I have Five Holes in My Head, What's One More?
The Lord of the Court walked aimlessly through the castle halls. His ear twitched when he felt Hiss catch up to him in mid flight.
"Lord Discord."
The spirit looked down at assistant in pony form.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle is looking for you."
Discord smirked. "After what I did I would imagine she would be hunting me down rather than just looking for me."
"She did blow up the throne room." Hiss said with a casual voice.
"Wait till she finds out what you are." Discord commented.
"I'm just a changeling." Hiss retorted.
Discord rolled his eyes at her. "You are as much a changeling as I am a bird." He twirled his eagle claw at her.
Hiss stopped walking forcing Discord to halt if he wanted to finish the conversation. "If I'm not a changeling then what am I?"
Discord spun around on the back of his heels and touched his lower lip. "Hmmm. Don't really know but I'll find out. I could just ask the queen."
"You will leave my queen be." Hiss said sternly. "You have caused her enough stress."
"There you are!" Down the hall a purple blur raced toward Discord.
"Nice knowing you." Discord said with a smile.
Twilight smashed into the chimera's midsection launching them down the hall. Discord's body slammed into the stone floor several feet from Hiss.
As the dust cleared Discord was on his back with Twilight sitting on top of him. She was breathing heavily with red shot eyes and her teeth grinding together.
"Choose your words wisely." The young princess threatened. "You may just end up on my wall."
Discord smirked. "You like being on top don't you?"
CRACK!
Discord head was in a crater with Twilight's hoof on top of it.
"Regret." Discord's voice echoed from the hole.
"You dethroned me you twisted abomination!" Twilight yelled. "You had one job this week, one job. I did expect to come back to fun house for a castle but to lose my position! The buck Discord! I trusted you! What do you have to say?"
Discord reached into the crater and tug at the flower still growing out of his head. He pulled himself up like he was a weed. The spirits left eye was swollen and black. "I'm happy you're back."
Twilight anger subsided a little the tension in her expression soften as well.
"I know you enough that you don't do anything without reason." Her anger was clung to every word. "No matter how crazy it is. So I'll give you a chance to explain."
"Great but you might want to get off me. That's not a role of bits poking at your-"
CRACK!
Discord's head was in the floor again.
The doors open to Twilight's unlit room. That darkness was pierced by purple bolt that shot across the room and lit most of the lanterns. As the pair walked in Twilight opened her balcony door hoping the fresh air would keep her nerves cool.
"Ok Discord." Twilight said as she hopped onto her bed and sat on her hunches. "Let's start with Chrysalis. You almost got her killed. At least that's what I have been told. I want to hear it from you."
Discord flew over and sat down next to her. The moment his bottom hit the bed Twilight magically slammed him into the ceiling. His now flatten body floated down to the floor like a feather falling to the ground landing in front of the princess.
Discord stuck his thumb into his mouth and blew himself back up. He pouted and gave Twilight his best puppy dog eyes.
"Don't give me that look." Twilight huffed and looked away. "You're lucky you're not a fountain right now."
"And the birds pooping on me?" Discord joked.
Twilight expression was unchanged but the spirit did catch the corner of her mouth twitch a few times.
"Remember those days?" Discord reminisced.
Twilight raised an eye brow at her advisor. "That was last month."
"Really?" Discord said in surprise. "It feels like it was sixteen months ago."
Twilight blink a few times. "Um, ok. So tell me what happened with the Chrysalis? How did an attempt on her life get past you? And what the buck did you and her changelings do to Prince Blue Blood?"
Twilight at the Disco by 6ixDedicated To My Left Shoe; May It Rest In Peace
Twilight rubbed her temples with her hooves. "Ok, Discord what happen to Chrysalis?"
"Nope!" Discord said with a huge smile on his face; right before he was slammed into the ceiling again.
A familiar scene played out in front of Twilight as the spirit blew himself up again.
"Do that too many times and I might start to enjoy it." Discord said as he rubbed his head. "I would like to explain the events that have entertia-er damaged our dear prince."
"Uge!" Twilight groaned as she lied back on her bed. "Fine I don't care just start somewhere."
"So I knocked on his door-"
Blueblood open the door slowly his two friends relaxing in his room.
"Hey kids. How are you doing?" Discord asked as he walked in with Hiss right behind him.
