Disclaimer: Junjou Romantica is not mine. I'm only playing in the sandbox.

A/N: This has been sitting on my computer for quite sometime. I've decided there's not much else to really do with it, and today would be a very apt day to post it.

I was going to post the image that inspired this story as the cover image, but I chickened out, because the best, clearest version of it is a wallpaper that I didn't create (at least, that I can find). The tie color varies depending on where exactly you get the image (I have a magazine scan with it being grey saved to my computer, but I don't remember where I got it). Anyway. If you're really curious what image inspired this, the easiest way is to Google image search "Junjou Romantica wallpaper Usagi". It's the second image when I'm searching, but there's a couple of different wallpapers with it; it should be fairly obvious. In any case, if you're having trouble for some reason, and are really clueless and want to know, pm about it and I'll get you a link.

The title is a play on "Calendar Girl", a song by Neil Sedaka (or, as I put it, "I heard it on the radio station my parents listened to when I was a kid").

As I said in the summary, it'd more than a little cracky. Also, a bit rambling. Hopefully it works out okay.

Enjoy. As always, all reviews welcome.

It has to be one of the most ridiculous ideas he's ever heard, but Misaki doesn't say anything for fear of risking his job, and instead patiently counts the paper ballots for the upcoming Sexy Authors and Mangaka of Marukawa calendar. The proceeds are mostly going to some worthy charity, which has something to do with orphans, or puppies, or puppies and orphans, Misaki's not sure. He is fairly certain, though, that one of the higher-ups in the charity has some clout with Marukawa, because he sees no other way even Isaka would agree to do this.

There's going to be a — well, sexy — picture of one author or mangaka to accompany each month, and to decide who gets the honors, Marukawa is holding a poll via mail and on the internet. The candidates are divided by month, each one in the month he or she was born in. Whoever wins their month's poll will be selected for the calendar for that month, the one with the most votes overall getting an additional shot for the cover. People are allowed one vote per calendar month on each form, so the mail ballots come in despite the more convenient option to vote via internet. And there are, for some reason Misaki can't comprehend, many ballots coming in. The local post office has more than once come in with a wheelbarrow of letters, some poor mail worker weeping as he unloads the thing into the office where interns and bottom-of-the-barrel salaried employees are dealing with the never ending influx of votes. It's getting to the point where rumors are going around that they're going to make two calendars, one featuring females and one featuring males, and Misaki has no problem in believing that.

The ballots are huge, too, ripped out of a magazine and with one name circled for each month. Misaki wasn't even aware that Marukawa had this many authors and mangaka, but at least the same names are being voted for over and over again, making it easier to count the damn things.

That's another thing, though. The month of March is packed with authors and mangaka, enough candidates to fill a small bus, and yet one person is winning by a wide margin not only March, but over the candidates of all other months, too.

And that person is Usami Akihiko.

Misaki keeps thinking there must be some sort of fluke. Maybe Usagi deliberately sent every vote for him to annoy the hell out of Misaki, or from some other nefarious plan. But no, that would mean Usagi would willingly make himself pose for a photo shoot, and it would be a cold day in hell before that happened. He'd come up with the brilliant explanation that all the other authors for that month were ugly as sin, but both the magazine and the internet had at least one photo linked to each candidate, with the internet poll often having more than one, and when Misaki checked the other candidates for the poll for March he found them all to be more or less attractive; heck, one mangaka, it turned out, had been Miss Japan at the Miss Universe pageant one year. And while Mikami Kana has barely changed in looks since her moment of international fame two years ago, she's still losing handily to Usagi.

His next idea was that Usagi's pictures had been mislinked or doctored somehow. But no, every picture his name was linked to was of him, and what's more, he recognized the photos. With the exception of the one used for the author photo at the back of every book Usagi writes, all the pictures had been taken either by Misaki or with Misaki (though he's edited out of those photos). Misaki has only the vaguest idea how Marukawa got the photos- something involving either Aikawa or Isaka or both, and the fact that Usagi doesn't bother to password protect his laptop, most likely. He knows Usagi didn't submit them because Usagi would rather cut of his own arm than allow those photos out in public. It's not that the photos are embarrassing or anything, but Usagi is very private person, and the photos are from various parts of his life that don't involve putting on his "public face", so to speak — the earliest one Misaki identifies is from their vacation in Hakkaido on Misaki's nineteenth birthday. There's even one from a few months ago that consists of him laughing against the setting sky. It's from a day he and Usagi had spent at the beach when Usagi had actually met a deadline. Misaki doesn't remember why Usagi is laughing, but it's a nice photo, and not one Misaki — er, Usagi would want the general public to be able to see.

