"Well, we know this much," Filia started, "The murderer isn't one of us."
Lina nodded her head, "I doubt any of us would go on a killing spree." Lina, Filia, and Gourry were all seated on a couch in the parlor and decided to try and figure out who was killing everyone. There were only five people left alive of the original group, and after a brief talk they narrowed it down to just two. Mr. Rinald or Xellos.
"If it's not you, the bellboy, or I, then it's obviously Xellos!" Filia made her hands into fists just thinking about him. After seeing him kill all those people, it made her want to kill him. She was well aware of the fact that a statement as such would leave her looking suspicious, so she opted to keep it to herself. But in her mind she kept thinking 'Die, Xellos! Die, Xellos! Die Xellos! .....Did I remember to clean the lint basket in the dryer? ..... Die, Xellos! Die Xellos!'
Gourry looked around the room, trying to find the bellboy Filia was talking about. He remembered her saying something about a bellboy before but he couldn't quite figure out who it was. He didn't want to say anything in case he was somebody important, like Filia's husband or something. He didn't specifically recall her getting married but if she did they'd say he was really stupid for not remembering.
Lina just sighed in annoyance, "Filia, that's Gourry, not the bellboy."
Filia was shocked. She looked at Gourry in disbelief, "Really? I didn't recognize you, Gourry! Did you get a haircut?"
"Yeah! You like it?" Gourry grinned. Nobody had really noticed, despite the fact that it was quite a difference. But then again, nobody ever really paid attention to him, either.
"Oh, but it's so short!" she exclaimed, "You're hair was so pretty before!"
"Think so?" Gourry put a hand through his hair, "It's just so hard to manage long hair."
"I find that if you use the right kind of hair products it's very easy to keep it long," Filia was about to go bring some down to show him but Lina would have nothing to do with it.
"Will you two shut up!" she shouted, "Zelgadis and Amelia are dead, in case you forgot!"
Filia looked over at Lina, feeling a bit guilty, "I'm sorry, Lina. You need beauty secrets, too, don't you? You can't really keep up with your hair management so maybe you should go short."
Gourry shook his head, "But if she had short hair than people would think she was a boy."
"Not if she had the right style," Filia examined Lina's hair and started coming up with great ideas, all of which were forgotten when Lina smacked them both across the room.
"What was that for?" Filia pouted as she held a hand to her bruised face. She immediately slunk back as Lina glared at her from across the room, another fist ready just in case.
Lina undid the fist as she saw Filia and Gourry cowering in fear, "We need to find whoever's killing everybody and do something about it."
"But we already know it's Xellos," Filia informed her. Her mind began repeating 'die Xellos' again.
"Xellos is capable of mass destruction," Lina nodded, "But then again, Mr. Rinald is extremely crazy. I think it's him."
"But Mr. Rinald is too crazy to kill people," Filia snorted, "Besides, Xellos is quite crazy too."
"That's true, but Xellos usually doesn't kill people for no reason," Lina said, although, if he ever felt like it she knew he probably would. She just hoped he didn't feel like it any time soon. But she felt safe knowing the fact that Filia would be the first to go if he ever did.
Filia and Lina began arguing over who they thought did it. Neither could come up with any good reasons why, except the fact that they each hated the person they thought was the killer. It went on for about fifteen minutes while Gourry went off into what would appear a daze. It wasn't actually a daze, but more of a meditative state where he thought about his favorite food. He imagined himself eating it. The thought of food was much more interesting than some stupid killer.... Unless the killer had food. He wondered if the killer had food. Whoever it was had made the first killing in the freezer. And they did notice a decrease in the amount of food in the freezer after the chef was murdered. Gourry remembered that at the time Mr. Wisley was killed, he was planning on using the bathroom. Thinking about that made Gourry remember he never did use get a chance to use that bathroom the other day and he still had to go. Would Lina and Filia let him leave? But he didn't really feel like interrupting their argument. Lina would probably hurt him. A lot. But he had to go to the bathroom. And he was hungry. Then he began thinking about his favorite food again. Lina and Filia stopped arguing as they noticed Gourry grinning to himself and say, "Mmm!"
"Gourry!" Lina hit him over the head, ending his delicious daydream, "Have you been listening to a word we just said."
