She had forgotten just how badly a person's rejection could HURT. How that hot disapointment sent pain reeling inside of one's heart. How it darkened one's mood, how the thoughts caused by it brought worry and despair down to crush one to pieces in their grip. How those broken pieces then it turn pierced her, with the pain and the frustration, with the anger and the sorrow, and most of all the guilt. Belle felt them all, spiraling down their abyss into a depression that had left her moping in Hook's wake. She had no one else to blame, no one to truly fault besides herself, the timing and the circumstances all so thoroughly wrong. It didn't help that Belle was as much a victim as he, that the woman was thrust into a situation that was beyond her choosing. Just as the beauty had NEVER forgotten the danger that she was in, had never forgotten just who and what theatened her.

There was the pirates and Pan, the mermaids and this inhospitiable land, but most of all there was HIM. Hook. Just thinking his name made Belle's heart pang with her hurt and her regrets, the woman sorry for the pain that she had caused him. That it had been unavoidable in the moment, didn't seem to much matter, Belle hurting for what she had done to him. The hope that she had tried to give him, that same feeling that she might have inadvertantly destroyed for good. Belle would never, ever forget the moment his hope had been crushed, the way his eyes had darkened with the pain, the way his lips had set together in a grim line of disapointment.

Belle had known then almost immediately the wrong that she had done in her efforts to side step the feelings he had been so clearly developing for her. Her attempt hadn't been gentle enough, she could see that now, Belle realizing it had been wrong to even suggest the idea of another woman. Not when the pirate had had so clear a yearning, so blatant a desire for the one who was already in front of him. Those feelings were exactly what Belle had been hoping to spare them both from, the woman knowing she wasn't meant for the pirate. She couldn't be, and not just because Belle was in a time and in place that the beauty had no real right to. Nevermind that she was over a hundred years in the past, and that Belle had no known way of returning to the future, Hook himself was the problem, who he was destined to be, that revenge seeking criminal who would and had done just about anything in the name of his vengeance, still FRIGHTENING the beauty.

She was scared of that person, terrified of him turning from a friend to her foe, Belle not wanting to ever go back to a time when Hook had considered her a target. As a means to an end that he had needed to gain a comuppance over his enemy, the Dark One. It would break her heart even more, Belle now liking and considering Hook to be a good friend. One who she had been and STILL was lying to, had been from the first moment she had awakened in the past, injured in his bed. It didn't matter that her lies were born of a necessity, that Belle had needed to safeguard her body and her well being. The woman was at the heart of it, a truthful person, an honest soul. And it killed something inside her, for Belle to have to keep on lying to a man who was now so dear to her, a man who was both a friend and a confidant. Her protector, Hook risking so much, his life and his hopes, and now even his heart.

Such bravery, such sacrifice, deserved more than her lies. Hook deserved better, and Belle wanted to give it to him. But she was a coward, unable to believe, unable to risk that the truth coming out wouldn't turn him into the man Belle had first enocuntered in the Evil Queen's tower. Fear of THAT man, and the many lies and half truths that she was maintening, Belle knew how wrong it would be to accept any more of his feelings. She couldn't be his lover, and Belle couldn't let him build up hope of any real future at her side. Any more would be selfish of her, Belle knowing that she had no right to act on such things without being completely honest with Hook.

Caught in such a paradox of feelings, Belle didn't always understand the soft hearted but complex emotions being born inside her where Hook was cconcerned. Frightened of and yet feeling for him, the hope of another woman had also sent slivers of a jealous awareness through Belle. A selfish side that she had tried to ignore, that had still thrilled to know that Hook was so thoroughly fixated on a chance with her, that the pirate had rejected the very idea of finding someone else.

Upset at herself, upset at him, Belle knew she should be doing everything in her power to encourage his pursuit of another. Not just for the healing it might do him, but for the good it would do her in turn. Just as she couldn't be there for him in the way that Hook so clearly wanted, Belle also couldn't remain amongst his crew. Not with the ideas, the lust, that her mere presence was inspiring, Belle, Hook, and Smee all in ever increasing danger. For as skilled and as capable as the dark haired captain was, all it would take is one mistake, one fatal miscalculation, and HE would die. Belle's life wouldn't be worth living then, the depths of depravity unleashed upon her something truly worth shuddering over.

Locked in own her thoughts, in her own upset, Belle could only pace about the length of the cabin. She could not hold still, could not even try, the agitation alight inside of Belle making her want to scream and to cry and to otherwise rage about. It was tantamount to the time that Rumplestiltskin had tried to break her heart, Belle's hurt and confusion matched only by her anger and her disappointments. The only difference between that time and this, was that then Belle had had nothing to truly feel guilty about.

