EPIPHANIES

by Stands With a Fic- Camima

Chapter 1

Can't wait for Major Crimes season3.

One of my fantasies involving Sharon and Andy, my first one put into writing. No rate M yet but I will be no teaser. Promise.:)

'How is this possible?! How? And why me? Why her? Why now?' Andy couldn't help but wonder. Suddenly, Andy realized what had been wrong with him these last few months - he had been feeling irritated and uneasy, with no real reason as to why. He'd checked his blood pressure – it was fine. He hadn't been able to sleep, much less eat properly. It had gotten to the point that even Provenza had noticed. Provenza, who knew Andy more than Andy himself, and had been watching him act oddly these last few weeks – knowing full well what Andy's problem was, but waiting for him to figure it out for himself. When Provenza had asked him what was wrong; he couldn't even come up with a plausible answer!

From the very beginning of Andy's intimacy with the Captain, his best friend had tried to warn him off; hinting heavily at where this relationship could potentially lead. Andy had rejected the thought that his friendship with Captain Raydor could possibly lead to unexpected effects. In fact, he saw nothing wrong with calling the Captain by her given name – Sharon - or relying on her support both personally and professionally.

After three weeks of feeling upset, Andy was walking down the corridor leading to the elevator on Major Crimes' floor, attempting to hush his wandering thoughts. He had forgotten his cellphone in his car, idiot, and was going back to the parking lot to fetch it. The elevator doors opened, and Andy was looking at the pavement as if the answers to his questions lay there. He lifted his eyes and his heart thumped in his chest at the sight of her. Sharon Raydor. Even with her arms hugging a bunch of files and her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, she still managed to look stunning. Her face immediately changed from focused to shining with a wide smile at the sight of him.

"Good morning Andy!" she said cheerfully.

After a moment of hesitation, she entered the corridor slowly, moving by his side carefully so as not to crash into Andy. Her smile faded, and she pressed her lips inwards as her eyes widened and her eyebrows rose quizzically. He hadn't moved to allow her to pass, he hadn't spoken a word to greet her – instead, he had just stood there as if he were stoned.

"Andy...are you alright?" she asked, her eyes intense and showing concern.

"Oh...well, sure, I'm sorry Sharon" he replied with an awkward grin. He could feel that she knew that he wasn't entirely okay, and cursed his expressions for making it more obvious, "Good morning, Sharon," he added.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah absolutely," he replied grinning. The elevator doors were about to close but he blocked them, "I forgot my cell in my car," Andy said rolling his eyes, "I'll be back soon".

She looked at him from over the brim of her glasses, her eyes narrowing and her lips pursing slightly. She tilted her head slightly to the side, and her expression seemed to say I'm not sure that you are okay. "See you then" she said, smiling at him suspiciously.

She turned and headed towards her office. Andy suddenly felt uneasy as he watched her leave. Mentally, he berated himself for the way he had acted – he could've been nicer to her or talked to her for longer. Instead, he gazed at her thick hair, waving and dangling slightly above her shoulders. Listening raptly to the rhythm of her steps, he watched her hips swinging gently but with subtle energy, her dress caressing and revealing the shape of her bottom and the hem of her skirt offering him the sight of her God-given, finely molded legs. Suddenly it all became clear - he realized what he had been chasing for weeks through his meandering thoughts. He finally allowed himself to see his issue. He felt like stopping time, and his heart beats accelerated. Entering the elevator, he pushed the button repeatedly, so as to feel that he had control over that, at least. Feeling as though his body were floating, he put his back against the wall, lifting his chin whilst looking at the neon lights above him, mouth open.

"It can't be...no, no it can't!" he murmured.

Sharon saw him returning and sitting at his desk. He deliberately avoided looking at her through the open blinds, and after shooting her an upset look he immediately looked away. He was now sitting with his back turned to her, and she could practically feel his rigidity. Normally, he would sit in an almost-side position, so as to allow himself both eye-contact and a good view of her. Sharon had often surprised him staring every once in a while, and then breaking off his attention by winking or grinning at her. This morning, however, her office could have been empty. Provenza knocked lightly at her door.

