Author's Note: This story takes place in the midst of "Norm, Is That You?" during season 7. The Cranes are having their place decorated by none other than Norm. And as the Cranes do best, they have a fight over something stupid.

Ring of Fire

"Frasier, could you come down here for a moment, please?" Lilith shouted.

From upstairs, Frasier groaned. What did he do this time? That woman never ceased harping on him for one thing or another. Wedded bliss? More like eternal damnation.

"Yes, muffin?" he replied with forced sweetness as he hurried down the stairs.

Lilith was standing by the piano waiting for him. "What's this?" she asked coolly. Her face was unreadable, as usual. There was no hint of a smile in her supple lips, nor was there any humor in those big, brown eyes. Frasier felt as if she could look straight into him.

"What's what, dearheart?" He did his best to pile on the endearments, just in case he was in trouble.

"This." She pointed to the side of the music stand on the piano where a pale white ring had formed on the polished black lacquer of the piano finish.

"I...I'm not sure."

"It looks to me like a ring on the piano."

"Why you're right, it does," Frasier agreed.

"How did it get here?"

"I have no idea."

"I have an idea."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You came home from Cheers. Late, as usual, and instead of coming up to bed, you poured yourself another scotch and sat at the piano."

"Lilith, if I had been playing piano at two in the morning, wouldn't you have noticed?"

"I didn't say you played piano, I said you sat at the piano. You should know by now, Frasier, that I rarely mince my words."

"Quite right. How silly of me. Clearly you meant that I came home drunk, had another drink, and set it on the piano while I sat here without playing it. Yes, that's much more likely!"

"Well then what's your explanation?"

"I don't have one, Lilith, because I didn't do it!"

"Frasier, the ring didn't magically appear."

"Perhaps you did it!"

"I did no such thing!"

The front door opened. Norm walked in, carrying a large box. "Hi guys. Sorry I had to leave like that. I forgot to pick up these curtains I ordered."

"Norm?"

Their portly barfly friend looked at them questioningly. "Yeah?"

Lilith frowned and furrowed her brow, the solution to their mystery becoming more apparent. "Did you happen to have a beer when you were here earlier?"

"Well...yeah," Norm replied, unsure as to why that question would even be asked. Of course he had a beer. The Cranes kept beer in the fridge for him when he worked. That was part of the reason he worked so cheap.

"Aha!" Frasier exclaimed triumphantly. "It's becoming clear now!"

Lilith rolled her eyes as her husband walked past her. She did love him but were the dramatics really necessary?

"Norm, did you set your beer on the piano when you were here, perhaps while moving the chairs or taking down the old curtains?"

He frowned. "I might have, yeah. Oh shoot did it leave a ring? God, I'm sorry guys. I'll be right back. I know just how to get that out."

"Norm," Lilith called after him as he dashed into the kitchen. "Norm, you can't get it out, that's why it's a problem!"

Norm came back out with a dish towel dipped in something. "Guys. You think with my lifestyle and flair for furniture I don't know how to get rings out? Come on." He gently massaged the wet towel into the ring for a minute and took the dry end and wiped it clean. Good as new.

Frasier and Lilith both inspected it closely. Lilith smiled and turned to Norm. "That was amazing. How did you do it?"

He shrugged. "Olive oil and vinegar. Works like a charm. On grainier wood, I'd make a paste out of salt and a little water, then finish it with some polish. But the oil and vinegar works best on lacquered surfaces."

Frasier clapped his friend on the shoulder. "Boy are we lucky to have you, Norm."

Norm just smiled weakly. "Yeah sure. Mind if I hang the curtains now? I gotta get to Cheers before lunch. Woody said his mom was sending cookies from Hannover and he wanted us all to try 'em."

Norm went about his business. Frasier turned to his wife with a devilish look in his eye. "So. It was Norm who left a ring on the piano."

"Yes. I'm sorry for accusing you."

"Not good enough! Clearly a deeper problem lies within when a woman assumes her husband did something stupid and ridiculous rather than suspect a third party. What does that say, hmm?"

Lilith sighed. This was getting out of hand. She could see Jack Benny peaking through this performance. "I already said I was sorry. What else would you have me do?" she asked pragmatically, folding her arms over her chest.

Frasier slowly smiled. He glanced over Lilith's shoulder to make sure Norm wasn't paying them any attention. "Well," he said in a low voice, walking toward her slowly, "I suppose you'll just have to make it up to me."

The corners of Lilith's mouth ticked upward and her eyes danced. "Oh? What do you have in mind?"

Frasier gazed down at her delicate face, shining with devilish intelligence and tender affection. "Why don't you come upstairs and I'll show you?" he growled.

Biting her lips to keep from laughing, Lilith started walking toward the stairs. She heard Frasier start to follow her and she broke into a run, a mischievous grin spreading over her face. Frasier bounded up the stairs after her, his long legs taking the steps two at a time. When he caught up to her, he grabbed her tiny body in one arm, lifting her off her feet.

