Part VI: Adventures in Vamp Staking...

Not so very much time at all later...

Oh-kay. So, there he was in a cemetery in Sunnydale, kneeling on a bench with his pants down around his knees. And his hard dick buried up to the root in Cordelia's asshole.

With a... Xander checked again. Yup. Definitely a vamp. In full game face, with a completely enthralled and dumbfounded expression. And wearing a cheap suit with fresh dirt stains and little clods and chunks falling off of it.

Oh – and, to cap it all off...

Standing there with his pants open and his own petrified dick in his hand, stroking it for all he's worth.

Guh-reat!

And again, oh-kay!

Definitely Andrew Waldrip, the vamp they'd been waiting here to stake.

'Oh, God,' ran through Xander's mind. 'I'm going to die here. And it's going to be embarrassing.'

A treacherous – and horny – voice in the back of his head observed that if he worked fast, maybe he could at least cum before the vamp drained him.

Hey. Seventeen and horny. Do the math.

Apparently they both stopped frozen in shock long enough for it to register on Vampy Boy. He frowned, the motion of his right hand stilling on his own erection.

"Dude. Don't stop on my account."

"Oh my God." Cordelia's eyes widened and she gasped out, "You've been watching us?" There was a pause, and she added in an outraged tone, "And jacking off? Eeww!"

"Holy shit! Is that Cordelia Chase?" Andrew blinked at them. "Wow. I knew Cordy was a hot looking slut, but I didn't know she could fuck like a porn star."

"Hey! And I am so NOT a slut!" Cordelia went from disgusted back to outraged again in 2.2 seconds. Xander scowled down at her tattoo. Jeeze.

Typical Cordelia.

Rolling his eyes, Xander gave the vamp an irritated look. "Do you mind?"

"Naw. Carry on, dude. I can wait 'til you're done." Andrew grinned at him, and actually winked.

"Hey!"

"Cordy, sweetheart?" Xander said, his voice starting to get a bit desperate sounding to his own ears. "Please, don't rush the nice vampire if he wants to wait before killing us."

"Oh." Cordelia froze for a long beat, and then nodded vigorously. "Right."

"Don't worry babe. After he's done, I'll drain him and you can do me before I kill and turn you."

"Hey!" Xander's head whipped back around and he glared at the newly risen vampire.

"Oh, right, now you say 'hey!'. Dork." Cordelia paused, glaring back over her shoulder at him, and then her voice went into tones of major disgust. "And eww! As if!"

Xander froze, his mind racing furiously, looking for a way out of this. After an endless moment that seemed like forever, he did the only thing that even remotely suggested itself to him –

With as casual looking a shrug as he could manage, Xander grasped Cordelia's hips firmly, and... pulled out partway and stroked back in. And again.

"Hey!" Cordelia glared back over her shoulder at him again, with an outraged and completely appalled expression. "God, dumb ass. Still?"

Ignoring her, Xander continued to slide in and out in slow short strokes while he continued thinking. Fortunately, thank the miserable gods, Little Nighthawk hadn't had an attack of shyness and wilted. Or retreated up into his lower abdomen.

Cordelia started to say something else, her eyes flashing, and he gave her a warning look and pulled back farther and shoved in hard.

"You- unnh... guh! Ow! Oh, God..."

Ignoring Cordelia, he nodded to Andrew and said, "Nice of you to let me finish."

"Hey, no probs," Andrew said. The vamp grinned at him and went back to his stroking motions. As Cordy had said: eeew. Double helpings of eww. And ick.

Andrew blinked at them, and then gave Xander a harder stare. "Wait – Xander Harris? Dude: we had bets on whether you were getting to screw Cordy or not."

Cordelia's head whipped back around to glare at him for a change. "Hey!"

"Really?" Xander's eyebrows went up. "What was your bet?"

"I figured she was too big a tease to give you any."

"Hey! Ungh!" Cordelia scowled ferociously. "I am not," she grunted as Xander slid home again, "Unghn... a tease, dammit." Throwing the glare backward again, she added, "And will you – ungh – quit that, you pervert?"

"She's really not." Xander said, still ignoring his increasingly incensed girlfriend. "As you can see."

Desperately, Xander brainstormed furiously for some way to signal Cordelia as to what he had tickling in the back of his mind before she recovered her presence of mind enough to sit up and pull away from him – dislodging him and ruining any chance they had of getting out of this alive.

No matter how slim a chance.

God... he hoped that Buffy showed up. Or Faith.

God... he hoped Little Nighthawk was game for this and didn't droop on him.

"I can see that. Damn – you just cost me twenty bucks."

"Uh, sorry?"

"Uh, you mind hurrying up? I'm kinda hungry. And I got a boner the size of Montana I want to do something with before I kill her."

"Hey! And, boy, is that ever something to look forward to!" Cordelia's eyes narrowed at him.

Xander eyed the vamp and his package. "I'm thinking Montana is kinda generous. Rhode Island, maybe... "

Cordelia snickered appreciatively and the vamp glared at them both. "Hey! Do you want to live long enough to finish up?"

"Wouldn't mind, no." After a beat Xander said, "But I gotta kind of agree with my girlfriend here. Has kind of a dampening effect."

"Hey," the vamp glowered at him. "I don't have to let you finish... "

"No, no, that's okay!"

"Great. And, hey! Are you going to like do something about this? Or just kneel back there like a thick lump?"

Leaning forward until he was half lying along Cordelia's back, Xander slowly ran his hands up along her waist and stomach until he was cupping both breasts again. His fingers found her nipples and pinched down, hard.

Still hard nipples, like his still amazingly hard dick...

Wow. Cordy's an exhibitionist, a part of Xander's mind noted, absently.

"Guh!" Cordelia thrashed suddenly and bucked back against him. Xander slipped one hand from a breast, and slid it gently along her stomach down to between her legs. "Oh- oh, guh-God!" She shoved back against him again, her head coming back with her eyes closed –

– Just as he'd more than half hoped for.

Putting his lips as close to her ear as he could, Xander whispered harshly, as loud as he dared and hoping like hell that vampire hearing couldn't pick it up, "I am doing something. Play along, Cordy."