"Yes?"

"Captain" he said, entering the office and shutting the door.

"Good morning Lieutenant..." she straightened her back, indicating a chair before her desk and said, "oh please..." Her hand was palm up and she leaned back into her chair again, her fingers slightly entwined on her lap and her legs crossed. Provenza made himself comfortable in the chair in front of the Captain, and glancing at her, he realized that her eyes were still on Andy's back. From the angle of her lips visible to him, she was also definitely pouting. "I met Andy this morning on my arrival and I found him...strange" Sharon said cautiously, pondering the word in a soft voice "I asked him if he was ok, and he hesitated to say that he was. I don't want to be indiscreet but...uh, I would be glad to know if there is anything you think I should know, or any suggestions you could give, as to how I could help him," Sharon said in her soft and thoughtful voice, still looking at Andy's back. Her eyebrows contracted before turning to face Provenza's first surprised and then nodding features.

'Sure there is' he thought. "Captain," he cleared histhroat, "Might as well come out with it, I did ask him myself, but he said that even he can't figure it out," he paused shrugging. His lips pursed as his eyebrows rose, "but you don't need to be a psychic to tell how uneasy and upset he is." Provenza paused and looked at Sharon's tense face - still looking at Andy - "maybe you could talk to him. I mean, it's worth trying, and he can't get any worse," he continued, waving a hand before him and contracting his eyebrows in concern. 'Or maybe he will, but it's high time you two stopped being in denial and faced whatever it is that's been eating at the two of you,' he thought.

"Thank you Lieutenant," Sharon sighed, smiling weakly with concern visible in her eyes. She would have preferred to have something concrete to deal with. "You may go," she said, with a tone of finality. Provenza nodded his head slightly, his eyes saying for what, pursing his lips as he exited her office.

It was 8 pm, and everybody had left for the day. Andy stood in the empty murder room, collecting his gun, badge and cell. He threw a look at Sharon through the open blinds of her office and she looked up at him, feeling the weight of his stare. 'Andy, you idiot! You avoided her all day, as if it was her fault that you can't help the way you think. You can't avoid her forever! She is your boss and she is your friend and she doesn't deserve to be treated like this!' His mind screamed at him. Sharon smiled at him, her eyes showing tender concern. They seemed to ask him, 'what's wrong Andy? You know you can tell me anything you want, feel or need, but it's in your hands to reach out to me'. Her stare made his heart ache and his gaze softened at the sight of it, his dark thick eyes became sweeter and brighter 'Oh my God what will I do with you now, Sharon? I don't wanna lose you, and I don't wanna push you away, but how can I stay so close to you every day? If I avoid you, I'll feel bad and I'll miss you, and I don't wanna treat you like this. Ijust have to pretend that everything is as it was. That nothing ever happened.' Sharon was now standing right behind the glass wall of her office, holding his gaze. He glanced appreciatively at Sharon's body before meeting her eyes again: how could he resist the impulse to enter her office and grab her by her shoulders? To pull her into him, holding her tight and begging her to forgive him because he didn't mean it, he hadn't planned for it and he felt like this was a betrayal of her friendship. Ultimately, he couldn't help himself. It had taken root inside of him, slowly and deeply taking control of his mind and body. Only in that moment did he realize that it had always been like this. He had fought her - yelled at her because she was too intelligent, too right, too gorgeous, and too hot for him. It had been easy to pretend to hate her when she was the enemy from FID, but then she became a part of his team – his boss, in fact. Slowly but surely, she had revealed more of herself to them, to him. Captain Raydor had turned into Sharon, taking over his eyes and heart. She had stopped being the Wicked Witch or Rulebook Raydor, and she had become Sharon - sweet, sensitive, tender and funny Sharon. Just Sharon. Sharon… the mere sound of her name made him melt inside. Like a lover's whisper in his ear, or heated breath against feverish lips - a light breeze in L.A.'s scorching days. Sharon.