"Yeah, of course I have!" Gourry said. It's not that he was lying. Gourry wasn't the sort of person to lie. In fact, he actually thought he was listening to them. He thought they were both talking about his favorite food.
The girls weren't convinced. "Who do you think the killer is, then?" Filia asked.
Gourry was confused for a moment, but then realized what happened. They must have thought they were talking about killers instead of food. He decided to go along with it. "Well, I thought about it for a long time," he began, while Lina and Filia stared back at him, not convinced that he'd been thinking, "And I think the killer is Amelia."
"What!?" both girls looked at him in a mixture of surprise, annoyance, and confusion.
"Well, they say it's always the person you least expect," Gourry told them, knowing that one has to be patient when dealing with golden dragons and girls who like to blow stuff up.
"But Amelia's dead!" Filia exclaimed.
"Yeah! And that's why we wouldn't expect her!" Gourry continued on his explanation, wondering why they didn't understand,
"But if it's the person you least expect then it's not Amelia because right now you think it's her," Lina told him. It wasn't hard to outsmart Gourry, but she still enjoyed it. At least he didn't argue with her about it like Filia did. 'Stupid Filia,' she thought, 'She just doesn't understand that I'm right and she's wrong.... I wish the killer had killed her instead of everyone else. At least they know that I'm right and they're wrong.'
"Oh yeah..." Gourry was slightly disappointed that his theory was incorrect. But he then came up with a new theory, "So that must mean it's Zelgadis!" With that said, they all exploded into an argument. Filia thought it was Xellos, Lina thought it was Mr. Rinald, and Gourry kept changing his answer every time he said something, each answer he gave making less sense then the last.
"It's Xellos!" Filia shouted.
"It's Mr. Rinald!" Lina shouted.
"It's Gaav!" Gourry Shouted.
"Stay out of this," Filia shoved Gourry out of the way, "It's Xellos, and that's final!"
"It can't be Xellos," Lina growled at her. Both girls got up in each others faces and started growling at each other. Gourry backed up.
"And just why not," Filia snarled.
"Because Xellos is already dead," Lina said and pointed at Xellos' body, which had been laying next to them the whole time, "See?"
Filia stared for a while, then blushed and said, "Oh." She poked Xellos with a stick for a moment, then looked back at Lina, "So I guess it's Mr. Rinald after all." After all the thoughts of Xellos being dead, it seemed a bit overrated. Lina and Filia stared at the body for a while, wondering how Mr. Rinald could have pulled it off. Gourry began to wonder if Filia was really right about Xellos being the killer.
"Well, now that we know who it really is," Filia said, "We have to be sure to avoid Mr. Rinald at all costs."
"That's right," said Mr. Rinald. Lina and Filia began to slowly back away from him while Gourry began explaining the situation.
He began, "They think that you're the killer, Mr. Rinald, but I know it's really Rezo, the red priest. Nobody would suspect a great guy like him, but you know what they always say...."
"Yes, that's right," Mr. Rinald said to his left hand, "It's always the person you most expect. I most expect myself."
"Really?" Gourry asked in surprise, "That's what Lina and Filia think. But I know it's really Bill Gates. Nobody would suspect a rich guy like him, but you know what they always say-"
"Yes, that's right," Mr. Rinald said to his right hand and pushed Gourry out the window.
Lina leapt forward and yelled, "Gourry!" But it was too late. Mr. Rinald began laughing evilly.
"All along you thought it wasn't me, but it really was!" he laughed.
"But I suspected you the whole time," Lina said. Mr. Rinald stopped laughing and started crying.
"I just wanted to be a murderer! Is that a crime?" he sniffed, then began laughing again, "And now there's nothing you can do to stop me! You'll try to kill me but it will be impossible because I will never die!" He then jumped out the window. The two girls exchanged looks.
"So, what should we do now?" Lina asked.
"Leaving would be a good idea." They both nodded and began heading back to their rooms to gather their things. A sad song played as they remembered all the good times they'd had with all the people who had died. Except for the staff of Death MansionÒ. They hadn't really had any good times with them. The times they'd had with them had been bad. Except for that full body massage Filia had received from Betty. That was a good memory. So she remembered that to the sad tune. But they felt a certain duty to remember Ms. Evette and Mr. Wisley, too. So they did. They made up good memories for them. Like the time they all went camping. That was a fun time, even thought it never happened.