"Uh huh! Oh, yeah..." Cordelia said breathily, her eyes closed, as he slipped his fingers along her slit and began to circle her clit. "I... uh.. I'll just... uh... ungh... what?" She finally registered and whispered back. "What?"

"I said: play along with me." Xander scowled glad his face was partly hidden by Cordelia's hair on the side away from the vamp. "Gotta get him to drop his guard."

"Ohhhh kayy... uh huhhh..."

Thank the gods for horny and thoroughly aroused girlfriends. Cordelia was gonna kill him after this, if they survived. Slowly.

As long as they were still alive for her to kill him, all was fine and good...

Xander frantically tried to think of a way to get to the stake in his pants cargo pocket without causing an immediate attack. Uh.. no. Especially not from this position. His eye fell on the open bag of slaying tools lying on the bench under his girlfriend's dangling tits, and he gave it a brief and speculative look...

There was a cocked and loaded mini crossbow in there ready to go and –

Probably not.

By now, Xander had a real, serious appreciation for how fast a vamp could move when it was motivated, and Vampy Andy wasn't nearly far enough away. He'd have his neck broken and Cordelia drained before he got the cocked and loaded hand crossbow out of the bag and aimed.

Dammit.

And then the half baked idea that had been niggling at the back of his mind incubated, hatched, and gave birth to an actual plan. Okay, maybe half baked was being generous. Quarter baked.

But a plan it was, nonetheless.

Stroking forward while making Cordelia shudder her way toward another orgasm with his fingers on her clit, Xander glanced over and said with elaborate casualness... "Well, if you're in a rush, she does have a hole at both ends... "

Cordelia's eyes flew open and her head whipped around to throw another outraged glare at him, nearly eye to eye now. "What?!"

It came out in kind of a strangled blue jay sound, more than a shout.

Meeting her eyes desperately, Xander waggled his eyebrows and gave her his most intense look. Willing her to suddenly develop telepathy and read his freaking mind, dammit.

He shrugged, eliciting a gasp from her as the motion caused him to jerk forward inside of her. "Evil Vampire and the Hot Victim, Cordy. I'm thinking it's a Hellmouth natural."

He was hoping against hope almost that some of their discussion of possible role playing scenarios the weekend just past was still in there, and would percolate up for her. Hope died as Cordelia glared blankly at him, and then her eyes narrowed.

Maybe...

She bit her lower lip and nodded, or at least jerked her head up and down, but Xander couldn't tell for certain if it was comprehension or a reaction to his hip movement.

Andrew brightened over there, and froze for a moment before saying, "Dude! Really? Hey – you're all right for a meal."

"Just what I always wanted written on my tombstone."

"Sorry, dude. But you know how it is – man's gotta eat."

"You're not exactly a man," Xander observed, pulling his hand away from Cordelia's crotch and straightening up behind her.

"Man, vamp, whatever."

"Hey! If you're going to drain him, why do you have to kill me?" Cordelia shot the vamp a desperate look. "Just eat him, I eat you, and you let me go. Win win!"

"Hey!" Xander yelped, and she shot him a scathing look over her shoulder.

And, oh thank God and Great Godfrey Cambridge. Cordelia remembered the script. Even better – the right script, so far. Woulda really sucked if she'd gotten it mixed up with "Hyena Boy and the Horny Ringmaster."

Probably fatally.

"You started it, dumbass," Cordelia snapped, wrenching his thoughts back online.

"I did not!"

"You so did!" Cordelia's eyes narrowed and went deadly on him. "A hole at both ends?"

Andrew ignored their mini spat, shrugged, and said in a musing tone, "Being the one who screwed and then turned Cordelia Chase? I'd be legend. Why should I let you go?"

Cordelia turned her head back toward him, licked her lips, and put on her best melt in your pants sultry voice. "Well, I could make it really worth your while..."

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?" Xander blinked at her.

Yeah, his plan and all, but... jeeze. Cordy sounded like she was getting into the idea. Xander kinda wanted to live through this, too.

Both voices, Cordy's and the vamp's shouted, "No!"

Xander huffed, glaring. "Vampire Layer."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Jerk off."

"Slut."

"Weenie!"

"Hey! I'm getting bored here." Andrew rolled his eyes at them, interrupting the bitch fest.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to have a fight with my idiot boyfriend."

"Uh, fight later, after I kill him."

"Fine." Cordelia rolled her eyes and huffed. "So, we have a deal?"

"Hey!"

"Oh, shut up, Dork. I'm bargaining for my life here."

"Hrrm. I do know where you live and hang out. I can always hunt you down later."

"See?" Cordelia gave him her very best Pepsodent commercial smile, with extra whitening power.

"But if I'm letting you go – I want more incentive," Andrew said, scowling.

Cordelia blinked. "Uh... like what?"

"Like, after you suck me off, I want both holes and a tit job."

"What?"

"Hey!" Both of them ignored Xander yet again...

"You heard me: cunt, ass, and a jugg fuck until I shoot off all over that slutty face of yours. Otherwise... "

Xander blinked at him. "Boy, that really sounds like more than a couple moments worth of fantasizing there, guy."

"Hey," Andrew said, shrugging back. "You try being in the locker room all the time with them running around in those skimpy uniforms and their undies, dude."

"Point," Xander said, nodding.

"Yeah. You've been fucking her, asshole," Andrew said, scowling. "The rest of us have just been jerking off thinking about fucking her."

"Uh huh." Pulling out half way and sliding back in, Xander ignored Cordelia's strangled sound and watched the way Andy Vampy's eyes followed the movement hungrily. "Pretty sure every guy in school's had this fanta– "

"If you two idiots are done with the locker room guy talk, jeeze," Cordelia huffed, tossing her head. "Fine. Let's get it over with. Uh, come around and stand in front of the end of the bench, I guess."

"Cool!"

Grinning, Andrew the Vampire yanked his hand away from his dick and practically trotted over to the bench, moving around until he was standing by the end of it with his fully erect – and literally filthy – hardon in front of her.

Xander could just picture Cordelia's expression of distaste as she cocked her head, examining the thing. And the nose wrinkle and eeww! Look on her face...

"Let me just get you a rubber," Cordelia said, her voice absolutely dripping with disgust. She reached down one hand from the bench arm toward the bag.

