Authors Note: PLEASE READ! This chapter contains smut.
However, if this is something that makes you uncomfortable, you can read until you come across this line /~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/ and skip until you see it a second time. From there you can resume reading safely.

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It was her turn to walk him backwards and his body seemed to have become wired to respond to hers as he followed her lead, stepping back until he felt the edge of the bed against his legs. He slowed the kiss before pulling away to stare at her imploringly."You're sure about this?"

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss him again, but he pulled back before she could. "Rose, you absolutely /sure/?

"Yes."

"Even after..." His hearts stuttered in his chest and suddenly found the floor incredibly interesting. " You know now... What I've done."

He could hear the strain in his own voice and he hated it.

"Doctor, look at me." She commanded softly and his eyes were inexplicably drawn back to her. Her head was tilted slightly and her brow was drawn, but there wasn't the pity he expected from her. Her expression was firm but kind, and to say that he felt unworthy of the sympathy he saw in her eyes would have been an understatement.

"I've witnessed a lot since I've been with you, Doctor - my planet explodin' and Charles Dickens and- and aliens, threaten' to take over the world and kill off all of us stupid apes." She grinned at him and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. "But most importantly, the thing I've seen through all of that is this; you always gave them a choice."

He swallowed as he watched her expression soften. "That doesn't sound like a man who would have done what you had if there had been any other choice."

"Rose.."
"You are a good man, Doctor, Whether you can see that or not."
Her words floored him. "You really believe that?"

She nodded without hesitation and he felt that gaping exposure in the hardness he had encase himself in for so long grow just a little bit wider, to go just a little bit deeper.
He was desperate to believe it as well and that damning sense of guilt and self loathing taunted him that she just hadn't known him long enough or that she was lying.

But he suddenly found that he didn't care. Or in the very least, he would allow himself to be selfish tonight and pretend that she was right. Just this once, he would allow himself to forget about all of the self hatred and blame, forget that he had taken lives and that he didn't deserve her.

She must have taken his silence as encouragement because she stepped closer and leaned up to capture the kiss he had denied her before

He kissed her back and the room titled on its axis as her presence engulfed him as it had before. He wanted to sink into her, into her very skin and never leave.
He broke away and stared down at her, his breathing erratic to his own ears. "Just this once, Rose."

She nodded in acceptance and he could hear that her heart had suddenly began to race as she pulled away, could smell the sudden release of adrenaline that was a tell-tale sign of her nervousness, and yet she kept it from showing as she brought her hands up to cup either side of his face, moving down his neck, causing him to start at the jolt of her touch.

/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

She was not hindered; her hands slid further over his shoulders, down his arms and back up again to trail over his chest before finally reaching the hem of his jumper. He was rooted on the spot, unable to speak while she moved and she hesitated, her eyes flickering up to meet his.

And then she took a deep breath, slid her hands up underneath the fabric and drew her fingers along his sides, dragging the jumper up along with it until he had to lift his arms for her to pull it off of him completely. The feeling of her hands on him relighted the spark that had died in him before, his body responding to her touch, and he shivered slightly when her hands returned to his chest. She moved her fingers against the exposed skin, finding her way to his stomach before fluttering down to the button of his trousers.

His hands covered hers then, and she looked up at him. He breathed her name, reached up to slide a hand back to cradle her head and he pulled her into a searing kiss, craving the taste of her.

He felt her hands flutter between them, and he pulled back to watch her fumble to untie her dressing gown, again stopping her. She looked back up at him questioningly and he took a step away, bending down to unlace his boots and stepping out of them, nudging them away with his foot, before he returned to her.

Neither of them spoke as he then reached out to give the sash she had been trying to undo a tug, pulling it free and the dressing gown came apart, revealing a trail of skin that he wanted to follow but his hand fell to his side, suddenly unsure of himself. The very nature of this was so foreign to him and the reality of what was transpiring between them left him feeling unbalanced and nervous. It had been... a very long time.

As if sensing his thoughts, she reached up, her hands shaking slightly, and pulled the dressing gown from her shoulders where it slid from her body to pool around her feet, leaving her standing before him in nothing.
Her shoulders curled inward as she blushed and her fingers played nervously against her hip as she bit her lip, her eyes downcast self-consciously.

