And I thought life was hard enough the first time.

OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

I have no excuse for my updating schedule. School doesn't seem like a sufficient excuse… but it is. Please keep tuning in because I promise to update within six months.

I apologise for the shorter than usual chapter, but I'm trying to return to the world of Dani after immersing myself in a different fandom for the last couple months.

The chapter feels… weird somehow. Is it just me? Or does everyone else feel the same?

(May or may not have something to do with another fic I have in the works.)

It's just… I don't know what's going on with this chapter.

P.S. I may not reply to your reviews, but I do read and I appreciate them very much ;_;

P.P.S. Guest with the headcanon of Dani – you really do enjoy watching the world burn, don't you? And you may or may not have given me a torch.

-0-

They had gotten further than I anticipated. By the time we caught up with the rest of the recruits, Karenese had disappeared in the horizon and sunlight was gone. Armin and I were finding our way using the moonlight as our only guide. The half moon felt like a wide mouthed grin and I couldn't stomach that at the moment. My grip on the reins tightened as I pushed my borrowed horse faster.

It was… depressingly easy to find the convoy. All we had to look for was the blanket of silence and solemnity.

I glanced back at Armin. His face looked a little pale and I wondered if his head wound was draining him.

I wanted to hit myself. Armin was injured. No matter how strong he acted, it didn't take away the fact that a few hours ago, my best friend had nearly been crushed by Annie. Wounds, especially head wounds, had a tendency to sap strength.

I slowed down, letting him ride up next to me. He sent me a quizzical look.

"Feeling okay?" I asked. I studied his face; noticed how his face paled in the moonlight, the set of his mouth and the look in his eyes. He didn't quite look hollow, but I didn't like the look in his eyes. It was something I never wanted him to experience. Weird, because I knew he would anyway.

There was a brief silence. I kept my attention forward while my eyes never left Armin. I watched him collect himself, swallowing hard. "I'm fine," he finally answered, voice wavering slightly.

I wanted to call his bullshit, but I bit my tongue before a word passed my lips. He didn't need that right now. Right now… he needed support. He didn't need nagging.

He met my eyes and I could see the resigned determination written in his blue eyes. Eyes that would never lie to me. Not like this.

"Okay." I let out a breath and flicked a lock of hair out of my face. "Okay. But I'm here for you. So, if you need to talk or whatever – "

"I know."

I nodded sharply. "Good. Okay." With nothing left to say, I looked away.

The silence lingered. I had a feeling Armin wanted to say something, so I kept quiet. I didn't like how it stretched, but words had this pesky way of leaving the moment someone else's words hit the air.

"Dani," he finally murmured.

"Hmm?"

"I know you… I know you said you're okay – or would be – but… I mean, how do you feel about – " I glanced over at him; he was frowning at himself, like he couldn't find the words he wanted to speak. "The Female Titan… how do you feel?"

My lips parted in surprise. Of all the questions I had anticipated, this hadn't even come up. There was so much going on… I honestly didn't know what to think.

Unlike Armin, I hadn't been hit with a sudden, startling realization. I'd always known Annie was the Female Titan. I'd known it would come to this and even if I was sad, I had known the Special Operations Squad would be more or less eradicated. In a way, I suppose it had cushioned me. I wasn't as affected as I would be expected to be.

"It's… complicated," I sighed, unable to find a better word to describe my feelings.

On one hand, I knew. I knew she'd be our enemy and that was why I had never bothered to get close. I hadn't gone as far as to avoid her, but I certainly hadn't gotten as close as Eren or even Mikasa had. In my mind, she was an ally until she showed her Titan form. It was… disturbingly easy to categorise her as a threat now.

But it was Annie. She was the same Annie we'd gone through training with. The same Annie who taught Eren how to fight, who made Eren the person he was today. She was the same Annie who looked out for us (in her own way) behind a mask of indifference.

She was our enemy, but I didn't think she herself knew why.