"Hey! I'm not gonna wear a raincoat for this, jeeze," the vamp said, rolling his eyes. He started to snicker. "Just suck the damned thing, bitch. Gargle later."

Huffing, Cordelia gave a kind of a shrug with her one hand on the bench arm, and wriggled forward a bit and started leaning her head down and forward, presumably with her mouth opening.

Xander thought Andrew's eyes were gonna bug out of his skull as he looked down at her, and himself. Xander's hand began reaching from Cordy's crotch back to his pants leg, but he knew he'd never reach that far from this position... Xander's mind spun rapidly through alternate scenarios just in case this failed, badly, or in the event that Cordelia hadn't read his mind properly.

Give Cordelia a hard shove to the left, throwing her and rolling her off the bench, reach in and grab a weapon and rise and nail the vamp as it moved in to kill him. And make sure he got the vamp even if his neck got broken in the process so it wouldn't get Cordy after and –

He didn't have to picture Cordelia's hand still stealthily dropping from the wrought iron arm of the bench, and dipping into the bag of slaying gear. He had a perfect view of it, looking down past her hips and ass.

And a perfect view of the crossbow coming up as she leaned back and away from the late and soon to be later Andrew's hard dick – and incidentally leaned into and up farther onto Xander's hardon – and brought the weapon up from under her tits –

And shot poor Andy Vampy dead smack in the heart at point blank rage.

Andrew had just enough time to yelp, "Hey!" and look up in blank faced shock before he started crumbling into dust with the screaming hiss of an escaping demon.

Yup. Ending up straight back in Hell going, "Whut? Uh... dunno what happened. This naked girl with her mouth open shot me in mid blowjob... "

Xander wondered idly if demons got demotions based on stuff like that.

"Point that filthy thing at my mouth, will you? Hrrmph!" Cordelia grated out.

"Wow." He paused for a long beat, gazing down appreciatively at his hot girlfriend's back. "I'm impressed. That was seriously hot, Cordy."

"What? Are you kidding me?" She twisted slightly, looking back incredulously at him. "You were turned on by that?"

"Huh." Little Nighthawk seemed to have grown a bit. "Guess so." Xander pulled back slightly and slid home, drawing a yelp and a squawk from Cordelia.

"Ooohhh... where did you put those extra bolts, you- you... pervert."

"Pervert! Me?!"

"You were gonna watch while I gave a vamp a blow job." Cordelia's tone was past outraged. Way past. "While screwing me in the ass, yet! And enjoying it, no doubt!"

"I always enjoy screwing you in the ass, Cordy," Xander said in his most patient tones.

"That's not what I meant!" she yelped.

"Well... you were the one that made that 'two places at once' crack earlier," Xander said, snickering. And... ooops. Really, really needed to get that brain to mouth filter looked at some day.

Cordelia's mouth fell open and her eyes widened, looking back at him. "Oh, you did not just!"

Xander took advantage of the moment to pull back all the way and slide home again, making Cordelia's expression turn somewhat, uh, different and her eyes to half close.

"Oh, guh... God," Cordelia said, gasping. "And you're still horny?"

"Hey," Xander said, as deadpan as he could manage. "I have this perfectly good hardon here just going to waste. And the vamp is dust, now." He paused for a beat, then, "And a really, really hot girl wrapped around my dick."

"Grrf. I give up," Cordelia's head went forward and dropped down to hang between her arms. "You're totally hopeless."

"Aww, don't be like that, Cordy," Xander said, snickering. "We got the vamp. Let's celebrate!"

"Oh, crap. Well, hurry up back there, dammit."

"Gee, you're so romantic."

"I think the romance left when you invited a vampire to mouth fuck me, dumb ass," Cordelia twisted a bit to glare back at him again.

"You have a point. The romance is gone." (beat) "Now all that's left is the really hot sex."

Shady Hill Cemetery, Tuesday, October 20, 1998 – somewhat later:

"So, catch many kids out here getting their ungh on, B?" Faith asked. She smirked as that, predictably, drew an outraged glare and a huff from the way too uptight little blonde.

"Can you say anything without grunting, F?" Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"Nope. Mostly because it's fun to watch your eyes head skyward every time," Faith said, completely unrepentant.

Buffy growled at her, and turned back to the entrance to the cemetery. "No. Most people have more sense than to do their, uh... ungh in a graveyard. Even in Sunnydale."

"None?" Faith blinked, actually a bit surprised.

"Well, every once in awhile."

"Cool."

Hey, after sitting for freaking hours waiting for that damned vamp to finally pop his head above ground, Faith was way, way past bored. Getting a rise out of Buffy wasn't much for entertaining at this point, but it beat nothing.

By the second hour at her grave site, Faith had been making up little stories in her head with all of the various Sunnydale Scoobies cast as actors in them.

By the time hour three started, she was moving back and forth around the grave, acting them out and playing the parts of all of the various Scoobies. Complete with voices and animated gestures. Thank God there was no one around to see her – she'd checked, frequently - 'cause her cool factor would never have survived it.

She'd have had to fall on her stake or something in mortification.

By the end of hour three, she was dredging up half remembered stuff from the hymnal during her long ago days as a Catholic schoolgirl in choir, and singing loudly to the cemetery at large.

And making up ribald and bawdy lyrics to fit the tune in the places where she couldn't remember the real ones. Father Abraham and Sister Edwina would have been scandalized if they'd heard...

Ah well. Faith was pretty sure that Christ would have gotten a laugh outta it. She was dead certain that the Big J just flat had to have a sense of humor. Else he'd never have done the whole cross thing...

He'd just have looked at all of the idiots around him and said, "Fuck this noise. Ya'll go to Hell."

Yeah yeah. Jesus in her world had a Texas accent. Screw you too.

"Besides, Faith," Buffy was saying, "Not everyone thinks about sex all the time. Unlike you."

Faith looked sidelong at her, incredulously. Oh, she did not just say that...

"Uh huh." Faith said after a long moment, nodding. "Riiiggghhht. Face it, B. Men are all beasts." Giving it a beat, just when Buffy's mouth was opening to retort, she added, "And women are horny beasts."

Buffy's mouth closed with a click, and she glared. "We so are not!"