She was astounding in her exposed state and his breathing hitched as he drank in the sight of her. Her body was curved in perfection, her breast and hips rounded in a lovely sort of definition and he ached to reach out and touch the creamy complexion of her skin.
"Rose... " He murmured, as his eyes took in every detail of her body, from the faint scar that curved around her side and the mound of dark curls that covered the most intimate part of her, to the pink hue of her nipples and the shapely curve of her legs. "You are beautiful."

Her eyes darted up to meet his and the blush that had flooded her cheeks darkened considerably, her lips parting slightly and she drew a breath. She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers for a moment before bringing his hand closer to her body and she rested his against the swell of her breast.

"I want you Doctor.."Her voice trembled and he swallowed as her statement sent a spike of desire to his already straining trousers. "..Touch me."

He obeyed wordlessly, almost hypnotically as his fingers slid against the curve, tracing a path that led from the underside to her nipple and back again in soft strokes. Her body tremored at the contact and she bit her lip. His thumb trailed down a few inches to tease the juncture of skin just below her breast and her body arched into his fingers.

The scent of her arousal began to fill the space between them and he could sense the increase in body temperature that flared from between her legs. It caused things to suddenly shift into perspective for him.

No longer was there worry that he was pressuring her into something she would regret; it faded along with the doubt of what he was doing and the conflict of his morals.
A new goal blossomed to life within him and he fixated on it, causing it to drown out everything else; to bring her such pleasure that it would chase away every thought that had ever caused her to doubt herself.

He brought his other hand up and touched her shoulder, his fingers gliding over her collarbone down the valley between her breast and over her belly, and she shivered. She watched his face and took a step closer, and he bent down again to capture her mouth, his hands moving to her back as they turned and he lowered her onto the bed.

His tongue brushed against hers and he broke away for a moment, nudging her nose with his before he let his lips find purchase at her throat. He trailed them down, brushing his nose along several places that caused her to let out a soft noise and he could feel her shift as she propped herself up on her elbows.
He stroked her left breast and nuzzled the right before taking it into his mouth, lavishing the pert bud with his tongue as he curled around it and she gasped, her back arching into him.

She ran her hand over the back of his head and neck, stroking whatever skin she could, if only to touch him in reciprocation and his body trilled at the contact. He could feel himself aching against his trousers, the sensation something new.

Sex hadn't been something that had been relevant in such a long time and the level of desire that was building up within him was almost maddening. If it hadn't been Rose who was currently underneath him, if it were anyone else whom he was making an effort to taste every inch of, he wasn't sure he would have been able to control himself.

Even after his temporary lapse in judgement that had taken him by surprise before, the shift in perspective added to the steel like resolve to maintain control over his more primal urges.
Right in this moment, Rose was the most important thing in the universe to him. She had suddenly become the thing that he tethered himself to and cherished above everything as he moved down her body, his hands never leaving her, trying to touch her in ways that could convey just how very precious she was to him.

And the sounds that she was making in response to him became a balm to the places within him that been broken and bleeding for such a long time.
As if the more he touched her, the more he was redeemed. Every breathy moan, every time she murmured his name or arched under his hand somehow became a consolation prize for his failures. As if by bringing her pleasure right now, he could erase all of the pain in his past.

He didn't believe in the plethora of gods that the universe offered him, but if he could find atonement for his sins in worship, then he would worship her.
Her body trembled beneath him, her chest heaving as her breathing deepened and he looked up at her; her eyes were glazed, fingers reaching out to touch the side of his face, tracing his lips. He returned the gesture to her abdomen, his fingertips crawling their way across and then down to her hip, moving further down to stroke the skin of her parted thigh and she suddenly let out a noise that he could only describe as a whimper.

His lips replaced the fingers on her skin and he kissed over the sensitive area. Her body clenched and being so close to the source of her scent was dizzying as he turned his head inwards.
He looked up at her and their eyes caught one another; he kept his gaze trained on hers as an intensity filled the air between them and it crackled like static. He held her captive as he lowered his mouth onto her heated flesh and his tongue slid between her to curl around the bundle of nerves that had become engorged.

