Sorry. I really am terribly sorry for the wait. Remember that time I said I'd get this story done in a weekend? Yeah, I'm just going to stop prescribing unrealistic deadlines to myself. Perfectly alright for you all to be annoyed with me. However, I promised an epilogue and I will deliver on that. Here's hoping it's an enjoyable one, and a good end to this little random adventure. Enjoy!

Dobby's Polka-Dotted Sock

Chapter Four

Amy, to be perfectly honest, was more than a little worried. Very rarely was her Raggedy Man like this. She used to think first as a little girl and then as a young woman first starting out on her travels that the Doctor was never ever afraid, not of anything. But she'd come to learn that wasn't true, and that to even think so was terribly unfair to them both, for then he tried all the harder to let her believe such a ridiculous lie.

But it worried her that right here, right now he was doing the opposite in front of a not that small group of people. Sure, they were all people he knew and was relatively comfortable with, but while he was always there with a hug or comforting word when they needed it, it had taken Amy and Rory a good year or so before he was willing to let them do the same. This whole business with the Artemins must have shaken him badly.

It wasn't as though she could blame him; he likely knew far better than she what exactly would have happened to him if the Queen hadn't agreed to wait, if they hadn't been able to get in touch with River, if Chief Advisor Erinnae hadn't told them about the Challenge of Claim, if either River or the Doctor had lost…so many places where things could have gone wrong. Amy's arms tightened around the Time Lord protectively just thinking about it, and she felt Rory shift around a bit to provide the alien a bit more privacy as he took a couple deep breaths and held onto her tighter too in response.

Still, they were able to be doing this because nothing had gone wrong, and so she told him that. "Hey, it's alright, you're safe. No one's taking you to their planet or using you or anything. You're free."

But the Doctor shook his head, or at least she felt him do so, and murmured back, "No, but—did I go too far? Please, Pond, I know you'll tell me."

She thought back to that image of him poised and ready with the sword at the alien monarch's neck, how with just one practiced stroke—and she had to wonder how practiced it would be—Mexianna XIV would have been no more. A quick, easy solution. So many of their adventures could have ended in quick easy solutions. But they hadn't, and she knew then that he was far more practiced in what he had done instead, appealing to the Artemin's morals, convincing her to find the way out.

But of course he was choosing to fret over what he almost did, rather than what almost happened to him.

"No," she assured, "You were fine. Really," she added when he didn't relax. "Anyway, you would've known if I didn't think so." Sure, she had gasped, but that was hardly a harsh admonishment.

"Funny enough, I think it'd be safer if you waved around a sword instead of a gun," Rory, having supplied silent support, finally broke the tension. "Ow," her husband grunted as she elbowed him with one arm, and the Doctor snickered.

"Very true, Rory the Roman, very true," the Time Lord stepped back, affording them a grateful smile. "And thank you for being truthful, Amy. Only one of the many reasons I need you humans: to be there to stop me."

She remembered that nonexistent reality where her daughter was married, when the Doctor hadn't been there to stop her, and her smile was slightly strained as she replied, "You show us how."

He shook his head, clearly finding some dispute with that, but the smile was still on his face even as he looked over their heads at something, or someone. "Suppose this isn't much of a celebration."

"I've been to a fair few livelier ones," River responded, and the Ponds half-turned and stepped apart to allow her to come in between them. She stopped there and finished, "but this one suits me just fine."

"You were brilliant," Rory praised again, glancing at the Doctor as he added, "you both were, really. Just take the compliment," he warned before the Time Lord could protest.

"Yeah, I think I judged you too soon, Raggedy Man," Amy remarked with a teasing grin, "Here I thought you didn't have any moves, after what you did at my wedding and all." Then again, there were times when he'd seemed lighter than air even as he spun and flailed about everywhere; he'd taken her hand to lead her out to see the oldest cliff-face in the universe and she'd felt like a lady being escorted. Just how much of his awkward, jerky movements were simply his own choice?

River only made her question it that much more when she smirked and said, "Well then you haven't really seen him dance, have you, mother?"

"The Drunk Giraffe is a real dance," the Doctor shot back, pointing a finger at her.

"On what planet?" Rory asked, which made both Amy and River laugh and the alien scowl for about half a second before he chuckled.

They heard the footfalls of Jack's boots before he and Kate both joined them. "I'm guessing it's safe now?" The Captain checked.

"Yes, yes, all good, Jack," the Time Lord nodded.

"I do want to thank you for your help, Doctor," the UNIT director spoke up. "I can't imagine this was easy."

"Ah well, all in the job description, eh Kate?" He replied with a short little salute, to which she just shook her head with a smile.

