"Dean."

Cas's voice was very low and serious, in that special tone of gravity only he could pull off. Dean's equally serious response was to flop over onto his stomach, bury his face in his pillow, and flip his boyfriend off.

"Dean."

A muffled noooo came from where Dean was desperately trying to burrow into his bed.

"Dean, this is important."

The hunter finally lifted his head.

"Izza case?" he mumbled.

"Yes," Cas said. "Or at least, I think I've identified a possible case. I have a question for you about it."

Dean sat up and ran his hand over his face. "Shoot."

"Do you know the muffin man?" Cas asked.

"The muffin man?"

"The muffin man," the angel repeated, his expression making it clear he was serious about this.

"Fuck, Cas." Dean flopped backwards onto the bed and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Did you seriously wake me up for this?"

"I realize that the case may be difficult, but I discovered that this animated pastry lives on Drury Lane."

"Muffins aren't pastries," Dean muttered.

Cas continued talking regardless. "While the street is helpful, I can't figure out what city it's supposed to be in or even what state."

"This isn't a case."

"I've consulted the lore, and it seems legends of the creature have been passed down in a children's song."

"You seriously woke me up—"

"I think we're dealing with a tulpa that somehow brought a muffin to life—"

"—at three thirty five in the goddamn morning—"

"—or perhaps an instance of witchcraft—"

"—for this?!"

"Dean? Cas?" Sam carefully pushed the bedroom door open with his foot, both of his hands occupied with holding a gun. "You guys all right in here? There's not something going on, is there?"

"I found a case," Castiel said.

"He didn't find a case," Dean said.

The angel ignored his boyfriend. "Dean refuses to cooperate. Maybe you can help."

Sam lowered the gun. "Sure."

"Do you know the muffin man?"

"The … " Sam stared at Castiel. "Uh, the muffin man?"

"The muffin man."

Dean groaned loudly. "Don't get him started!"

"He lives on Drury Lane," Castiel informed Sam.

"Ooo-kay," Sam replied. "Yeah. I'm just gonna … go back to bed."

Castiel glared at him. "You didn't answer my question."

"Goodnight, Dean," Sam said on his way out.

Dean grunted in reply as his brother shut the door. Castiel turned his irritated gaze on the older Winchester.

"Does no one know the muffin man?"

A/N: Ugh, god. I just don't even have an excuse for writing this. I think the fandom has collectively fallen into such angst that just won't get better that all we can do now is write some fucking crack where the boys are happy(ish) and willfully ignore what's actually canon right now.

Please send some reviews! We all have to stick together in these dark times …