Hello all, here is a little angsty one shot for you all to savour and enjoy:)

Plot bunny courtesy of the lovely and amazing Amonraphoenix, Fic written by me.

A huge thank you to Amonraphoenix for her amazing idea and also for beta reading this fic for me, you are AWESOME!

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT *sniff* I will not cry...*sobs loudly*

And I would like to thank whoever nominated my fic Blindsided for best Raph for the TMNT fanfic competition hosted by Stealthy Stories thank you sooo much!

And for those wondering, I am working on the next chapter of that fic as we speak...or write, I guess...anyway hopefully it will be posted next week:)

And now please enjoy!

Perdition:a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and unpenitent person passes after death...

Casey could have thought of many more eloquent and articulate phrases such as; 'between 'a rock and a hard place', 'damned if he did, damned if he didn't', and 'the lesser of two evils', unfortunately, he only came up with one which was; 'he was f-ed'.

Given the two options there was no right one and no wrong one; both were horrible, gut twisting, soul destroying realities and he had to pick the one he would be able to live with for the rest of his life.

Though, if he were honest with himself, he couldn't live with either, but given his options, he knew he had no choice but to choose between the two people he loved the most in this world and this thought alone had the ability to stop his heart dead and destroy his very soul.

But having no other choice, he picked up the phone, his hand clammy and shaking. He strove for a calm, even, inflection to his voice so as not to hint at his inner anguish and turmoil.

"Hey, Bro," Casey smiled, even though it was forced, his voice pitched higher than it should have been.

"Hey, Case," Raphael answered, voice low, gravelly, and containing a hint of boredom. "What's up?"

"You doin' anythin' tonight?" he asked praying that his friend who he always looked upon as a brother was not busy.

"Nah, bored as hell, you?" Raphael asked, his voice containing a tinge of curiosity; as if he could hear something wrong in Casey's voice.

"Thinkin' of goin' out and givin' some gangland scum a thrashin', you in?" he asked casually.

"You know it," Raphael said and Casey could hear the bloodthirsty grin in his friend's voice.

"Good, I'll see you in a few."

"You okay, Case?" Raphael questioned when his friend didn't immediately hang up the phone.

"Yeah, I'm good..." he lied. "April went to visit her mother. Just feelin' restless, you know?"

"Gotcha, well, let' see about helping you out with that," Raphael offered. "Meet you in about fifteen, the usual place?"

"Yeah," Casey affirmed as the phone was quickly pulled away from his ear. He looked at the man who stood before him with a mixture of hatred, disgust, loathing and fear.

"Nicely done, Mr. Jones." The voice of the Shredder was low, mocking and dripping with smug cruelty. "And remember, we will be watching you and listening to everything you say. If you give any indication of betrayal, or any sign of worry, or even hint at your intentions, I shall kill Miss O'Neil by inches, and I shall make you watch while I make her suffer. However, if you do as you have been instructed, Miss O'Neil shall be released to you, unharmed. Do I make myself clear?" he asked, voice dripping with menace.

"Crystal," Casey affirmed through gritted teeth.

"Good," the Shredder purred maliciously.

Raphael revved the engine of the shell cycle, waiting in an alley halfway between the lair and April and Casey's apartment for Casey to show up.

He waited for about ten minutes before he sat forward, arms resting on the handlebars of his bike; every muscle in his body taunt, but giving the outward impression of severe boredom and relaxation.

Turning his head towards the rumbling sound of an approaching motorcycle, Casey pulled up beside him, a forced grin pulling at the corners of his mouth; the smile not reaching his friend's haunted, blue gaze.

Raphael flipped up the visor of his enclosed helmet and searched his friend's eyes.

"You okay?" he asked, concern lacing his words. "You and April have a fight or something?"

"I'm fine. And me an' April are good, but with her visiting her mom, I just feel like blowin' off some steam, ya know?"

Raphael chuckled lowly. "I'm always up for bashin' in some heads," he offered. "So, any ideas of where to start looking?"

Casey looked as if he contemplated the question. "We'll cut across the downtown core and buzz over to the East-side docks, been quite a bit of gang activity there lately."