But Misaki doesn't want to risk his job or having to deal with one very pissed off Usagi (he'd probably end up walking with a hunched back for a weekend again, somehow), so Misaki doesn't say anything about the whole thing and instead obediently counts the ballots. His final idea had been that the mail polls were skewed towards Usagi because he, as an author of important literary fiction and well-known for over a decade, would get most of the older contingent's votes, who are more likely to use mail than anything else. But, no, Usagi is winning by an even bigger landslide in the internet poll. He also seems to be getting the most international votes — the fact that there were international votes perturbed Misaki, but apparently some people overseas had gotten copies of the magazine or printed the ballot off the internet, which means Usagi is getting votes from the United States and France and Brazil and Australia and Madagascar, just to name a few, and why these people would bother not only voting via mail but paying the ridiculously expensive postage to get the mail to Japan he has no clue, but he is very disturbed. Perhaps, he thinks to himself as he tallied yet another vote for Usagi, most of the people voting are ridiculously rich. Or Usamis hellbent on annoying Usagi (that last one is his most plausible idea yet, Misaki realizes much to his own horror).

In any case, Misaki has no idea how he's going to convince Usagi to go to the damn photoshoot without his body ending up being Usagi's for at least at night (not that it isn't already, really, but — Misaki decides to stop that thought in his tracks).

Misaki should have known he wouldn't have to worry about telling Usagi. It's Isaka's job to convince a pissed-off Usagi to allow himself to be subject to the harsh glare of camera lights, and Misaki doesn't envy him at all.

"I told you there was no way I'd participate in this… thing," Usagi says as he stands above where Isaka is sitting relaxed on the couch. Misaki is in the kitchen alternating between making lunch and watching the scene play out in the living room.

Isaka, to his credit, is not deterred by Usagi's anger at all. "It's for charity," Isaka says patiently. "Besides, you were number one in the poll not just for March, but overall. You're the most important person; we have to have you in the calendar."

"I don't give a damn if it's for charity. I'll donate half my bank account to whatever charity it's for, but leave me out of the damn calendar." Usagi takes a cigarette out of the pack he's been crumpling since Isaka got here, but pauses before lighting up. "Besides, you should consider yourself lucky you're alive. I saw the photos you used. Those were personal, you jerk."

This manages to faze Isaka a bit, so Misaki turns away and goes back to cutting up daikon, relieved, for some inexplicable reason, that Usagi won't have to throw himself before the public so they can drool over him. Probably because it would only make Usagi more upset, which would mean Misaki might not be able to leave the bed. Yeah, that's it. He's certain there's no other reason.

"Hey, shrimp," Isaka calls from the living room, and Misaki, muscle in his cheek twitching, doesn't even bother to look back, "do you remember who number two in the polls was?"

Misaki figures he has to answer because Isaka is in control of his job (perhaps that wasn't his best decision). Luckily, he knows the answer.

"The winner for June, Ijuun-sensei," he replies without even bothering to turn around, and goes back to his chopping.

"I'll do it," Usagi says, and Misaki turns around with incredibly speed, and shivers at the sight of Usagi. He looks a different sort of pissed off now, and it takes Misaki a moment before he notices the jealousy radiating off of him in waves. Isaka, having played Usagi's weakness like any good manipulator, just beams at him.

Then Usagi adds, "but Misaki has to be there," and while Isaka is acquiescing to his request, all Misaki can think about is how little he's looking forward to the photoshoot.

The only reason Usagi is on time to the photo shoot is because Misaki takes to nagging him endlessly about being on time. He's worried about his job, though Usagi tells him there's no need to — the only reason Misaki is going to the photoshoot in the first place is because of Usagi, anyway.

