This is just total sap.

Alas! I don't own RuroKen, nor does my humble self own "Hold You In My Arms" by Ray LaMontagne.

"When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions

It's my worried mind that you quiet

Place your hands on my face

Close your eyes and say

Love is a poor man's food

Don't prophesize"

And I Could Hold You- January, 1880

For once his dreams are not of violence. Instead it's a vague sense of sleep that has no images but leaves a stale taste in his mouth, and Kenshin realizes in part that he's been sleeping with his mouth open again. The familiar view of wooden beams meets his bleary eyes, and he wonders about the indistinct worry in his throat. Instinctively he throws out his ki to feel if there's anything amiss, but he's only met with the solitary fluttering of his wife's heartbeat beside him.

Kenshin turns his head and watches her chest rise and fall, listens to the soft snore that escapes her parted lips. Everything within him softens as he gazes upon her sleeping face with tender eyes. Kaoru's features have undoubtedly matured over the past two years; her cheeks have lost some of their childish roundness and the heart-shape of her face has become more pronounced. But her eyes still crackle like blazing embers and her lips still quirk into the most innocent of pouts and her smiles still speak of warmth and of home, and these glimpses of the Kaoru he'd met in the alley makes Kenshin falls for her again in a hundred new ways. Lately, however, her face has begun to fill out once more, and the reason behind it makes his breath catch.

Kenshin is careful not to wake her as he turns to his side and presses his hand against her stomach. It's still quite flat from her tireless lessons with Yahiko, but already he can detect the slight swell beneath her navel. It thrills him and terrifies him all at once.

Kaoru had told him on New Year's Day, while they were at the shrine for Hatsumōde. They had gone near sunset when there had been but a handful of people, and Kaoru had trotted along ahead of him to grab a pair of omamori. Kenshin had watched her face light up as she handed him his ( a kanai-anzen; "peace and well-being for one's family",) along with a blank ema plaque. He couldn't understand Kaoru's excitement over the fortune until he had glimpsed her plaque as she hung it in the shrine.

"Let our child be healthy and happy", it had read, and Kenshin's eyes had grown wide with comprehension and Kaoru had simply smiled at him as if she hadn't just given him the single most precious of gifts. He had been immobilized with a typhoon of different feelings that he couldn't name, many resembling fear and anxiety, but most resembling a sense of joy so powerful that he feared his very heart would burst through his skin.

She had nudged his stilled form in the arm to remind him to hang his own plaque, nervous and unsure and anticipating and so beautiful that it had defied all sense of reason. Kaoru had said his name once more with hesitation before Kenshin had returned to his senses, sweeping her into his arms and telling her that he would not be hanging one, because he'd already been blessed with far more than a man like him would ever have possibly hoped for.

Kenshin smiles softly at the memory. This kind of happiness is still a novelty; one that he's not sure will ever quite diminish. Megumi had told them that she's nearly three months along now, and soon Kaoru would start showing. It's strange to think that in half a year he'll be a father.

No, he thinks with a fierce sense of protectiveness as he presses his hand closer to Kaoru's stomach, this one is already a father. I have been since the moment Kaoru-dono told me.

And it's true; Kenshin loves it already, he has since the moment he'd realized what Kaoru's wish had meant. He loves this child, fiercely and unconditionally; loves it like burning, loves it more than he ever thought he was capable of. But for each bit of joy this child brings him, it brings with it twice that of worry. Worry that it will get hurt, that someone or something will take this happiness from him, worry that he won't make a good father. He's caused so much pain to so many people; how can he ever be responsible for such a precious, innocent being without tarnishing it? The stale taste in his mouth returns with fervor, and a knot forms in his throat that momentarily renders him unable to breathe.

What if this child grew to hate him?

Kenshin closes his eyes and tries to swallow. The very thought winds him, strikes him with the pain of a white-hot iron. It is foolish to hope that his past remains just that; one day the child will grow and learn of its father's sins, and then what? Will it be disgusted? Will it be frightened? The thought made him sick.