I had always thought there was something twisted in having children fight a war. Annie and her accomplices, whoever they were, must have been children when they were tasked with the destruction of humanity. They wouldn't have known any better.

Armin ran a hand down his face. He had aged, but I imagine everyone had.

"I don't want it to be," he whispered, the wind carrying it towards me.

I wanted to hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to, but I wouldn't. I didn't make empty promises. "I know, Armin."

He looked conflicted. I didn't doubt he would be. This was… messed up, to say the least. His eyes were downcast, like the answers he sought could be found in his horse's mane.

"Did you – " he started to ask, but cut himself off. I didn't wonder why; we had reached the others.

Reiner glanced back at us. "Did you work things out?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered. I thought of the box I had taken from my house, filled with trinkets and other sentimental items. "Something like that."

•●•●•●•

There was something about being right… that I hated.

I didn't want to be right. Looking over what was left of the Recon Corps, I was sad to think how pathetic we looked. My prediction from the morning had come true (although was it really a prediction, if I had always known?). there were only a few words I could use to describe the convoy before me.

Demoralized. Damaged.

Defeated.

The recruits sat at one of the more secluded tables in the mess hall. We hadn't done anything else. So far, all we had done was put away whatever horses we had left. I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling the older Surveyors were setting up the pyre. Whether we were required to attend was ambiguous.

I looked around us, doing a headcount. There was Krista, with Ymir next to her. The petite blonde was staring into her lap. Ymir had a casual arm slung across her shoulders, eyes practically daring us to say something that would upset Krista.

Connie was next to the couple, head in his hands. It wasn't unlike the night of the Trost pyre, but different this time. Maybe it was the knowledge that it wasn't someone he had trained with being burned to ashes – though was it really a comfort?

Sasha was seated next to him, still looking frazzled. I don't know what had happened while we were in the Forest, but it was affecting her. Not bad enough that she wouldn't be able to function completely, but… well, I didn't think she would bounce back that fast.

Reiner and Bertolt were near the head of the table. Reiner stood while Bertolt sat, but it almost didn't do anything for their height difference with Bertolt being so tall. They were our two oldest 104th recruits and it sort of showed. Reiner's arms were crossed, blue eyes sweeping over us calculatedly. Looking out for us, like always.

Jean sat next to Armin and Mikasa. He was pale and withdrawn. Maybe the day was finally taking its toll on him; he was absorbing all the times we had almost died. Maybe he had finally really taken in the fact there was a spy among us.

Mikasa's gaze was fixed on Levi. No surprise there. She had seen Eren off to the infirmary, although I questioned whether it was necessary. Unlike us, Eren healed fast.

We hadn't spoken a single word since the argument. I wasn't planning on changing that. I needed to calm down and measure my words. If I didn't, it would just make things worse. We needed to be able to work together, especially if Armin and Erwin's plan was still in motion. I just had to set aside my pettiness (which would take a few days because I could hold grudges too).

Armin was seated directly in front of me. He was there, but he wasn't. I didn't have to look at him to know he was somewhere deep in his own mind. I didn't know what he was thinking about, although I could hazard a guess. I imagined he had thoughts of Annie and the spy.

With the failure of the Recon Corps, Eren would be called to Wall Sina any day now. For all we knew, the summon was already on its way. We didn't have long. I knew there would be a plan, but time had made me forget specifics. There was a confrontation… and that was all my memories would allow me.

I stood behind Armin and Mikasa. It wasn't that there weren't enough places, but I just couldn't. there was too much on my mind – things I needed time to compartmentalize. There was Annie and Eren. There was Levi and his apparently nonexistent injury. I needed to figure out what that might have meant; would it affect Annie's capture or would it still change nothing?

I ran a hand down my face, feeling drained. There was too much happening in one day. I felt like I needed a break from my own life. If only that was possible.

"You guys look like shit," Reiner commented, breaking the tense silence. There was a brief pause where the rest of us must have simultaneously thought what the fuck. Then, Ymir snorted weakly.

