A/N: So this is based on the TV series with the same name. I have no idea how much of this AU I'll be writing in the future but I do want to write about Rivetra eventually happening (it took Nick and Jess a long time), so...

Gunter will be here later. And like idk if this will be funny I hope it will be somewhat but really idk so sorry if the genre this is listed under is misleading.

Also 1. sorry for the cheesy-ass summary and 2. why the hell is Gunter not in the list of characters ugh.

BTW, would anyone be interested in reading Levi/Rico as a pairing? I've written some of that before and haven't posted any of it on ffnet but I was thinking of starting a drabble collection for them as well because I like them. Idgaf if no one else does. :)))

She doesn't look like much.

Shorter than him, at least—one less person to crack jokes about his height. Hair brighter than he expected, eyes wider, smile just a tad too big to be completely real as her story winds down and they just stare at her without speaking.

"So yeah, that's why I need a new place to stay," she finishes, clasping her hands in her lap. She looks like she wants to fidget but instead she sits straighter and looks them in the eyes. "What was the question again?"

"Do you have any pets," Levi repeats flatly, and she shakes her head.

"He hates animals," Erd explains, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back in his seat. "Won't stand for fur and hair and stuff like that. He's more into keeping places clean than your mother and grandmother and all your aunts combined, I assure you."

She shoots another quick look around the living room. "I can see that. It's a lot neater than I expected, and I was expecting you guys to be women."

Auruo, in the middle of rolling a jawbreaker against his teeth, nearly chokes and spits out the candy. "What? Why?"

"The way the ad was written," she explains. "The words used were kinda… girly, I guess. Romantic-sounding."

Auruo scowls (he wrote the ad) as Erd snickers and Levi's eyes flash to him in brief amusement. "I'm definitely not a girl," he says, and then he smiles, the my-next-line-is-going-to-be-brilliant smile Levi's seen hundreds of times. "But if you want, I'll show you I can be very romant—"

"Douchebag jar?" Erd interrupts, then strokes his chin in thought. "Hm. Not bad enough. What do you think, Levi?"

Levi makes a noncommittal noise and Erd nods. "You're off the hook this time, Auruo."

Auruo pokes him in the side. "You interrupt me whenever you want with that even if I'm just saying good morning—"

Levi bites back the urge to add a comment—Petra Ral's already been introduced to the concept of Auruo and the douchebag jar; she doesn't need to know about Levi and the asshole jar just yet—and turns back to her, a faint frown on his face. She is staring at the windows now, the pale curtains drawn back to let in the late afternoon sunlight.

She turns back to them and takes a breath as if steeling herself. "I like it. It's bright and open and—I'd like to live here."

"We don't know you," Levi says bluntly before his roommates can speak. "At all."

"Okay then," she says, and the words are a jumbled rush, slipping out of her mouth to tangle amongst themselves in the open. "To tell you the truth, I'm not my usual self right now—I'm usually pretty upbeat but I just told you guys what happened and I need a new place to stay—I can't live in the same place as him a day longer—"

"Levi understands," Auruo reassures her, poking his thumb at his shorter friend. "He got dumped too."

Levi tries not to glare when three pairs of eyes turn to him, and fails. "Shut the fuck up. That was six months ago."

"Don't ever mention the name Rico to him—" Erd begins, and is cut off when a couch pillow hits him in the face.

"Next time it'll be the fucking remote control," Levi warns him, and Auruo just shakes his head and looks back to Petra.

"Yeah?"

She blinks at them, looking lost for a moment before continuing. "I usually talk a lot, I like to sing, I keep all my stuff in one place and it's a mess but it's a neat mess, you know? I have a car and sometimes I come back with loads of papers because I teach middle school English, and I brew really good coffee—"

"You're in," Erd and Auruo say immediately, and Levi scowls at them.

"We didn't even—"

"Two trumps one, Levi," Erd points out.

"Your coffee is shit."

Levi looks around for the remote control, but it is nowhere in sight.