Casey enunciated the words 'downtown core', and Raphael knew the Foot roamed the East-side docks, not the gangs. But Raphael accept his friend's words without comment or question.

There had been a lot of activity coming from the east-side docks but no matter how much surveillance he and his brothers performed upon the Foot, they were unable to figure out what they were up to.

Raphael gave an easy shrug. "Sure, we'll check it out and see if we find anything," he gave his friend a smile.

Casey gave an answering smile in return but his friend's smile did not quite reach his eyes, and his gaze was still thick with misery and worry.

Raphael slid his visor down and tried to repress the shiver of apprehension that trailed down his spine.

Casey pulled his bike around, back tire squealing, the smell of burning rubber and smoke wafting into the air behind him.

Raphael revved his own bike and popped the clutch, following his friend.

They drove to theEeast end; high-rises giving way to dilapidated warehouses, darkened alleys, shady humans, and deserted streets.

Following Casey's lead they pulled into an alley close to a four story brick warehouse. The broken windows that the building had were boarded up with plywood, and sported graffiti scrawled across all surfaces and sides. Gang tags were mixed in with random drawings, doodles, messages and lettering, giving the building an even more dilapidated and abandoned feel than it already possessed.

Raphael pulled his helmet from his head and looked around. "Deserted and creepy. This otta be interestin'," his said as he dismounted, hanging his helmet from his bike's handle.

"Let's get to the roof and see if we can get a better look." Casey offered, pulling off of his head, Raphael could see that his friend's face was pale, with a light sheen of sweat gracing his forehead. Casey hung his helmet off the back of his chopper and dismounted.

"Hmph, a better look at what, nothing?" Raphael grumbled, ignoring his friend's pallor and sweat as he made his way to the black metal fire escape that clung haphazardly to the side of the building. He grabbed a rung of the cold metal ladder between his fingers and hauled himself up, his friend following right behind him.

He hopped onto the rooftop and slowly looked around. He could hear the scrape of his friend's boots upon the cement behind him. His eyes scanned the darkened and shadow draped rooftops that surrounded them.

Walking to the very edge of the building he looked down, studying the alley four stories below him.

The night felt unusually still and quiet. Even the wind had settled down, as if holding its breath in anticipation of future events.

Uneasiness skittered across his skin, his muscles tensing automatically in response to the heavy silence and deep foreboding that settled around him like a weighty cloak.

Raphael felt his friend's presence behind him. He turned his head to ask him what they were going to do now, but wasn't even able to get a single word past his lips before something hard smashed into his skull, sending him forward and off the building as he descended into darkness.

April watched with sickening, gut churning horror as Casey slowly and silently pulled a baseball bat from his hockey bag. After accomplishing this he quietly approached Raphael from behind, unaware of his friend's dark intentions, he gripped the bat with both hands in a white knuckled grip.

Raising his arms up, Casey swung the bat just as Raphael was about to turn towards him.

Letting out a cry of warning and shock which was muffled by the duct-tape that was stretched across her mouth, April was only able to watch in terror as Raphael's unconscious body slumped forward and off the rooftop to the alley below.

April closed her eyes, tears of misery running down her cold cheeks, and unable to bear watching her friend fall to his death while her lover stood by and perpetrated this horrific act of betrayal; done because of her.

If only she had been paying more attention to her surroundings as she had walked home after being out with some friends; if only she had realized that she was being followed sooner, then maybe she wouldn't have been grabbed from behind, a dark, dirty cloth bag thrown over her head, obscuring her vision and making it hard for her to breathe as she was suddenly and roughly hauled into an awaiting vehicle.

She screamed another muffled cry of agony as she struggled against the thick, rough ropes that bound her hands behind her back and her wrists to the wooden chair she sat upon. Another set of ropes bound each ankle to the legs of the chair. As she pulled at the ropes she realized that all of the knots were too tight and expertly tied to give her any hope for escape.

The sharp crack of flesh upon flesh echoed around the small room as April's eyes flew open. Her cheek burned with the sting of the blow as she attempted to glare defiantly at the Foot soldier who stood directly in front of her; but was unable to because her heart was too busy breaking into a thousand tiny pieces.