"At least I look better on a good day," she snapped, although it seemed to lack the heat it would normally contain.

Reiner sighed. "That's not what I meant. I think it's time we headed for bed."

"What are you, my dad?" Ymir sneered. The hostility seemed to be a defense mechanism of some sort. I didn't know what she might have been defending herself from, but it shouldn't have been necessary. I think out of all of us, she must have been the most prepared for all this death.

"Ymir," Krista said sternly and it kind of clicked. "That's enough."

Predictably, the tanned girl backed down. Maybe it was her own whacky way of making Krista feel better. I didn't know.

Looking over the rest of them, I had to agree with Reiner. We were all wrung out and tired. We had seen mentors and comrades die right in front of us. We had lost people we knew and more. What any of us needed right now was a good night's sleep.

Nightmares optional, I thought wryly.

"I think all we need is some bed rest right about now," I announced quietly. When nobody moved, I pushed off the wall. "Come on, guys. They don't need us right now. We're more useful well-rested."

Still, nobody stirred.

Finally, Ymir stood, dragging Krista up. Her hold was gentle, but firm.

"Your company is ruining my mood," she announced. "I'm going to my room." There was an infliction to her voice, as if she was trying to say she chose to go off of her own accord, not because any of us told her to.

Not long after, Jean followed without a word. Connie and Sasha weren't far behind, Sasha bidding an overly-formal and weak good night.

Soon, it was just us three and Bertolt and Reiner. Reiner's gaze was on us.

"Going any time soon?" he questioned.

I looked at Armin and Mikasa. Neither of them looked like they were going to answer, so I did.

"We'll head in soon," I replied, placing a hand on Armin's shoulder. He stirred faintly, but didn't say a word. "You guys go ahead."

Reiner stared me down, lips turning down. "You need some rest, Dani," he mentioned with a finger wagged in my direction. I gave him a weak smile, waving him away in a vaguely fuck off gesture (but in the nice way, I promise).

He left, Bertolt following behind wordlessly. He hesitated, but maybe it was my imagination.

With their departure, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. The air felt lighter, somewhat. I sat down facing Armin and Mikasa.

Armin's eyes flickered to mine. "That was a good call, sending them to bed."

I ran a hand through my hair, sinking into my seat. "I think… they need to sleep on it. All of us do," I added with a pointed gaze to both of them. Predictably, Mikasa didn't meet my gaze.

Armin didn't say anything a while. Then, he started, "About the Female Titan…"

That caught everyone's attention. It was a low whisper, but Mikasa's head whipped around and I straightened. I cast a glance around, but we were more or less left to our own devices.

"We need to tell Commander Erwin who she is," Armin continued, "and then, we need to plan."

Mikasa frowned. "And who is the Female Titan?" she asked, although I had a feeling she already knew.

Armin took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. His eyes darted between me and Mikasa – someone who already knew and another who possibly suspected. I nodded sharply.

"Annie Leonheart."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Mikasa, but her features didn't betray shock. Instead, she hissed, "I knew it." Her eyes blazed. "How dare she."

Armin disregarded that for the moment. "Word would have travelled. The Central Government will have known by now that the expedition was a colossal failure."

"Eren will be sent to Wall Sina," I added, "to be prosecuted."

Mikasa's fists clenched.

"We have to tell the Commander," Armin insisted. "He must have known the Female Titan would be one of us, but not who. We need a plan so Eren isn't killed."

"We're not going to disagree, Armin," I said. "Just…"

I stopped myself. I had wanted to say do we have to do it now?

The obvious answer was of course we did. We needed time to plan. We needed to count our resources and tell those who needed to be told. Information needed to be disseminated and items needed to be ready.

"We should tell him now." I stood, hoping that had sufficiently covered up my brief brain stumble.

It's just… I couldn't be in denial of Annie's identity, could I?

