Harry carried Tonks over the threshhold of their honeymoon suite. (She'd chosen to have her name legally changed to Tonks Potter, thereby dodging that whole Nymphadora business forevermore). "Well, here we are, Tonks," Harry purred, laying her down on the bed. "Shall we go out and see the sights? Have a bite to eat at the hotel's bar? Or -"

She grabbed him by his tie and yanked him close. "You'll be doing some eating alright, Mr. Potter, but you won't be leaving the room for a good 48 hours." Her eyes shone with that special kind of hunger herself.

Harry smiled, glad he had chosen to wait until marriage for this. "Your wish is my command, Mrs. Potter. But..." He had started taking his tie off, but paused as the thought crossed his mind. "It just occurred to me that I've never seen you, ah, au naturale."

Tonks smirked saucily. "What, forgot all those times I tried to lure you into the sack before marriage?"

"No, not like that," he said, shaking his head even as he smiled at the memories. "I mean...I've never seen your natural face. The one you were born with."

The playful look on his wife's face melted away, replaced by one of pensive anxiety. "We've talked about this, Harry. I don't like my natural face."

He sat down on the bed next to her and put one arm around her, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "Tonks Potter, you are my wife, the one woman I love above all others in the world. You are beautiful to me no matter what. Please, for our first time, I want you to be completely relaxed with me."

"Well...okay," she finally agreed. "But can you turn around first? I want to make sure I'm all ready first."

He planted a loving kiss on her forehead. "Anything for you, Tonks."

So, Harry stood and turned around, and listened to his wife undress as he did the same. Already, he was flush with anticipation for what was to come.

"Okay, you can turn around now," Tonks...gargled?

Harry turned around. "What's wrong with your voiiiiiiaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

The Thing that stood before him could not possibly be human. Harry was hesitant to even call it a living being. It was a grotesque mockery of life itself, a clear defiance of the will of God.

"Harry, wha-" The Thing started to say, before Harry vomited. His spew coated the monster's upper half, some of it spraying into the hole Harry thought may have been a mouth.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO" Harry chanted over and over at the top of his lungs. His mind already gone, his hands reached up of their own accord and began clawing at his eyes, until he had rent all the flesh from the sockets, leaving him with two bloody pits on his face. However, that still left the memory of the Thing in his skull.

There was only one thing to do.

He turned towards the balcony and broke into a dead run. Inertia took him through the glass door and over the railing, sending him tumbling around and around for forty stories until finally, mercifully, he landed on his head, his skull exploding like a water balloon and splattering his brains a yard all around him.

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A parody on all those "Oh Tonks, show me your true form since I have tru luv for you!" "Here is my ultra-beautiful true form, Harry, because I also have tru luv for you!" fics.