My first Mass Effect fic and first fic to be uploaded to . Be gentle!

ONE

Air hissed around the contamination seal, the door sliding aside to allow the Normandy's survivors to leave its crippled confides. Ace Alliance pilot, Jeff 'Joker' Moreau limped cautiously towards the dazzling light, emerging after a few steps into the plush greens and calm blues of the area surrounding their crash-site. Internal sensors had confirmed a 97% Earth normal atmosphere, but still the cynical officer took several small experimental breaths before relaxing and leaving the ship.

The azure skinned asari, Dr. T'Soni quietly followed the pilot; a notable sense of confidence in her step born of a century of inquisitive exploration both of her home world, Thessia, and the many planets she'd excavated for Prothean artefacts. Moreover, the last three years of combat on the Normandy and her position as an information broker, had helped Liara develop a gift for sensing danger. There was none here; or at least, not in their immediate vicinity.

"By the Goddess," Liara whispered with feeling. Blue eyes took in the beauty of their surroundings as she moved to stand beside Joker. Their boots touched the edge of a cliff overlooking a bubbling waterfall. In the distance, mountains rose to be embraced by wisps of white cloud.

"Not a bad place to be stranded huh?" Joker leant forward just far enough to see the water churning a hundred feet below, the spray swirling spirals around a myriad of awesome hues. How long had it been since he'd seen a rainbow? Or even been groundside? "EDI will love this …"

Liara felt the break in his voice tug at her own concerns; unconsciously she touched a hand to her stomach. It was too early to lose hope. Jane had always kept her crew safe before. Blue fingers gently squeezed the pilot's shoulder, but it was another voice that spoke the reassurance she struggled to muster.

"Shepard is too damn stubborn to give up now. She won't be satisfied unless she's managed to pull us all through this. I've never known anyone to beat the odds like her." Garrus stood with well-practiced confidence behind and to the right of his worried crew mates. Tali leant unobtrusively against his left side, a hand resting on the arm he'd wrapped loosely around her waist. "Soon as the dust clears they'll be on the next ship they can commandeer. Mark my words."

The youngest of the Quarian Admirals, Tali'Zorah reached out an unoccupied hand to link her three digits with the Asari's five. "We thought it would be a good idea to scan the perimeter to check for possible supplies or indigenous life-forms. Do you want to join us Liara?"

Dr. T'Soni smiled gratefully at her friend and squeezed the Quarian's hand in return before letting it go. Much as she appreciated the gesture, she wasn't in the mood to… how did Jane put it... be a third wheel? "Thank you Tali, but I think I'm going to return to the lab to see if there's anything I can salvage in there. Joker already activated the distress beacon, but I might be able to boost the signal further."

"We should be careful who we attract to our position," Garrus cautioned. "Any pirates in this area?"

"We're only just outside the Sol system; not likely to be any pirates left with all the Reapers that have been hovering around here lately." Joker piped up with his usual rosy outlook. He'd picked up several rocks from the ground and had begun flicking them towards the waterfall. "We probably mowed down most of them in husk form."

Silence but for the patter of tiny rocks hitting large boulders surrounded the quartet for a moment. Despite the years spent on the Normandy Quarian, Turian and Asari still struggled on occasion to identify human humour.

"Well, I guess that settles it then." Garrus turned to his masked companion he withdrew his arm to hold her hand. "Ready?"

Tali nodded; underneath her mask her countenance remained concerned. It felt wrong to be with her friends without the one who had brought them all together to begin with. Silently she prayed to the ancestors that Shepard was still alive, for herself, her friends, but mostly for the century old Asari whose expression reminded her of a lost child. Right now there was nothing more they could say to make their situation seem better. They would just have to wait and see what happened. At present they could make themselves busy to pass the time.

Liara was not at all surprised when Joker followed her back inside the Normandy; neither one of them wanted to be witness to the sense of happy 'togetherness' that settled around Garrus and Tali.

On the ship they weaved through people until behind the galaxy map for some reason they found the elevator out of action.

"Figures," the pilot muttered to himself.

Together they descended the ladder that would take them down to the MESS area. Joker made his way immediately to a chair and lowered himself gently into the seat. Liara didn't get as far as her office before she caught the sound of her name coming from the med bay.

"Ah, Dr. T'Soni, I'm glad I caught you and Jeff." Dr Karin Chakwas strode gracefully, though somewhat sombrely towards them. Though technically younger than her Asari crew mate, the good doctor was closing in on half of her possible 150 year lifespan, which comparatively put her at a similar age to the Asari's parents. Not for the first time she wondered why she was still serving the Alliance. She took a seat next to Joker and gestured for the Asari to do the same.

Liara looked longingly towards her lab for a moment, desiring nothing but solitude at this moment. Around them various crew members continued with their duties, preparing maintenance jobs for the engineers. Taking a deep breath the young woman sat herself opposite their pilot and waited patiently for the doctor to begin.

