A/N: Um, hi? *waves awkwardly* I hope you guys started September off well. I wish you good luck on your school year/university year/job/whatever it is that you do. Sorry for being late on posting this. It's mostly a filler chapter, and I hope you enjoy it! :) Major thanks to TheEternalDaylightingRanger for beta-ing this! :) To all of you guys, go read The Woman In The Painting if you haven't yet. And when I say "go", I mean "GO!" You don't want to miss an epic fanfic. You should also check out As Lovers Go by spikeyhairgood if you're in need of a human AU fic. I'm currently beta-ing it and the feels are drowning me. BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD! *sobs uncontrollably* Fangirl mode is taking over again. Gotta go!

Shout-outs: TheEternalDaylightingRanger, spikeyhairgood, NeonAngel, MI cra-cra, LOVERGIRL, MeSeesTheLight, JaceHerondale17, Guest, lolita is fandom crazy, Mer mer, Guest, Guest, Guest, Jenna, artistofthemind, lovedance02, booknerd1522, Kook, ishika07

NeonAngel: Thanks! But, it has been more an a month... *embarrassed smile* I really have to start pre-writing chapters.

MI cra-cra: I didn't catch the reference either. No, I'm being serious. I actually didn't see that until my beta pointed it out. It's from Princess Bride. "As you wish." Oh yeah, I love these three! The translation of COHF is still not out (I think), so I'm getting it in English. It's been four months, the translator needs to sort out her priorities. :P

LOVERGIRL: Thanks for the suggestion! :)

Guest: Yep. :P (Insert troll face here.) Just kidding, just kidding. :)

Guest+Mer mer+Guest+Guest: I updated! :)

Guest: Yep, Princess Bride. :)

Jenna: Updated!

Kook: Thanks!

ishika07: Oh, I don't know... ;) Read and see for yourself. :) Okay, I think that you know I'm not that cruel.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments. *insert grumpy cat here*

Isabelle

It's not every day that I see Jace parading around in his underwear. I mean, sure, he's arrogant and smug, and I bet he gets naked just to show off, but I make sure to never be around because there's a slight chance I'm going to reconsider liking brunettes and switch to the light side. Too bad that this stupid truth or dare game I set up just so someone would dare Simon to kiss me backfired and bit me in the ass. And then, just so it gets worse, there's a second bite in the ass (worse than a mosquito bite, mind you): even though it's not every day, it's today.

Damn. If Clary doesn't jump on that—ew, ew, ew, what the hell did I just think? Someone, please slap me. And then decapitate me. And then slap my decapitated head. I can practically feel the vomit rising up my .throat. That's Jace. Screw the chest. Screw everything. I bet Simon has a body as nice as his. No, you don't. Yeah, I'm going to agree with the voice in my head. I don't. But I'm not attracted to Jace in the least. It's just raging hormones, people. Honestly.

Now, is there such a thing as brain chlorine? Because if there is, I want it. Might wash my impossibly hormonal outburst out of my brain. Ew. What is wrong with me?

But enough about me and my hormones. Let's focus on Clary instead.

Shit, she's redder than a jalapeno! More Clace evidence! I need my camera!

"Do you mind?!" Clary shouts, blinking multiple times at what I assume is an attempt at blocking him from her sight without actually closing her eyes.

"Do I mind what? Being in my underwear? Because if that's the case, no, I don't. I love it." He shrugs, a smirk occupying his lips. Typical Jace.

"The dare specifically said to remove an article of clothing. You could have chosen a sock or a shoe or a shirt, even, and you remove everything except your... your..." Hm, not being able to finish your sentence is a sign of a crush, right? Right? Please, let it be!

Clary runs a hand upon her face, deciding to rest it on her eyes. I'm waiting for one of them to peek from the space between her fingers like in those comedies, to be honest.

"I could pull those off, too, if you want me to," he says, his face completely serious.

"What the hell?!" Hey, she's not denying it.

"You're not denying it," Jace voices my thoughts, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"I so am!"