"Riiiggghht."

"Not!"

"Uh huh." Snickering, Faith shook her head, ignoring Buffy's glare, and said, "Man, from Manimal to Mister French, all men are interested in one thing. Ssssseeeexxxxx!" She put extra extra syllables and growl into it, drawling it out while waggling her eyebrows just to see Buffy turn red.

Buffy started to speak, then frowned, blinked, and said, "Manimal?"

"Eighties TV, B," Faith said, nodding sagely. "Don't leave home without one."

"I am not talking to you any more," Buffy said, nodding decisively. She turned back to their patrol, starting to head deeper into the cemetery.

"Awww... but but but Buffy! Pwease don't be like that!" Faith snickered, and fluttered her eyelashes at the blonde.

Okay, so scratch that – teasing B was more entertainment than she'd had so far tonight. Oy. Faith wondered how the Xan Man and the Cheerleader were getting along out here? Bored to tears, and Queenie was probably filing her nails to a fine polish by now.

Man, Faith just could not figure that pair out.

Okay, so... Xander? Not so hard to figure. Decent guy, typical guy. Good sense of humor, a bit drool prone when Faith did her wild girl routine on him, but hey – he seemed A-ok, all in all.

Cordelia Chase, aka Queen C? Huh.

Ice Princess, Faith figured. And definitely not giving it up to horn dog boy. But oh, whoa momma – do not try and vamp her boy whether she was giving him none or not.

Cordy definitely had the 'Mine! Don't touch no trespassing – this means you trespassers will be annihilated' signs staked out all over Xander's ass.

Idly, Faith wondered how long it'd be before Xander got tired of the tease and please routine and started wandering. Not long, she'd bet –

A drawn out, hoarse, and nearly agonized feminine scream cut through the night and both her and Buffy stiffened to attention.

"Day-um," Faith said, her eyes going wide. Something about that scream...

"Oh, my, God," Buffy said, her own eyes widening. "That poor – oh, crap."

"Oh crap?" Faith's eyebrows went up.

"Cordy and Xander were over that dir- " the scream came again, definitely with that, uh... note to it this time. "Crap!" Buffy yelled, "Come on!"

And took off running.

Just fast enough that Faith's grab for her shoulder missed by the barest fraction of an inch...

Serious legs on that girl, sheesh. Across the cemetery grounds, jumping over headstones and going directly toward the screams. Damn.

Dammit. "Hey, B! Wait, no- wait... " God dammit – Faith cursed under her breath and took off after the blonde.

"You wait," Buffy yelled back, still heading off pell mell. "That's Cordelia! She sounds like they're killing her!"

"That doesn't sound like agony to me," Faith muttered, rolling her eyes. Shaking her head, she increased her speed in Buffy's wake.

Maybe, just maybe, she could catch up in time to keep Buffy from making a complete ass of- oof!

Said 'oof!' a result of the fact that Faith had run full tilt, at speed, dead on into Buffy's back. A result of the fact that Buffy had abruptly stopped dead in her tracks just ahead of her.

With her mouth hanging open nearly to her chest and her eyes gone all anime character wide.

Huh. Scowling and majorly resisting the nearly overwhelming temptation to draw back a foot and plant it up to the knee in Buffy's ass, Faith straightened after catching her balance, and followed B's gaze...

B, naturally, hadn't even freaking registered Faith bouncing off of her.

Ah.

A wide, seriously wide grin slowly began spreading across Faith's lower face. Aha!

Okay. So, scratch the Ice Princess crack. And any and all cracks along those lines from here on in. Like, wow.

Another hoarse moaning scream, this one joined by an even hoarser male one, came from up past Buffy.

Up ahead, about, oh, maybe seven or eight yards from where Buffy had stopped frozen with her mouth catching moths... Cordelia Chase, cheerleader and professional snob and apparently not practicing ice princess, was moving sensuously in place under a yellowish path light. With, Faith narrowed her eyes, peering hard... yup, Xander Harris, professional Goofball, sprawled out on a plank and wrought iron bench underneath her.

Xander was leaning back with his shoulders supported by the bench back, kinda. Cordelia was straddling his hips with her legs spread, knees half bent, and her feet firmly on the sidewalk in front of the bench. Facing them. Kinda.

Wow. Man. Faith had known that Cordelia had a serious pair of tits on her, but she hadn't realized until just now how seriously nice they were.

Not hard to judge, neither – they were out in the open, uncased and uncovered, and bouncing and jiggling up and down. Sweet. Tanned, large brown aureoles, and nice thick nipples it looked like.

Really easy to notice. Cordelia was wearing what looked like either a really short green skirt or a really wide red and green belt, a bolero jacket, and a half shirt of the same color, with an unclasped bra hanging open and swinging freely away from the tits. Red thigh high stockings and black boots with come fuck me heels. She couldn't tell what Harris was wearing, except for maybe a black shirt of some kind.

Oh, and the black stuff crumpled around his ankles was probably black pants of some kind...

"Auugh! Oh... ohhh.. oh, God... unnnnhhhhggghhh!"

As she watched, fascinated, the cheerleader rose up and shoved herself down onto the lap of the guy underneath her, throwing her head back with her eyes closed and her mouth open in a rictus that definitely was not agony. Cordelia's head dropped forward, and she shuddered all over and gave out another ululating "Auuugghh... " from deep down in her throat.

Tossing her head again, she flipped her hair back and her ass rose up a couple of inches from Xander's lap. Gripping a thigh with each of her hands, she leaned forward and began sliding up and down with a kind of a swiveling motion of the hips, twitching and shimmying her ass up and down on her boyfriend's hardon.

"Ungh... holy crap, Cordy!"

Cordelia gave one of those Cheshire Cat type smiles, arched her back, and increased the rhythm of her hips, and the speed of the shimmying motion of her ass. Sliding up and down faster, she suddenly stiffened all over, pausing half way up Xander's erection it looked like, and then arched back farther and slammed back down on him.

Both of them gave out hoarse cries, and Cordelia threw her head back while grinding down into Xander's hips. "Auuuhhh... uuunnhh... fuck!"

Xander's hands moved on Cordelia's hips while they watched, and one went up over her flat stomach to under her breast, pulling her to lean back slightly. The other one slid into the girl's lap, and began moving rhythmically.