Lilith tried her best to remain dignified, she really did. But when Frasier got like this, there was no helping it. Lilith Sternin-Crane giggled. Hopefully Norm hadn't heard. She had a very difficult time instilling terror and respect in people once they had seen her have any sort of fun. And boy did she and Frasier have fun.

He finally put her down in their bedroom. Actually, he more tossed her on the bed. Trying to recover her demeanor, Lilith popped up from the bed as soon as she hit it, as though she had never even been swept off her feet. She mustered a frown and crossed her arms, stepping safely away from the bed. She was going to make him work for it.

"Now then, Dr. Crane, how would you have me make reparations for my egregious error in faith and judgment?"

Frasier saw the twinkle in her eyes and knew that they were about to have a good deal of fun. He just had to be patient and play along. He feigned seriousness. "Well, Dr. Sternin," he began, stroking his chin and walking in a circle around her, examining every inch of her body, "I believe you've made a very serious blunder in your earlier accusations against my character. That will require rather serious compensation."

"I am at your mercy and disposal."

"Are you? Well then..." Frasier sat down on the bed and quickly removed his socks and shoes before lying back against the headboard.

Lilith turned to face him and placed her hands on her hips, waiting for him to make up his surely spinning mind.

He grinned. He had made a decision. "I think it's time you lived up to your name, Lilith, queen of darkness and goddess of the storm. Seduce me with your dark wiles."

Lilith pressed her lips together tightly, trying not to laugh. He was so excited. It was adorable. But she mustn't appear out of character. She took a deep breath and furrowed her brow. Seduce him with her dark wiles? That she could do.

Frasier could see that the wheels were turning in her pretty little head. He leaned back and smiled in anticipation.

For probably the first time in her life, Lilith wished she wasn't wearing such a conservative outfit. Her blouse was buttoned up to her throat and tucked into her beige slacks. Not ideal for seduction. "Close your eyes," she commanded in a husky tone. "I'll be right back."

Frasier covered his eyes, giddy with excitement. As soon as Lilith was satisfied that he wouldn't peek, she scurried over to her wardrobe and grabbed the things she was looking for. She disappeared into the bathroom and changed as quickly as she could. When she came out, Frasier still had his hand over his eyes. She smirked, getting into character. "You may gaze upon your goddess, mortal."

He opened his eyes and his jaw dropped. Her button down shirt had been replaced by a loose black silk and lace camisole, tucked into a tight red skirt. Her hair was still up in its severe, tight bun, but her face bore an intensity he had rarely seen. It gave him goosebumps. He sat up a little straighter.

She walked toward him slowly, as sexily as she could muster. Really, she felt quite foolish, but Frasier's face was all she needed to see to spur her onward. He was really enjoying himself. "You have earned your goddess's favor. Your devotion will be rewarded." Keeping her eyes locked on his, Lilith reached behind her back and unzipped the skirt. With a little push, it fell to the ground in a crimson pool at her black stiletto-clad feet. She was left wearing only the thin layer of silk and lace that barely covered her body. She stepped out of the skirt and kicked it aside. A small bead of sweat was forming on Frasier's brow.

His eyes darted to the hem of the camisole as it lifted slightly when she raised her arms. As she unpinned her hair, shaking it into a cascade of soft waves around her shoulders, Frasier was unsure where to look. His gaze roamed her body, the sight of her causing him to practically salivate.

Lilith could see his inner struggle, and it made her happier than she wanted to admit. To think that she, Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane, could inspire such a response in a man. No matter how often she and Frasier were together, it never failed to surprise her. The way he was looking at her…how could she have ever gotten so lucky? A warm constriction spread from her chest to the pit of her stomach. His hungry eyes made her heart flutter. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep this up.

She came to stand beside the bed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up so she was positioned directly in front of him. Frasier clenched his fists, aching to touch her but not daring to do so until he was given permission. There were rules to this game. Lilith ran her hands down the side of his face. She leaned in close until their noses were almost touching. "You've earned it. Why don't you unwrap your prize?" she whispered.

His fingers shook slightly as he grasped the hem of the camisole. He lifted the material slowly. As he uncovered her porcelain flesh, he placed soft kisses on her stomach and chest, and it broke down all of Lilith's restraint. Her knees went weak just as Frasier tossed the camisole away to join her skirt. She fell against him, and they tumbled back onto the bed. She wildly clutched at his shirt and pants, too erratic to actually accomplish anything.

Frasier groaned at her touch. "You are forgiven, goddess. Now and forever."

"I'm no goddess," she replied, "I'm your wife."

He paused and looked into her eyes. "You're both." With that, he kissed her hard.

A knock came at the door. Norm called to them, "Hey guys, I…"

Frasier reluctantly pulled away from his wife and shouted, "Norm, I'll pay you double to get out right now."

They heard their friend race down the stairs and slam the front door. As soon as Lilith heard him leave, she pulled Frasier back to her and under the sheets.