Rating: High T

Warnings: Nakedness, traumatized bystanders, more everyone feels, time skip, etc.

Word Count: ~2100 this chapter; 140000 overall (COMPLETE).

Pairings mentioned: Kakashi/Kurama, Sasuke/Naruto, Sakura/others, Sakura/Ino

A/N: 140000 words in a little over two and a half months. Freaking hell, I am so glad this is actually done and didn't get abandoned halfway through. Just—I've never written something this long before, and actually kinda thought I couldn't. So proof to the contrary is nice.

Now I'm going to go pretend that the Naruto fandom doesn't exist for a week or two. I've got a couple of cracky crossovers gnawing at my fingers and a trio of Bleach stories I really should be finishing up, but after that I'll most likely be back, since I'm like a bad rash that way. Scared yet, my lovelies? :P

Though on that note, NO SEQUELS. STOP BUGGING ME TO WRITE ONE. ARGH.

(Also, ILOVEYOU. All of you! Amazing people, have my gratitude. All of it. ALL.)

backslide

Chapter Thirty-Two: Home

Five years later:

The sound of a screech wakes Kurama from a sound sleep.

Because it's just about dawn, and he only returned from a mission about three hours ago, Kurama doesn't immediately throw himself out of bed and go for his weapons. Instead, with a weary groan, he rolls over onto his stomach and props himself up on his elbows, shoving sleep-tangled hanks of hair out of his face as he blinks blearily out the window at the brightening sky.

"Ugh," he mutters, running a hand over his face. "I take it Sasuke and Naruto got back, then?"

From where he's leaning against the headboard, nose buried in his Icha Icha, Kakashi snorts. "What was your first clue?" he asks dryly.

Entirely too punch-drunk-tired to deal with this, Kurama huffs out a breath and sits up, but can't quite bring himself to swing his legs out from under the very warm and cozy blankets yet. He hesitates, then looks at Kakashi again. "I will give you the most unspeakably amazing sex for the rest of your natural life if you will deal with this instead of me," he offers, although he can already tell it has a very, very slim chance of working.

"I thought that was already part of the domestic life partners deal?" Kakashi, the rat bastard, doesn't even bother looking up from his book. "Also, no. Last time I had flavor-of-the-week duty I ended up getting cried on by a hysterical chuunin for two hours straight."

That, at least, means that Kakashi likely won't be taking what Kurama calls explanation-and-removal duty and he insists on terming flavor-of-the-week duty for months. Giving in with bad grace, Kurama mutters an oath and slides out of bed, making a quick stop at the wardrobe to unearth a loose pair of sleep pants and pull them on. He pads out the door on silent feet, carefully rearranging his expression into something comforting and vaguely sympathetic as he reaches the kids' room.

As is entirely expected, there's a vaguely familiar chuunin boy standing in the middle of the room, pale-faced and open-mouthed, gaping at the pile of limbs splayed out across the bed. It's not Naruto's old, small bed, which broke in an interesting and entertaining way about three years ago, but a new one, finally large enough to fit the newly-minted jounin who occupy it regularly.

And, indeed, all three are currently present, tangled together and barely covered by the blankets. It likely isn't helping chuunin-boy's state of mind that Sakura, who's in the process of blinking her way back to alertness, is wearing nothing but her panties, breasts bare and miles of toned, tanned flesh on display. Naruto—also mostly naked, of course—has his head on her thigh, and is stretched out on his back, leanly muscular and golden-skinned where he doesn't have swirls of multicolored seals inked across his body. Sasuke is somehow managing to be the most well-covered of the three and yet not look like it in the least, the blanket riding low on his hips and wrapped tightly across his thighs, all pale skin and messy dark hair and heavy-lidded eyes as he props his arms on Naruto's chest and rests his chin on them, legs wound with Sakura's.

Their opponents call them the Three Demons of Konoha. Kurama's willing to bet, though, that no one who uses the name has ever seen them like this.

Kurama sighs and presses a hand over his eyes. Really, his life.

"You're…Ayumu, right?" he asks the chuunin politely.

The boy manages to drag his gaze away from where his girlfriend of nine days is in bed with not one other man, but two. It takes about three attempts, but he finally manages a nod and a squeak of, "Yes, Uzumaki-san. I was just…we were going to train early?"

Kurama glances at the bed, raising an eyebrow at Sakura, who manages to look faintly embarrassed in the same moment as she looks entirely unrepentant. "Sasuke and Naruto got back late last night," she says in explanation. "They've been gone for two weeks, Kurama-nii. I missed them."

Which also explains why Ayumu the hapless chuunin has never walked in on this before, given that it's their preferred method of sleeping more often than not. They're not in a threesome, at least as far as Kurama can tell, and Sasuke and Naruto are most definitely a couple while Sakura changes partners whenever something new catches her eye—experimenting and exploring the available options, she calls it—but…sometimes he wonders.

"Right," he sighs, entirely resigned to this after five years of it happening on a more and more frequent basis. Turning, he fixes Ayumu with his most intimidating polite smile—the one Naruto calls his 'let's bond over a detailed examination of your entrails' smile—and offers lightly, "Goodbye, Ayumu-kun. It was nice meeting you."

The chuunin turns pale, stutters out something that might be a farewell, and hightails it from the room so fast it almost looks like a shunshin.