Tossing her head, dark hair flying. Cordelia bucked under Xander's probing fingers and she made an inarticulate sound, somewhere between a scream and a strangled noise – probably what they'd heard way out there near the front of the cemetery.

She tossed her head again, arching it back, and then began slowly moving up and down on Xander's – presumably ragingly hard – cock again with an undulating motion of the hips. Sliding up and thrusting herself back down with an "Unghn... unghnn... unghhh!" sound each time, and swiveling her hips for all they were worth.

Heh. That sound was just about like what Faith had described for Buffy. Faith's grin went even wider.

And, wow. Girl had some serious moves on her. Faith began taking mental notes for later use.

And, uh... later mental replay on the big projection screen in her mind's eye, too. Damn.

With a last unngghh of effort, Cordelia shoved herself back down onto her partner again and froze there as her head went back with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. Trembling all over, she ground herself against Xander's lap, her head arcing forward with her hair falling down over it.

"Oh.. guh... guh... God... unghhh... oh oh OH!"

Cordelia's hips gave one final massive buck and thrust against Xander, and she gasped harshly, then relaxed.

Xander's other hand came up from her hip, and took her by the shoulder, pulling her back and down to lay against him with her legs spread out in front of them both. She went limply and willingly, and then let out another harsh sound as Xander's hand slid from her shoulder down to one of the full breasts and began playing with a nipple...

"Oh! Oh, guh guh guh... auuuughhh! Fuck!"

Damn. The cheerleader practically came unglued all over the boy. Heh – screw the practically. Cordelia's back arched, her hips came up and slammed back down, and she began jerking her hips again for all she was worth.

Day-um.

Faith would pay for porn this hot.

"Oh. My. God!"

Uh... that was Buffy's voice next to her. Crap.

Faith's eyes narrowed, and she cut them sidelong to the now bright, bright red faced blonde standing next to her. Buffy's eyes had managed to go even wider, and she still had her mouth hanging open. As Faith looked, it closed, Buffy swallowed hard, and then started to open again –

Just in time, Faith figured, she reached out and grabbed B by the back of the neck with one hand while clapping the other firmly over the opening mouth.

No. Freaking. Way.

There was rude, and there was tacky rude. No way was Faith letting B yell something and interrupt those two. Jeeze – let 'em finish at least. And let Xander get the fuck off too.

It looked and sounded like he was busy earning the privilege over there, hey.

Besides – it'd ruin the floor show.

Buffy apparently didn't even register Faith's hand. Her own hand came up to her mouth, covering it and Faith's. Nope, not even remotely on the same planet as Faith right now, nope.

Jeeze, Buffy – never seen someone having hot wild sex before? Faith snickered quietly, turning her attention back to the sexcapades.

Fuck. Boy had some seriously good hands on him, apparently. Faith felt herself getting wet just watching. And listening.

Even as she watched, Harris obviously found a sweet spot of some sort, along with just the right rhythm, because Cordelia's head went back along side of his as her back arched. She drew both legs up almost to her chest, and damned near convulsed around him.

"Oooooohhhh.. oh! Auugggh... unghn!"

And again, day-um. Boy was not buried up inside of the cheerleader's snatch, obviously. Faith couldn't tell anything about how he was built, but it was obviously well enough to get the job done right. Especially with that wrist motion.

Holy shit. The uptight and prissy cheerleader taking it up the ass on a cemetery park bench.

Faith was patrolling with the wrong person lately, definitely. Wrong people.

"Oh, God. Oh... God!" Xander's voice drifted over to them, and Faith could see his hips start to move faster as he worked them even faster up and down, shoving frantically into Cordelia. "Oh, crap... I'm... I'm gonna... "

With an inarticulate hoarse male scream, he did – pulling Chase's ass down hard and tight against himself and arching his hips to shove up into her.

"Oh, God, damn... Xander! Ungh!" came over, followed a short bit after by a grunt and a hoarse squawking sound from Cordelia. And a feminine "Unh- unh- ooaagghh ungh!"

After a long frozen moment, both of them collapsed limply backward, breathing heavily.

Hah. Faith knew the feeling. She was breathing like she'd just run a marathon herself, Jesus Christ. She was afraid to check the crotch of her jeans...

Long as she didn't squish when she walked, it was A-ok.

"Oh, God damn, Cordy," Xander said in a hushed tone of voice over there, followed by a feminine, "Guh. Uh... umma wha? Gunnghh."

Faith snickered. Hell, she was impressed that Xander was even forming words, jeeze. That had looked, ah... intense.

Buffy finally recovered, cut her eyes sideways in a glare at Faith, and closed the hand over her mouth around Faith's and yanked it down and away.

"Oh. My. God! What the hell are you two doing?!"

Two pairs of bodies snapped upright on the bench, and two pairs of eyes over there went wide as Cordelia and Xander's heads snapped around in Faith and Buffy's direction. Faith rolled her eyes. Oh, brother.

Faith turned the eye roll into a wink and an ear to ear grin, and waved. "Hey! Hi, Cordy!"

"Oh, my God... " the cheerleader said, rolling her own eyes. "Okay, that's the last time, Dork. No more public sex, you hear me? We've given everyone a free show now."

Xander, for his own part, was looking like he'd turn into a puff of smoke if he could, or vault behind the bench if Cordelia wasn't trapping him there. And oh. my. God. Xander was wearing a black domino mask like the Green Lantern or something. And a t-shirt with a blue and gold stylized bird on it and the words "Night" something in blue lettering.

Gods this was funny. And getting more entertaining by the moment.

Eying Buffy sidelong, judiciously, when she saw the blonde scowl and her mouth start to open, Faith reached over and –

Smartly dope slapped her upside the back of the head a good one. Hard.

"Hey!" Buffy stumbled forward and rubbed the back of her head, turning an outraged glare onto Faith. "What?!"

"How come you and me never do anything like that on patrol, B?" Faith asked, casually.

"Hey!" Buffy turned an even brighter red, and said, "I- I'm, uh... not into girls that way."

"Too bad. Doubles your chances of getting a date on Friday night."

" – " Buffy's mouth worked soundlessly for a long minute, and Faith heard feminine laughter coming from Cordy and Xander's position.

