washing over him when he had to witness his friends and, most of all, his youngest nephew being crushed by the Stone Giants' thunderous battle. He could still hear himself screaming on the top of his lungs and feel the despair when no one had answered. It had been on that mountain that he had realised he wouldn't always be able to keep his loved ones safe.

But he could always try.

"Fili... I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to bring you home to my sister safe and sound. As long as I breathe, I will protect you."

The fire had almost gone out, and at the horizon Thorin could make out the faint light of the new day. A long journey was waiting ahead for them, and Mahal knew what they would have to face on the way to the lost home.

Fili hadn't answered, but instead had turned his eyes back to Kili. He flinched when the older dwarf spoke again.

"You are not only brothers. You are also my sister's sons. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You come before everything else."

At this the blond youth turned his head.

"Before everything?"

A hint of doubt accompanied the short question, and there, just for the briefest moment, Thorin hesitated. He knew what the answer ought to be. But there was that small voice inside his head that sneered at him, telling him that it would be a lie, for there was something even bigger than family, something he valued above anything else. The lost mountain. The gold. Reclaiming the homeland. Don't deny it, the voice snickered, you know it's true.

Thorin blinked twice, as if he could banish the voice by doing so, and he hoped that Fili hadn't noticed his hesitation. But the blonde was still eyeing him expectantly, a faint trace of trust reflected from his eyes.

"Aye," Thorin said. "Before everything."

He wanted to say more, but in that moment he could hear noises from nearby. Fili must have heard them, too, and a broad grin appeared on his face, washing away the last traces of worry.

"What's for breakfast?" came a muffled question, followed by a heart-felt yawn that would have made a lion cower.

"Good morning to you, too, Kili!"

Thorin had yelled a little bit louder than planned, which resulted in dwarves – and a hobbit – waking up in all corners of the cave. Thorin watched them as they rubbed the sleepiness from their eyes, some already wide awake, others grumpily searching for their belongings. Just another morning.

Kili approached the fireplace, hair tousled and his dark eyes still somewhat sleepy, yet shining with a thrill of anticipation.

"Hey Fee, let's get something for breakfast, shall we? I need meat, I'm starving!" He patted his stomach to get the message across. "Mother won't like it if we get too skinny – not that she needs to worry about you, brother!"

Instead of a response Fili stuck out his tongue at the younger one, and Thorin suddenly felt like he was back at his sister's house with two fighting children in front of him, taking absolutely no notice of his attempts to break up the quarrel. He could feel the corners of his mouth twitching as he watched his nephews head out for a little hunt, Kili having shouldered his bow, Fili carrying a small hunting knife.

He turned his head east, where a red light at the horizon announced the beginning of a new day. And when the sun would rise again after Durin's Day, he would be home for good.

So open your eyes child,
Let's be on our way.
Broken windows and ashes
Are guiding the way.

Keep quiet no longer,
We'll sing through the day,
Of the lives that we've lost,
And the lives we've reclaimed.

(Rise Against, "Prayer of the Refugee")

A/N:

"Ambâr, nadadith." = (to) sleep, little brother

I couldn't find a site for Khuzdul grammer so I had to take the infinitive form, if anyone knows how it should be in order to say "Sleep, little brother!" please just let me know.