Lina and Filia got all their luggage together and began making their way to the exit.
"So, do you think Mr. Rinald is really dead?" Filia asked, wondering if the sad music was almost over. It was really dramatic when they were remembering the good times but it just didn't seem the same when you were dragging luggage around.
"Not really," Lina said, "He's right over there." Mr. Rinald was shaking his fist at them from in a pool.
"You'll live to regret this!" he shouted, then began singing, "Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way!" Then he started making some weird noises and waving his arms around.
"Well, this is it," Filia said as she reached for the doorknob that lead out of the terrible mansion.
"Not so fast!" yelled a voice. Lina and Filia turned and looked at the person, in shock.
"Amelia!?" they gasped. Lina pointed a finger at her and began stuttering, "But your d-d-d-d-"
"Alive? Yes, I know," Amelia said with an evil smile on her face, "I faked my own death to fool all of you. It was just too easy."
"So, you were the one that killed everybody," Lina said, still pointing her finger.
Another voice was heard from across the room, "Not quite."
"Zelgadis!?" They all gasped. He walked towards them as they all backed away, frightened.
"You thought I was dead, didn't you?" he came closer to them.
"Actually, I pretended to die before you so I really didn't know about that," Amelia said before Zelgadis cast an annoyed glance at her.
"Wait, wait, you were pretending to be dead?" he sighed angrily, "I was supposed to be the only one faking my own death."
"You faked your own death, too?" Filia was as confused as everyone else was. The all stared at each other for a moment, confused, annoyed, and angry. In the background, Mr. Rinald ran around screaming and on fire. It did not come as a surprise when they all saw Xellos enter the room.
"Well, well!" he said, "Isn't this a surprise! It seems that we all faked are own deaths!"
"Okay, I want some explanations!" Lina demanded. Amelia and Zelgadis looked sheepish, Xellos looked amused.
"Well," Amelia began, "I wanted to escape the pressures of being a princess. That's why I pretended to be dead. But then I realized that as long as Daddy's still alive there is no pressure. Just lots and lots of pampering."
"What about you, Mr. Zelgadis?" Amelia asked. Zelgadis blushed a little.
"After you died, I didn't really know how to react so I decided to pretend to die so that it would give the illusion that I cared about you enough to kill myself out of grief," he sighed.
Amelia sighed dreamily, "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me!"
Filia glared at Xellos, who looked innocently back at her. "What do you have to say for yourself, Xellos," she asked angrily, "And if you say it's a secret I'll kill you!" Everyone stared at Filia for a moment. "Uh, I mean I'll.... Um, I'll be forced to use non-violent means to solve our differences in a way that will make you wish you hadn't said that the faking of your death is a secret." Xellos stared at her, confused. She sighed and said, "Just tell me why you did it."
"That's a secret!" he said.
Filia leapt at Xellos and began punching him, "I'll kill you!" Lina and Zelgadis pulled Filia off him before she killed him for real.
"So I guess nobody was dead, after all," Amelia said after they finally calmed Filia down.
"What about Gourry?" Lina asked, "Me and Filia saw Mr. Rinald push him out the window!"
Everyone sat in silence for a sad moment. Occasionally, someone would sigh sorrowfully. They remembered all the good times they'd had with Gourry. The sad song played on.
Then Gourry walked in.
"Gourry!" Lina was angry that she was sad for nothing, "You idiot!"
"What'd I do?" he asked after she hit him over the head.
"How did you survive the fall?" she asked. He stared at her.
"What fall?" She hit him again. "Oh, you mean the fall from the window? We were on the ground floor."
Lina and Filia looked at each other. "We were five stories up," Filia told him.
"Oh," Gourry said and thought about it, "That's probably why it hurt so much."
~~~~~~~~
And with that, the six people left Death MansionÒ. The decided to never speak of the experience ever again. They were just happy knowing the fact that nobody had died. The were so happy about that, that they forgot about Ms. Evette, Mr. Wisley, and Betty, who were all killed. Nobody ever found out how they died. Several detectives interviewed Mr. Rinald but could not gather sufficient evidence to make an arrest. They did, however, get a tour of the mansion. On that subject, several detectives disappeared near Death MansionÒ.
