Literally only minutes after watching season nine episode "200", I started writing this story. It's some kind of "missing scene" where JJ tells Emily about what did and didn't happen in the basement Hastings held her captive in.
As far as a sequel is concerned, please also read the author's note at the bottom of this page!
Best wishes!
Will and JJ were just about to enter the bar they were supposed to meet the team in when JJ spotted Emily getting off a cab. "Could you go inside already? I... have to speak to Emily for a moment. Alone..." Will nodded and went ahead after kissing his wife on the head. "See ya soon, then."
JJ nodded, running up to Emily. She hadn't had a chance to talk to her in private since being rescued from the basement, and there was something she definitely had to tell her before she left DC.
"Hi JJ! Hey, what are you...?" Emily frowned. Where was JJ dragging her to? Even when they finally came to a stop in an empty alley near the bar, JJ didn't explain anything. Instead, she just looked at Emily insistently.
„He didn't." She finally uttered.
„What?"
"Hasting. In that basement. He didn't..." JJ took a deep breath before she continued. "I know you noticed that my... blouse was unbuttoned and my pants were... but he didn't..." Now Emily understood. "He didn't rape you?" When JJ shook her head as a response, Emily was relieved, but a glimpse of doubt remained in her look. "Nothing happened!" JJ shouted, upset. How dare she not believe her? "Yet, the buttons of your blouse were undone, just like the one on your pants." Emily stated matter-of-factly. "He may not have raped you, but something did happen." JJ grasped for air, turning away from her friend.
"I'm sorry. That was too harsh." Emily apologized, gently touching JJ's shoulder to make her turn around again. She took it as a good sign when the younger woman didn't flinch from her touch. "I didn't mean to..." Emily made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "I'm sorry. It's just... seeing you like this scared the crap out of me!" She confessed. Moments of silence passed until Emily spoke again: "So he did not rape you." JJ shook her head. "...but...?" JJ sighed. "He... tried to." When Emily didn't respond, JJ continued: "He was the one who ...unbuttoned my blouse and..." She gulped. "He touched me."
The memories involuntarily popping up in her mind made JJ shiver.
/ No more games. I want INTEGRITY. She's the price. /
JJ violently shook her head as if that could make the memories go away.
"...but he just did it to blackmail Matt. "
JJ's shivering intensified when she realized this was only true to some point.
/ Take your time, Matt. I've been thinking about this for years! /
"When Matt agreed to type in the code, he stopped. It was only blackmail. He wouldn't have..." JJ stopped and both of them knew that it was not true. Hastings would have continued, would have raped her if Matt hadn't told him to stop.
/ Matt, don't. I'm fine. I'm... fine. F...fine. /
JJ couldn't put the voice in her head to silence. By now, she was barely able to control her shivering. Emily noticed that and immediately moved closer, reaching out for JJ's hand, gently squeezing it.
"He... saved me - Matt. He saved me. When Hastings started to... touch me, I... told Matt that I was... fine. That I could handle it. But..."
"... but you couldn't have." Emily's voice was free from judgment. Who could blame JJ for not being able to handle rape?
It was almost ironic how similar the situations they had been in were - being held captive in a basement by a terrorist, being touched by him, ... and at some point being saved by a Matt. Even if Emily's Matt hadn't been able to help her with Doyle in that basement, Emily knew that she, too, owed her life to him, to Matt who had been there for her when she was fifteen, pregnant and scared as hell.
"Does Will know about this?" JJ shook her head. An unspoken "You have to tell him!" lingered in the air, but neither of them elaborated on that. Moments of silence had passed when JJ smoothly changed the topic:
"If I hadn't told you tonight - would you have asked me about it?" Emily shook her head. "I figured if you wanted to tell me, you would. I didn't want to push you." She hesitated. "I know... what it feels like."
JJ frowned, giving Emily a questioning look. "Doyle." The brunette clarified. "... when he branded me, he..." Emily sighed. "He didn't ...rape me, but still..." She didn't have to finish her sentence. JJ understood. "... but still." Emily nodded in agreement. "...but still." She repeated.
There was a long moment of silence. One of them sighed, but neither of them knew who it had been.
"My point is that I think I know how you're feeling right now, because..." Emily hesitated, surprised at how difficult it was to talk about what had happened more than three years ago. She started again: "I'm here for you, JJ. You know that, right?"
JJ nodded gratefully. "Thank you. For everything." She tried to smile at the other woman, but Emily could see that JJ was fighting tears. "Come here" Emily offered, gently hugging JJ when the younger woman obeyed. "You can call me any time. You know that, right?" Emily whispered in JJ's ear. "Uh huh."
When she felt JJ slightly shaking, Emily pulled her closer, soothing her by whispering words of comfort into her ear.
Neither of them knew how long they had been staying in this position, and neither of them cared. For just one moment, it felt like Emily was back again. Neither of them wanted to let that feeling go, but eventually, they had to. Emily's plane back to London was leaving in less than seven hours, and who knew how long it would take until they met again...
After a while, when Emily figured JJ was feeling better now, she released the younger woman from her embrace.
"Take care, JJ."
"You too."
Emily nodded. "...and JJ?"
"Huh?"
"Tell Will, okay?"
Hesitation. "I know I have to..."
Emily didn't say anything, just waited, looking at her friend full of expectation.
JJ sighed. "I will tell him, okay?"
And she would. There were too many lies between them. Too much Will didn't know.
JJ couldn't help but think of the unborn baby she had lost in Afghanistan. She didn't know how she managed not to touch her empty belly. Blinking repeatedly, JJ tried to stop the tears threatening to overwhelm her again. It took her a while until she finally trusted herself to speak again, and when she did, her voice was scarcely audible. But nevertheless she meant it.
"No more lies. Nothing but the truth from now on."
A/N: There is a sequel where JJ tells Will what happened. The sequel is an independant story basing on this fic. It's called "No More Lies" and can be found in the "My Stories" section of my profile. Enjoy it! :)
A/N 2: I live for reviews! Seriously! Pleeease give me feedback, regarding both content and style of writing - as I'm not a native speaker, I'm always uncertain whether my stories are full of mistakes nobody draws my attention to, or whether there are no major no-gos!