"Oh, so it's fine to give Kate one, but God forbid I salute you," Jack mock-grumbled.

The Doctor, however, seemed to take it seriously. "Oh, I'm not so hung up about it, now, Jack. You can salute me if you like."

"Good to know," the other man responded. "Still hung up on flirting, or can I do that to you, too? Or with you would be better."

Their friend held up a finger, mouth working for a minute before he finally decided, "That you might have to phone in to my wife."

"Oh, don't mind me," River commented. She'd walked a few paces away to collect both the Doctor's and her swords, and returned now with both.

Jack's grin was something more of a leer as the Doctor fidgeted under his gaze. The immortal man turned to their daughter, however, and stated, "Professor Song, I think we are going to become fast friends."

"Are we? Careful, Sweetie, best arm yourself," River teased, passing the Time Lord his sword. There was a certain shine to her eyes as he took it, but then the door to the arena slid back open and a guard stepped through.

"I am to escort you to the throne room. Her Imperial Majesty wishes to see you before your departure."

"How polite of her," River's tone was flat.

"The TARDIS is in the throne room anyway, River," the Doctor pointed out, "we would've had to go through there."

"Perhaps it'd be best to put in the appearance and be off?" Kate suggested reasonably.

"Yep," Rory agreed succinctly, about as thrilled as their daughter. Amy wasn't faring much better; sure, she hoped now that the alien monarch would go on to improve her planet or Sisterhood or whatever, but she'd rather hear about it later than have to see the woman again, and so soon.

Still, they all followed the guard dutifully to the throne room, where Mexianna XIV stood before the TARDIS doors. The alien Queen took a deep breath and stepped toward them. "On behalf of all of Artemin, I do wish to apologize," she began, looking contrite and more than a bit uncomfortable at having to admit to this fault.

"As long as you maintain peaceful relations toward the Earth, consider it accepted," Kate replied rather generously. "I cannot speak for the Doctor, however," she moved to the side a bit to allow the Time Lord to come forward.

"Ah, well," he began, wringing his hands together. He swiveled his head from left to right, glancing over each shoulder at them. "Look, could you all just- just a minute—" His hands made an approximation of a shooing motion. River gave a huff, but took the lead in moving over to the side of the room, approaching Erinnae and beginning a discussion about Artemin administration. The others walked away reluctantly as well, but giving a pointed nod to Rory, Amy hung back just enough to remain within earshot of the two aliens. She was just looking out for her friend, and anyway this was probably going to be his lecture-the-misguided-being-about-how-they-were-doing-things-the-wrong-way speech, and she knew those inside and out.

"Mexianna," he sighed, looking down at her and shaking his head just slightly. The standard beginning, essentially. "It is hard, I know, to change things, to change a whole society. It can seem impossible. And you've got the idea, you know things aren't right and need changing." Building up a sense of sympathy and even a little approval, a sort of encouragement so that it wouldn't be so devastating when he knocked down the whole foundation of their argument. "But this wasn't the way to do it." And there it was.

"Yes, I- I see that now," the Queen admitted quietly, eyes on the carpeting rather than his face. Most others were this way at this point; it took a truly stubborn person to withstand it this far.

"There's no need to force anyone to help you, you know," he told her, a gentle helping hand just when they needed it to escape the embarrassment and despair of realizing their own folly. "The universe is big and a little scary sometimes, but there are whole hosts of people willing and able to offer assistance, and certainly for a problem like yours. Like I said before, Mexianna, just find someone and ask." Giving them hope and supplying a solution, all while subtly implying he'd been right the whole time. "I'm sure you can do it." And the final little push they needed to look up at him and share a little smile.

As amusing to Amy as it was that she could map out the entire exchange from start to finish, the thing that kept it on the right side of cheesy every time was that he always completely meant every word.

The Queen's smile trembled a little though, as she said, "I was never born to be Queen, you understand. I am the fourteenth, but Mexianna, too, is a title to me. My real name is—"

"Best to save that for the man you'll be asking," he cut her off. "A name's a special thing. It held quite an awful lot of significance to the Time Lords."

A hint of that smirk came to the alien monarch's face as she quirked an eyebrow. "So I've read."

His jaw dropped, though no sound came out as he just looked at her, but then it snapped shut as he shook his head with a chagrined expression. "You," he scolded, but his features softened again as he told her, "Tell it to the one that deserves to hear it."

She nodded seriously now. "I will."

"Right then," he clapped his hands together and Amy, who had become a bit tense, was quick to rejoin him, the others not far behind. "We'll be off. Your Majesty," he gave another sweeping bow, then seemed to remember the sword still in his grasp, for he offered it hilt first to her as he straightened up. "River, I believe these belong to them."