Lina nodded her head, "I doubt any of us would go on a killing spree." Lina, Filia, and Gourry were all seated on a couch in the parlor and decided to try and figure out who was killing everyone. There were only five people left alive of the original group, and after a brief talk they narrowed it down to just two. Mr. Rinald or Xellos.
"If it's not you, the bellboy, or I, then it's obviously Xellos!" Filia made her hands into fists just thinking about him. After seeing him kill all those people, it made her want to kill him. She was well aware of the fact that a statement as such would leave her looking suspicious, so she opted to keep it to herself. But in her mind she kept thinking 'Die, Xellos! Die, Xellos! Die Xellos! .....Did I remember to clean the lint basket in the dryer? ..... Die, Xellos! Die Xellos!'
Gourry looked around the room, trying to find the bellboy Filia was talking about. He remembered her saying something about a bellboy before but he couldn't quite figure out who it was. He didn't want to say anything in case he was somebody important, like Filia's husband or something. He didn't specifically recall her getting married but if she did they'd say he was really stupid for not remembering.
Lina just sighed in annoyance, "Filia, that's Gourry, not the bellboy."
Filia was shocked. She looked at Gourry in disbelief, "Really? I didn't recognize you, Gourry! Did you get a haircut?"
"Yeah! You like it?" Gourry grinned. Nobody had really noticed, despite the fact that it was quite a difference. But then again, nobody ever really paid attention to him, either.
"Oh, but it's so short!" she exclaimed, "You're hair was so pretty before!"
"Think so?" Gourry put a hand through his hair, "It's just so hard to manage long hair."
"I find that if you use the right kind of hair products it's very easy to keep it long," Filia was about to go bring some down to show him but Lina would have nothing to do with it.
"Will you two shut up!" she shouted, "Zelgadis and Amelia are dead, in case you forgot!"
Filia looked over at Lina, feeling a bit guilty, "I'm sorry, Lina. You need beauty secrets, too, don't you? You can't really keep up with your hair management so maybe you should go short."
Gourry shook his head, "But if she had short hair than people would think she was a boy."
"Not if she had the right style," Filia examined Lina's hair and started coming up with great ideas, all of which were forgotten when Lina smacked them both across the room.
"What was that for?" Filia pouted as she held a hand to her bruised face. She immediately slunk back as Lina glared at her from across the room, another fist ready just in case.
Lina undid the fist as she saw Filia and Gourry cowering in fear, "We need to find whoever's killing everybody and do something about it."
"But we already know it's Xellos," Filia informed her. Her mind began repeating 'die Xellos' again.
"Xellos is capable of mass destruction," Lina nodded, "But then again, Mr. Rinald is extremely crazy. I think it's him."
"But Mr. Rinald is too crazy to kill people," Filia snorted, "Besides, Xellos is quite crazy too."
"That's true, but Xellos usually doesn't kill people for no reason," Lina said, although, if he ever felt like it she knew he probably would. She just hoped he didn't feel like it any time soon. But she felt safe knowing the fact that Filia would be the first to go if he ever did.
Filia and Lina began arguing over who they thought did it. Neither could come up with any good reasons why, except the fact that they each hated the person they thought was the killer. It went on for about fifteen minutes while Gourry went off into what would appear a daze. It wasn't actually a daze, but more of a meditative state where he thought about his favorite food. He imagined himself eating it. The thought of food was much more interesting than some stupid killer.... Unless the killer had food. He wondered if the killer had food. Whoever it was had made the first killing in the freezer. And they did notice a decrease in the amount of food in the freezer after the chef was murdered. Gourry remembered that at the time Mr. Wisley was killed, he was planning on using the bathroom. Thinking about that made Gourry remember he never did use get a chance to use that bathroom the other day and he still had to go. Would Lina and Filia let him leave? But he didn't really feel like interrupting their argument. Lina would probably hurt him. A lot. But he had to go to the bathroom. And he was hungry. Then he began thinking about his favorite food again. Lina and Filia stopped arguing as they noticed Gourry grinning to himself and say, "Mmm!"
"Gourry!" Lina hit him over the head, ending his delicious daydream, "Have you been listening to a word we just said."