Torn up by that guilt, by all her conflicting emotions, Belle still didn't miss the subtle sound of the cabin's door opening. Such was her relief and her excitement, that Belle forgot one of the captain's most cardinal rules towards keeping some semblance of peace among his crew. She rushed towards that open door, actually stepped foot within view of the deck. The gasp that she heard, that chiding sounding of her name, was too far removed from anything that was at all like Captain Hook's voice, Belle sagging with her disappointments.

That look on Smee's face, that frown, Belle had barely registered, too dejected to do much of anything save drift towards the window sill. Faintly she heard it, the door being shoved closed, and Smee's far too admonishing tone.

"Belle, you know better…." He was saying, to which she could only shrug in response. She didn't want to see if the censure of his tone matched the look in his eyes, Belle turning her attention to gaze out the window. The Never Sea bore little resemblance to it's stormy counterpart of last night, the waters calm and tranquil in a way that Belle herself was not.

Without even realizing it, Belle had let out the deepest of exhales, a world's wealth of trouble in that sigh. She DID know better and about so many things, Belle thinking of Hook and the truth, and how devastating a reveal it would be to them all if it were to get out.

There was the clanging rattle of a tray being set down, that of the breakfast that Smee had brought with him. From the lonesome sound of a single spoon sliding about, Belle realized that the pirate had only fetched enough breakfast for ONE. That depressed her more thoroughly than anything that the older man could have tried to say, the hurt sinking in harder as Belle realized that Hook truly did intend not to join her for this meal. He HAD said as much, and yet Belle had hoped that the man would have changed his mind, given how much value she did place on his conversation and his company.

It was a sign of HIS hurt, this clear cut dismissal. Belle wondered if Hook would even bother to put an appearance in for dinner, or if he would use the storm's aftermath as further excuse to avoid seeing her. It was with all her heart that she hoped not, Belle wanting-needing to talk to him. She had not a clue as to what to say to him though, Belle not knowing how to fix things between them without somehow giving him what he so clearly wanted. That of the hope and the feelings that went beyond the friendship that they had already established.

Boundaries set, and boundaries pushed, Belle hated how awkward things had now surely become. Did their friendship stand even a chance of surviving? Would things between them every bear a resemblance to normal again? Or had she just broken Hook's heart irreparably, the man never again willing to hope or take a chance where feelings were concerned? Belle almost groaned then, slumping down to the window's sill. Hook had been so close, SO CLOSE, to being healed, to having a future worth living for. With the same breath that had encouraged and soothed him, she had also set out and destroyed Hook, and Belle couldn't see a way around it. Not with the conversation that they had been having, Hook opening his heart raw to her, all his hurt and his guilt exposed. Belle had helped him through it, had helped him see that his love hadn't been what had killed Milah but had saved her. Not just from an unhappy marriage, but from an unsatisfying life, Milah at last learning what it was like to be truly happy in the short time the two had spent their lives together.

But more than that, Belle had hammered home the truth of it, the beauty pointing out that if Milah had truly loved Hook as much as he had her, then the woman wouldn't have wanted the pirate to waste his life on pursuing vengeance. That she would have wanted Hook to be safe and to be happy. It was all words that Hook had heard before, but today, for the first time ever, Belle had gotten him to actually believe in them. It truly had been a magical moment, a frozen handful of seconds where Belle had felt the hope bloom to life in his heart.

The warm look in his eyes, the genuine pleasure of it curving his lips, Hook had looked at Belle as though she was responsible for the stars in the sky. She had felt empowered by such a look, but also made to be alarmed by it, the knowledge that she had, the lies that Belle had told, the half truths that the woman continued to maintain, seeming to crush her under their combined weight.

Again she sighed, and again the beauty was left wondering if there had been anything else that she could have done. Any other way to handle his feelings better. Now more than ever Belle hated the endless amount of time alone she had to herself in this cabin, the woman knowing that she was going to torture herself over all the if only and should have been.

"Well, if that will be all..." It was only Smee's own unhappy tone that halfway got through to her, Belle realizing that he too was taking his leave of her.

"Wait!" She gasped out, turning towards him so fast, that Belle made herself dizzy. She actually had to close her eyes for one second, the room spinning and swaying just a little too much for comfort. When next she nerved herself to look, Smee was still there, waiting ever patiently for Belle to continue.

"How..." She stumbled over the question. "How is he?"

