Spunky Cooks

Implied Johnlock established relationship. 221B fic written for the AO3 1 million fanworks celebration! Sherlock decides to experiment with cooking something special for John. Special as in "special ingredient". Tagless dialogue just because it's short and concise and I like it.

"John! I've made breakfast!"

…

"Jo-ohn! The book says it's best fresh!"

"Mph – what is?"

"Just try it and tell me what you think."

"Mmm, nice smoothie. Bananas and honey… Ugh, it has a bitter aftertaste."

"Really?"

"Didn't you taste it yourself?"

"No, there wasn't enough."

"Couldn't you make more?"

"Not easily, no. It has a 'special ingredient' which is hard to get in large quantities."

"What?"

"Guess."

"Not this again. I'm not the consulting detective, remember?"

"You don't need to deduce – just concentrate on the taste. Think, it's the new sexy."

"Don't quote Irene Adler at me this early in the morning. I'm not ready to think about sex… Hang on… that bitter aftertaste… Oh, God, it isn't your…?"

"Yes. Here's the book – Natural Harvest: cooking with semen."

"Wait, so did you go into the bedroom and… toss off… and put it into a smoothie and made me drink it?!"

"No, John, of course not."

"Oh, thank Christ, for a moment I thought…"

"The recipe says it is best fresh, so I did it right here in the kitchen."

"Right, that's it! I want to be crystal clear about this! I never want to see in my food, ever again, dead or alive, fresh or otherwise, anything which has ever been part of - or come out of - a human body!"

Please note, this book actually exists! It's on Amazon - they really do have everything!