The Frustration Compulsion

A Bbt fic

*a/n Hello fellow shippers, I'm back after a short intermission, I haven't written in about a week or so, I've been busy. I just want to let you know, that this fic is an AU Shamy, so I am aware that the characters are OOC, and this fic is actually based on something that happened to me last week Wednesday, and I don't intend to make this multi chaptered, although if you guys like it enough and ask me to, I'm, sure I can pull something together. Otherwise, enjoy and please tell me if you like it in the reviews (:

Amy trudged up the many flights of stairs at her best friend's apartment complex with a feeling of exhaustion clawing at her all the way up. Clearly she would have preferred to just go home and have done nothing, but she felt that she owed it to herself to prove to the world (and herself) that she was fine, that she was okay- at least for the time being.

As she walked up those stairs, a feeling of loneliness and dread hit her like a wave and she found herself counting the minutes in her head until she could leave. But as she rounded the corner and stood in the hallway between her best friend's apartment and her first heartbreak's apartment, there was a feeling of longing there and it took all she had in her to keep her eyes off of his apartment.

It had been so long, so long that she had been in his apartment in his company, in his presence. Yet, she had come here under the pretext that she would be going back to that apartment, and having a little game night, because the girl's claimed that "nothing was the same without her." What on Earth had possessed her to follow through with this plan?

Taking a deep breath, Amy brought her hand to the door and knocked hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. There were muffled voices from inside telling her to come in, so she slowly pushed the door open to reveal the one person that she had been dreading to see- Sheldon.

He was sitting in his spot, playing some instrument that he had once told her was called a Theremin. If she had to guess, the instrument looked similar to a harp but yet was so different. She had never seen quite a thing in her life.

Next to him sat Leonard who was scrolling through his phone and laughing, apparently reading something very amusing. In front of the television stood Howard and Raj, playing Wii bowling in their blue bowling outfits. The two looked very concentrated and didn't break their gaze on the television when they greeted her. Leonard followed suit with the greetings, his eyes still glue to his phone.

But Sheldon, he was different. He glanced up at her, his blue eyes soft and a small smile tugged on his lips before he continued to play his Theremin with a low hum. Interesting…

What broke her gaze off of Sheldon was her best friend Penny wrapping her arms around her shoulder with a gleeful smile on her face. Next to wander over was Bernadette, who looked equally as happy as she lovingly stared in Howard's direction.

What was surprising to Amy was that the air felt calmer than what she was expecting. Perhaps everybody had moved on already and she was still stuck in the past…?

That was when Amy noticed that Sheldon had put his Theremin aside and was now reading something on his phone, his eyes equally as soft as before as a small chuckle escaped from his lips and he began typing a reply. As she watched him, Amy felt a pang of hurt, he was texting his new girlfriend without a doubt.

Amy was no stranger to dating, she had gone on hundreds of dates as per her agreement with her mother, but she never had ever imagined that one could get over someone as quickly as he had gotten over her, even if it had been a couple years now.

Shaking her thoughts away, Amy turned her attention back to Penny as she was grinning at her- clearly she was intoxicated. Amy attempted to return the grin, but it was a little feigned, and luckily nobody seemed to notice. Except Sheldon, who was staring at her intently.

With a sigh, Amy turned all her attention to the girls and made her way to the kitchen with them to catch them up on her now boring life as a single woman.

"Do you think, do you think that m-maybe Sheldon…Sheldon, misses Amy?" Penny slurred to no one in particular as she poured herself another glass of wine. Bernadette stared quizzically at Amy, seemingly ignoring Penny.

"Yeah, do you miss him?" she asked in a hushed voice, glancing over at the guys who were currently wrapped in a heated discussion over Superheroes, with Sheldon checking his phone every other minute. It was driving Amy nuts.

"I think that question speaks for itself." Amy responded rather glumly before she shook her head and asked for a change in the topic of their conversation.

"Of course," Penny assured before Bernadette had a chance to say anything. "Leonard!" she shouted from the kitchen, and his head immediately popped up so he could look at her. Trotting over to him, Penny grabbed hold of his hand and drug him out of his apartment, assumedly across the hall to her apartment.

Howard looked from Bernadette to Raj and sniggered. "Someone's getin' laid tonight." He said in a sleazy tone of voice. Bernadette giggled in response and moved towards him in a drunken fashion, although she wasn't as drunk as Penny had been.

"He's not the only one." She whispered a little too loudly as she fondled his ear lobe and giggled some more. Howard had a large grin on his face as she jumped off the couch and grabbed his girlfriend's hand before hastily leaving the apartment.

Amy sighed in response, why had she even come?

At this time, several thoughts were running through Amy's head. She was confused, if anything, but most of all, she was frustrated. Why was she having such a hard time getting over Sheldon? What was her problem? Maybe if other people liked her, this feeling would go away. But even with that thought in mind, Amy thought it was slightly ridiculous to not be over him by now.

In the fastest time Amy thought imaginable, her eyes began to burn and she felt her breathing turn irregular. She found herself on the brink of tears. Turning away from Sheldon and Raj, Amy wandered into the kitchen and pressed her hands up to her eyes, trying to keep her cool. Her face burned with heat and she felt the sudden urge to hit something violently.

Why on Earth was this so difficult?!

Perhaps if she asked an expert, then maybe the whole process of getting over him would be easier. And who better to ask than him? It was a rash decision, not very well thought out, but it that moment it was all Amy could think about, getting the answer to all her problems from the one person who could provide her with those answers.

Sighing, Amy wandered over to Sheldon slowly, keeping an eye on Raj who was picking up the gaming system that he and Raj had been using not much earlier. She wasn't sure how comfortable she would feel with him in the room while she sorted out her issues, but she was going to carry through with her plan regardless.