Before their daughter could present her own blade, however, Queen Mexianna raised a hand. "Keep them. You fought valiantly and have more than earned a gift from my Sisterhood. I would be honored if you would accept."

The Doctor looked to River once, who nodded, and his face split into a grin. "Well alright, then! I love presents!" He flipped the sword in the air to catch it by the hilt and then brought it to the side. Amy had winced and ducked in anticipation of a fumble, and now only shook her head at the show-off. "A gift from the Sisterhood of the Artemian Empire to a Time Lord, how about that?"

"Did the Corsair not get to keep a sword?" Rory guessed.

"No she did not, Rory. Ha-ha!" The Doctor replied gleefully. River seemed pleased with her gift as well as she ran a hand along the flat of the blade and then watched her husband with a fond smile, eyes shining again.

"Well, if that's all settled, I guess I'll head to the teleport room," Jack shrugged, "unless the lovely ladies of Artemin would let me ride the shuttle with Kate?"

"Not if that means I'm forced to make some kind of claim over you, Captain," the director cautioned, probably a wise move from the way the immortal man was grinning at her.

"You say that like you don't want me to be your male."

"You say that like you do."

"Well, I was just going to offer you both a lift," the Time Lord broke in with a puzzled expression. "But if you want to ride the shuttle, I guess—"

"Alright, all aboard the TARDIS!" Jack cut him off with a delighted smile, and Amy couldn't help laughing at the man's sheer joy. It was nice to know she and Rory weren't the only ones who enjoyed traveling in the police box so much.

"I have heard some stories," Kate admitted sounding just a little giddy, and the Doctor grinned like he did any time there was a new-comer.

"Well get ready for those to be blown away, cause she's redecorated an awful lot since your father was on board," he swept his arm to the side and Queen Mexianna XIV took the cue to move aside. He inclined his head once to her in acknowledgement before raising his free hand and snapping his fingers.

It was just as magical as the first time as they were bathed in the almost golden light of the interior, and all the more so as both Kate and Jack gaped in wonder.

"Yours is bigger than his," the Captain remarked.

"Thought you'd say that," the Time Lord quipped, the other man still too stunned to return with one of his own.

"My word," Kate breathed, "how does it all even work?"

"Don't even try," Jack advised.

"Good call," Amy offered sagely, and they looked toward her. She placed a hand on her hip. "You're not telling me you just want to look at it. Come on," she jerked her thumb, and she and Rory led the way in, the Captain and the Director stumbling after.

"I must say I cannot blame you for not wishing to remain on my planet," the alien monarch said to the Doctor, though her eyes were on the TARDIS. "Such a craft as this…you would tire of Artemin quickly."

"That's not to say I might not stop by for a visit, should things turn out well," he told her, and she afforded him a final smile before stepping back.

"Then I look forward to it. Farewell, Doctor. And my apologies—and sincerest respect—Professor River."

Their daughter nodded to the alien once, choosing not to say anything. The Artemin Queen would never know how lucky she was Amy didn't call Dr. River Song.

"Your Imperial Majesty, we must prepare for departure," Erinnae spoke up, not doing much in the way of acknowledging them, and so the Queen sighed and went to her Advisor.

At the same time, Jack, who had gone around her and up the stairs, called, "Hey Doc, get a move on. I want to see you use the typewriter! And what do you need a bugle for?" He was laughing as he circled around the console, taking in everything new.

"Is this ketchup?" Kate's voice asked from around the time rotor.

"Humans," the Doctor said in the same tone as a parent might say, "Kids." It didn't make Amy as sad as she was expecting to know now he'd most certainly said both in his long life, particularly when he took up River's free hand and kissed the back. "Always a handful, aren't they?"

"Maybe," the archeologist acknowledged with a smile that turned to a grin as she met his eyes. "But at least this is shaping up to be more of a party." Neither made the first move; instead, they let go of their hands and turned as one to face the other, River laying her palm against his cheek while his hand cupped the back of her head, fingers threading through her curls as their lips met somewhere in the middle.

Amy figured they deserved a victory kiss and so waited a minute before speaking up. "Now who's getting to be a handful?" They only paused long enough so that River could lean around his shoulder and simply throw her a wink before resuming.

"Wait, are they kissing?" Jack demanded, hurtling around the console to come see. "Wow," the Captain managed. "That's just- wow."

"Is it really that surprising?" Rory looked at the man curiously. Sure, it had been a little weird to them at first when meeting River, but they'd gotten used to it over the years.