"You so aren't!"

"Yes, I am!"

"Nuh-uh!" Kindergartner alert!

"Yah-uh!" Woah, two kindergartner alerts in less than five seconds!

"Stop flirting!" Maia rolls her eyes, trying to hide a smile and failing.

"We're not flirting!" Clary protests, crossing her arms over her chest. Another kindergartner alert. Sometimes, I wonder if we're really seniors or just five-year-olds in the bodies of seniors.

"Yeah, you are!" Sebastian tells her. "I can prove that, without a shadow of a doubt, you two will be together by the end of the year." For someone who doesn't like her, he doesn't seem to have a problem with talking to her like she's a buddy. Not that I mind, of course. It's nice to see Clary getting along with Jace's friends. CLACE EVIDENCE!

"Oh, really?" Clary raises her eyebrows as if to say You wanna challenge me?

"Yes, really. Let me list my reasons." He holds a finger up. "One. He's smug, you've got sass, you fit each other like puzzle pieces." Let's use that cliché line again. It's not like it's unoriginal and boring or anything. Pfft, yeah, sure. "Two, you've got a temper, and he can make you lose it more easily than others. That leads to some of the hottest sex around." The jalapeno blush is here again. I shall dub it the 'Clary Blush'. "Three, 'sexy bad boy and innocent good girl' plotline, anyone?" Oh, I adore that one.

Clary snorts. "I don't see a sexy bad boy." Liar, liar, pants on fire. Or face on fire. Because... she's blushing... like a jalapeno... and jalapenos are hot... Oh, forget it.

Jace glares at her. "You lie a lot."

"You talk a lot," she says, almost defensively.

"You can't come up with a come-back, can you?" He shakes his head, rolling his eyes.

"You can't come up with a come-back, can you?" she imitates his voice, screwing up her mouth. Okay, how many kindergartner alerts are there going to be today?

"You're such a kid."

"You're such an ass."

"Oh, come on!" While I will never admit it publicly, ll agree with Jace. 'You're such an ass' is the worst comeback ever. Okay, maybe not worse than 'You're just jealous', but it's second in line. It's a distant second, though.

Simon clears his throat, drumming his fingers on the floor. "Are you two done flirting?"

"We're not flirting!" Clary repeats her sentence from earlier, pursing her lips. "So not flirting."

"Denial, denial, your love is a drug in a vial, his phone number you'll dial, can you show me an iranian rial?" Everyone turns to stare at Eric in confusion. He shrugs in response, looking uncomfortable. "What? It's no secret that I'm a poet!"

"Well that was... random," Jonathan comments.

"MY POETRY IS NOT RANDOMNESS!" he spits, putting his hands on his hips. "You wanna talk about randomness, Mister Switzerland?"

"I'm blond, Loin-Boy, not Swiss."

"When did I say you were cheese?" So, now he's losing his hearing, as well as his sanity.

"Swiss, not cheese!"

"Hah! I knew you were Swiss!" He shoots up, pointing his finger at Jonathan.

The blond groans, throwing his head back. "Silas, Stevie, Stephanie, whatever your name is, your friend is weird."

"Why would my name be Stephanie?" Simon asks, his nose scrunched up. Okay, am I being way too obsessive for thinking that it's cute?

He shrugs. "You look like a Stephanie." He doesn't look like a Stephanie, though.

"But I'm male."

"Yeah, but you look like a Stephanie," he repeats. I think Simon looks more like a Marcus. Or a Kylie, whatever floats your boat. Not a Kaelie, a Kylie. Like Minogue, or Jenner. If he was blond, he'd look like a Kendall. But not a Kendall Jenner, more like a Kendall Schmidt— ugh, what am I saying? He doesn't look like a Kendall Schmidt!

Am I seriously having this argument with myself?

I'm going crazy.

"He looks more like a Skylar," Jace points out, shrugging with his left shoulder. He's a Marcus-slash-Kylie-like-Minogue-not-Kaelie-Whitewillow-the-obsessive-younger-stalker, people! Ugh.

