It's dark, and late, and I'm trying not to worry.
He's late all the time, after all. There's no need to worry.
The others sense my anxiety, thinly veiled by an aura of put-on put-out-edness, and keep their distance. What do I keep? I keep my beer, and my temper, and I don't worry.
He's late.
The guild has closed for the night, everyone back to their bunks except for me. Mirajane doesn't dare kick me out, not with the way I'm stewing. Stewing, not worrying.
Not worrying.
Not worrying.
Not worrying.
The clock, powered by some complicated mechanism that Levy worked out, reads past one in the morning. I'm well on my way to drunk, mumbling to myself about damn mechanics and damner so-called "Fireballs" when the door finally flings itself open.
"Well, geez," I say, fake-excited. "Look who finally decided to show up."
Natsu visibly trembles. It doesn't say much for my mental state that this actually makes me pause. "I-" he begins, but he doesn't have to finish. He's covered in that oil stuff, and I know what he's been up to. He's trying to get his car to run again, going on the world of some traveling ex-mage who swears up and down that some guy in Daven managed to do so with sparks and some mysterious black oil. I'm scared to death that Natsu's going to blow himself to heaven with such antics, especially since he won't even let those of us who know something about mechanics help him.
"You're workin' on that damn car." I mumble, pouring myself another drink. "Always workin' on that car. Care more about the car than the guild." It's not true, and I almost feel bad by the way Natsu flushes and stammers, "Th-that's not true, Lucy."
Of course it isn't. But I'm still angry that he made me so worried, and over nothing. I should know better by now, to care even a little bit for this guy who doesn't care about anything at all, who we both know would fly away in a second if he could, guild or no guild.
"Care more about the car than me, that's for sure." I down my glass in one go, and, when that doesn't make me feel better, pour another.
"Now, that really isn't true!" Natsu sounds angry, which is how I know that I've arrived at drunk. He only mouths off like that when I'm too trashed to do anything about it.
"Yeah? Really?" I swing around on my seat, try to stand-fail. The second time I make it, and jab my finger at his chest. "Then why are y'workin' so hard to drive off an' leave me, huh?" Saying too much, saying too much-but the words are steel, and my tongue is oil. I can't won't shouldn't stop them.
"Lucy," Natsu starts, but I hit him. Well, I try to hit him, but my hand is moving through peanut butter and I cup his face in my hands instead, resting my forehead on his collarbone. "Natsu," I mumble.
He pats my back, sighs. "Yeah, Luce."
"Natsu, I don' want you t'go . . ."
"I know." he says, tiredly.
"Don' go." I hug him.
"I won't."
"Don' ever."
"I won't."
"Don' even think about it."
"I won't. Now how about we get you up to bed."
"Mm. In a sec." I pause, trying to catch the thought I had before he distracted me. Oh, yeah. "Cause I'll die. Kill myself. So don'-don'-don' go."
"Mm-hmm." Natsu doesn't sound too concerned about my dramatic threat, because her starts to herd me upstairs. I stop him at the foot of the stairs for a second, wrapping my arm around his neck and twisting my fingers in his hair to bring his head close to mine. "Natsu." I whisper, his forehead against mine.
"Yeah?" he raises his eyebrows, exasperated.
"Som'times," I slur. "You can be veeeeeery cool." Satisfied to leave it at that, I let him lead me up and put me to bed without comment.
"Good night, Lucy." Natsu says, then, quieter, "I'm not trying to leave you."
"Yeah?" I ask sleepily, taking his hand, playing with the fingers. He lets me for a long time, or what seems like a long time, neither of us saying anything. He sits on the floor by my bed, leaning his head on the shoulder of the arm that's outstretched towards me.
"It's just better out there." he says softly, probably thinking I'm asleep. "Under the open sky. There's no pressure, no thinking. I'm not brave like you, Lucy. All I know how to do-all I can do really well-is drive. So maybe I do leave you . . . but I always come back." He laces his fingers through mine gently. "I always come back." he repeats. "Always."
"Y'come back late." I mutter, and he jumps. "Ah-you're awake!"
I smile. "I take back wh'I said earlier 'bout you bein' cool."
"Lu-"
I tighten my grip on his hand. "Shut up. C'mere."
He hesitantly crawls over the covers, and I unceremoniously yank him down next to me. "Jus' sleep."
"Kay." he breathes.
"Y'prom'sed ya wouldn't leave." I sleepily remind him.
"I know. I won't."
"I love you."
"I know. Go to sleep."
I hit him, a little more effectively than the last time. "Yer sup'osed t'say y'love me too . . ."
Natsu kisses my cheek, tucking his head into the crook of my neck. "As if I'd give you the satisfaction."
His hand in mine, I finally drop off to sleep.