The end of the beginning?

How can I be so selfish to want to break up a family? If I have Mr. Cullen, then his baby and wife won't have him. He's going to be a daddy. Jasmine is his wife. Their family of two is becoming one of three. Mom has been saying, "A baby is a happy thing, a precious gift that we should all celebrate."

And I was celebrating by lusting after Mr. Cullen. Using my skin to call him in. Like Mom always says, boys are boys and they only ever have one thing on their mind. Who am I to use that against a boy who has so much coming to him? Does that make me a bad person?

Mr. Cullen's eyes are so green today. I think his light purple button down really makes them stand out. Plus he's smiling. He hasn't been smiling for a long time now. Even some of my other classmates have noticed. I guess things must be going well for him and Jasmine.

It breaks my heart to have to give up Mr. Cullen, so I think I must love him. But how much can I love him if I'm giving him up? Or maybe this is sacrifice. I'm sacrificing my happiness so he can have his with his wife and new baby.

"Don't forget to turn in your homework before you leave!" Mr. Cullen waves as the bell rings.

The students rush out in a hurry, but I take my time. My footsteps are slow and quiet and I hide my naked tummy behind my big English textbook. I don't want Mr. Cullen to see how I dressed for him today.

"Hi, Mr. Cullen," I say, staring at his brown shoes. He spilled pizza cheese on it the other day and it's still there.

He smiles at me. I don't see it, but I feel it. "Hi, Bella. Is that your homework?"

"Yeah." I lay it on top with all of the others, and after taking a deep breath, look up real quick into his eyes. "I just wanted to say goodbye!"

His eyebrows go all scrunchy like. "Goodbye?"

"And to wish you the best. You know…with your new baby and family and stuff."

His eyebrows go flat. In fact, his entire face goes flat. "Bella?"

"That's all, Mr. Cullen. Just…goodbye."

I run out of there fast. I haven't felt it many times in the past, but I feel it here, and things are awkward. I don't like that feeling at all. Mr. Cullen knew exactly what I was saying because when I turn around in the hallway to look behind me, he's standing there, with his hands in his pockets and his green green eyes…they look all knowing.

They know, I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying goodbye.