"Or a Bella," Raphael says, earning a "Nah" from everyone else.

I decide to voice my thoughts, but leave out the Kylie-not-Kaelie—you know what? I'm not even going to try saying that again. "What about Marcus?"

"Finally! Someone who suggested a male name!" Simon throws his hands up in the air (no, he's not saying "a-yeo"), looking like he's going to do a happy dance any minute.

"You still look like a Stephanie." Jonathan shrugs, giving his best 'Who the hell cares?' look.

"You're the Stephanie," he shoots back, glaring at the blond.

"What's so wrong about the name Stephanie?" Maia asks, clearly amused.

"For the last time, I. Am. Male."

"So?"

"Screw all of you." He crosses his arms over his chest — wait, is that a pout I see? Alright, it's final. We're kindergartners in the bodies of seniors. I knew it. I totally knew it.

"Gladly." Yes, that was Jace. Who else but him?

"You do realize that what you just said points to a—"

I decide to cut Simon off before he says something utterly embarrassing and blushes the Clary Blush. Even though I really want to see that. "Anyway... Do you guys wanna do something else besides argue over Simon's given name?"

"But it's so fun!" Jonathan protests. I shoot a glare in his direction, hoping he gets the message of Don't mess with my future boyfriend or I'll kick that lily white ass of yours into next Friday.

Needless to say, he does.

The rest of the night passes by in a blur, with Jace being a total flirt and Clary acting all squeamish. I don't care if they don't know it yet; they're crushing on each other. And no-one can ever change my mind. All I need is more clues. Isabelle Lightwood is going to crack this case, people! Bam!

Wait, what? Bam? Did I just pull a 'Simon'?

0-0-0

My alarm clock rings and I hastily try to drown it in its own selfishness with my eyes closed. How dare it interrupt my sleep!

I can't seem to find the cursed thing without looking for it, but I'm too lazy to do that because it's morning. And yes, that's a reasonable explanation.

My hand finds a furry surface and I hear a purr.

Shit.

Who let Church sleep on my bed? Okay, it's final. I'm going to kill someone. Preferably Alec. His stupid obsession with revenge is getting annoying.

"Church, go awayyyyyyy!" I moan, my voice muffled from the pillow. The damn cat doesn't move, though, so I'll have to find another way. "Alec has food!" Nothing. "I think there are mice in the basement." Still nothing. "Oh, come on! What does a girl have to do to get some sleep, sacrifice a virgin?!" I've been watching way too much TV.

I turn so I'm lying on my back. Since I won't be able to go back to sleep, might as well wonder what the of life is with this furry demon on my side.

Alec's grinning face pops in from outside. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"Did you do this?"

"Payback's a bitch." He seems very content with himself.

"I know whose bitch you were last night." Snarky as hell even in my sleep. That's Isabelle Lightwood for you.

Alec's eyes widen. "Uh, I've no idea what you're talking about."

"I know about you and Magnus." Here's the plan: I freak him out and he stays out of my room.

"Uh, what?" He licks his lips, pursing them.

"I know what happened."

"What do you presume happened?"

I get ready for showtime. "He took you to a nice little motel." He keeps silent, but looks confused, so I move on. "He lied in bed, and took off his very expensive shoes." I grin widely, probably resembling the Cheshire cat. "Then, he motioned for you to come to where he was. And you did. You leaned in," I let out a short gasp, "and he whispered something softly, so softly you probably wouldn't have heard it if you weren't so close to him." I let my voice drop to a whisper. "You'd do anything for him. Anything. And you did it. Do you know what you did? Do you? It was very... I can't really describe it. You... " I wait from dramatic effect. "YOU MADE HIM A SANDWICH!" I throw my newly-found alarm clock at him, and he makes a weird face. "DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU MADE HIM A SANDWICH! OUT OF ALL THINGS YOU COULD HAVE DONE, YOU DO THAT! NICE JOB DEGRADING WOMEN EVERYWHERE, ASSHOLE!"

