Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments.

-Clary-

One year later...

"Some said fight, some said flee, a few said fuck, but none said breathe." -Michael Lee, We're Golden.

I kneel beside the grave with my brothers name carved carefully into the tombstone. Jonathan C. Morganstern. His name has been sliced precisely into every fiber of me, like stigmata. It has been one year today, and the pain has not lessened. There is a deep ache in my chest, worse than anything Sebastian or Valentine could have left me with. The hole still isn't healing.

Nothing can fill the negative space that losing Jonathan has left me with. It turns out that grief can be bottomless. How much pain, how much anger, how much bitterness you can feel is something you don't realize. You don't realize how permanent death is. How unrellenting it is. I miss him every day. I miss him in the mundane things. I miss him when I hear music. But I guess at some point the pain goes from unbearable to something you can live with.

It's been a journey that taxed both my mind and soul. For months my life had been thrown into this raw stage of madness. A murkey twilight in which my fears take other forms. A nightmare that doesn't end upon waking.

Jace slumps to the ground beside me, placing his hand lightly on my back. "Are you okay?" he asks gently. He's stayed with me through everything. When I didn't trust him. When I didn't leave my room for days at a time, and when all I did was cry. He's been here, always. Keeping me safe, just like he promised.

I nod, not trusting my voice. Time passes, but there's nothing for me to say. I've spent the last year trying to put it into words, with little success. I've drawn Jonathan countless time, filling entire sketchbooks with nothing but his face. Trying to draw what he would look like now, adding age to his features. I rise slowly from the ground, blinking tears from my eyes. "Let's go." My voice shakes, as Jace rises from the place he has been kneeling.

By the car, everyone is standing there with pained expressions on their faces. They'd insisted on coming with me, despite my request that I do this alone. Everyone pulls me into hug, one by one all asking me if I'm alright. All I can tell them is "We're Golden."

"Death does not come when the body is too exausted to live. Death comes because the brilliance inside of us can only be contained for so long. We do not die. We pass on. Pass on the life burning through our throats. When you leave me, I will not cry for you. I will run into the strongest wind I can find and welcome you home." -Michael Lee, Pass On.

Well... I just want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this story. It's been fantastic hearing from all of you, and I hope some of you will check out my new story for the Mortal Instrument. It's called "Fatally Yours" and the first chapter is already up.

Thanks so much.

-IWriteNaked