A hand flew into her hair and wrenched her head back, forcing her to look at the live feed that was streaming directly to the TV screen that sat in front of her.

The Foot soldier leaned close to her ear, his features obstructed by the cloth hood he wore over his face. His voice came out low, oily and contained a hint of malicious pleasure at her obvious suffering. "You don't watch and your boyfriend dies," he threatened before a hint of a smile entered his voice. "But don't worry, your mutant freak friend won't die just yet, that would be too easy. Your boyfriend there, isn't done with him yet."

April's eyes widened in surprise and her gaze flew to the TV screen just as Casey settled Raphael upon the ground; obviously saving him from falling forward and off the side of the building.

"My Master intends to enjoy the show from very close quarters, and even though I know he would have enjoyed having you there in person to witness the death of your freakish friend at the hands of your boyfriend, he thought it would be better if you remained here at Foot Clan headquarters, just in case your lover tried any heroic funny business."

The Foot soldier pulled on her hair again to punctuate his pointed words before releasing her, but her focus was completely centered upon the TV screen in front of her; watching as Casey stood over Raphael, his bat falling to the ground and hitting the surface with a clatter.

Casey paused a moment, his eyes searching the rooftops before his spine stiffened, muscles tensing as his head twisted in one direction followed by another, trying to locate something or more probably, someone.

Casey then returned his attention to his unconscious friend. Slowly he crouched down, straddling Raphael's chest, and pinning Raphael's arms with his knees. Casey then reached down with both hands, and wrapped them securely around Raphael's vulnerable and exposed throat.

April screamed out at Casey to stop, that she wasn't worth it, and to not do what he was about to, but he couldn't hear her desperate, pleading words.

Casey's bat fell from his numb fingers as he stared down in horror at what he had just done. A small splatter of crimson was smudged beneath Raphael's head, evidence of the strength of the blow to the head he had just given his friend.

He moved so that he stood directly over Raphael, who he considered like a brother to him, rather than just a close friend.

Raphael was family; his family.

He scanned the rooftops searching with futile desperation for a shadow that was darker or denser that it's surrounding companions, but was unable to discern anything out of the ordinary.

"Get on with it, Mr. Jones," the rebuke in his ear was sharp and impatient.

Casey felt his spine become a ridged cord of steel running down his back at the Shredder's words, fed into his ear through an earpiece that had been supplied to him.

"Perhaps you need to remember what is at stake," the Shredder taunted lightly before April's muffled but terrified screams assaulted both his ear drums and his heart.

He swung his head around searching the darkened rooftops again for any sign of the Shredder. He knew he was out there, like a carrion creature, stalking the darkness and waiting for the death of its intended victim before it pounced. And like the spineless scavenger that he was, the Shredder was making someone else kill his prey.

The Shredder wanted to watch and revel in the betrayal that Casey was enacting upon Raphael by killing him with his own two hands.

And Casey had no choice, no way out, no salvation, and no other course of action but to wrap his hands around his best friend's throat, and slowly strangle the life from him in order to save April's life.

A life for a death.

It was a diabolical Morton's Fork of reasoning; if he let Raphael live, April would die. If he killed Raphael, his friend would be dead but April would live. Either way, someone was going to die tonight, the who was up to him.

It was a cruel piece of sickening and malevolent revenge; a revenge that would include April and himself in its suffocating, biting, horrific coils.

Looking back down at his friend, he noticed that Raphael's breathing was slow and even. Pushing down the sickening dread and the bitter, angry tears he felt at being placed in this cruel and horrifying position, he reached down and wrapped his hands around Raphael's thickly muscled throat.

He could feel Raphael's pulse beating strongly beneath his shaking, sweaty palms and fingers, and could only think of April as he slowly tightened his grip; his thumbs digging into cartilage, and pressing down, slowly cutting off Raphael's air supply.

Raphael's eyes suddenly snapped open, his arms struggling to break free from underneath Casey's knees. Raphael's eyes were wide and desperate, his body bucking and thrashing, trying to break free and loosen Casey's hands so that he could drag air into his straining, burning lungs.