"I'm not even female!"

"HUSH! JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN'T A WOMAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE DAMN SANDWICH! SCREW YOU, AND SCREW YOUR HAM, AND YOUR CHEESE, AND YOUR MAYO, AND THEN SCREW ALL OF THEM AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU MADE HIM A SANDWICH! GO STEP ON A LEGO!" Ouch! Harsh.

"Izzy, what did you drink last night?" He sighs, turning his gaze to the ceiling as if to say Out of all weird siblings, I had to have her?

I don't even pause. "LEAVE! I'M THIS CLOSE TO THROWING CHURCH AT YOU! GO! NOW!"

"Iz, how is making a sandwich degrading women?" In all truth, it's just a sandwich. But I like freaking him out, so I just won't answer that and act like I'm crazy again.

"GOOOOOOOOOO!" I don't have to tell him again, as he rushes off, muttering something about crazy twin sisters and never remembering that he made a sandwich or went to a motel.

I lay back on my bed happily. Now that that is done...

There's always that moment after waking up that I doze off and think of stuff I usually push to the back of my brain and never think of. Like that time I saw Alec walking around naked in the house (I was never really the same after that).

Other times, I just solve my problems and then fall back asleep. Now that I consider them, I'd much rather see my grandfather naked than solve them (ew, by the way?).

But the thing is... I find myself lying a lot. About mostly non-important issues, but it's a lie nonetheless. To Simon, of all people. I mean, think about it. I don't even watch anime. I might have watched an episode or two, I said. My brother, Max, likes it, I said. Bullshit. Max doesn't watch Bleach. Mom won't let him for some reason. He mostly has Death Note on repeat, and I've only watched ten seconds of that because I was in the kitchen, snacking on Pringles. Those chips are the shit, by the way. Thankfully, people think I can't lie. It's so much easier to do so when they think that.

But it's not right. What if this high school fling (if it even becomes a fling) isn't just a high school fling and we end up getting married? "Oh, Iz, the umpteenth episode of Bleach is airing, let's watch it." What am I going to say then? "I don't actually watch Bleach, honey. I just said it so you'd approach me and not feel totally weirded out." How many seasons does the stupid thing have, anyway? Let's say I was interested in it, how many episodes would I have to catch up to? This is so confusing! I feel like banging my head against the wall.

I better go and tell him. Better now than never.

At least you'll be honest.

But embarrassed. Are those the angel and the devil on my shoulders or am I just sleeping again? I'm not a devil. I'm just a really stylish angel-gone-bad. I'm pretty sure you can't see a red tail.

Tell him!

Don't you dare tell him. So what if you lie? It's a harmless little lie. It can't hurt that much.

Of course it does, you sicko!

Don't call me a sicko, you goblin.

We're the same height!

Only when I'm not wearing my heels. If you actually wore any of them, we would be.

I like flats. Flats?! I'm going to consider siding with the angel-gone-bad. If I wear heels, will you tell the cute nerd that you lied?

ARE YOU BRIBING HER?!

Maybe.

Man, you have a lot to learn from me.

No, thanks.

As you wish.

See, now, you're purposefully using Princess Bride quotes so her feelings will explode and she'll side with you.

Now, you get me.

I'll tell Simon.

WHAT?!

Yay!

What do you mean by "yay"?

I mean yes...?

I got that, stupid. I mean what do you—I'm not even gonna try.

Well, don't. No-one asked you to.

Sneaky little—

I'm awoken once again, this time by Max saying my name repeatedly.

"What?"

"Mom says you should go downstairs, or else Alec will eat all the pancakes," he says, with that innocent air most nine-year-olds have.

"But Alec's going to eat all the pancakes anyway."

He shrugs. "True. But you don't want to face mom's wrath, do you?" Mom's a pretty scary woman when she wants to be. Max calls it 'The Wrath of Mom' or something. Or was it 'The Mom of Wrath'? Like The Grapes of Wrath, but with mom. I don't know, nine-year-olds are weird, don't expect me to decode everything they say.