"I don't know what you're freaking out about, but you need to stop."

Kenshin jumps nearly a foot in the air at his wife's sleepy remark, and he glances up to see her tanzanite irises staring at him from beneath heavy eyelids. He smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry," He apologizes in a soft whisper, "Did this one wake you?"

She shakes her head slightly, the corner of her lips quirking up in a tiny smile. "No, I just know my husband." Kaoru places her hand over his on her stomach, squeezing it softly. "You're going to be a great father, you know." She whispers, and the words float between them like a secret.

Kenshin's eyes widen and he pushes himself up onto an elbow. "How did you know—"

Kaoru leans up and presses her mouth against his, and all at once Kenshin is at ease again. He shifts closer and tilts his head to better meet her lips and when they part, the air is quiet.

"Like I said," Kaoru teases, "I just know my husband."

Her hand comes up to smooth the wrinkled collar of his yukata before resting upon his chest, and she hums contentedly. "I hope he looks like you."

He quirks a brow, settling her in the crook of his arm. "He?"

"Mm. It's a boy."

"And how does one know that?" Kenshin asks, unable to help the silly grin that slips onto his face. "Megumi-dono said that you won't even be showing until March."

Kaoru grins. "I'm his mother. I know everything about this kid. We're going to have a little boy and he's going to look just like his father, red hair and all."

"And what if one was hoping for a girl?"

"Then you're going to be sorely disappointed, mister." She sticks her tongue out at him and he laughs. She sighs, smiling soberly. "But really, Kenshin. You're going to make an incredible father. I mean, look at Yahiko; he adores you."

"But this one hasn't raised Yahiko from infancy, that I haven't."

"No, you haven't. But that doesn't mean that you haven't done a good job raising him in the time he's been here. You're patient and protective and kind, and you know the importance of discipline that teaches and doesn't just punish." She says, resting a hand on his cheek. "Most of all, though, you know the importance of forgiveness. And to a child that's bound to make mistakes as he grows, that'll mean the world. You'll see."

"But what if he hates me?"

The question hangs between them, heavy and raw. Kaoru is quiet as she studies him with gentle eyes, thumb stroking his scarred cheek. He feels worry gnaw at him, feels vulnerable in a way he never has before because he loves this child so much and the mere thought of rejection is enough to send him reeling.

"He won't," She says and he finds it hard to argue because she says it the same way she says her name or the principles of her school. She says it like it's not only fact, but an unequivocal law of the universe, and the conviction in her voice is enough to put his heart at ease.

Kenshin kisses her again, because he can't articulate how grateful he is for the peace of mind and everything else she's effortlessly given him. He supposes that there isn't really any way to explain the wonderful ache in his chest at the knowledge that this is his home, that this is his wife, and that this is the life she has given him, but he hopes that she understands. From the feel of her smile against his lips, he thinks that she may have an idea.

"This one doesn't know how to change diapers," He confesses breathlessly when he finally pulls away, and the flush on her cheeks is the most exquisite thing he's ever seen.

"I don't either," She says with a smile, and somehow his worries don't seem so pressing anymore. "Now sleep. Heavens knows how much of it we'll be getting once the baby's here."

Kenshin chuckles and presses a soft kiss to her temple as she settles down to sleep beside him, and as he drifts off with his hand on her stomach, he dreams of a boy with soft red hair and a smile as bright as the morning sun.

"I could hold you in my arms

I could hold on forever"

Japanese Vocabulary:

Hatsumōde: The first visit to a Shinto shrine/Buddhist temple in the new year. Typically done at midnight on New Year's Eve or during New Year's Day through January 3rd.

Omamori: A lucky charm that's bought at a shrine during Hatsumōde.

Kanai-anzen: A type of omamori that is meant to bring peace, safety, and prosperity to one's family and household.

Ema plaque: On Hatsumōde, it's common for people to have small wooden plaques that they write their wishes and goals on for the new year, which they then hang within the shrine.