His gaze returned to her eyes, and he took a step towards her as she remained standing behind the glass wall. She lifted her right hand open and pressed it against the transparent wall at chest level, where his heart was, and smiled at him bitterly. Her jade stare met his eyes across the glass paneling. He couldn't bear seeing her like this, especially when it was his fault. He drew nearer to the wall and smiled fondly at her, reaching towards her smaller hand with his right hand, pressing it gently against hers. He was grateful for the fact that there was an invisible, and yet perfectly tangible division between them. Grateful, and yet entirely miserable. It was ironic. Their current positions mimicked the position of their relationship. They were both as equally committed to staying together – to reaching out to one another in any way possible – but it was impossible. An invisible barrier (or several) had made sure of that. She is his Captain, and he her Lieutenant. She is a married woman – and a Catholic, to boot – and he is a divorcee who wants her as more than just a friend, but as a lover. As his woman - his everything. He yearned for her romantically, and she merely enjoyed his friendship. He loved her, and this would have parted them forever. He had to be strong and hide his feelings for her and from her. He loved her and never wanted to hurt or upset her for any reason. He would remain her friend, and that would be enough so long as she was content. It would be enough, if she allowed him to stay with her. Sharon tilted her head, her eyes so warm and friendly that it almost hurt him, inviting him to join her. His mouth opened as though he were going to say something, his eyebrows rising questioningly. He was trying to make up his mind, dwelling on the surprise of her unexpected invitation. She shrugged, smiling and encouraging him. Her head nodded once, and her eyes indicated the door. His face relaxed and his free arm opened his hand palm up, and he acquiesced with a nod of his head. He entered her office and she stood in front of him, smiling. She leaned against the edge of her desk, legs almost completely outstretched. Her toes were turned inward ever so slightly, and her arms were carefully folded beneath her breasts. He drew nearer and stopped in front of her, his feet an inch from hers. He could feel the chair behind him graze his calves and he looked at her almost passively, with his hands in his pants pockets - forbidding them from moving towards her. Shoulders contracting inwards, he could hardly help himself from swallowing hard as he looked at her. As he drank in every facet of her appearance – tracing her jaw and neck, down to where her collar bones peered out of her aquamarine dress. His eyes continued their downwards journey across her skin where it was uncovered by her dress, to meet the hint of her breasts. He swallowed hard again and obliged his eyes to look away from her. He looked at his shoes but still couldn't find any relief! His eyes met her toes, ankles, calves and knees. He drew a deep breath.

"Andy?" her voice called his name so softly and warmly, and he shivered. "Andy…?" she put her hands on his arms, shaking him slightly. "What's wrong with you? I'm beginning to grow concerned, seeing you like this," she hesitated "it scares me," she finally admitted, her soft voice not matching the burden showing through her eyes. Andy saw his hands reaching towards her and Sharon offering him a tender smile. Grazing her neck, jaw and finally lips, Andy's hand seemed to move by itself, and he was powerless to stop it. Sharon's eyes widened, an awkward expression painting her face. He froze, and Sharon saw disappointment burning in his eyes. He closed his eyes for an instant, then took her hands in his and looked her steadily in the eye, and he could instantly tell that she had also figured out the cause of his bizarre behavior. How could she help him now? Feeling lost, she remained there, looking at him. Her eyes stung with tears, and his sweet shining brown eyes turned downwards at her reaction, darkening with sadness. Suddenly she started sobbing, tears streaming from her eyes. Glancing at him, she watched as he became blurred out of focus, yet held steadfastly to her hands. Andy had expected her to push him away – to grow stiff and awkward before assuming her professional tone to leave the friendly one, maybe. Quite possibly, Andy had expected the Captain to plead with him, begging him to understand that she is a married woman – not to mention his Captain. Basically, Andy had expected anything but seeing her burst into tears, vulnerable and desperate, her body shaking with sobs. His heart sank.