"Yeah, of course I have!" Gourry said. It's not that he was lying. Gourry wasn't the sort of person to lie. In fact, he actually thought he was listening to them. He thought they were both talking about his favorite food.
The girls weren't convinced. "Who do you think the killer is, then?" Filia asked.
Gourry was confused for a moment, but then realized what happened. They must have thought they were talking about killers instead of food. He decided to go along with it. "Well, I thought about it for a long time," he began, while Lina and Filia stared back at him, not convinced that he'd been thinking, "And I think the killer is Amelia."
"What!?" both girls looked at him in a mixture of surprise, annoyance, and confusion.
"Well, they say it's always the person you least expect," Gourry told them, knowing that one has to be patient when dealing with golden dragons and girls who like to blow stuff up.
"But Amelia's dead!" Filia exclaimed.
"Yeah! And that's why we wouldn't expect her!" Gourry continued on his explanation, wondering why they didn't understand,
"But if it's the person you least expect then it's not Amelia because right now you think it's her," Lina told him. It wasn't hard to outsmart Gourry, but she still enjoyed it. At least he didn't argue with her about it like Filia did. 'Stupid Filia,' she thought, 'She just doesn't understand that I'm right and she's wrong.... I wish the killer had killed her instead of everyone else. At least they know that I'm right and they're wrong.'
"Oh yeah..." Gourry was slightly disappointed that his theory was incorrect. But he then came up with a new theory, "So that must mean it's Zelgadis!" With that said, they all exploded into an argument. Filia thought it was Xellos, Lina thought it was Mr. Rinald, and Gourry kept changing his answer every time he said something, each answer he gave making less sense then the last.
"It's Xellos!" Filia shouted.
"It's Mr. Rinald!" Lina shouted.
"It's Gaav!" Gourry Shouted.
"Stay out of this," Filia shoved Gourry out of the way, "It's Xellos, and that's final!"
"It can't be Xellos," Lina growled at her. Both girls got up in each others faces and started growling at each other. Gourry backed up.
"And just why not," Filia snarled.
"Because Xellos is already dead," Lina said and pointed at Xellos' body, which had been laying next to them the whole time, "See?"
Filia stared for a while, then blushed and said, "Oh." She poked Xellos with a stick for a moment, then looked back at Lina, "So I guess it's Mr. Rinald after all." After all the thoughts of Xellos being dead, it seemed a bit overrated. Lina and Filia stared at the body for a while, wondering how Mr. Rinald could have pulled it off. Gourry began to wonder if Filia was really right about Xellos being the killer.
"Well, now that we know who it really is," Filia said, "We have to be sure to avoid Mr. Rinald at all costs."
"That's right," said Mr. Rinald. Lina and Filia began to slowly back away from him while Gourry began explaining the situation.
He began, "They think that you're the killer, Mr. Rinald, but I know it's really Rezo, the red priest. Nobody would suspect a great guy like him, but you know what they always say...."
"Yes, that's right," Mr. Rinald said to his left hand, "It's always the person you most expect. I most expect myself."
"Really?" Gourry asked in surprise, "That's what Lina and Filia think. But I know it's really Bill Gates. Nobody would suspect a rich guy like him, but you know what they always say-"
"Yes, that's right," Mr. Rinald said to his right hand and pushed Gourry out the window.
Lina leapt forward and yelled, "Gourry!" But it was too late. Mr. Rinald began laughing evilly.
"All along you thought it wasn't me, but it really was!" he laughed.
"But I suspected you the whole time," Lina said. Mr. Rinald stopped laughing and started crying.
"I just wanted to be a murderer! Is that a crime?" he sniffed, then began laughing again, "And now there's nothing you can do to stop me! You'll try to kill me but it will be impossible because I will never die!" He then jumped out the window. The two girls exchanged looks.
"So, what should we do now?" Lina asked.
"Leaving would be a good idea." They both nodded and began heading back to their rooms to gather their things. A sad song played as they remembered all the good times they'd had with all the people who had died. Except for the staff of Death MansionÒ. They hadn't really had any good times with them. The times they'd had with them had been bad. Except for that full body massage Filia had received from Betty. That was a good memory. So she remembered that to the sad tune. But they felt a certain duty to remember Ms. Evette and Mr. Wisley, too. So they did. They made up good memories for them. Like the time they all went camping. That was a fun time, even thought it never happened.