One of Blueblood's friends tried to get up off the couch. Discord raised his claw to the stallion "Hey keep chillin." The stallion laid back down with a look of fear in his eyes. Discord gave him the thumbs before addressing everypony in the room. "You know who we are? We're associates of your business partner, Marsellus Wallace." He paused and looked around the room. "You do remember your business partner don't you?" He asked sternly. No one answer. "Now, let me take a wild guess here." Discord went on. He looked between the two stallions that were there with Blueblood "You're Brett, right?" He asked as he pointed to the stallion eating at the table.
"Yeah." Brett said with a tone of defeat.
"I thought so." Discord started address the stallion Brett directly and walked up to him. "You remember your business partner, Marsellus Wallace, don't you, Brett?"
"Yeah." Brett answered nervously. "I remember."
"Good." Discord stated. "Looks like me and Hiss caught you colts at breakfast."
As if cued, Hiss walked over to Blueblood's bar and started helping herself to their meal.
"Sorry about that." Discord went on. "What are you having?"
"Vegi-burgers." he answered slowly, as if trying to figure out if the lord of chaos was asking an actual question, or if he had an edge to something so simple.
"Vegi-burgers!" Discord exclaimed. "The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast."
"That's enough, Discord." Twilight said as she rolled her eyes. "You really think I haven't read Tarantino's work?"
"Well, then there is only one thing to ask." The spirit smirked. "What was in the briefcase?"
"There are a number of hypotheses, my favorite is the one where-." Twilight went wide eyed and shook her head; she then glared at the trickster.
"Somepony's a fan." Discord sang as he started flying circles above Twilight and her bed.
"Discord!" Twilight yelled. "You have turned my whole world upside down in less than a week!"
A flash of light Twilight bed turned into a couch. The force of the spell made her lay down on her back. Discord appeared in very tall chair. He wore glasses and held a quill with paper.
"We need to find the source of your anger." Discord said with an english accent.
"It's not far." Twilight said through clenched teeth. "Discord if you just give me a straightforward and honest explanation I'll do anything you ask."
Discord looked at her over his glasses. "Anything?"
"But just one thing." Twilight quickly pointed out.
Discord threw his writing utensils up in the air and everything went back to normal in a flash of light. "Deal," he said. "I want you to have a sleepover with me."
"A what!?" Twilight nearly yelled.
"Invite all the girls and we can braid each others manes." Discord clarified.
"I-I-I" Twilight stammered. "W-what are you up to?"
Discord put his claw on his chest and looked hurt. "Can I not have a wonderful night with my friends after missing them all week?"
"Fine," Twilight said in a defeated voice. "I'll let the girls know. Now please start with Chrysalis."
Discord stood up from his chair and dispelled it. "Oh, Hiss, darling."
Twilight's door cracked and the changeling in disguise poked her head in. She had an annoyed scowl on her face; most likely from the tone Discord was taking with her.
"Take the night off, dear." He said in a sweet voice.
Hiss silently closed the door.
"You know." Discord smirked and looked over at Twilight. "Explaining all this is going to take all night." There was a twinkle in the corner of his eye.
Twilight sighed. "It's not like you haven't spent the night in my bed before-ooff!"
Discord nearly knocked the air out of Twilight as he tackled her on the bed. He forcefully snuggled her as she tried to get away from his grip. Twilights fur stood on its in as she unsuccessfully pulled herself from Discord arms.
"Why do you resist?" Discord purred. "I know you missed me to."
"That doesn't mean you can treat me like a stuff animal!" Twilight grunted.
Discord suddenly let go of her; the rubber band effect nearly flung Twilight off the bed.
Bewilder, Twilight looked back at Discord and saw that he looked a little surprised. "You really did miss me?"
Twilight discontented demeanor finally subsided. "Why wouldn't I? You're my friend Discord just like the girls and Spike." Twilight gave him a smile the first one all evening.
Discord didn't return the smile. Instead he started grumbling under his breath. He did, however, felt a little better about the evening.
"Come my princess, let me tuck you in and I'll tell you a story."
A/N: Yea so Discord has been friend zoned if no one caught on to that.
Twilight at the Disco by 6ixCan Pegasus Have Sex Mid Air?
Prince Blueblood woke up looking like anything but princely. His mane look like somepony poured beer on his head, his eyes were red and baggy, and he had a tie on that was wrinkled to high heaven.