There was absolutely no need for Smee to ask just who the he in Belle's question was. The red cap wearing pirate cocked his head to the side, as though considering how best to answer Belle's question. "He's….keeping busy." Is the answer that Smee settled on.

"Oh." Her body seemed to deflate with her breath, Belle taking that to mean she wasn't going to get to see Hook any time soon. Maybe not even once night fell, but then Belle had already known that Hook had set out to avoid her the instant that he had left before breakfast's arrival.

Smee looked at her a long moment, and his open and honest for a pirate's face, played out the debate in his head. He actually opened and closed his mouth several times, either unable to find the right words, or that unsure of just how much he should reveal. Some secret shifted in his eyes, some twinkle of something that Belle had no hope of understanding on her own.

"Maybe it's not my place to ask…." Smee began in an uncertain tone. "But….is everything all right between you and the captain?"

To Belle's alarm, that question brought an immediate reaction out of her, a sudden prick of hot tears blurring her vision. She quickly spun in place, turning back to the window, trying to protect herself, and protect Smee from the hurt that Belle was still feeling.

"Belle?" Came Smee's worried tone.

She no longer wanted the company, no longer wanted anyone around. Better to be left to wallow in her misery, to think her endless thoughts, then be forced to admit out loud that there was a problem now between her and Hook. Especially when it wasn't a problem that could be worked out, Belle's guilt and her lying eating away at her, the woman WANTING to be honest, but knowing that she couldn't.

"What makes you think anything is wrong?" Belle asked in as mild a tone of voice as she could manage in the moment.

"You mean besides the fact that the captain isn't here right this very second?"

"It's always busy after a storm." Belle told him, repeating the words that Hook had used as his excuse when leaving her. "I would you think would know that, given how long you've spent as part of his crew."

"Aye, the aftermath of such a terrible storm does indeed keep us busy with the repair and the upkeep of a ship as old as the Jolly Roger." Agreed Smee. "But I'm thinking we can spare the captain an hour or so of his time."

"Clearly your captain doesn't agree." Belle muttered, and she couldn't help the wounded edge to her tone of voice.

"And that's more than a bit strange." Smee pointed out. He was the one to sigh when it became clear that Belle had nothing more to say on the matter. "What happened?" He demanded in a rare fit of his own private frustration. "It's not like you and the captain to..."

"To what?"

"Well I don't know if it's accurate to call it a fight, but there's a wealth of hurt feelings in the air." explained Smee. Belle closed her eyes at the idea of Hook's hurt, and with that, felt a wet streak of a single tear inch down her cheek.

"Is it that apparent to everyone?" Belle thought she had whispered it too soft to hear, and yet Smee answered it all the same.

"A bit, yes. He's in a fouler temper than normal, and it doesn't take much prodding to see the heavy heart that he's wearing on his sleeve…."

She didn't trust herself to speak, to think, to FEEL, Belle simply staring out the window at the sea. She tried to distract herself from her own upset, Belle attempting to count the many shades of blues and greens that shimmered about and colored the water. It didn't help, maybe nothing could, Belle letting out a soft sniffle of sound. It only served to alarm Smee, the man hurrying towards her.

"Now I know something is wrong!" He exclaimed, his hand actually daring a touch on Belle's arm. She wouldn't look at him, wouldn't so much as turn until she felt something pushed into her hands. Faded linen, a small cloth of some kind, and that little act of kindness nearly got the floodgates of her tears to open completely.

"Oh no, oh no!" Smee was panicked, and fanning his hands about the air. "Please don't cry! Whatever you and the captain might have said, it can..."

"It can be what?" Belle sniffed, dabbing at her face with the cloth he had put in her hand. "Forgotten?"

"FIXED." Smee corrected none too gently. "It can be fixed. Whatever you said to him, whatever he said to you, I'm sure it's just a small bump on the road…."

"A small bump on the road!?" Belle exclaimed in a strangled tone of voice. "Smee, I think I just crushed ALL of his hope!" She watched Smee blink owlishly in reply to that announcement, his own face shocked.

"All of his hope?" He repeated slowly. She nodded, Belle feeling absolutely miserable. Smee still wore that stunned look of shock on his face, and then to Belle's astonished surprise, the older pirate broke out into a wide grin.

"How can you SMILE at a time like this?!" Belle demanded, and if she hadn't been so sad and upset, she would have turned furious at Smee.

"How can I not?" Smee countered, still grinning. "There's only a few hopes I can be thinking the captain would still have that could even be crushed. And considering the fact that nearly all of them have to do with the Dark One and the captain's vengeance against him, well somehow I can't imagine you able to hurt him with THAT."

