A/N: Hello I'm AnimeGirl and this is my first attempt at a fanfiction so please be gentle XD! I am ALWAYS writing but I only just recently got into fanfiction and decided I wanted to write one. I can't wait to get feedback on it! Disclaimer: I, AnimeGirl, do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of its characters, no matter how much I wish I do -.-…

CH.1

I sat on one of the love seats in music room number three as I stared out at the blue sky. It was sunny, with not a cloud in sight, the exact opposite of my mind which swirled with thoughts of only one person, Hikaru. My twin, my best friend, and the person who unwittingly holds my heart. I desired to feel his strong arms around me, to feel his lips on my own. Oh, how I wished my feelings were returned, but of course these thoughts weren't anything short of delusional. Hikaru would never feel the same way…..he'd never love me in any way other than a brotherly way and I'd never get over him. I'd spend the rest of my life pining after someone I could never have. How pitiful.

I clenched my fists and held back the tears threatening to escape my eyes. Luckily, everyone was too busy conversing with each other to notice. The Shadow King sat typing away on his laptop while Tono bugged him about something, Mori-senpai watched as Hunny-senpai devoured plate after plate of cake, and Hikaru stood over by Haruhi. Or at least I thought no one noticed….. Suddenly, I noticed a shadow being cast over me and, making sure there weren't any tears in my eyes and trying my best to hide the pain from my face, I looked up to see the very person I yearned for standing over me, a look of concern covering his features.

"Kaoru? Are you alright?" Hikaru inquired looking down at me, his voice so soothing it pained me to hear it. Pushing my anguish and desolation to the back of my mind, I smiled my best host smile up at him.

"Yeah I'm fine. What's up?" He didn't believe me. Of course I couldn't fool him; we know each other like we are each other.

"Host Club is starting." He stated, frowning down at me. Immediately, I want to slap myself for the being the cause of that frown, I want to confess to him right then and there but I don't want to be rejected. Hikaru has already left the security of 'our little world' because of Haruhi. I can tell by the way he acts around her that he loves her or at least likes her. That's why I push him closer to her, I figure once Hikaru is gone my broken heart can be mended.

"Alright then." I said, motioning for him to sit next to me, since I'm already at our regular spot, which he does. In the next second guests start pouring in and I mentally groan. The moments to come cause me great heartache, of course I love having Hikaru hold me but it hurts to know its all an act.

Hikaru sits next to me, telling all the swooning fangirls about something that severely embarrassed me.

"And he bolted right out of bed, all drenched in sweat."

"Hikaru I told you not to tell anyone about that!" I whined, a deep blush spreading across my face as I turned away. What Hikaru didn't know was that I woke up from a dream of him….. He pulled me close and held my face in his hands.

"You were just so cute, I had to tell them. I'm sorry." Oh how I wished it actually meant something when he held me like this but it doesn't, and that's how it should be….right? I tried as hard as I could to tuck my emotions away but I couldn't stop the pain from showing on my face. The look in Hikaru's golden eyes in that moment almost crushed me, they held a tremendous amount of worry in them. Damn it, he knows something is wrong! Now he'll get it out of me after Host Club is over.

When the end of Host Club finally came, Hikaru ran up to her. Haruhi. It's not that I hate her, I just….I guess I'm just jealous of her. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I saw Haruhi smile and nod. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach, like if I moved even an inch I'd puke all my insides out. H-h didn't…h-he just….Hikaru ran towards me grinning.

"Hey, mind going home alone? I'm going out with Haruhi!" he exclaimed, a huge grin covering his face that soon disappeared when I froze. Of course I was expecting him to ask her out but that doesn't mean I had to be happy about it.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru said, snapping me out of my stupor.

"Of course. So you've finally done it? I'll be fine, go on have fun." Did my voice just crack? Hikaru looked at me with worry filled eyes before pulling me into a hug.

"See you at home." He whispered in my ear before pulling back, smiling and running back to Haruhi. Hikaru slinked an arm around her shoulders and they left. For a moment I just stood there frozen, that is until I heard a small voice call out from behind me.

"Are you okay Kao-chan?" Hunny-senpai had walked up to me and was studying me, probably trying to figure out what's wrong. Mori-senpai stood next to him doing the same thing and behind him Kyoya sat listening to Tono's overdramatics. At least they hadn't noticed.

"Y-yes I'm f-fine." Damn, I'm already stuttering, soon the tears will come and I can't let anyone see them. I flashed them my best host smile before turning and walking out of the club room. That fake smile…I wonder if it will become my usual smile. I didn't bother calling a car. I'd rather walk since it always helped to clear my mind.

'Damn it, he knows something is wrong! Now he'll get it out of me after Host Club is over.' 'He didn't believe me. Of course I couldn't fool him; we know each other like we are each other.' I guess I was wrong. I did fool him; he actually couldn't read me like I can read him. Hikaru will never return my feelings…..its wrong, taboo. But still….I still love him. A bittersweet smile covered my features and I reached up to wipe away the tears now streaming down my cheeks, being met face to face with the gates to the Hittachin mansion, my home. A strangled sob broke free from my lips as I ran through the gates, up the stairs and into mine and Hikaru's shared room. Slamming the door behind me I jumped into the bed and curled into a ball.

Why? Why can't he love me the way I love him? The way he loves her? More hot tears rolled down my cheeks until my sobs wracked my entire body. Suddenly, I heard the front door slam shut; Hikaru is home. Shit, I can't let him see me like this! I hurried to the bathroom, turned on thesink, and splashed cold water on my tearstained face. Then I sprang from the bathroom and slid into bed. I'd just play it off like I was too tired to change.

As soon as I pulled the covers up over my head I heard footsteps down the footsteps got closer until they were directly outside the door.

"Kaoru? Are you in here?" Hikaru's voice echoed through the darkness of the room as he opened the door. I stayed completely still, my eyes closed, and a I heard a loud sigh as the footsteps neared the bed. Hikaru leaned over me and ran the back of his hand across my cheek. It took everything inside me not to grab his hand in mine. There was shuffling and then the bed shifted. Great, Hikaru is going to get in bed with me. We had slept close to each other in the same bed for as long as I can remember but now I really couldn't stand to be so close but so far at the same time. I felt an arm wrap around my waist and another sigh, this one of contentment. After about twenty minutes Hikaru started snoring. Thank god! I gently wriggled out of his embrace and scooted as far away as I could without falling off the bed. I curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep.

So what did you think?! Was it good, bad, okay?! Please give me some feedback, I'm eager to hear what people have to say! Also I've already said this but, this is my first fanfiction ever so be gentle.