Still, they arrive right on time, and as the make up and costume people lead Usagi off (much to the man's annoyance), Misaki makes his way to where the shoot is taking place. Each Month has a theme backdrop, and March's is clearly inspired by the doll festival (considering Usagi's birthday, it's particularly fitting), and all Misaki can think is that he hopes they don't make Usagi dress up like a doll because while it would be hilarious, it would also likely result in death.

Thankfully, no one has to die today, because the people who take care of the costumes and make-up haven't done much to Usagi at all. If they managed to get any makeup on the man, Misaki can't tell. They did, however, take off the jacket of his suit, leaving him with the black shirt, black slacks, and purple tie. The cuffs of the shirt are unbuttoned, along with the top two or so buttons on the body of the shirt, revealing the collarbone, and the tie is slightly undone, loose around his neck, giving Usagi a look that is disheveled but sexy (which is not Misaki's opinion, but an objective fact, so it doesn't mean anything that Misaki thinks — observes this).

The only other thing they've done is make Usagi wear his glasses — Misaki hears the grips saying something about how he'll appeal to the glasses fetish demographic, and Misaki doesn't want to know why they're even thinking of that.

As the various workers involved in the shot swarm around Usagi, Misaki feels an uncomfortable pull in his stomach, and he thinks that, technically, Usagi never said he had to watch the shoot, so he wonders off in the hallway and tries to figure out if he has enough coins to grab something from a vending machine.

He does, but as soon as he turns around from picking up his soft drink, he nearly jumps a foot in the air. Isaka's there, far too close to Misaki for comfort, but he pays no attention to Misaki's freak out and just pulls him by the arm, telling him the whole thing won't work if he isn't there, which doesn't make any sense to Misaki at all. But he reminds himself about his gainful employment, shuts up and lets Isaka drag him to the damn photoshoot.

Even though it's just started, Misaki can tell it's not going well — the staff already looks exasperated and Usagi looks oddly somber, which Misaki supposes is a certain kind of sexy, but obviously not the one the photographer wants.

Isaka drags Misaki to the side of the shoot, not in the shot but still rather close to Usagi, and coughs. Usagi looks his way then, and as soon as he catches sight of Misaki his entire face brightens, and Misaki tells himself it's the lights of the photoshoot that are making him feel remarkably warm and causing him to sweat. He has no excuse for his quickened heartbeat, though.

Usagi keeps his eyes on Misaki on the rest of the shoot, and his facial expressions make Misaki's stomach flip and the blood in his veins debate between rushing to his face or somewhere much lower. Thankfully, before Misaki has to kill Usagi out of sheer embarrassment, the photographer calls the shoot and the staff flutter around Usagi, handing him his jacket and thanking him, and he's mercifully hidden from Misaki's view.

As Misaki and Usagi are leaving, Misaki sees the woman who was Miss Japan, dressed up in a doll costume. They decided to do two calendars after all. Misaki thinks she looks far more comfortable with the whole thing than Usagi was, which isn't surprising, considering her past career. Then Misaki feels a chill run down his spine and he looks away from the former beauty queen and to Usagi. One look at his face and Misaki knows he's going to have to call in sick to work tomorrow, and thanks — curses his stars.

A few weeks later, Misaki notices his fellow coworkers all have copies of the calendars. He takes one of each, and looks at the males first (because Usagi is in it, no other reason). They ended up doing a picture of all the "calendar guys" for the cover instead of just one, which Usagi forbid him to go to the shoot for. Usagi is a central part of the photograph, but Misaki thinks he's seen better pictures of him.

He — because he wants to see just what picture they picked, of course — flips immediately to March. Misaki has never hated his tendency to blush more than is this moment, because the picture they picked of Usagi is one where he was definitely looking at Misaki, his gaze focused off camera. It's one where he's fiddling with his glasses and wearing a smirk and all relaxed in his pose, leaning back with legs crossed, and it is (totally objectively) a very sexy picture.

Misaki flips through the other months but decides (objectively!) Usagi's picture is ten times sexier than any of the others. He stares at longer than he means to, and ends up flailing when one of his coworkers asks exactly why his face is so red.

He still ends up ripping out Usagi's picture when he gets home and slipping it carefully in the bottom of his sock drawer.

…As a memento. Really.