That Damn Recording

Chapter 5: Get Born Again

UPDATE: I'm updating this story for some grammatical errors and some really bad lines that I always wanted to omit, but never got around to it. Not much of a change, though.

AN: And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. Here is the final chapter. Oh, and I've updated the previous chapters, adding a few extra lines that I cut from the final draft. I put them back for a good reason, hopefully you can figure it out. Consider it my gift to all of you in thanks for the continued support. Enjoy!

Oh, and if you got a notification about this story because you've followed me as an author, check out my profile page for some very important content updates.

Dipper had quite a bit of time to listen to the entire tape, and to reflect on the conversation he and Wendy just had. His thoughts drifted from one idea to the next, and with a newfound determination, he pressed record.

I'll be honest, I think I died a little when Wendy told me that everyone had heard the tape. Sounds dramatic, but it pays off. Let me explain, I went numb, cold, I was terrified of what you all thought of me: is he crazy, is he insane, do we need to get him to a damn psychiatrist? Then, of course, I listened to your voices, your concerns, and, most importantly, your insatiable need to help me. I never doubted that you cared for me, I mean, we are family, but I never could have estimated the extent of that bond we share. Is it selfish to think that the four of you wouldn't be there for me in times like this? Wendy, you said that it's selfish, and I'm starting to agree with you. It is selfish to think so inwardly, but at the same time, I still think I was right in not talking to anyone. I wasn't ready, but I'll get into that in a minute.

And that part of me that died? It was revived by each new recording. Sounds like a cheesy, melodramatic mess of poorly-written emotion, but it was an incredible experience- the revival, that is. I would recommend it to everyone: get born again at least once in your life.

I always thought I was too young to have a revelation, a moment of clarity, like this. Even in my "immature" age I'm smart enough to recognize those moments, but I thought I haven't done enough to take part in one. This life of mine, what I haven't been able to do yet: It shouldn't be something that bothers me. There's an entire open road ahead, I can't sit here sulking about it. I still have these unresolved issues compounding on my brain, and I don't think that this recording will solve everything like I want it to. I'm still carrying this weight on my shoulders, a weight that I can't shrug away. It will take time, but I know I won't be alone. You all have said so much, and it all means so much to me. Each recording added to that moment of clarity, every word you recorded had an impact.

I really don't want this to go to your heads, especially you, Grunkle Stan. I'm being completely honest when I say how much your support means to me, but don't get cocky. I don't want to be looked down upon, so don't put yourselves up too high for helping me. Yes, you all deserve some form of award from your honesty and bravery, but don't let me fall behind.

Sigh…Grunkle Stan, you'll understand what I mean more than the others. You and Soos decided that this conflict needs to be treated as a test for me. I never thought of my demons like that, but you two really have a great point. If this is a test, I want to pass it: I want to leave behind this tormented part of me. If I can't leave it behind, I'll use it to grow. This other side of me, the one that just let loose on Gideon: I'm going to explore it. I should never have shied away from it, even if I thought it was going to ruin my level-head and clear thought process. It's not a part of myself that I want to discover, but if it's there, I'll learn to control it. I never would have thought to use that persona to build my character. Grunkle Stan, Soos: You are both wiser men than I. I'd like your help working on this, but not right now. I'm not ready, not yet.

Of course, I never would have been aware of your wisdom without you, Wendy. You did what you thought was best, and you were right. I needed someone to bring me back, to put my hope back in season. I was breaking, and you knew just how to keep me from completely falling apart. Hiding the tape until just the right moment was sly, devious, and quite cunning. I knew there was more to why…

…Never mind, that's not the issue right now. My point is that you approaching me was the smartest thing you've ever done. I don't think I was ready to just open up about my personal problems, but you gave me just what I needed: Tough love. A slap across the face that woke me up. Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your friendship, what we share? You're one of the closest friends I've ever had, and I can't imagine my life without you either. I'm going to talk to you, I think we can solve some of what's on my mind. Not yet, though. I'll apologize for pushing you away and shutting you out when I needed you the most, but not just yet. I'd rather do that in person.

…Well, I guess you're the last one Mabel. You were so right, I should have gone to you before trying to figure this out myself. With that in mind, you were also so wrong. I needed to get this weight off of my mind, but coming to you when I wasn't ready wouldn't have helped. Hell, I'm not sure I'm ready now, but the word is already out, so I guess there's no real point in staying withdrawn. I need you. I love you, and knowing how worried you are brings tears to my eyes.

No, before you ask, I'm not making that up. Hearing you cry over my devils broke me; I was horrified that I could have done that to you, if it was intentional or not didn't matter. And just when I thought you were going to give up on me, just as I was about to give up, you rebounded: You came back. You're stronger than me, and stronger than anyone gives you credit for. You gathered that strength and knew what you had to do, I only wish I had your resilience. You know me better than anyone, and when I'm ready, I'll come to you. Give me a day or two.

So is this something I need to figure out on my own? Is this all some test of will? Or can I not do this alone? All of you are right, and that's the truth of it. I can't help but smile knowing how much you all really care. I never thought you would have this kind of reaction to my issues, then again I never thought those issues would get out. So like I said, I'll come talk to you all soon, but not yet. Just give me a few more days. I need some time to explore who I am, to find out what I'm all about…and to get born again

Mabel, when you're done listening to this, give it to Soos, Grunkle Stan, and Wendy. Have them listen to it like I had with you. Thanks.

…

…

Oh, and Grunkle Stan? You're welcome. You know, for recording over…that.

Satisfied with the tape, Dipper slowly returned to the Shack, heading to his bedroom. There sat Mabel, looking worried and upset. Dipper knew she wouldn't get over losing that tape, so he took her hands in his. She looked up at him as he slid the recorder into her palms. She seemed confused at first, but Dipper gave her a comforting and reassuring smile, one that she hadn't seen in a long time. After telling her to listen to the tape, he walked out without another word, heading back for Wendy's rooftop hangout,

Mabel could barely contain her excitement as she listened to the tape. When the recording clicked at the end of the reel, she bolted up to the roof and proceeded to give her twin brother the strongest bear hug she could manage. Dipper was stunned, but not entirely surprised, by her emotional response. They didn't say a word as they shared that moment, but they each knew what the other was thinking. After an eternity of embrace, Mabel made her way back downstairs to hand out the tape.

A never ending smile stretched across Dipper's face. He knew he was ready to solve the enigma that was his inner-demons, with the help of his friends and family of course. It would take time, but it would be time well-spent. He looked up at the clouds surrounding the bright Sun and started naming them, changing their names as the shapes changed in the wind.

Well, that's all folks. Thanks for the support, It's been great. Time to work on a new project!

Live and Love,

JR (Taspiron)