ways to get kicked out of the recon corps.
1: I will not poke corporal Levi for no particular reason.
after Connie did this repeatedly, he had to go to the hospital with nine severed fingers. Levi does not like to get poked.
2: I will not tell Hanji that Eren's titan form learned to talk.
Hanji spent four days straight to try to communicate with titan-Eren. the fifteen meter tall giant just sat there with a confused expression on it's face.
3: I will not tell Petra that Levi loves her.
she screamed in joy, he screamed in fury.
4: I will not steal Sasha's food.
"HHHHAAAAAANNNNNJJJJIIIIIIIII!"
Hanji's corpse was never found.
5: I will not attempt to teach Sawney and Bean the hokey pokey.
the grunts were stupefied when the two titans started to dance with Hanji. they were shellshocked when Mikasa joined in.
6: I will not wait for Levi to clean a room and throw a mud ball through the window.
Connie and Jean were never found.
7: I will not fill the 3DMG gas-tanks with helium.
it was funny to hear corporal Levi swear and curse in such a high-pitched voice. he nearly murdered Erwin when the man told him that the voice finally matched his height.
8: I will not tell Eren that the solution for the destruction of the titans lies in Christa's underwear drawer.
Ymir cut Eren's arms off six times, before kicking his teeth out and breaking both legs, before watching him regenerate and repeating the process... twice.
9: I will not sing the spiderman theme when I use the 3DMG.
it got annoying after the fourth consecutive hour.
10: I will not tell Erwin that Mike is better than him.
he nearly cried.
11: I will not tell Jean that Eren has feelings for him.
he nearly cried.
12: I will not glue a wig on Connie when he is asleep.
for some reason Connie just shrugged and shaved it off.
13: I will not tell Hanji that Annie and Eren are 'mating'.
Hanji nosebled, Eren fainted, Annie shivered, and Mikasa sat in a corner, playing with a knife while muttering, "kill Annie, kill Annie, kill Annie.".
14: I will not start a food fight.
Sasha cried for days when she saw how much food was spilled. Levi cried for days because of the mess. Erwin cried because of how much money was wasted.
15: I will not blame everything on Sasha.
Levi: "who threw my cravat in the trashcan?"
Mikasa: "Sasha, after she ripped a giant fart, sir."
16: I will not dye all uniforms pink.
Armin and Connie laughed their asses off while the rest chased them across the training grounds.
17: I will not hug Levi.
to his defence, Erwin made it to three minutes, before Levi caught up to him.
18: I will not hang Armin on a rope, go the top of a tree, and go 'titan fishing'.
Eren went full flaming titan form on Jean's ass while Jean was unarmed.
19: I will not yell TITAN! everytime Eren walks by.
Eren kept going into his titan form, and had to be restrained after the fourth time, while Erwin cried about the holes in the roof.
20: I will not replace all uniforms with pink lacey naked aprons.
this time, Christa and Hanji laughed their asses off while the others chased them.
21: I will not do a happy dance every time Levi walks by.
Eren had to regenerate both arms, seven ribs, a leg, his eyes and his tailbone that day.
22: I will not ask 'and how does that make you feel', every time Mikasa says something.
at first she glared at Ymir, eventually she broke down, and scarred the poor woman for life with her life story.
I KNOW, IT'S CORNY, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY, AND I HAD A LOT OF FUN WRITING THIS STUFF, SO IF YOU'D LIKE, I COULD UPDATE THIS ONCE EVERY WEEK OR SOMETHING. PLEASE REVIEW WITH IDEA'S AND YOUJUST MIGHT MAKE IT!