Grinning at her, Faith said, "You're so cute when you turn bright red, B."

"I am not!" Buffy huffed and turned back to the other two. "And just what the heck do you two think you're doing?"

Xander did his best to hide under Cordelia, getting a pained glance for his trouble. Cordelia's eyes narrowed, and she tossed her head, flipping hair back away from her face. Or some off it, anyway.

"Gee. Let me think," Cordelia said, tapping her chin with a fingernail. "Oh! I know! Having sex, maybe?"

Buffy made a strangled sound as her eyes nearly bugged out. Xander matched it with one of his own. Faith, for her part, nearly choked to death trying to stifle laughter...

"Oh, for crying out loud, Dork. Give. It. Up." Cordelia said, turning toward Xander briefly. "We're caught, dumb ass."

"Uh... but but but... Cordy?" Xander turned bright bright red – matching Buffy's shade – and looked frantically in every direction except Buffy and Faith's. "It's Buffy! And Faith!" Xander said in a loud, hoarse stage whisper. "Faith! And Buffy!"

"Duh."

"Hey, Xan," Faith called over, giving up the struggle to contain her merriment. She waved again and gave him a wolf whistle. "Didn't know you had it in you. Heh. Didn't know the cheerleader had it in her – 'til now."

"Eep!" Xander's eyes widened and he gave her an outraged glare.

"Faith!" Buffy gave her an equally outraged glare.

"Oh, I've had it in me before, Faith," Cordelia said, arching up and back and stretching gracefully. What the hell – Faith followed the motion avidly as it made those gorgeous tits rise and swell.

"Cordelia!" Buffy turned the glare on her now.

"What?"

Folding her arms across her chest, Buffy lowered her head and turned the glare into a decided Kubric Stare at the two of them. Oh, brother. And for crying out loud, as Cordelia had said, Faith thought.

"You were having sex?" Buffy said, sounding kinda strangled. "In a graveyard?"

"We got the vamp!" Xander chimed in, brightly. Buffy turned the Kubric Stare on him, and he yelped again.

Faith snickered, exchanging looks – and eye rolls – with Cordelia. Who rolled her eyes again and rose up gracefully. Xander pulled out of her with a kind of a moist sound as she stood and slid off of him.

Hey, not bad. Even half hard and wilting. Not porn star great, but not bad. Faith gave him an appreciative once over now that she could... explained why the cheerleader was vocally having so much fun.

Cordelia casually stepped over Xander's outstretched legs and to one side. Xander took advantage of being free, finally, to scoot over on the bench away from her and nearly brain himself on one of his own knees reaching down for the waistband of his pants.

Cordelia gave him a tolerant and decidedly affectionate look, mixed with a good sized dollop of exasperation. Faith busted out into a massive snickering fit.

"We really did," Cordelia said, cutting across whatever Buffy was about to say. "Vamp gone dusty. Bye bye."

"Cordy did it. Shot it. Him. Shot him with a crossbow that is," Xander said, rapid fire. "And I-I-I we we she uh, you, w-we-we we... uh... "

"We were doing gun cleaning drills and then storage practice with Xander's, ah, gun," Cordelia said, her expression all pure wicked innocence. She pulled her skirt down, regretfully, and smoothed it over her hips.

Having found the waistband, Xander tried pulling up his pants while tapping his nose and pointing at Cordy in the old 'What she said on the nose' gesture. And succeeded completely – in falling off the bench and onto his ass, and then his back, with an oof!

Faith doubled over laughing, and Cordelia gave him another one of those affectionate tolerant looks. Xander glared at both of them, and rolled under the bench and out of sight. Still holding onto his waistband.

Faith started laughing even harder, and damned near fell over herself.

"Oh, for... now see what you did?" Cordelia glared at Buffy. "Now we'll never get him out from under there."

"Cordelia!" Buffy practically yelled. "You guys were having sex! In a graveyard!"

"No!" Cordelia looked around, wide eyed. "Really?"

"They got their vamp," Faith put in. Buffy gave her a 'you are not helping' look, and Faith shrugged.

"Yeah." Cordelia nodded, and began finding the ends of her bra front and hooking the clasps back together. "Oh! Damn. We better check to make sure Xander still has his soul."

An outraged noise came from under the bench as Buffy's mouth fell open.

Having closed the bra, Cordelia tucked herself into and pulled the cups up over her breasts and smoothed them, and then began buttoning up the shirt in front. She smiled sweetly at Buffy, adding, "Because, seriously? As intense as that was for me, I may have screwed it out of him."

Buffy's mouth closed with a snap and she spun on her heel, away from that brightly malicious smile. "Come on, Faith," she snarled out, "I'm not talking to them any more."

"I'll be along, B," Faith said, eying the cheerleader appreciatively. Day-um.

Buffy half turned and glared at her, and then huffed when Faith merely arched an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest.

"Fine." Buffy bit off, and stalked away.

"Cordelia!" came out from under the bench, kind of strangled sounding. "That was... " Xander trailed off, evidently not finding anything for what that was.

"Kinda mean," Faith said. "And probably funny as all hell if I knew the back story, I'm thinking."

Cordelia sighed, huffing at a strand of hair in her eyes. "Kinda. And kinda in the way that's really of the not."

"Funny? Or mean?" Faith asked, both eyebrows going up.

"Both."

"Cordelia!" Xander stood up behind the bench, with his pants finally pulled up, and trying to tuck his shirt and t-shirt into the waistband.

"What?" Cordelia turned, arching both of her eyebrows at him.

Damn. Black Nighthawk t-shirt, and black military style fatigues. Not bad. Faith resisted an urge to wolf whistle again – she didn't think it'd be appreciated.

"You know what, Cordy," Xander whispered, harshly.

"Oh, for... " Cordelia made a dismissive gesture. "Right. And I'm sorry. But I really wasn't in the mood to get yelled at by Buffy of all people."

"Ah... I'm not Buffy," Faith began, and they both broke off and turned toward her, "But the girl had a point. Sex in a graveyard? Kinda looking to be vamp bait, I'm thinking."

Cordelia sighed and exchanged looks, and rueful looking smiles with Xander. "We know," they both said almost at the same time, and then burst out snickering.