But Casey remained firm, every muscle in his body focused on the grim and brutal task in front of him.

Raphael's body again bucked beneath him and Casey nearly lost his grip on Raphael's throat. His palms were slick with sweat and he could barely make out his friend's face anymore through the tears that stung and clouded his eyes.

As Raphael suffocated, Casey himself felt as if he too was suffocating, because he couldn't breathe either. He couldn't drag in a fresh breath of air because every part of him felt numb and frozen.

His knee suddenly slipped from its position, allowing Raphael's right arm to break free. Casey wasn't able to trap Raphael's arm again, which flailed madly about before he was able to dig his nails into Casey's forearm, trying to wrench his tightening fingers free of Raphael's neck.

Raphael kicked his legs, trying to dislodge Casey's slightly lighter bulk off his chest, but he couldn't seem to get any traction or purchase to throw him off, only managing to shift him a little.

Casey's fingers tightened automatically and still Raphael's free arm clawed hit and swung at him, all the while his kicking legs and body thrashed madly about.

Casey couldn't help the sob that escaped from between his pursed lips as Raphael's struggles began to slowly weaken. Raphael's thrashing body ceased to buck, twist and writhe. His legs began to move sluggishly until they remained still, with only the occasional muscle spasm which made his legs twitch.

Raphael's arm began weaken, almost as if it had suddenly become too heavy to lift. Finally Raphael's hand slowly slid across Casey's hand to his forearm before falling limply to the ground.

Raphael's frantic, fearful, desperate golden eyes became dull and glassy before losing that spark, that something that defined who Raphael was; his very soul.

Blank glassy eyes stared up at him as Raphael's body became still; the kind of stillness that only the dead could possess.

Casey waited a few more moments before pulling his cramped hands away from his best friend's bruised neck.

He waited for Raphael to move or to show any signs of life, but he didn't.

Casey fell back on his haunches and looked at his hands as if they had somehow betrayed him, and as if he couldn't quite believe what he had done. Raphael had been his best friend, a brother in arms, and he, Casey Jones, had killed him in cold blood.

His mind couldn't process his actions and he felt as if suddenly everything was happening so far away. A long thin tunnel stretched out before him and he wasn't sure if he was going to faint or be sick, though it was possible that he might do both.

Swallowing roughly he took in a shaky breath before swivelling his gaze back to Raphael and he found he couldn't cope with what he had done. He gently closed Raphael's eyes and felt his heart break and his breath catch in his throat. He finally let out a strangled, grief-stricken sob of anguish. He leaned down and dragged Raphael's limp body from the cold, hard ground. He buried his head in his friend's neck as cried.

The hot salty tears burned twin trails of wetness down his cold, drawn cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Raph," he managed to choke out through a throat had closed up tightly. "I'm so, so sorry," he sobbed out in a whisper that was barely audible.

He may have just saved April's life, but he couldn't live with the crushing guilt of what he had just done. He let out another cry of anguish. How was he ever going to be able to look at April in the eyes again? How was he ever going to look at his friends and tell them how Raphael had died and of his absolute culpability in the brutal act?

Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo…I'm a monster, he thought to himself wretchedly.

Dark, low, malicious laughter shattered the silence of the night which had -up until that point- been punctuated only by the sharp, muffled sounds of his tormented grief.

Slowly Casey raised his tear streaked face from Raphael's neck and sent a seething glare of hatred towards the owner of the laugh.

Muted moonlight glinted off of polished steel. Short, razor sharp and deadly spikes were shown in profile; the single clawed gauntlet of the Shredder's left hand rose and met the other in short bursts of sharp applause.

"Nicely done, Mr. Jones," the Shredder's voice intoned as the clapping finally ceased.

With the back of his hand Casey wiped away his tears. Still clutching Raphael's body close to his heart, he asked in a shaking, snarling voice, "Where's April?"

"Not so fast," the Shredder's voice grated upon Casey's frayed and tattered nerves. "I am going to make sure the Turtle Freak is dead. And after I have confirmation that this particular and very important condition has been fulfilled, I shall release Miss O'Neil."