Lina and Filia got all their luggage together and began making their way to the exit.
"So, do you think Mr. Rinald is really dead?" Filia asked, wondering if the sad music was almost over. It was really dramatic when they were remembering the good times but it just didn't seem the same when you were dragging luggage around.
"Not really," Lina said, "He's right over there." Mr. Rinald was shaking his fist at them from in a pool.
"You'll live to regret this!" he shouted, then began singing, "Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way!" Then he started making some weird noises and waving his arms around.
"Well, this is it," Filia said as she reached for the doorknob that lead out of the terrible mansion.
"Not so fast!" yelled a voice. Lina and Filia turned and looked at the person, in shock.
"Amelia!?" they gasped. Lina pointed a finger at her and began stuttering, "But your d-d-d-d-"
"Alive? Yes, I know," Amelia said with an evil smile on her face, "I faked my own death to fool all of you. It was just too easy."
"So, you were the one that killed everybody," Lina said, still pointing her finger.
Another voice was heard from across the room, "Not quite."
"Zelgadis!?" They all gasped. He walked towards them as they all backed away, frightened.
"You thought I was dead, didn't you?" he came closer to them.
"Actually, I pretended to die before you so I really didn't know about that," Amelia said before Zelgadis cast an annoyed glance at her.
"Wait, wait, you were pretending to be dead?" he sighed angrily, "I was supposed to be the only one faking my own death."
"You faked your own death, too?" Filia was as confused as everyone else was. The all stared at each other for a moment, confused, annoyed, and angry. In the background, Mr. Rinald ran around screaming and on fire. It did not come as a surprise when they all saw Xellos enter the room.
"Well, well!" he said, "Isn't this a surprise! It seems that we all faked are own deaths!"
"Okay, I want some explanations!" Lina demanded. Amelia and Zelgadis looked sheepish, Xellos looked amused.
"Well," Amelia began, "I wanted to escape the pressures of being a princess. That's why I pretended to be dead. But then I realized that as long as Daddy's still alive there is no pressure. Just lots and lots of pampering."
"What about you, Mr. Zelgadis?" Amelia asked. Zelgadis blushed a little.
"After you died, I didn't really know how to react so I decided to pretend to die so that it would give the illusion that I cared about you enough to kill myself out of grief," he sighed.
Amelia sighed dreamily, "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me!"
Filia glared at Xellos, who looked innocently back at her. "What do you have to say for yourself, Xellos," she asked angrily, "And if you say it's a secret I'll kill you!" Everyone stared at Filia for a moment. "Uh, I mean I'll.... Um, I'll be forced to use non-violent means to solve our differences in a way that will make you wish you hadn't said that the faking of your death is a secret." Xellos stared at her, confused. She sighed and said, "Just tell me why you did it."
"That's a secret!" he said.
Filia leapt at Xellos and began punching him, "I'll kill you!" Lina and Zelgadis pulled Filia off him before she killed him for real.
"So I guess nobody was dead, after all," Amelia said after they finally calmed Filia down.
"What about Gourry?" Lina asked, "Me and Filia saw Mr. Rinald push him out the window!"
Everyone sat in silence for a sad moment. Occasionally, someone would sigh sorrowfully. They remembered all the good times they'd had with Gourry. The sad song played on.
Then Gourry walked in.
"Gourry!" Lina was angry that she was sad for nothing, "You idiot!"
"What'd I do?" he asked after she hit him over the head.
"How did you survive the fall?" she asked. He stared at her.
"What fall?" She hit him again. "Oh, you mean the fall from the window? We were on the ground floor."
Lina and Filia looked at each other. "We were five stories up," Filia told him.
"Oh," Gourry said and thought about it, "That's probably why it hurt so much."
~~~~~~~~
And with that, the six people left Death MansionÒ. The decided to never speak of the experience ever again. They were just happy knowing the fact that nobody had died. The were so happy about that, that they forgot about Ms. Evette, Mr. Wisley, and Betty, who were all killed. Nobody ever found out how they died. Several detectives interviewed Mr. Rinald but could not gather sufficient evidence to make an arrest. They did, however, get a tour of the mansion. On that subject, several detectives disappeared near Death MansionÒ.