"Kind of, yeah. Not that he didn't have it in him, but just- right in the open like that. Not to mention the married part, I still feel bit thrown for a loop on that," the immortal man admitted.

"Well, clearly he's just learned from our excellent example, Mr. Pond," Amy remarked to her husband, placing a hand on either of his shoulders. Rory readily returned her kiss, hands going to the small of her back.

"Oh, you're kidding," Amy heard the Captain mutter. "How am I the odd one out here? Hey, Kate—"

"Absolutely not. Er, sorry to interrupt," the Director added to the group at large, "but I'm being paged."

"Ah, well then, best to get you back to the Tower!" The Doctor disentangled himself, hurrying up to the console and depositing his newly acquired sword in the pilot's chair as he went to work. Amy was amazed he'd managed to hold onto it for so long. River shut the doors and joined them up on the main platform.

"Hang onto something," she advised her fellow blonde, whose eyes widened as she clearly recalled some piece of advice from her father and gripped the railing. They went spinning off to their destination, landing only a short time later.

"Well, here we are, the Tower of London, now moonlighting as UNIT headquarters!" The Time Lord announced, bounding down to the door and holding it open for Kate. The other woman, who had come out of the trip only slightly rattled, headed down, stopping before the alien.

"Thank you again, Doctor, for everything."

"Couldn't have done it without you, Stewart." The woman smiled and looked up at River once, who nodded. Kate then leaned up on her toes and pecked him on the cheek, stepping out of the doors and into her office.

"Of course she gives you one," Jack grumbled even as he was grinning. "Big changes since the last time, I'll say. I want to travel on this TARDIS," he pointed at the floor with both hands.

The Doctor merely shut the door and skipped back up to the console. "Oh, but I think Cardiff's due for a Weevil invasion any day now, Jack, best to get you back to Torchwood."

"Come on, you're making that up!" The protest was good-natured and the Captain went of his own volition to the doors when they again landed. "Had a lot of fun meeting you all," the immortal man commented as he turned to look at them one more time. "Till the next one, then." He saluted, which the Doctor returned with two fingers to his forehead, and left.

River was already returning them to the Vortex when Amy began, "So—"

But her question of where to next was cut off by the alien remarked, "Well, quite a day, that."

"I guess," Rory shrugged, nonplussed. It had only been some hours since they'd begun their lazy day in the TARDIS. Quite a lot had happened since then, but nothing more than they were used to.

"Probably best to just take a fresh stab at it in the morning, what do you think?" He continued, and that had Amy and Rory raising their eyebrows. Usually the Time Lord was the last to suggest turning in for the night.

"You won't see me complaining, I came here straight from a concert in the 47th century," River agreed. "Anyway, got to find a place to put these." She picked up her sword and studied it for a moment, "I don't suppose I could get away with claiming this is a replica if I stick it in my office."

"Don't think so," the Doctor acknowledged.

"It'll just have to stay here then," the curly-haired woman flashed him a smile before ascending the second set of stairs to the corridors. "Goodnight," she called over her shoulder, and then disappeared.

"Night," the Ponds replied in kind. This felt more than a little like a dismissal from the two Time Lords, and yet—maybe it wasn't. Maybe the Doctor wasn't quite up for another adventure just yet, after what almost transpired. Maybe he just needed a break.

So Amy shared a meaningful look with Rory before turning to their friend. "Alright, I think Rory and I could do with a rest anyway. How about we try hitting up a beach or something tomorrow, Doctor?"

"Could do," he noted absently, likely getting absorbed in the controls of his ship like he usually did when not wishing to talk.

Amy simply rolled her eyes and went over to give him one more hug. "Goodnight, Raggedy Man."

"Goodnight, Amelia," he smiled down at her briefly before returning his gaze to the TARDIS navigation panel.

Amy turned to Rory and shrugged, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs to the corridor containing their bedroom. There would be time to talk, but no need to push him before he was ready.

"At least River's staying the night, I guess," her husband commented. "Maybe we can all go somewhere together tomorrow."

She wouldn't make the connection until much later, and Rory would wake up and look at her groggily in the dark for laughing at nothing.

OoO

The Doctor waited until their footsteps faded away to nothing before looking up. He'd hated to give them the cold shoulder, knowing they only meant well, but there was really no need for them to see this. And no need to keep her waiting.

He wet his lips once and took up the sword that had been gifted to him. Certainly he was willing to come away from this adventure with this, rather than a forced visit to Artemin itself. He'd have to leave that for some other day. Had River not arrived when she did, he wouldn't have that choice. So it was a combination of that gratitude and just a bit of excitement that had him hurrying along down one of the TARDIS corridors, though he kept his footsteps light.