Belle outright let out a sob, her eyes blurring, but not before she saw Smee lose his grin. He had no way of knowing, no way of guessing, not so long as she didn't speak up and offer the truth herself. And yet Smee's utterance had been too entirely too close to the mark of what Belle hid, the woman knowing that the truth could and would affect Hook, would both hurt him and give the pirate a reason to want to hurt Belle in turn.

Smee was speaking in a fast and hurried tone, trying desperately to get Belle to stop crying. "I know it's a poor thing to joke about." He was saying. "I don't like seeing the captain in pain, or YOU…"

"But there's a way that I look at this now." He continued. "If you're BOTH hurting for one another...then your hearts can seek forgiveness and healing together."

"It's not possible." Belle whispered.

"Nonsense!" The cheer in Smee's voice sounded a bit forced. "It's not that it's impossible...it's just that it's not that easy. But then, as the captain has always been reminding ME, anything worth having, takes a bit of work!" His tone sobered completely. "I don't know what exactly went on today, but I do know you've had an effect on him. The captain has had his heart closed off for a long, long time. It's nothing short of a miracle, YOU'RE nothing short of a miracle, to have got past the barriers he had erected around himself."

"Now don't shake your head at me." Smee gently admonished. "Just listen and let yourself be open to the possibilities...the captain will do right by you, I know it...you just have to trust and do the same FOR him."

Her eyes were still wet, Belle unable to keep from an open mouthed look of slacked jawed astonishment. She could have said so many things in the moment, even the truth. She wanted to unburden herself, had in fact a burning need to tell someone the truth. "I..." Belle had hesitated a second too long, the truth that did come out nothing at all like what was REALLY troubling her. "I told him he could find a nice girl…once he's sailed from Neverland…"

"Oh." Such a sound was a gross understatement of the situation. "Oh!" Now he frowned. "Begging your pardon, but what in the briny depths, made you say that?!"

"He can't have a future if hes set on me..." She offered up.

"And why the hell not?" Demanded Smee with his hands on his hips. She could only shrug in response, wanting to answer, but wanting to NOT. She was so tired of the lies and the half truths, so tired of having to guard against her own naturally honest self. But there was no one that she could totally trust, not even Smee, Belle so very frightened that to speak the truth to him, would in fact be as though directly relaying it to Hook's own ears.

"It's...it's complicated." Belle muttered.

"How could it get any more complicated!?" Smee wanted to know. "Unless you are as closed off as he?" Smee shook his head no. "No, I don't believe that. You'd never slip into his heart like you did, if that were the case." Now the old pirate was the one pacing about the cabin in front of her.

"It can't be because he's a pirate..." Smee muttered to himself. "The lady's not as judgmental as that, not when all the captain has done is show her kindness after kindness."

"Smee..."

"It can''t be for lack of manners..." Smee continued as though Belle hadn't just spoken his name. "The captain's are impeccable, and he's been more a gentleman than not where the lady is concerned."

"Smee…."

"Lord knows, it can't be because of how he looks, though I would never be so crude as to suggest the lady be so shallow and vain." Smee sighed. He continued to mutter for a few moments more, than suddenly drew to a halt with a gasp. "Oh but if it's Neverland itself that is keeping you from being with him….well I shouldn't say, but I've a hunch our trip to the Serena Sea is about to change all that!"

"The Serena Sea?" Belle frowned, remembering the hand drawn map she had studied on more than a few occasions. "You mean that body of water that makes up the far side of the island?"

"Oh aye." Smee was back to grinning, though that tentative show of teeth looked more than a little fragile. As though it would take NOTHING to wipe such a jovial expression from existence. "There's not much to be found there that DOESN'T make for good hunting. If you don't mind a bit of danger, that is!"

"I thought all of Neverland was dangerous….?"

"Oh it is, it is!" Smee agreed. "But the Serena Sea is even more so!"

"Then WHY even go there?" Belle asked in a plaintive tone of voice.

"Why indeed." He continued to wear his grin. "The captain doesn't much bother with that place, no one does...which is why it's been an ideal dumping ground." He giggled at Belle's look. "Oh it's not bodies we be after, but supplies. And not just of the edible kind!"

"Smee, you're practically talking in riddles." Belle complained, but at least the frustration had gotten her tears to stop.

"I wasn't kidding when I said no one really bothers with that place, and that includes Pan! Which made it to perfect place for the captain and his crew to bury some secrets."

"Secrets?"