Armin gave me a look as we exited the mess hall, Mikasa a silent ghost behind us. I tried to ignore it, but this was Armin we were talking about.

"It's nothing," I muttered.

He leaned in close with a frown, lowering his voice so our conversation was private. "It's not nothing. You're not as okay with it as you claim. You have problems with Annie being the Female Titan."

"I'm not the only one." I glanced behind us. "I won't be the only one."

"You mean Eren."

I sighed. "Eren was close to her. Closer than the rest of us. Who's to say – " I cut myself off; I just couldn't bring myself to say the words.

Armin slowed his steps, hand on my elbow so I did too. We stood in front of the Commander's office, but didn't enter. "Who's to say what?"

I shut my eyes briefly, shaking my head slightly. "Not now."

"Danika."

I didn't respond. I knocked briskly, the thuds echoing slightly. It effectively ended the conversation, but Armin wouldn't let this go.

There was shuffling from behind the door, followed by a muffled, "Enter."

I let Armin take the lead. He was the one who knew what to do. He pushed the door open and Mikasa and I followed.

The room wasn't as spacious as I would have thought. It was cluttered with papers and files. The desk was an organised mess; I could tell there was an order, but what that order was escaped me. Commander Erwin was seated behind the desk, but what surprised me was Levi's presence.

"What brings you here, cadets?" Erwin asked after we saluted. In this small room, with only us as his audience, his voice seemed different somehow. It still held the same charisma and authority, but it also seemed drained.

Armin's back straightened. He took a moment to gather his courage before saying, "We have information on the Female Titan. Our encounter with it has brought some insights – "

"Those insights can be placed in your report," Levi interrupted. With that one sentence, he had dismissed us entirely. With his dismissal, Armin faltered slightly.

Before we were ordered to our rooms, Mikasa barged into the conversation. "We know who the Female Titan is."

The silence was tense as the captain and the commander shared a look. Armin shot Mikasa a grateful look while Mikasa just stood there. Her gaze was challenging.

"We suspect we know who the Female Titan is," Armin corrected. "Through deduction and elimination, as well as our own encounters with the subject. We suspect the Female Titan is a former member of the 104th trainee squad, Annie Leonheart."

•●•●•●•

The meeting dragged.

I didn't know why I was surprised. I mean, there was a life on the line here. Not just any life, but the life of Humanity's Hope.

Hours passed as information was shared and plans were made – either among our separate groups or together as a faction. When we were finally dismissed, my head was buzzing with information. I wasn't sure I would sleep.

Armin was dropped off at his own room so Mikasa and I could head to ours.

The walk was silent. It was tense and uncomfortable. I looked away, trying my best to ignore it. I couldn't deal with anymore tension today. I just wanted to get back to the room and sleep off the horrors of today.

The silence continued as we readied for sleep. The only thing heard in our room was the faint creaking of the bed and our breathing.

Part of me wanted to say something, but a larger part of me told me to let it be. I'd only make things worse if I spoke up now. The only thing Mikasa wanted to hear from me was an apology. Anything less wouldn't be tolerated.

I wondered sometimes why I was the one who had to lay down my pride, but I didn't have to. The last thing we needed was more in-fighting. We couldn't afford to be any more separated. If nothing else, Mikasa was my friend. I was older (technically).

I glanced towards Mikasa, but she was already blowing out her candle. She slipped under her blanket and turned her back to me. I got the message: I don't want to even look at you.

My lips pursed, but I forced myself to let it go. It was a petty argument. It wouldn't blow over, but I would make things right eventually.

I looked at the wooden box I had tossed onto the bed earlier in the night. I gently touched the lid.

It was tempting to open it, but I had had enough for today. I was tired, physically and mentally. The gash in my calf was starting to ache again. The only relief from the dull ache was sleep.

Without another word, I slid it under my bed and blew the flame of my candle out.

I glanced over at the lump that was Mikasa before muttering a quiet goodnight.

I didn't receive an answer.