Casey felt his arms tighten protectively around Raphael's body. He didn't want this sadistic, murderous, psychopath anywhere near Raphael's corpse; but he had no choice, not if he wanted April to come out of this unscathed and alive.

Swallowing roughly, the Shredder approached him. The Shredder's even, confident footsteps across the concrete -were for Casey- like nails in a coffin, punctuated by each step closer towards him that the Shredder took.

"Move away from the Turtle, Mr. Jones, before I move you; preferably in a permanent manner."

Casey glared defiantly at the Shredder, giving the impression that he would move only because he wanted to, and not because he was being threatened to.

Ever so slowly Casey pulled away from Raphael, gently laying his friend upon the ground, giving him one final look before standing on legs that he was amazed were still able to support him, and stepped away.

Behind the Shredder's mask Casey could see the vile smile that crossed the hated face of his enemy. The Shredder's eyes crinkled at the corners, indicating he was more than pleased with the events of the evening.

The Shredder's clawed gauntleted hand reached down, and Casey turned his head away, unable to watch.

Flesh connected with steel as the Shredder's furious bark of surprise and pain rent the night.

Casey's eyes flew to Raphael who was struggling to sit up as the Shredder regained his composure.

Stumbling to Raphael's side, Casey dragged his friend up from the ground. Raphael wavered slightly on his feet, blood trickling from the scrape on his head where Casey's bat had struck its debilitating blow.

"You have just forfeited Miss O'Neil's life," the Shredder snarled furiously as he righted himself.

Casey's heart caught in his throat as terror washed through him at this pronouncement.

Living shadows detached themselves from the surrounding darkness, and the Shredder's Foot ninjas surrounded them; an endless black tide of deadly intent fixed unwaveringly upon them.

"Not gonna happen, Tin Head," Raphael rasped smugly, his voice hoarse and painful sounding. "Ain't that right, Donny?"

"We got her, Raph," Donatello's voice affirmed from Raphael's shell cell which was attached to his belt.

Casey felt as if he was going to faint; legs threatening to collapse beneath him. But the Shredder was already sliding into an attack position and Casey couldn't afford to lose consciousness at the moment.

Reaching back, Casey's hand closed about his hockey stick while Raphael pulled his twin sais from his belt.

"You shall pay for this, Turtle," the Shredder murderously vowed.

Raphael snorted. "Not likely," Raphael's still hoarse voice viciously informed the Shredder. "You see, we got a real nice surprise for you," Raphael paused for effect. "You like fireworks, right, Shred Head? Well, I can tell you that this is gonna be one hellava show, and these seats, are perfect."

Behind the Shredder the night sky was suddenly lit up by a huge orange fireball.

The Shredder quickly turned his attention over his shoulder as Casey watched the slow moving orange cloud funnel into the sky, and light the surrounding blocks up like it was daylight outside.

"Donny cooked up a nice little present for you. Enjoy tryin' to pick up all the pieces of your tower," Raphael boasted maliciously.

The Shredder clutched his fists together and let out a roar of furious anger. Casey could see the Shredder fight within himself; the desire to save his empire warring with his need to kill them all and exact his revenge.

"This is not over, Turtle Freak!" the Shredder promised darkly, his soulless onyx eyes murderous with rage.

The Shredder made a movement with his hand and the Foot ninjas vanished back into the surrounding shadows, the Shredder vanishing from the rooftop in a fury of smoke and a flash of powder.

Raphael's pleased grin spread more broadly across his features as he gave Casey a teasing look.

"That's quite the performance you gave there, Case, had the tears goin' and everythin'." Didn't have to squeeze so hard though, thought you were gonna kill me," Raphael joked as Casey stood there looking at Raphael in disbelief.

Casey opened his mouth to say something but he found he couldn't, because his voice had deserted him, his mind attempting to catch up with what his eyes were witnessing.

Raphael walked over to him, the grin still prominent on his friend's face as Raphael clapped him on the back. "Come on. Eveyone'll meet us back at the lair."

Casey pushed Raphael roughly away, anger flaring hotly within him.

"Hey, what's the big deal, Bro?" Raphael growled in irritation.