He watched in a blissful fascination as her face crumpled in raw pleasure as she cried out choking, her reaction unrestrained and exposed for him. And he kept his eyes latched onto her, drinking in the sight of her in such a state. Her body tensed, her hands were gripping the sheets and she arched into him, her head falling back as he twisted his tongue around her.

He brought a hand up to run his finger down the center of her folds and her body jerked in response, causing her to release a series of soft keening noises that had his own body begging for attention.

He ignored it and repeated the gesture in an upwards stroke as he flexed the muscles of his tongue in the cocoon he had formed around the rapidly hardening cluster and she cried out louder this time. Her hips rocked up to meet his mouth and within seconds she was coming undone under the mercy of his tongue and fingers and he had never been so amazed by something in his life.

He drew her out as long as he could and she trembled and shook beneath him as she cried out a string of incoherent words; her thighs clenching around him, pulsing on his tongue as she arched and grasped, leaving him lost in the beauty of everything she was.

He watched as she surrendered herself to him and seeing her let down all of her guards, allowing him to witness her in such a vulnerable state left him reeling at the the volumes it spoke of her trust in him, shattering him in awe.

He coaxed her to completion as she finally collapsed back, gasping for air, her body quivering and fingers still clenched around the duvet. He crawled up her body slowly, his fingers touching her in a various places before he settled over her, brushing her damp hair from her face. He drew her into his arms and peppered her face with kisses as her arms shakily came up to wrap around him, clutching at his back, and he marvelled in the feel of her in his arms.

Rose finally caught her breath and she opened her eyes to stare up at him, and he found so much in her expression that it almost hurt in reflection of everything else he was already feeling. He swallowed the sounds of his own that were burning at the back of his throat and instead claimed her mouth hungrily, tenderly, taking his time to coax her tongue from her mouth and he danced with her in slow strokes, curling around hers in a similar fashion to the way he had to her body.

She pulled back and inhaled sharply, and she pushed him back until they were both sitting and for a moment, he feared that it had been too much; that she was pushing him away because she had been mistaken. But she proved him wrong by reaching between them to pull the button of his still present trousers open, and she leaned forward to press a lingering kiss against his shoulder.

He stood, pushing the remaining bit of clothing from his hips and he kicked them off to the side, preparing to crawl back onto the bed when she scooted closer to the edge instead. She reciprocated his earlier study of her body, her eyes trailing almost lazily over his and he could feel the weight of her gaze as it traveled. A shiver danced along his spine and as she reached out a hand as if to touch him. He caught it and shook his head.

He knelt before her, bringing the hand he held to his lips instead and he brushed a kiss against the back of, moving to do the same to the inside of her wrist.
"I want to ... return the favor." She spoke hesitantly, as if the words were difficult to get around and that lovely blush of hers returned in full force.

"No."

"But..."

"I'm sorry, but no."

"But it's only fair."

"That's not what this is about. Not in the least."

His thumb soothed the back of her hand and he stared up at her imploringly, opening himself up to this amazing woman in a way that he had never dared with anyone else. Suddenly his lack of clothing was only a small part of it; he was exposed in such a way that left him terrified and it must have shown on his face because she reached up to trail her hands down his neck, leaning in to nuzzle his temple, to press soft kisses down and along his jaw and he leaned into her administrations.

"I just want you to feel the way you made me feel." She murmured against his ear and his hands came up to ghost along her sides, down her back and he guided her further onto the bed as he followed. He kissed her gently, brushing his nose along her cheek.

"You already have." He pulled back and she was staring up at him, a look of doubt crossing her features. "If you had any idea the things you're making me feel right now.."

"But Doctor.."

"Hush." He murmured and drew her into another kiss, again lowering her onto her back, breaking it to whisper against her lips. "That's not what I want."

A beat passed between them before she nodded, if not a bit reluctantly, and his hand came down to grasp her hip, thumbing circles into her flesh. He settled his body over hers where she cradled his hips with her own.

His erection was pressed against her thigh and he left it there for the moment. Despite how he throbbed and ached to find relief inside of her, this was going to be something so much more than just sex and he would take his time to show her that. To show her that by offering not only her body to him, (a gift that he had no right to expect or even deserve,) but her soul as well was something he would cherish forever.
But more than that, he would show her just how special this could be with someone who loved her the way he did.

