Hajime Saito

Saito Hajime was not the easiest man to love. He was stoic and strict, and had little time for affection, but I bore it because I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. But lately he had been more distant than usual; I would often find him sitting thoughtfully beneath the cherry blossom near the gates in the dead of night or at first light. He had barely spoken to me the past week, and I did not know why. We had always been civil in our marriage, despite his hesitance to affection. But he was a good man, and he had never once purposefully hurt me. But this? This was unusual, and dare I say it – hurtful.

I watched him go from the table; he had barely touched his food. None of the others seemed to notice the tension between us, the silence. Hijikata, however, glanced at me with concern. He had always been the observant one, the one to care.

"Hey guys," Harada boomed over the ruckus of the dining room. The Shinsengumi captains all froze and silence fell, their expression comedic as they waited for him to continue. "Wanna hit the town tonight? There's a big celebration for the New Year's at the geisha house."

There was a rumble of agreement from the captains as they assumed their eating. I smiled; they were always so very amusing to watch, and I loved them all like family. As Hajime's wife, after all, I was part of the Shinsengumi family.

"I bet Mei can't wait to see me!" Heisuke proclaimed excitedly, a triumphant grin pasted onto his youthful face. I chuckled.

"Mei?" I enquired light-heartedly. Heisuke blushed and looked away from me; so he was infatuated, then. I hoped that this Mei was as kind and happy as he, for his sake.

"Yeah and I bet Shizuka's waiting for Hajime right now!" Shinpachi blurted out. I froze. Shizuka was waiting for Hajime…Hajime had a mistress? The room suddenly went quiet as I placed my chopsticks calmly on the platter before me and stood gracefully. Glancing around the room, the captains were staring at me with expressions of pity and guilt. Shinpachi bowed his head in shame. I smiled, though I'm sure it did not reach my eyes and bowed.

"It's quite alright, everyone. Shinpachi, don't worry. I think I knew it in my bones anyway," I explained calmly. Shinpachi gasped and looked up at me, his eyes shocked and sad. In that moment, Hijikata stood too, bowed, and beckoned me to follow him. I bid the captains goodbye, and followed Hijikata to the porch. He stood beneath the tranquil moonlight, his head bowed to me as if in deep contemplation.

"Kiniro, I am sorry you had to hear that," he said softly. He looked at me, his purple eyes filled with remorse and concern. Hijikata and I had grown up together, and he was my best friend. He knew what I thought and how I felt, and likewise, I knew him. I saw the pain he felt for me now in his eyes.

"Toshizo, it's alright. I guess I knew this would come, though I have to say, I didn't expect it so soon," I laughed half-heartedly. Hijikata stepped forward and placed his hand upon my shoulder, pressing his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes and breathed.

"If ever you need me, I will be here," he said, "but right now, you should talk with your husband."

Thus I found myself by the cherry blossom, watching as Hajime drew his hand through the fallen petals as he sat at its feet. If he knew I was there, which he almost certainly did, he said nothing. My heart sunk a little more as I moved to stand before him.

"Hajime," I called quietly. His stoic sapphire gaze met mine immediately, and I saw nothing in them. No regret, no shame. He looked down quickly again to where his fingers met the soft pink fallen petals of the cherry blossom. "Hajime, I will go if you wish it."

I cursed my weakness, for my voice trembled and betrayed my tears. Yet I kept strong and looked away to compose myself once more. I was met with silence, and I sighed. Why had I been so ignorant as to expect an answer in the first place? "Of course," I said finally. "I will be gone in the morning-"

"No."

I looked to him to see his sapphire gaze fixed on mine. Still, they held no emotion, but their intensity said more than emotions ever could. He would not let my gaze leave his; he was urging me not to go. Silence fell once again, and a light, wistful breeze danced around us, coaxing more petals from the tree to let go.

"But surely you'd prefer Shizuka. Obviously she has more to offer than I can give," I murmured incredulously, confusedly. If he did not want me to go, then why had he taken a mistress in the first place?

"My desire for her was fed by nothing more than sake," he urged firmly, climbing up from his place. He stood before me now, looking at me with such intensity, willing me to understand. "I am disgusted with myself for having gone so far as to betray you, to have proven that it is I who do not deserve an ounce of your love when it is all I crave. Don't go."

His voice was urgent now, callous as he confessed his conscience, and trembling as he uttered those last two words. I stood in awe; never had I seen him so animated by anything, yet still his eyes did not betray his emotions. It was his voice alone that spoke for his heart. It was my turn to bestow silence upon him. Slowly, as if not to startle him, I stepped forward and took him into my embrace. A moment later, his own arms encircled me and his face pressed into my hair.

"Thank you," he murmured, and I clutched him closer. Words were unnecessary. This close to each other, our hearts spoke for us.

Saito Hajime one-shot. A little fluffy and a little angst, but I hope you enjoyed it :) I'll update soon for the rest of the Shinsengumi captains! Please review and let me know what you think, or if you have any suggestions