Not So…Normal…
by Zenin

Quickie Comment: Yes, people, it's true. I am going to try a self-insertion fic. But this one goes way beyond all boundaries…all boundaries…

I absently blew an unruly wisp of brown hair from my face, my arms crossed as I awaited my opponent's arrival. The crisp white uniform I had on rustled nicely as I shifted from foot to foot, examining my hands thoroughly. Okay, so they weren't all tanned and silky smooth like the other girls' were. They were blotchy and rough, the dry skin flaking slightly at the knuckles — generally making my scarred hands uglier than ever. It also didn't help that my hands happened to be long and thin. Pianist hands, people called them. The more honest individuals simply looked aghast. According to them, a small-boned girl like me should be interested in things like makeup or parties…gossip would be an appropriate pastime, even. But fighting?

What an odd girl.

The dojo floor was wide and cool, the smooth grey surface lightly padded with nylon. All of the kicking bags had been sensibly lined against the wall to avoid any obstruction problems when the sparring started. My sensei paced back and forth among his students, checking to make sure that each of us had our mouthpieces.  Proud parents were chattering to each other as they seated themselves in the chairs that were placed on the outside of the dojo, a low wall separating over-enthusiastic spectators from the students.  My classmates were standing with their partners, already paired up, and giving the usual sidelong glances at each other.  It was amusing to note that in a few minutes, the shy façade would vanish and they would be pinning each other to the floor.  I picked out two girls from the crowd, gratefully noting that neither were my partner.  All they ever did was talk and giggle.  Karate was obviously something that they were doing simply for the extra credits.

Five long minutes passed.  I was getting tired of watching Amy and Sarah comparing their jewellery.  Seriously!  What type of idiot wears jewellery to a karate class?  And where was my blasted partner?

Finally, a tall, dark haired boy detached himself from a crowd of admirers and strutted to stand in front of me, his lips curled in a derisive sneer. "Zenin. It's nice to have you back. I mean, three months missing in action… You sure lost quite a bit of time." He toyed conspicuously with the end of his obi, smirking as my eyes fell upon the new stripe.

Ah. The creep got promoted.

It took quite a bit of will power to convince myself not to throttle the freaking jerk right where he stood. Instead, I smiled sweetly.

"Oh, I do hope you're wearing a cup this time, Michael. Tell me, did it really hurt that much the last time we sparred, or was the writhing-on-the-floor-in-agony scene put on?"

His face took on a rather unhealthy shade of grey, but his grey eyes flashed dangerously. I gleefully noted that, indeed, he had not forgotten our last meeting. Demurely, I lowered my eyes…my signature tactic that usually threw people off guard. One minute, be delicate and scared. The next minute, beat the bloody hell out of them.

He recognized it and stiffened slightly.

"You're my partner?" I asked hopefully, gazing down at my bare feet speculatively.

"Erm…yeah," he muttered, still toying with his belt. As if that new, shining stripe held inspiration for him. Moron.

Sensei called everyone to attention and gave us the usual speech on which target areas we were supposed to focus on, yadda, yadda, yadda. We bowed to each other, squarely meeting each other's eyes in the typical defiant salute. And then—

I can't exactly describe what happened next. One minute, I was preparing myself to pound my rival into the ground — and most likely I was going to be pounded some as well — but then…

You've heard of the Mary Sues, right? They're the namby-pamby girls that get sucked into their favourite books…accidentally. The next thing you know — surprise surprise. They're suddenly unrealistically beautiful, rich, and popular. Not to mention the sudden appearance of magic. Each Mary Sue discovers that they have some special, unusual, unique talent that no one else has. And they go off and save the kingdom in flairs of vain gloriousness, all the while making the handsome Prince fall in love with them.

Gag me.

Mary Sues are, pardon my language, utter crap. They invade a perfectly good story and mangle it so that no shred of decency remains. All I can say is, damn them.

One second later…I, too, was sucked into a portal.

__________________________

I found myself in a not-so-comfortable position, my karate uniform torn beyond recognition. No matter what all those other Mary Sues say, those portals are not gentle. You see, not only had the portal manhandled me…it had also dumped me into a river. Which kind of tells me that the Portal Person who lives way up in the sky can read minds. It had not only taken me where I did not want to be…it had found one of my deepest fears.

My fear of drowning.

Oh, how I hate the thought. I'm such a bad swimmer…

Freezing water tumbled around me tumultuously. The black depths swirled into my nostrils as I frantically kicked to keep my face above the water. Against my will, my mouth opened in a huge gasp and the water rushed in to enter my lungs. Black spots entered my vision as I began to choke, now flailing shamelessly. My foot smashed against a jagged stone and I instinctively knew that it was either going to be broken or severely gashed. Right then, I could feel nothing. My body was numbing.

The swift undercurrent wrapped invitingly around my legs and tugged compellingly. I felt myself slip into unconsciousness, wondering briefly what heaven would look like. Maybe there would be a lot of ice cream. I like ice cream…

Annoyance briefly surfaced my mind as I felt vices grip my legs, yanking me unmercifully against the current. I was slung onto a hard surface, my head cracking firmly against a stone.

This time I left all reality behind and blacked out.

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I cannot believe I wrote this. Really. However, this will not be the normal, every day type of story. This, my friends, is a warped story; and I do hope you enjoy yourselves reading it as much as I am writing it. Anyways, this is just the prologue.

Prologue: short, introductory chapter.

I guess I won't be seeing many reviews for this anyway…judging by the amount of Mary Sue fics that totally exploded in the past week or so. Let's just say that this is no Mary Sue. If I can't torture my other characters properly, then let's humble me. *Laughs* Oh, I am so weird…

~Zenin

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