"Ohhh." He whimpered as he looked around. The light in his room was brighter then it normally was. The many empty wine bottles and scotch explained the jack hammer going off behind his eyes. The floor was a snow pile of clothes from all levels of class. "Looks like I let anypony in last night."
He looked to his left and could make out the shape of a mare next to him. "I hope you're not one of the maids again." As tried to climb out of bed he could feel just how raw his legs were. The pain stopped him in place. "Oh, my, that hurts. What did that mare and I do last night?"
He scanned the room for more clues of the night before; his eyes widen as his blood rushed to his hooves. On his study was very old very valuable one of a kind whisky bottle that was easily over a thousand years old; and also very much empty.
"Oh, dear!" The prince said as he sat straight up. "Auntie Celest will not be happy." Blue Blood said out loud. He felt movement as the mare stirred and leaned on him. He just ignored her. His mind was buzzing around trying to find some way out of the predicament that he woke up to. Lying to her was out of the question, that mare would see straight though him. That bottle was truly one of a kind so there was no replacing it.
"Oh don't fuss about the bottle sweetie." The mare whispered into the stallion's ear. "We had a lot of fun with it."
Blueblood started to sweat bullets; he recognized the voice. Slowly he turned his head. You could almost hear his neck twist around as the look of horror filled his face. Finally the mare came into view. Her white fur and magical mane was distinctive.
"A-au-auntie Celest?" Blueblood stammered.
Celestia nuzzled his cheek. "Yes, dear?" She answered lovingly.
Blueblood's lower lip began to quiver then downright shook. He leapt out of the bed landing right in front of his door wanting desperately to get away from his room and try forgetting what may or may not have happened.
"Oh, Little Blue dear."
The prince froze as if somepony cast a spell on him. There was only one pony that called him Little Blue.
Slowly he felt his muscles tighten, the tendons in his neck pull on his bones, and his joints grinded against each other. His eye strained and became blood shot as they implanted themselves into the far corner of his face. Sweat raced down his face; his sight bent to the curvature of the earth, and his ears felt muffled. His head turned and turned until the mare in his bed came into view.
"Come back to bed, dear." The white and blond mare said as she patted the spot next to her. "Let mommy tuck you in."
Twilight stared at Discord slack jawed.
"You didn't?" She said.
"Yes, I did." The spirit answered.
"You, did not?" Twilight repeated.
"Oh, yes." Discord answered with a big grin. "I did. But, wait, there's more!"
Prince Blueblood smashed through his doors and ran down the hall as if his tail was on fire. He had no destination; his broken mind couldn't think that far ahead. The only orders he got from that useless slab of proteins was "Run!" and he obeyed.
He obeyed it right around the corner knocking over another mare causing them to tumble across the floor with Blue Blood's face landing in a very precarious part of the ponies' body.
"Oh, my, are you hungry, Little Blue?" The mare asked.
Blue Blood's face shook in terror as he looked up at his mother.
"It's been a long time but I may have some milk in me."
The young prince looked like he was about to scream. Instead his eyes went dead and he passed out in a pool of his own drool.
"You traumatized the youngest member of the royal family!" Twilight yelled. She tried to get up but Discord kept on tucking her back in before she got completely loose. Twilight forgot about her anger as the situation turned into a game for them.
Twilight got her left front hoof loose just as Discord tucked the blanket under her right shoulder. As he force her back under the covers Twilight successfully freed her right hind hoof and began playfully kicking the spirit with it.
Feeling like he was losing the battle, Discord drastically increased his speed and Twilight found herself wrapped up like a swaddled foal.
"Cheater!" Twilight accused assuming Discord used magic to move as fast as he did. Twilight lit up her horn and unfurled herself. In the same instant she wrapped up her adviser and anchored the sheets to the posts. Essentially Discord was tied to the bed.
Discord found himself on his back unable to move very much. The bed covers were wrapped around him and the bed. They snaked around his arms and legs tying him to the bed posts. Twilight sat on his chest triumphantly.
"Ha! What do you say to that?" Twilight smirked at him.
"I say we're one red ball gag away from having one hell of a night." Discord smirked.
"You gagged and unable to move sounds very tempting." Twilight tease back. "But I need to know what happened with Chrysalis."
"Fine but, um, could you get off me?" Discord asked.
"Why?" Twilight teased some more. "Is this getting hard for you?"
Discord didn't look at her when he answered. "You could describe it as that."
Twilight went red and hopped off without another word.