He stared down at her as she stared back and where there might have been an awkwardness or an embarrassment at the position or the even knowledge of what was about to take place, there was only an intimacy that came from being with Rose.
He spent a few moments simply touching her, her face, her neck and her collar bone, while she slid her hands along his back slowly, her fingers exploring it in a way that told him she was memorizing the feeling.

He leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth again, drawing his hips back and he reached down to position himself against her, hesitating for just a moment as he brought his hand back up to cradle the side of her face. "Ready?"

She nodded, and he could feel that her heart was racing along with his own. He pressed his hips forward, sliding inside of her slowly until he was fully sheathed inside.
The sensation of her surrounding him was glorious and he was unable to stop himself from groaning hoarsely as she inhaled sharply, her fingers stilling as she tensed around him. She was searing, her body molding around him tightly and tiny explosions were going off in very inch of his body as his senses were assaulted by sensation.

His hips were aching to began moving, but no amount of demanding need would ever cause him to put hers aside.
She wasn't speaking, her breathing was labored and he kissed the expanse of skin the led from her ear to her throat tenderly lifting his head to stare down at her, reaching a hand to stroke her cheek.
"Are you alright?"

She swallowed and nodded. "Its just... I've not... in a while..S-Sorry"

"Shh... don't apologize. Just tell me when you're ready."

He kissed her, teasing her bottom lip with his teeth and he reached between them, searching out that cluster of nerves, stroking her in a languid circular motion. She slowly relaxed around him as she became aroused again, and a soft moan greeted his ears in the same moment he felt a rush of heated moisture flood around him inside of her. His breathing caught in his throat at the feeling and he groaned at the effort it took not to give into the demand of his body.

She ran a hand down his spine causing a tremor to run through him and he had to bite his own lip to avoid biting her at the effect it caused. He pulled back to look at her in question and when she nodded he breathed in relief before he withdrew just enough and than sank back within her. He kept his fingers stroking her, aligning the tempo in time with the movement of his hips and the more he began to move within her, the more she relaxed underneath him.

She buried her face in his shoulder and he could feel her breath as she panted and moaned quietly into his skin, beginning to move back against him. He rocked his hips into hers and she rolled her own in time with his and so they began a rhythm that was all their own, unique to them. Their bodies wrapped around each other, moving together to try and get closer, go deeper with each penetration that never seemed to be quite enough.

He poured galaxies into her with every thrust and she spurred on the birth of supernovas in his chest as she resonated around him, her body shuddering underneath him. She still had her face pressed into his shoulder, causing all of the wonderful sounds he was coaxing from her body to go unheard.

He tilted his head down to brush along the shell of her ear to murmur, his breathing strained."Let me hear you Rose."

She trembled underneath him but her head came back to rest against the bed, her hair fanning out around her head and the sounds that escaped her throat exploded within him, his heart pounding as her drove into her further, aiming to take her higher. He bent his head to lick at her breast, his fingers still toying inside of her and her own grasped at the back of his head, crying out when he angled his hips and brushed along a particular spot inside of her.

Their bodies slid against against one another as they collided over and over and he was consumed in the feeling of her beneath him. There couldn't possibly be anything more exquisite then this, than her writhing beneath him, his names falling from her lips like stars that he stole with his lips and burnt into his heart, taking care to commit everything about this to memory.

The time war had consumed him in darkness that had bled into his soul and the more he slid into her, every time she accepted him for all that he was, it caused some of that darkness to fade just a little more. It didn't chase it away completely, (he had been in that dark for so long that it was now inevitably a part of him) but in this moment she was his sun, burning only for him.

Being inside of her was remarkable on so many more levels than just the physical pleasure it brought him, and as he moved within her, pressing his forehead against hers, he felt the culmination of it all began to build within him.
He was left with the ability to do nothing more than bend down to capture her in another soul shattering kiss and with a particularly sharp stroke of his finger and hips, she suddenly came unraveled in his arms as he held her together. As she spasmed around him, her cries reaching inside of him and tearing into him in a beatific sort of agony, he fell apart with her, burying more into her body then just his release.