Joker leant back in his chair; pretending briefly not to have a care in the world; his usual tactlessness evident in his tone. "So, what's the SitRep Doc? We all made it, right?"

Dr. Chakwas shook her head with dismay. "I'm afraid not. Miss. Allers attempted to board the elevator just as we touched down. The carriage shifted on impact… It was tragic, just bad timing."

Soldiers in the vicinity paused for a brief moment to gaze in their direction before quickly moving along. Joker slipped down in his seat, the last spec of effort in his body draining away with those words. Liara knew he would need some space to himself very soon, or it was likely he'd blow up at them. "The rest of the crew?" she enquired softly.

The doctor turned her concerned expression on Liara as she continued. "Daniels detected a power rupture in Engineering as we entered the planet's atmosphere. Adams said she jumped in front of Mr. Donnelly, taking the brunt of the shock. Both are unconscious. Donnelly will live."

"Shit," Joker cursed into his hands.

"There are a few more bumps and bruises, but nothing else I can't fix. All told, I think we got off light." Karin reached a hand across the table to rest it on the pilot's shoulder. "Jeff, you did an amazing job bringing the Normandy down so gently. I think most of the crew is shocked that we're still in one piece."

Joker jerked back sharper than was advisable for his condition, but he seemed far beyond caring. "Tell that to Daniels and Allers." With enormous effort he pushed himself out of his chair and limped off in the direction of the observation deck, muttering darkly to himself as he went, "Tell that to Donnelly when he wakes up."

The two remaining comrades maintained a respectful silence as they spared a thought for the recently departed. Eventually T'Soni shook her head sadly, "He couldn't have done anything else. He shouldn't be blaming himself like this."

"His job is to fly the ship, but there's nothing he can do about circuitry or maintenance. The energy wave that hit us caused some unexpected spikes in the ship's systems. No one could have predicted what happened. It's to the crew's credit that there were so few casualties," the human doctor explained needlessly. "I'm sure you can sympathise. Did you not feel like you should have been able to do more to save Thessia?"

Liara frowned at the memory of her home planet's capture by the Reapers, thanks to Cerberus's interference. Shepard had tried in vain to reassure her that they'd done everything they could with what they'd known at the time, but secretly the Shadow Broker in her had been incensed that they hadn't known more about the Illusive Man's movements. It was her job for Goddess' sake. She'd kept those thoughts from the Commander. Jane had been burdened with her own sense of guilt from that failed mission.

Will we ever be able to show our daughter the home world? She thought sadly. "Yes, of course; I understand. It's never enough when lives are lost. Shepard feels the same every day. She always… she…" T'Soni stumbled over the words, a lump of emotion building in her throat.

"… Is the reason any of us have a future. She's a galactic hero." Dr. Chakwas found herself reaching out again with a comforting hand on the shoulder, calmly letting Liara know that she didn't have to struggle with the words.

Liara closed her eyes briefly, letting her thoughts drift from her absent lover. "Thank you doctor," she stood gracefully, but with purpose, needing to get away to be alone with her thoughts.

Before the young biotic could make her escape however Chakwas stopped her again, a serious but apologetic look on her face. "Liara, I know you're having a hard time right now, worrying about the consequences of Shepard using the Crucible. I'm sure you'd rather just be left alone, but I have something I must discuss with you. The Commander asked me to pass orders on to you, in the event we ended up in a situation such as the one we're stuck in now." She paused to gage the Asari's reaction.

"What orders?" Liara asked in confusion.

The doctor waved an inactive portable console in her hand and gestured towards T'Soni's quarters. "Could we discuss this in your office?"

Resigning herself to the task, Liara pushed all thoughts of rest to the back of her mind and led the doctor into her lab.

The reinforced conduits and anchoring around her equipment had prevented any units from coming loose and crashing around, which meant the room was one of the few to remain intact after the crash. A few knick-knacks lay scattered around, including a holo-image of the Asari and her lover having dinner shortly after saving the Citadel from Saren and Sovereign. The entire crew had been given brief shore leave and Tali had been thoughtful enough to preserve the moment on her omni-tool, presenting the frame to Liara and Shepard the day she began her journey back to the Flotila. Liara had been holding it when Joker's voice came over the COMM warning the crew of the energy wave; it must have fallen off the bed on impact with the planet's surface.

There were no chairs in the room and the Asari didn't feel comfortable offering the doctor a seat on the bed so she stood just inside the doorway, folding her arms as she waited to hear whatever last message Shepard had left her with. She furiously hoped it wasn't a last goodbye.

"Liara, I don't know how much you know about the chain of command on this ship. For instance, who the XO is?"

Frowning Liara though for a second, "If Ashley were here, I'd have said her. In her absence I would guess you, Joker or possibly Samantha Traynor."