"We ah... " Xander trailed off, spreading his hands.

"Were in the middle of, uh," Cordelia made a vague gesture and shrugged, "When our vamp came up."

"No shit?" Faith blinked at them.

"No shit, Faith," Xander said, running a hand over his hair. His hand hit the strap of the domino mask and he froze, scowled, and then yanked it off hastily.

"How the hell did you... " Faith shook her head, wordless for a moment. She just stared at them incredulously.

"Hey, that was easy," Cordelia said.

"Promised him a blowjob," Xander said, deadpan. "And then Cordy shot him when he went around front to collect."

"Poof!" Cordelia said, finishing.

"Seriously?" Faith's eyes widened, and then she doubled over guffawing. "Man! Oh, man. That's freaking priceless."

"It was, really," Cordelia said, exchanging grins with Xander.

"Ok," Faith said, finally winding down. She wiped her eyes, snickering. "Uh, don't do it any more. I don't want to have to stake you guys some day."

"Oh, believe me," Xander began –

"We are so not, not ever again," Cordelia finished. "Trust me on that."

"What she said," Xander said, nodding vigorously.

"Good," Faith said, nodding and still snickering. "And, uh, weapon cleaning and storage drills?"

"Gun," Cordelia said. When Faith's eyebrows went up, she sighed and elaborated, pointing back at Xander's crotch. "One is a weapon, that one's his gun."

"And one is for shooting – "

"One is for fun," Cordelia finished, returning Faith's grin as Xander slowly turned beet red again.

"Got it," Faith said, nodding.

"Well, come on, Doof," Cordelia said, sighing heavily. "Let's get all this stuff together. I really, really need a shower – and a change of clothes – when we get to the school before we take over for Willow."

"Ahh... " Faith made a negligent gesture. "Don't sweat it. I'll take over the wolf sitting for Will."

"Really?" Xander blinked at her.

"Yeah, really," Faith said, nodding.

"Thanks!" That got her one of Cordelia's best and brightest smiles.

"Hey, it's the least I can do for the best show I've had in months," Faith said, grinning. Xander turned bright red again, and Cordelia rolled her eyes, huffing. "You two go and, uh... whatever. But do it at home this time."

"We will, promise," Cordelia said, nodding seriously. "And again, thanks."

Faith waved it off.

"Uh... ok, where to?"

"We'll go- oh, crap. My parents came home late this afternoon, dammit."

Xander checked his watch. "That's all right. We can go to my place. The folks are crashed by now."

"Just to sleep, dammit," Cordelia said. "I'm exhausted."

Nodding, Faith waved again. "I'll let you two work that out. I better go catch up to B."

"Crap," Cordelia said, her expression suddenly pained looking. "Now everyone at school will know about this tomorrow. Or at least Willow."

"Oh, crap," Xander said, looking stricken.

"Not from me, they won't," Faith said, starting to turn away.

"Really?" Cordelia brightened, grinning at her again. "Then again, thanks."

"Hey, no problem." Faith grinned back at her shoulder at the two of them, and said, "You guys decide to go into porn, though, I want free copies of all the films."

Xander's parent's house, later...

Luxuriating in the clean feeling after a hot, hot shower, Cordelia wandered into Xander's room. Nothing on but one of Xander's longer t-shirts, but hey – it made for good sleepwear, and his parents were dead to the world. Closing the door behind herself quietly, she found her guy sprawled out on the bed in a t-shirt and stretch boxers, one arm behind his head and staring up at the ceiling and frowning.

'Uh oh,' she thought. Xander didn't brood too often – and he'd freak and bristle at the Angel comparison if you called it brooding – but when he did...

Reaching into her bag, Cordelia pulled out a comb and her brush, and went to sit on the edge of the bed near him.

"Deep thoughts?" she said, arching her eyebrows down at him.

"Umm."

Oh boy. Just 'umm' and not even an eye flicker toward her. Crap.

"You're not still mad at me about the soul wisecrack thing, are you?" Cordelia asked. "Because I told you. I was so not in the mood for one of Buffy's freak outs and getting yelled at – "

"No."

Crap.

"Because it was the only thing I could think of to derail her and shut her up," Cordelia continued. "And yeah, okay, it was mean and I'm sorry, but – "

"No, Cordy," Xander said, sounding pained. Cool – finally got him to look over at her and away from the ceiling. "I'm not mad at you for that."

"Uh huh. What then?" she asked, curiously.

"I'm not mad at you at all," he said, huffing slightly. Finally, he gave up and rolled over onto his side, propping himself on an elbow and looking up at her. "Okay? Yeah, it was mean, but I agree with you."

"Really?" When Xander nodded, she broke out into a smile, and nodded back. "Good. Because yeah, it was stupid and risky what we were doing and we both know that and hey, we almost got all vampified because of it and we so didn't need to hear that over and over again for – "

"Cordy!"

"What?"

"You're babbling like Willow, jeeze," Xander said, the corner of his mouth starting to curl up at her.

"Ack!" Cordelia's eyes widened. "You- you take that back, you!"

"Can't. It's true," Xander said, starting to grin. Well, half grin, which was okay. Better than him staring at the ceiling and grumping at her.

"It is not!" Cordelia huffed, and then said, curiously, "What, then?"

She started running the comb through her damp hair while watching him, and Xander raised an eyebrow at her. "Here. Let me do that for you."

"Really?"

"Really." Sitting up, Xander took the comb and brush from her hands and scooted down on the bed, and sat up. Swinging his legs over the side, he motioned to her. "Really really," he said.

"Huh. Okay."

Nodding, she got up and sat back down again on the edge of the bed, between his spread legs and with her back to him. Cordelia shivered slightly as she felt Xander's fingers start to play with her hair, sorting out and working gently through tangles before combing it.

Brr. And, ooh.

There was just something so, so... sensual about having the guy you were, uh, enthusiastically not 'sleeping' with running his fingers through your hair. She'd never really gotten that from her hair dresser or stylist... while it was enjoyable, there was something professional and almost clinical about them playing with her hair and scalp that stopped short of being really 'sensuous'.

Xander's hands and fingers were anything but clinical.