"The big deal? What's the big deal?!" He had found his voice and it was an octave higher than it normally was and contained just a hint of hysteria.

Raphael frowned, his eyes narrowing into golden slits of annoyed confusion.

"I thought I'd killed you!" Casey shouted his voice cracking with anguish.

Raphael snorted in derision and Casey stalked up to him, punching him hard in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Raphael protested rubbing the spot where Casey had just hit him.

"Don't be an ass!" Casey snarled, his chest heaving and his throat tightening in grief. "I-I thought…I thought you were dead!"

Raphael continued to rub his shoulder, the finger marks marring his friend's throat stood out gruesomely against his green flesh as the moon emerged from behind a cloud, illuminating the rooftop.

Letting out a huff of air Raphael took two steps towards Casey and wrapped him in a one armed hug.

"I'm pretty damn hard to kill, Case," Raphael reassured him. "You should know that by now."

"Raph, I wrapped my hands around your neck and squeezed until you stopped moving," Casey bit out wretchedly.

"Casey, you know we got thick necks, and we can hold our breath for a hellava long time. We can slow our vitals down to practically nothin' it's a turtle ninja thing. You weren't gonna kill me. Though you almost cracked my head open with that bat of yours," Raphael grumbled, pulling away from Casey and carefully rubbing the tender gash on his head that was beginning to swell.

Casey felt his legs give way and he sat on the concrete roof staring blankly at the smoke billowing out from where Saki Corp's tower stood; a flaming pyre of destruction in the heart of the sprawling city.

Raphael crouched down in front of him, blocking his view of the carnage his friends had wrought against the Shredder's empire.

"I didn't know if you understood my message," Casey mumbled softly.

"Yeah, message received loud and clear. We all know April's mom died when she was just a kid. That sent off a red flag right there," Raphael told him in a steady voice. "Ran right to Leo, told him something was up and that April was in trouble. We figured that whoever had April musta been listenin' in on you, or else you woulda just told me what was up. Donny switched my phone onto speaker before I went out to meet you so that they could hear everything." Raphael placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You did good, Case. When you said that we'd drive past the downtown core to get to the East side, that was confusin' as hell 'cause that's the long way. But when you said that the gangs were on the East side, I knew that was wrong 'cause it's the Foot who've been lurkin' around there. Even I figured out that the Shredder had April held at his headquarters, so you know everyone else back at the lair figured it out too. And I knew you were leadin' me into a trap. Didn't think that the Shredder would make you try to kill me, but it all worked out in the end." Raphael gave a shrug of unconcern.

"Raph-" Casey began as Raphael pulled him up off the ground.

"Listen," Raphael interrupted sharply. "April is my friend, hell, she's family, and so are you. If you two were in trouble then chances are it would be because of us," Raphael growled. "And sure, you coulda killed me, but you know what, if you had, I'd be okay with that. If my death saved April's life, that's fine, it'd be worth it." Raphael's voice was low, sincere and contained a fierce edge of steel. "So we're good, Case."

Casey took in a deep, slightly shaky breath and blinked back the renewed tears that stung his eyes.

Raphael looked away, giving him the impression of privacy so that he could get himself under some kind of control.

Casey finally managed a quiet 'thanks' and Raphael grunted in response.

"Come' on, let's get outta here." Raphael grabbed the sleeve of Casey's jacket. "I wanna find out what the hell Donny used to blow the Shredder's tower sky high."

His friend gave him a bloodthirsty grin and Casey couldn't help but smile in response. Casey gave a nod of agreement and followed Raphael as he walked ahead of him.

Raphael swung his leg over the edge of the building and began climbing down. Casey paused at the top of the ladder and looked out towards the downtown core and the Shredder's burning empire.

"You're right, Shredder. This isn't over," Casey promised as Raphael called from below for him to 'move his lazy ass'.

Casey smiled, never having been so happy to hear Raphael snapping, growling and insulting him in his entire life.

So thoughts opinions? Also for those who want to know;

Morton's Fork is a specious piece of reasoning in which contradictory arguments lead to the same (unpleasant) conclusion.