Kurama waits until he hears the front door slam—sloppy, that, but probably why he's still a chuunin—and then fixes a weary stare on the pink-haired kunoichi. "Sakura, dearest, I love you like the daughter I do not have a womb to bear, but why must you always pick the high-strung ones?"

Sakura gives him a pout she most definitely learned from Fuji. "I don't mean to," she protests, sitting up fully and flicking her hair over her shoulder. "But I want someone who's good in bed, and that's just how it seems to work out. And besides," she glances at the two boys on her right with a fond smile, "if they can't handle us being…us, I don't want them anyways."

Silently, Kurama prays that Ino will get her act together sometime soon and pounce on her childhood friend the way she's been threatening to. It can only come to some good, at this point. Rolling his eyes faintly, he turns his attention to his counterpart and Sasuke, and allows a touch of concern into his voice. "You're both okay? No pieces missing? Everything attached?"

Naruto rolls his eyes right back. "Yes, Kurama-nii, we're fine. It was just a diplomatic mission. Besides, it was like a vacation, too, seeing Haku and Zabuza again. Haku says hello, by the way."

Kurama arches one wry brow. "A vacation. Of course. Did I tell you that before I left Tsunade took great pleasure in informing me about how Sasuke threw a Taki diplomat through a wall?"

Sasuke doesn't even have the grace to look abashed. "Hn. The bastard kept winking. It was aggravating."

"At you?"

That gets him a flat look in response. "At Naruto," Sasuke says, mouth tightening into a grim, foreboding slash. "I warned him. Twice. It was his own fault he didn't listen."

The headache is imminent. Kurama rubs his temples and sighs. "Well, Naruto, at least when you're Hokage you won't need to invest in a team of bodyguards," he mutters.

Naruto laughs, leaning up on his elbows and carding a fond hand through Sasuke's spiky hair. "Nope," he agrees, far too cheerfully, as Sasuke closes his eyes in pleasure like a cat being stroked. "I've got two of them, after all."

Sakura grins and flops back onto the mattress, raising a hand and throwing up a victory sign. "Yosh! No one but Sasuke is youthful enough for our chakra tank and fuinjutsu master!" she chimes in.

"Don't let Kakashi hear you talking like that," Kurama warns, amused despite himself. "He'll jump to conclusions, and hunt Gai down to skin him."

"Oh, ew." Sakura wrinkles her nose. "Kurama-nii, what the hell? That's gross. And besides, it's not like Lee isn't a mini-Gai. I could just as easily have picked it up from him."

"Either way, I get the feeling Kakashi would end up with a new wall hanging." Kurama pushes off the doorframe and shakes his head, checking the sky through the window and deeming it too late to go back to bed. So much for his lazy morning. "One made of green spandex, at that. What do you guys want for breakfast?"

"That omelet with tomatoes," Sasuke answers instantly, sitting up. "And some grilled salmon?"

"Miso with eggplant!" Kakashi butts in from their bedroom, though Kurama has yet to hear him so much as stir himself from the bed.

"Anything," Sakura says easily, elbowing the boys out of her way as she slides out of bed. "Everything you make is good, Kurama-nii."

Footsteps in the hall are the only warning Kurama gets before something heavy and vaguely scruffy drapes itself over his shoulders. "Kurama's cooking?" Obito asks drowsily, peering into the room. "Am I invited? And what did I tell you about threesomes, Sasuke?"

Sasuke fixes his cousin with a flat stare. "I don't remember," he says, eyes narrowing. "I think I was too busy shoving your head in the river to listen."

"Off," Kakashi warns, suddenly at Kurama's elbow and prying his former teammate off of his lover. "How did you even get in here? I thought we warded to windows after last time."

Obito just grins at him, the scars pulling it into something wicked and wily. "Oh, were those supposed to keep me out?" he asks with faux innocence. "I just used Kamui. Oops."

Kurama rolls his eyes and ducks out of the way of their antics, glancing over at Sasuke. "Should I set a place for your brother?" he asks, dodging a stray elbow as Kakashi and Obito devolve into genin and start wrestling on the floor.

Sasuke shakes his head. "He has an early appointment with Tsunade-sama. She thinks this new treatment can give him an extra three years." With a lithe stretch, he slips out of bed and joins Sakura in hunting down their clothes.

It's only when he gets hit in the face with a pair of pants that Naruto grumbles and starts getting up as well. "Come on, teme, I worked hard this last week! That was over thirty large-scale seals for communication, laid all the way from here to Kiri!"

"Up, dobe. We have a debriefing in three hours. And I'm not letting you make us late."

"But, Sasuke—"

"Get up now and we can have ramen for lunch."

Naruto is dressed and out the door before Kurama can make it halfway down the hall. He falls into step with the redhead, locking his arms behind his head and grinning at the older man. "So, Kurama-nii, did you miss us?"

Kurama rolls his eyes and reaches out, fondly scuffing a hand through the shoulder-length blond hair. There's no mistaking the two of them as anything but relatives now, with their many similarities, but thankfully the coloring—and Naruto's extra two inches of height—means most people write it off as simply being related. "What's to miss, brat?" he asks, but his voice is entirely too warm for it to be any sort of serious statement. "Earn your keep and go chop the eggplant."

Naruto just grins at him, looping an arm around his waist and pulling him into a quick, firm half-hug, and then lopes away to get the vegetables.

Kurama watches him go, heart light and feeling warm down to his soul. He closes his eyes, basking in the sounds—chaotic as they are—of his family here and whole and complete.

Home, he thinks, and smiles.

END