The Doctor was wary, too, as he eased open the door, but the room it contained was darkened. Another door off to the left was showing some light around the edges. He breathed a sigh of relief even as his shoulders slumped. He'd misjudged; River was in the bathroom, apparently getting ready for a well-deserved sleep after what was closer to two days for her. Sure he tended to mix up these sort of signals quite often, but he'd felt rather certain about this considering the looks she'd kept giving him—

He shook his head to clear it of such thoughts, entering their bedroom proper and going over to his cluttered desk, dropping his prize on top of everything else unceremoniously. If he knew where everything was, that was more than organized in his book.

But when the Doctor turned, he found himself nose to tip with a sword. River's sword. His eyes darted to the bathroom to see nothing about that had changed. Clearly she'd just been hiding behind the bedroom door.

"What was the first thing you taught me about swordplay?" His wife's voice was soft and dangerously low, even as her eyes glinted with the sword in the little light they had.

He swallowed. "Don't let your guard down."

"And what did you just do?" She sounded far too pleased with herself, and even laughed as he tugged uncomfortably at his collar.

But really, that was just a cover as he slowly inched his other hand backward toward the desk, fingers never stumbling over some errant object but assuredly closing around the hilt. "Lure you into a false sense of security," he finally answered even as he swung it down and then up, knocking into her blade. She was fast enough to parry his next move, however, and they stood like this, matched, for some time.

River was breathing harshly through her nose, but she was far from angry. An exhilarated smile lit her face and her eyes were still shining like they had been each time he'd picked up a sword today.

"You know, if I wasn't such a trusting person I might think you were trying to kill me again," he remarked offhandedly. It was funny how easy it was to joke about now, but time and a full pardon tended to do that.

River, for her part, scoffed and replied, "A trusting person, you?" She knew him so well.

A smile stretched his lips as he admitted, "Well, perhaps I don't have to rely on trust." He lowered his sword slightly and continued, "I doubt you'd have gone through all that trouble to save me from the Artemins if that were really the case. Thank you, by the way."

But it seemed the archeologist wanted him to save the gratitude for later, for she went quickly on the offensive at his perceived weakness. "You never know," she countered in between the clangs of metal on metal. "Artemins are renowned for their swordsmanship. Maybe I just wanted to be able to say I bested the Queen and it had absolutely nothing to do with you."

"Oh really?" He jumped as she swung low, landing in not quite a crouch to block her next attack. The Doctor leaned his weight into it too, making her take a short hop back to avoid having her sword pushed aside, and now it was his turn to be more of an aggressor. "Well, I could choose to believe you, but then I'd have to forget that I know one very important thing."

"And what's that?"

He didn't speak at first, instead choosing to concentrate on each strike and swipe of the blades, circling them around several times before side-stepping and ending up behind her. Only this time it was his arm around a woman's waist that kept her in place rather than a sword extended across her throat, and he wasn't likely to let this woman escape quite as soon. At last, he answered her.

"How very much you love me," the Doctor growled in her ear, and he felt more than saw River's shiver.

Her blade was tucked in at her side as she spun on her toes to face him, and her eyes wide yet just a bit dark as she breathed, "I don't think you know how much I love you with a sword."

"On the contrary, dear," he tucked a stray curl behind her ear and then smirked. "Why do you think I insisted on so much practice?"

He spun her out of his arms, readied his stance, and they began again.

OoO

In the morning, all four of the TARDIS' inhabitants stepped out together into the bright Artemian sunshines—as there were two stars providing the planet heat—to attend the introduction of Her Royal Highness, Princess Meya I. The little baby girl was a delight to all the citizens that had come to the Royal Ceremony, and though the women far outnumbered the men present, she cooed alike to both. Queen Mexianna XIV, flushed pink with a joyful glow, cradled the infant in her arms as her chosen and accepted bonded, His Excellency Sir Ertac, stood by with a proud smile.

More than a start, then.

The group then reentered the ship so the Doctor could try landing at the beach again. River managed it four attempts later on her first go, and it wasn't any wonder that it took them about an hour to coax the sulking Time Lord actually into the water. But it was more than worth it when they finally did.

Ok, so there we finally have the end! I hope you all enjoyed, and I will say again I was completely taken aback by the interest in this story. Had I known that would be the case, I might have planned for something longer…but I like it how it is.

If you're asking why the Doctor with a sword is such a turn-on for River, I think she likes when he acknowledges he's not a saint and can be just as bad as her. Plus, to River, sword-fighting is probably really fun.

Anyway, I'd love to hear any thoughts on how I did, thanks so much for reading and all your feedback, and please review!