"Sharon? Sharon...oh I'm so sorry. Sharon, please look at me, don't cry. I'm an idiot." He pulled her into him and held her tight, his arms completely wrapping around her shaking frame, attempting to prevent the onset of further sobbing. A hand held her head from behind, and she pressed her face flush against his pectoral arms folded against his chest, with her hands desperately clutching his shirt. He shushed her gently, rubbing her back in sweeping motions as her sobs began to subside.

"Oh Andy..." she said, her cheek against his pectoral "I'm so sorry," her voice broken again by a new wave of tears. Andy lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers and looked at her. Her make-up had melted away on to his shirt, her face damp with tears.

''Listen, Sharon; there is nothing you have to feel sorry for. I have upset you, and I'm an absolute idiot," he assured her, gazing at her fondly. She was so tiny against him, her body abandoned into his, and her green eyes wandering around the room. Sharon put her head back into his chest with a sigh. He thought that he could stay like this forever, with Sharon in his arms joint with him in body and soul. Her soft hair tickled his neck and chin, and her scent – the scent of her skin mixed with her perfume – was distinct and powerful, like the woman herself. He felt the silky touch of her forehead against his neck, and understood he would do anything to make her happy - to see her smiling and laughing again. What he felt didn't matter. He pulled away ever so slightly, and lifted her chin gently with his forefinger. Removing her glasses and placing them on the desk, he took his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped her face. She smiled at him, bitterness filling her eyes, and seeing this, he kissed her forehead and eyelids, doing anything to take away her pain.

"Andy we must talk about this, about your...feelings," Sharon said with a calm voice, despite her general demeanor. She glared at the chair behind Andy, pushing against his chest slightly. Andy sat, and Sharon drew her chair nearer to his and sat down so as to get a better look at Andy's face.

He turned his chair to face her, "Sharon," he leaned towards her, entwining his fingers with his elbows on his knees, and looked up at her. "What do you wanna hear me say?" he asked, letting out a sigh.

"Andy, I want you to be completely honest," she replied, watching as he swallowed hard. He drew in a deep breath and then let it out.

"Sharon I-I think I'm…in love with you," his spoke with a low, warm and rough voice, affected by the whirlpool of his emotions. He glanced at her, almost as if to say, 'simple as that, really'. Sharon didn't turn her eyes from his but swallowed hard. Her arms left the armrests to wrap around her body, and a hand reached up to her neck and lay there.

"Andy how..."

"How do I know?" he read her mind. She nodded. "Sharon...have you ever been in love?"

She had been in love once, but it had been so long ago. He smiled at her tenderly and thoughtfully. Should he tell her all the things that made him fall for her? What would be the point? To increase her caching sorrow? To strengthen his yearning for her? Sharon leaned forward towards him. He glimpsed her breasts in the nude lace bra she wore beneath the neckline of her dress and the sight made inhale sharply.

"Andy, what will we do now? How will we deal with this new… situation? How can I help you? Can – is it possible for me to help you?" He could tell that she really wanted to figure this situation out, not only for professional reasons, but also to sustain their close friendship.

"Sharon, I will be fine. You are my captain and my friend and these are the facts that really matter. I've just gotta take it one step at time."

"Andy," she looked him dead in the eye, "Whatever you need I am here for you. But… if it is too hard for you to deal with- well, with me…" she stopped, swallowing hard, her voice breaking. Andy reached out for her hands and pulled her into a hug, his inner thighs against her outer ones, his hands rubbing her back up and down "Andy I don't want to lose your friendship! You are a dear friend, and I can't bear the idea that I am the reason you feel this bad," Her voice was soft and tearful in his ear. She embraced him closely, with her chin on his shoulder, her cheek against his neck and her arms circled around his shoulders.