"Tell her I want to sleep."

He nods and runs downstairs. I close my eyes, almost falling asleep yet again, but he's up in less than a minute. "She says that you need to eat."

"Tell her that I'm not hungry."

He sighs and goes downstairs again, returning with yet another message. "She says that she knows when you're hungry." How would she know? Does she live in my stomach?

"Tell her—"

"I'm not a post office!" he shouts, pouting a bit. "She says 'go downstairs', and that's what we're both gonna do. So, get up." He motions for me to get up with his hand, trying to keep a serious face.

"You try partying till three AM and I'll show you just how content you'll be with waking up," I mutter, getting off the bed.

"I have pulled an all-nighter, you know!" he says, grinning widely.

"Really, kid?"

"Yeah! I stayed up reading—"

"Let me guess, manga," I finish for him, and he nods twice.

"Izzy, are you psychic?"

I laugh, ruffling his hair. "Maybe." I know I predicted that Jace and Clary will get together by the end of the year, so yeah, maybe I'm psychic. SINCE IT'S DEFINITELY GONNA HAPPEN! HELLOOOOO! Oh, I'm being a crazy fangirl again.

But I love it.

0-0-0

After eating, I decide to call Jace and wake him up. I changed his ringtone last night, so instead of playing his usual one, it plays one of those boybands he hates.

I have him on speed dial, so I just press the call button and let my phone do the rest.

He picks up, and I prepare myself for the complaining. "WHAT THE HELL, IZZY?! I SCORE YOU A DATE WITH RAT-BOY AND YOU PUT THAT ON MY PHONE?" Hey, it is a pretty good prank — wait. Did he just say what I think he said?

Do I have a date with Simon?

Am I able to squeal and jump up and down without mom thinking I drank too much last night?

Am I doing said thing right now?

Answer one: Probably.

Answer two: No.

Answer three: Yes.

"WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THAT?!" I ask, trying to calm myself down.

"Oops. Um... I can't hear you! Bye Izzy! SEND MAX MY INFINITE LOVE! Krkrkrrkrkrkrkr." I can't believe he just tried that trick.

But wait... How do I have a date with Simon? And why is it a secret?

Why'd you gotta go and make everything so complicated, Jace?

Why am I using Avril Lavigne lyrics?

Why do I ask myself so many questions?

You'll find out on the next episode of Keeping Up With The Lightwoods!

Oh, great, now I'm making trailers for non-existent reality shows. Someone, please stick a fork in my neck.

"IZZY! I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DRANK A LOT!" Alec shouts from downstairs. He's just waiting for me to humiliate him, isn't he?

"SHUT UP, ALEC!" Yep, he's doing just that. "MAY I TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE SANDWICH INCIDENT?" The Clary Blush, The Sandwich Incident... Man, I'm good at naming stuff.

"THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" Okay, it didn't, but it was still fun to narrate.

"WHAT'S THE SANDWICH INCIDENT?" Max shouts, obviously very confused. I chuckle a little.

"YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW!"

"I'M PRETTY SURE I DO!"

"YOUR POOR, INNOCENT MIND SAYS OTHERWISE!"

"MY MIND CAN'T SPEAK!"

I know that it feels corny and cheesy at a time like this, but I'm just going to say it.

I love my brothers.

Even though they're total pains sometimes.

I just ruined the lovey-dovey moment, didn't I?

A/N: Any thoughts? Thanks for reading, and see you later! :)

And the sandwich incident... yeah, I just needed the weirdness of that, I didn't intend it to be funny and I'm not surprised if you feel the same way. Just to clear it up, it didn't actually happen. Malec goes further than a sandwich, people! *angry emoticon*

(And yes, "he's not saying a-yeo" was a reference. That song is stuck in my head.)

(Do we have any Stephanies here?)

~Marianna