To the beautiful, glorious, brilliant you,

Hello, luv. I bet you weren't expecting a letter from your old pal Wheatley. Or should I say, "more-than-pals"? Well, anyway, your expectations have been exceeded. Also, this isn't just a letter. This is a love letter. The kind humans write for other humans they, uh, are in … well, you know. Should I be crossing this out? You could probably still read it anyway. Don't answer any of this, by the way. In fact, just pretend you're not reading it. Except for the parts that happened before this part. Well, maybe not all those parts … just … just read the parts that are good. Which you should be able to figure out, since you're brilliant! Ha!

I think this is the part where I'm supposed to write about all the things that make you brilliant. Should be easy, because there are a lot of things, lemme tell you. Nothing like that voice of yours, how it … well, I can't really explain it, because it's your voice, but it does. That thing. That flattish sort of thing when you're saying things that don't involve calling me a moron. And, and your looks! I mean, wow! Whoever designed you must have been a bloody genius, making you like that! I'd thank him, except he's … probably dead. Fair enough. But that reminds me of another human that's probably dead, which is the one that made you so smart. Couldn't come anything near me in a battle of wits, but you're still a bloody genius. And great at making tests! Really great, couldn't ever complain, though I do think an occasional input from me really helps the place shine, don't you?

Anyway, I think that's what generally goes into a love letter. There's a poem sometimes, but I thought I should save the real romance for later. Not saying there'll be a poem later. Definitely not saying that. And no candlelit dinners or special Mozart music or any of that, so don't get your hopes up. You've dried up the well of Wheatley's romance circuit with this letter, I'm afraid. So don't expect anything. I mean it.

XOXOXO
Love,
Wheatley

P.S. Do you drink wine? Not asking for any special reason. Just asking.

Moron,

Even when you're not talking you won't shut up. But I guess I'm impressed. You didn't even write any s's backwards.

I do drink wine.

Don't write again.

-GLaDOS