"Yes, those would seem like the next best choices. However, in this case Our CO left standing orders to turn command over to you Dr. T'Soni."

"Me!?" T'Soni's voice hit a rarely used note as the sudden shock shot through her.

Karin winced slightly at the high pitched outburst; I'm going to kill Shepard for this she thought to herself. While the Commander had explained her reasons for putting Liara in charge, she was still hesitant about the Asari's ability to effectively lead the mix of alien and Alliance soldiers. How many would assume that Liara's new found position was due to her romantic relationship with their missing CO?

Liara it seemed was having similar concerns.

"I'm not military; I don't know the first thing about leading a group of soldiers," her thoughts were reeling, wondering what in Athame's name Shepard had been thinking when she left these orders.

Chakwas sighed in sympathy. "Liara, I can't pretend to understand the Commander's reasons, but if it counts for anything I want you to know that I trust you. You'll lead us right." She handed the Asari the data-pad and stepped towards the door. "If you want my advice at all, my door is always open." With that she left the lithe biotic to her thoughts, making her way back to the med bay.

Liara closed her eyes for a brief time; attempting to gather her wits for whatever lay in the report she'd been handed. Again she hoped desperately that it didn't contain any parting sorrows. With immense effort she activated the screen and began to read…

Liara,

If you are reading this, then I know that the Reapers have been defeated and I thank whichever deity is listening that you are still alive.

By now I expect you're damning me for leaving you in this position. I asked Dr. Chakwas to give you the basics before letting you read this… so here goes…

Firstly I want you to know that you don't have to agree to be in command. You aren't Alliance and don't have to follow my orders, I'm just hoping that you will at least consider them.

No one knows what will happened when we fire up the Crucible, but I've been looking at all possible scenarios where the Normandy might be unable to contact other Alliance or Allied ships; a pirate attack, system failure, special anomaly, etc. The more I think about it, the crazier I make myself worrying about yours and the crew's safety. With what little time I have left before the main assault I've tried to come up with some sort of back up. I have left similar messages for Garrus, Tali, and a couple of others in the event that you don't… well; you're reading this, so that hasn't happened.

The crew know how to do their jobs, but I know there may come a time when things outside of the ship affect all of your lives and that's where they'll need you. I trust you to make the hard decisions Liara. You have a good heart but you have enough experience to know when you're being conned and I know you'll do what's best for everyone.

For the most part I imagine that the running of the ship will continue as normal. If you're up for this just let Dr. Chakwas know and everyone will received a memo telling them that any command decisions are to go through you. Just be yourself; show them what makes you formidable and they'll listen to you.

I hate putting you in this position; I hope you won't need to worry about this. I hope that whatever made Chakwas give you this is easy compared to what we've dealt with these last few years. No matter what, I know you'll do your best to keep everyone safe. Including yourself.

I promised you I'd come back to you; that I wouldn't leave you again like after the Collector attack. You and those little blue babies are what keep me going every day; I won't let the Reapers take that from us, no matter how small the odds. I will be with you soon, love. Just hold on.

x J x

Liara chocked back a sob she hadn't realised she'd been holding on to, but it was no use. Her knees buckled and the muscles in her legs suddenly became as useful to stand on as wet paper. Thankfully during her reading she'd wandered over to the bed and was able to sink down onto it as she wrapped her arms around herself and gave into her grief.

How could Shepard be alive after the Relay exploded like that? That power had to have come from the Crucible, for all she knew, the giant weapon had succumbed to the same fate. Behind the sorrow and loss the young scientist was angry beyond anything she'd ever felt before. How dare Shepard do this to her again! How could the Commander ask her to have hope after all that she'd seen? Believing that they had a chance at a future together, to be a family; it would just be prolonging the agony.

Damn the Reapers! Why couldn't it have all stopped with Saren and the Geth? So many lives, so many families destroyed. What was the point to it all? Resources? Were sentient, space faring species no better than cattle or crops? Why was war always the answer?

War. Even before the Reapers. Rachni, Krogan, Geth, Turians and Humans, Yhag, Cerberus, mercenaries, pirates, assassins… so much death.

Liara clutched at the data-pad as she fell into a sombre and fitful sleep. She had not slept since waking up next to Jane almost 48 hours ago. Before that, weeks of searching frantically for anything that would give the Commander an edge, some information on Cerberus so they could finally take them down. Before that, restless digging into the Mars archives for the weapon that was their only hope against the oncoming hoard. Before that, Hagalaz; sinking slowly into data, impersonal, logical, factual; avoiding the lure of Jane's pleas. Before that, revenge; cold fury, focussed intent to rescue a friend. Before that…

Emptiness. Darkness. A void that only her dead lover could fill. Two years to harden her heart against emotion; a weakness that a rising information broker could ill afford.

Too long since her mind and body had both been at ease.