"Treasure and the like..." Smee's voice took on a conspiratorial whisper. "Would not surprise me if one of those buried things, was the magic key needed for us to all LEAVE Neverland."

For a second Belle could only stared at the pirate, her mouth opening and closing without a word spoken. Then she shook her head, not wanting to dash Smee's excitement, for crushing another pirate's hope was the last thing that Belle wanted to do.

"And if we leave Neverland, you know who we'll have to thank!?" Smee asked her. He was practically dancing in place, so excited was the old pirate. It made Belle realize that Smee was just as home sick as anyone else aboard this ship. Anyone else, save for Hook, whose vengeance had been his driving determination for some two hundred years.

Smee was suddenly wagging a finger at her, still grinning away, as happy and excited as could be. "He's doing right by you! Now you do right by him!"

She could make no promises, not even the one needed to keep the old pirate smiling. The bowing of her head was easily misread, Smee taking it to mean she was capitulating on this.

"Oh! But don't let on that you know! I'm thinking us leaving Neverland is a surprise the captain will be wanting to share with you himself!"

"All right..." Belle said, readily agreeing to that much at least. "But...but just be careful Smee. The rest of the crew won't take kindly to you and the captain, if by some chance it turns out this trip ISN'T about leaving Neverland…."

Smee nodded vigorously enough, but Belle almost got the feeling the old pirate wasn't even paying attention to anything that she now said. The woman held in her sigh, but couldn't begrudge him his excitement or his happiness. Someone aboard this ship deserved to be happy for once, and it might as well be Smee.

To Be Continued….

Okay….I suffer with a thing called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD for short. Why am I mentioning this? Because my OCD has gotten out of control to the point it is affecting my writing. On and off for about three years now (And I can't believe it's been about three years since I updated this particular story) I have TRIED to update it. Key word try. I knew my OCD had gotten out of control where my writing was concerned, when I ended up with an insane amount of opening line attempts. An insane amount. Like the first time I counted it was up to seventy three. SEVENTY THREE! Now it's probably closer to being over TWO HUNDRED. T_T I could not for the life of me get an opening line that felt right, that I could build upon, and I tried several different angles of the idea I have, to try and get this chapter started, and always failed.

I've started to make use of my tumblr, (though I'm a long way from having most of my work up there as I just started posting this weekend.) and well...I am sorta considering posting my crazy amount of attempts in a post there. As a tangible proof that I HAD been trying to get this chapter written.

Spent the last three days rereading the existing 22 chapters, hoping and praying I would finally get unstuck on starting 23. It was a long hard road to get to it, and I am not completely happy with this chapter...I feel so unsure, but I feel like this is the best I can do for 23, or the story will be forever stalled. And I don't want that. Not when I have so many plans, and so many scenes in particular, that I can't wait to unleash on the readers! I have scenes I have been wanting and waiting to write since like 2015 for this fic.

One thing I worry, is trying to get the relationship where I need it to be. it's a slow burn thing, but then I wonder if I can still rushing in terms of how much time has supposedly passed since Belle woke up in Neverland. I am wondering if I should have stated it to be more time...from my rereading, it sounded like only a few weeks had gone by….so I worry about that. But I am trying to press onward! I want to get to my planned scenes, and to see the ending be written out in story form, rather than in my crazy notes.

Another thing that bugged me when rereading the story is, well the fact remains when I first began work on this whole story, it was back in 2015, possibly 2014….so we didn't have all that backstory on Hook and his brother except for that one episode in season 3A. Also didn't have the full story on what had happened to Belle's mom. So what bugs me is that, my story is inaccurate with regards to what was established in the cannon. So I hope you can forgive me on THAT front.

Also, Peter Pan hasn't been forgotten. I have big plans for him, but he won't feature heavily for some time. Just don't want you to think I put him in the story, than dropped him. He will be back to cause trouble in a big way. He's actually going to do something, several some things, that I have been so eager to write out, cause I am grinning evilly at the reaction they will cause.

As always I have the big beats of the story all planned, but how the characters react, their conversations and feelings, sometimes cause me to have to play damage control. Basically I can never know or predict how they will react, how it will ultimately affect the final product. It tends to play havoc on my plans.

Think that's everything I wanted to say right now. Or it could be my mind is blanking, cause I am dry as a desert thirsty now. _ And ever so eager to get this chapter proofread and posted. I hope ya'll are still with me for this story, and I welcome any feedback you might want to give me. Thanks for listening me ramble on for so long. And again I am sorry for such a long gap in between story installments.

-Michelle