They trembled and quivered around and in one another, both gasping for air as they clung on. They struggled for some semblance of sanity and yet the insanity of it was too beautiful to surface from. They were swept up and drowning in the waves that crashed down on them mercilessly, leaving them crying out together and the constellations danced around them in celebration.

Eons and light years passed before he finally came back to his senses enough to realize that he was baring all of his weight upon her. Not without effort and a soft groan, he rolled over onto his side, pulling her with him still, buried inside of her.
Her head was pillowed on his arm and he wrapped the other around her waist, refusing to allow any space between them as they basked in the afterglow together.

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They stayed curled around one another, neither in any hurry to return to reality. He held her for hours and neither of them spoke, because words would complicate and confuse. Words would ruin what had undeniably been perfect and they both knew it. So they held onto one another, trying to drink in the last remaining moments of this small piece of heaven they had created together. Every so often, he would stroke the expanse of her back and lean down to kiss her, and she would trail her fingertips over his forehead and down his nose, run her fingers down his side with no other purpose than to touch him.

Finally, her breathing evened out against him and he looked down to find that she had fallen asleep. He leant down and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead in a gesture of his gratitude for what she had give him tonight. He tugged the duvet over her body and carefully extracted himself so as not to wake her. He gathered his clothes and dressed, his eyes never leaving her for long.

This wasn't going to be enough.

He had known it even as he had given in, and therefore had no illusions about his actions. He would crave her like he never had before, his brain now supplied with experience instead of fantasy to haunt him and the idea was painful; that he would never allow this again, that this one time would have to be enough.

Because if he didn't stop with this one time and allowed it go on, then when the time came for him to let her go, he wouldn't be able to. He had stopped himself this time from mutating her into some half Time Lord cross breed, manipulating her DNA into something that was no longer human so that she could stay with him for the rest of his life.

But if he allowed this to continue, to allow her get closer and to fall any more in love with her than he already was, he knew that there would be no restraint the next time.

Besides, he couldn't fathom what she would think of him if he even asked her- asked her to give up her human life with her natural human life span, for his own selfishness.
She sighed in her sleep and curled in on herself, and he closed the door behind him softly.

~oOo~

Things changed between them after that.

They never spoke of it and there was never any ill feelings between them.

Rose had honored his "Just this once" rule and never pushed him for more. They flirted, grew closer and fell into an easy relationship where emotions grew between them and transitioned them into a state that was more than just friends with an unspoken commitment to each other blossoming in the midst.

He, of course, was terrible at hiding his jealousy regardless, and she would catch him in unguarded moments, tossing a knowing, tongue touched grin in his direction, but would always pull back from whatever situation had warranted it.

Things between them had gotten to be nearly as perfect as they ever could be and the Doctor was happy. For the first time in such a long time.

And then the game station happened.
And again, the Daleks were at fault.
He had sent her away, with a kiss to her forehead that only he really knew the meaning behind and the knowledge that she was safe becoming the one shining spot in a bleak void.

And then she had returned to him, and he knew.
Knew that he had never had to worry about what she would think of him, at the lengths he would have gone to keep her with him. Because she stood before him as she burned in the brilliance of time itself; a goddess in her own right, turning his enemies to dust and blazing golden in a love that he couldn't fathom she could habor for him.
She had lit up for him, burning brightly, brighter than any sun and he marveled.

And he knew what came next. But he accepted it and took her into his arms, breaking his own rule as he kissed her with lips that never would again, relishing the burn as he drew the vortex from her and lowered her gently to the floor.

It was later, as he stared at his own reflection, studying the new jaw line and oddly slim figure that he noticed.
His eyes were... different.

He pulled back with a start and blinked a few times. They had been changed, but not just in color and shape. .
It was the broken hardness that had been there since he had pressed that big red button. It still was, but it had lessened considerably and he could now see /her/ in its wake. It was a ridiculous notion, he knew logically, but then again, there wasn't much about him that wasn't.

Just like all other the aspects of his life, Rose Tyler had seeped inside of him,imprinting herself onto his heart as she now burned within him; that flame illuminated the brown and left a sort of radiance in the dark.

(She had been right after all- her amour really did bring out the color in his eyes.)