He moved the fall of dark hair away from one side of her neck, and Cordelia felt his lips press against her bare skin there. And shivered again, all over, from her scalp down to her curling toes.

"Brr. Uh... oh God," Cordelia said, her eyes closing as her head leaned back. "Don't get me started again, Geek Boy."

"Yeah," Xander said, his voice quiet and soft. "Because one of your glass breaking screams waking up my folks would probably not be of the good."

"Uh huh."

Working a last almost tangle apart, Xander took the comb and began running it in long gentle sweeps through her hair. Scalp to ends, one hand holding a sheaf of wavy locks while the other brought the comb through it. Long, slow sweeps, as gentle and as caressing as any that he'd ever used running those broad and calloused hands over Cordelia's body.

She shivered again, arching like a cat under his touch and almost purring.

"Ooohh... damn."

"You like having your hair played with, huh?"

"Oh, yeah... " Cordelia arched her neck back, giving him better access. "It's sexy."

"Why do you think I like doing it?"

"As long as you do, I don't care why," Cordelia said. She looked back over her shoulder at him, smiling widely, and got a waggle of the eyebrows with the corners of those eyes crinkling at her. And, damn.

"Good. because then you might make me stop," Xander said, "And that just wouldn't do."

"I'll say," Cordelia agreed, turning her head back to face forward. "So... uh... what will your folks think about me waking up here?"

Xander snorted, and shrugged, the movement easily transferring through his hands in her hair. "Hah. Mom will think it's cute in kind of a bleary 'I just woke up and I don't give a crap' way."

"Hah!"

"Yeah. And dad... " Xander shrugged again, running a long sweep of comb through the hair at her left side, "Dad will think it's funny as all hell. Tease you, and growl at me. And then call me back when we leave and tell me how you're too damned good for me and I'll screw this all up like I do everything else."

"You won't," Cordelia said, scowling. "And I so really am."

"I know," Xander said, his voice dark, quiet, and serious. "And I'm really gonna try not to."

"I know. I won't let you." Cordelia sighed, and said, "So, what, then? I really am curious."

"Willow."

Oh. And, ugh.

"Crap."

"Yeah." Xander sighed heavily. "Willow is gonna freak. Again."

"Yeah. Dammit." Cordelia thumped a fist down on her thigh, and huffed in irritation. "Dammit."

"Yeah, you saw how she did when she found us kissing in the library," Xander said, "Right before she backed into Angel and he started to kill her."

"And having it slapped in her face that we're having wild and public sex?" Cordelia sighed again, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. Took her forever to stop going on about it," Xander said, his voice still quiet and dark. "And she still thinks it's against all the laws of God, man, and nature."

"And science," Cordelia said, snickering softly. "Because it is: it so completely violates science principles."

"Yeah. Nothing scientific about us."

"Nope." Cordelia paused for a moment, and added, "Well, there's chemistry."

"Sodium and water."

"Oh, yeah. Phoom!"

"So, so not looking forward to the Willow freakage."

"Huh," Cordelia said, frowning. Xander set the comb aside in favor of the brush, and started running it through her waves of hair in long, slow strokes. Oh, God. He could do that for, like, for-ever. "Ah, uh... Faith said she wouldn't tell."

"Yeah. But Buffy?"

"Huh. Maybe? Maybe not."

Crap. Cordelia really didn't want to deal with Willow and freaking. Dammit – why couldn't the little red head just be happy that she had a boyfriend of her own who really, really liked her, and let the whole Xander fixation drop? Grrf.

"Hrrm?"

"Oh. Uh, remember," Cordelia said, "That Buffy caught a ton of the whole 'crimes against nature and man' rant for weeks after. Doubt that she's looking forward to the summer reruns."

"Ah. Yeah," Xander said. His hands stilled momentarily, and she could picture him frowning and then nodding back there. "And she has the whole 'I sent Angel to hell' mopefest of her own."

"Uh huh."

"But hey, Buffy? What you wanna bet that while she won't say anything on purpose," Xander said, sighing, "That she won't just blurt something out and be horrified after?"

"Yeah. 'Cause Buffy's brain to mouth filter is almost as good as yours. In the way that isn't."

"And then Will will go off, and Oz will feel like crap – "

"And you care?"

"Well, yeah." Cordelia looked back over her shoulder, arching an eyebrow, and he shrugged. "It's a guy solidarity thing," Xander explained. "There's not a guy in the world that doesn't cover his nads and give a sympathetic wince when another guy's girl lights into him full bore. Or does something horribly tacky and mean in front of him."

"Oh." Cordelia turned her face forward again, frowning. "Do you do that?"

"Naw. But I expect you to be mean and vicious."

"Oh, great," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes.

"I worry when you don't say something horrible," Xander said, chuckling. In spite of herself, Cordelia giggled. "It means either you're deathly ill, or the Universe is about to end."

"Stop that, Dork," Cordelia said, snickering. "I'm not that bad. Uh, am I?"

"No. Not really," Xander said. Finishing, he swept her hair aside and began planting a slow line of kisses along her neck and shoulder line. "All done now."

"Uh huh... " Cordelia arched backward, slowly. "Oh, God. Let's go to bed before you get me all wound up again and I screw your brains out."

"What few I have?" Xander said, snickering. "Yeah. 'Cause I really am exhausted now."

"Yeah. Tension, boredom, sheer terror, and oh, hours of wild sex will do that," Cordelia said. "We can worry about Willow tomorrow."

"Yeah. I'm like, completely and totally drained," Xander said, sliding his arms around her waist from behind. "Let's go to sleep now."

"Uh huh."

Cordelia fell back with him onto the bed, and then rolled over and crawled up with him as Xander scooched and wriggled his way up to the pillows. She snuggled in alongside of him, one of his arms curled around her shoulders, and her leg thrown over him with her hand resting palm flat on his chest. Sighing contentedly.

"This is... horribly domestic," she said. "And nice."

"Yup. We should do it more often."

"Lots. And lots."

~The END~

(For now)

Will Buffy take this lying down? Will Faith ever get her ungh on? Will Willow have kittens on top of her Werewolf? Will this really be the end of Commander Nighthawk and the Commando Cutie's public sex-capades? Return with us in Next Week's thrilling episode and see!

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