"That's not gonna happen Sharon, you will not lose me. I will always be there for you - with you," He said firmly, pulling slightly away from her and looking into her eyes, and tucking her hair behind her ear. She looked as though she was guilty – like she was sorry for him, and ultimately sorry that she was his issue. He had to work with her and she was asking him to remain friends, accepting his hugs. She wasn't used to feeling neither guilty nor selfish. All her life ruled by rules and laws - solid moral principles to lead her life. Despite the cold hard side she could display when needed, she had always lived her life for others, to help, accept, understand… basically, to protect and serve. Now she could do nothing for her lieutenant and friend not only because she was the cause of his troubles, but also because she needed him as her friend. This revelation upset her almost as much as Andy's. She suddenly became aware of this need and was finding it difficult to deal with.

Sharon flipped the light off in her office. It was 9 pm, and Rusty was having a pizza Friday at Provenza's. She was grateful to Provenza for spending time with Rusty, but tonight, she was mostly grateful for the fact that she wouldn't have to explain why she had cried her make-up away. Andy closed her office door behind them carrying Sharon's bag over his shoulder. They made their way to the elevator in silence, walking side by side, both of them thinking of their new awareness. They entered the elevator and Andy caught her looking at him thoughtfully, but not with bitterness anymore. Instead, a new light had entered her eyes. She could only bear his gaze for a little while before turning her eyes away, blushing slightly. He grinned and thought about how lovely she was. He really loved everything about her, everything from her sweet awkwardness and expressive features, to her big jade eyes – wide open atop cheeks that blush like a young girl's. She was so spontaneous and never naïve, so tender and yet so tough, direct but never rude, so sensible and also sensitive, so stubborn and yet so deferent, so humble and yet determinate, so hot, beautiful and sexy and yet so classy and fine. She was all these things, and more, but the fact that she seemed completely unaware of it is what endeared her to him in the first place. Made her seem simply irresistible.

"Sharon," she looked at him again with a lovely stare nodding 'yes?' "What about testing our friendship through dinner?" he winked at her.

"Andy," she was so tired and in need of isolation to find a balance in this new, strange situation. She wanted to go for a long bath and for a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc, but she also didn't want to disappoint him anymore than she already had. He needed a friend by his side - that was obvious - and she happened to be his friend. She felt glad he asked her to stay with him as a friend and she felt reassured by his offer and request. She needed her friend too, and she would not fall asleep easily with thoughts of Andy and herself. Seeing Andy's hope for an affirmative answer fade away from his eyes she hastened to reply, "I think that's a very nice idea, Lieutenant," she replied softly, grinning at him. Andy's eyes lit up again a sparkle from them lit up his smile. He winked boyishly and she giggled in reply. He then pursed his lips slightly, his eyes piercing through hers with overwhelming affection and gratitude.

To AnonimousPebble soul sister and Marygirl!

To Mary McDonnell for the beauty she brings into this World through her life and work and especially for her inner beauty coming from her mind and soul, for giving me Sharon another woman who is inspiring me and helping me through my life.

All my gratitude to James Joyce for revealing us the magic of Epiphanies in our daily lives, in our heart and mind. Wishing for the epiphany of writing...James forgive me I meant no comparison!

Evidently I have a knack on Irish people ;)

Ps: To anonimouspebble, special thanks. Your comment on Cabernet wines pushed me to ask more about them. A wine stewardess at Sweet Wine gave me this information: Cabernet Sauvignon is basically a red wine but there is also Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc ( the one I love! and in my fancy, the one Sharon drinks on tough days). Another red Cabernet Sauvignon is Franc, thinner consistency than Sauvignon.

The reason why I chose Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc as Sharon's favorite wine is that on MC we were shown her drinking white wine. Moreover, during the Reddit AskmeAnything, Mary told us "I'm a Cabernet girl!". I like the idea to have a sort of wine-link between Sharon and Mary.

However, I still have to find out whether Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc is available in L.A. :)