"Hey, can I, uh, talk to you for a second?" Amy asked shyly, totally winging it. Sheldon looked up at her in surprise, before getting up from his spot and nodding at her to continue.

Half expecting it, Amy felt her throat go dry and began to question whether her plan would work or not. She should have thought it through better than this.

"How'd you do it?" she asked, not bothering to be specific. By doing this, Amy sort of hoped that Sheldon would figure it out for himself what she was talking about, although she knew that to be highly unlikely.

"What?" he stuttered in return, clearly not following her train of thought. Initially, Amy felt the need to face palm at Sheldon's lack of knowledge on the situation at hand, until she remembered that she hadn't yet told him what she was even talking about.

"How'd you do it?" Being no more of less specific than the first time, she continued to question him, and she could tell he was getting very confused as he cocked his head to the side and repeated the word 'what?'

Sighing and shifting her weight from foot to foot, Amy continued the conversation, her heart hammering in her chest.

"How'd you get over me so quickly?" what surprised her most was how surprised Sheldon looked in response to her question. From what she could tell, Raj was otherwise preoccupied and she couldn't figure out for the life of her why he looked so surprised.

"Well, I wouldn't say that I 'got over you'… I… I don't think that's'… the right word… to use…" he told her while staring into her eyes intently, making Amy's knees go weak. Was he really telling her that he wasn't over her?

But when someone goes on a date with someone else, doesn't that mean that they're over the previous person?

Oh, how Amy wished that wasn't the case. Clearly, he was over her, so why was he telling her all this false information?

She guessed that Sheldon could see the doubt in her eyes, because he shuffled slightly closer to her and gently placed his hand on her arm, staring deeper into her eyes and breathing softly.

With a slight scoff, Sheldon continued with a sentence Amy wasn't expecting to hear tonight, or all nights. "You really think that I got over you…?"

Amy couldn't believe her ears. At first, she almost missed what he was saying, he was talking to darn quietly, which she assumed was because Raj was in the room; but his tone sounded so innocent…

Speaking of Raj, Amy thought as Raj approached them to get past them. Sheldon kept his hand resting on her arm as he shifted them both to a vacant spot in his living room, far enough away from Raj so he wasn't likely to overhear their conversation.

Still keeping his close proximity to her, Sheldon lowered his head closer to her and, keeping his voice barely above a whisper, he continued to talk to her, almost pleading her to understand.

"Look," he said while quietly exhaling a nervous breath. "I know this is hard for you. I've got a girlfriend, and some day you're going to get a boyfriend…" Amy mentally scoffed at the notion, how absurd, before she thought what if I don't want another boyfriend?

Continuing, Sheldon said "but I mean, look at us. We're still amazing friends, despite what has happened between us. I'll always have feelings for you; I don't think you ever get over your first love. I'm happy, and I think that we just weren't meant to be a couple. Everything happens for a reason, and I think we were meant to be great friends…"

Amy didn't even hear the rest of what he was saying. For the second time that night, she felt tears well up in her eyes as she fought to finish their conversation in an attempt to not come off as rude. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't even realize that Sheldon had stopped talking until he shifted yet closer to her and kept his hand rested on her arm.

"Are you okay, Amy?" Sheldon asked her, concerned that his speech had somehow upset her. Amy was thinking hard; perhaps what he had said was true- that they were meant to be just friends.

But whenever she thought about being just friends with the man she loved, a wave of sadness struck her.

Nodding and biting her lip, Amy quietly reassured Sheldon that she was fine. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Sheldon looked like he was lost in thought too, and as Amy gazed up at him with sad eyes, he suddenly caught her gaze and closed the remaining gap between them, wrapping his arms around her.

Initially, Amy felt shocked, Sheldon was really hugging her! But it wasn't the kind of hug that caused her to be overcome with joy. Instead, this hug was full of heartbreak and only caused her that much more sadness. So, while she still could, she held onto him tightly and pressed her face into his chest, determined to keep her tears in check.

In fact, she had been so determined to hold back her tears that she hadn't totally focused on the hug, and it ended way sooner than she would have preferred. Looking up at him with shy eyes, Amy was speechless and desperately wanted him to say something- anything.

"You okay?" he asked once more, the softness and concern in his voice quite overwhelming. Swallowing hard, Amy nodded again, and looked around the room, trying to stall so she could stay with him a little longer.

"I'll be okay…" she told him, the confidence in her voice wavering. He looked at her with such concern in his face, and for the third time that evening, Amy felt on the brink of tears. Even through her jumble of thoughts, Amy managed to nod again and she intended on leaving then, seeing as how everyone else already left, but Sheldon surprised her once again that evening by bringing her in for a sideways hug that was suppose to be momentarily.

Instead, Amy clung to him, still upset at how she let the previous hug slip away from her grasp. He was the one to pull away this time, making Amy feel uncomfortable. Sighing, she looked up at him sheepishly, feeling her face blush with such heat.

Clearing her throat, Amy bid her farewells and left Sheldon there alone to sort through his thoughts. He ignored the fact that Raj was still in his kitchen, and the fact that his phone had gone off more than 4 times in his pocket during his talk with Amy.

Sheldon woke up with sweat pouring from his face, and he felt more than just antsy. Had he really had a dream in Amy's point of view? What if she actually felt that way sometimes? He just had to know.

Looking at the clock, he noticed that it was 3 in the morning and his initial thought was to not disturb his girlfriend at such an inappropriate hour, but this had to be done. Sighing, Sheldon sleepily slipped on his bus pants and wind breaker and headed out to find a bus that would take him to Amy's to sort out this feeling of insecurity that was growing in the pit of his stomach.

*a/n don't forget to let me know what you think! I know this was a little serious, as a few of my stories are, and I apologize, but I'm going through some stuff right now where this just felt appropriate. Until next time!~