Rewrite! Cause the first one was crap :)

I DO NOT own Naruto. I DO own my OCs.

It happened so fast. My death.

I was sitting in some endless dark void, scowling out at the darkness, my chin cupped into my palm as I tapped my leg. I had no idea how long I sat there, waiting for something.

"So now what?" I called out, irritated. "Yoo-hoo! Divine being? Budda? God? Anyone?"

Silence. Awful, lonesome silence. Not even an echo.

I honestly was hoping that the after life included waiting in a fancy lounge with free truffles and espresso machines as you waited to move on. This place didn't even have a magazine stand.

Huffing, I flopped back onto my back with my limbs spread out as I stared back up into the never-ending void. I was still young, only 24. I was driving to my niece's ballet recital, a bouquet of pink roses in the passenger seat. Nearly there, I was just turning the corner when the truck hit me. I could still feel the crushing force hitting me, smothering me. A sudden agonizing pain in my middle, something wet and warm soaking my top. Screaming and shouting could be heard but the words were scrambled. Soon all the sounds surrounding me become nothing but a dull hum in my ears before my vision grew black, scattered spots of pink being last thing I saw.

And so here I was, just thinking about what was my life.

At this point, I could say that I still had so much to do with the said life. Get married to my boyfriend (if he ever proposed), have a few kids (maybe like, one), grow old with the poor sap I married and then happily die before him. Yeah, I would of liked that to happen. To settle down and have a family. Too bad that little hope was crushed like a grape.

All the thinking of a family made my thoughts wander to my parents and older stepsister Joy. My "dad" left my 20-year-old mother when I was a few days old, taking off with his new girlfriend. Mom lived with her grandparents because her parents kicked her out, trying to raise me the best she could. When I was 5, she met some guy 13 years older than her called Jacque with a daughter of his own, a 12 year old girl named Joy. They got married and now, Mom and Jacque would be chilling on Jacque's yacht, enjoying the life of the rich and fabulous. And Joy and I got along alright. More so later on then when we were little.

Reaching up, I ran my fingers through my short brown hair. I hope Joy wouldn't mind taking my Boston Terrier, Steve. Hyper active little bugger but so damn loveable.

Letting out a weary sight, I wondered how my niece, Joy's youngest out of six, would take my death. I chuckled softly. She'd probably throw a fit that I missed her recital but I think she would understand why.

"You love them very much, don't you?" A deep masculine voice hummed thoughtfully.

And I just peed my pants.

"Holy-!" I jumped up and my head whipped around wildly, searching looking for the location and owner of the voice. "Who's there?!"

"A friend."

I blinked and looked up warily. "...God?" I asked suspiciously.

Mr. Voice chuckled. "Don't fret child. Tell me. How do you feel about being reborn?"

Don't fret my ass. If someone hears a voice and it isn't theirs, then they've got a problem. I cocked an eyebrow as I stared up into nothingness. "What, like reincarnation? Why? And who are you?" I asked suspiciously.

"Something like that," Mr. Voice hummed. "I am going to give you another chance at life, Clarissa Reese."

"Goody," I declared sarcastically. "Wait, I'm not going to reborn into a squirrel or anything, am I? And who the hell are you?! If I'm going to be reborn somewhere, then at least let me know who I'm talking to and who I can bitch to when something goes wrong!"

A sudden bright light began to burn lightly above me, growing bigger and nearly blinding me. I covered my face, gritting my teeth. Before I blacked out, I heard Mr. Voice said gently,

"Trust me little one. You will be very happy in this new world."

...That still doesn't answer my question, dammit!

If this is what I get for being reincarnated then I want a damn refund.

It was dark and I felt like I was floating. I could hear voices, a woman's voice being the loudest of the bunch but they all sounded a little muffled. How long have I been here? In void I squirmed unhappily, not liking the small space that seemed to get constrict around me. And that's when I realized what the squeezing sensations were and what was happening.

'Oh. My. God.'

I'm in the middle of birth. MY birth.

'I'M BEING PUSHED OUT OF SOMEBODY! EW, EW, EW, EW, EWWWW! DAMN YOU MR. VOICE!'

~What felt like eons later~

Okay, I not going to go into the oh so wonderful details of birth. Let me just say, it's wet, its gross and it is just plain nasty. There was the screaming and the awful squeezing and etc. Suddenly the weird warmth was gone, and replaced with a blinding light and freezing cold air.

And what I do?

I scream like there's no tomorrow.

Hey, I just experienced being expelled from a birth canal out of some random stranger. I am allowed to freak out.

A pair of large hands held me, surprisingly securely considering how much I was wiggling. Automatically, something soft and warm was wrapped around me, pinning my arms to my chest and forcing my legs immobile.

So this how a burrito feels.

Never working at a Taco Bell ever again.

...Do they have a Taco Bell here?

There better a Starbucks.

I struggled in my bindings, letting out a wail. This was humiliating. Of course not everybody dies and magically becomes an infant in less than 2 hours.

As I was helplessly passed around like a screaming/crying football, one voice stood out from all the other muffled voices. It was the woman's voice from before, the one that was the loudest of them all. I was soon handed over to the woman, her arms encasing me protectively to her bosom. I could hear her cooing to me, a deeper rumbling voice joining hers.

Something (a finger?) touched my tiny hand and I grabbed onto it like a lifeline. Deep Voice chuckled and gently pressed a kiss to my hand, something scruffy tickling my sensitive baby skin.

Soon my whimpers died to quiet coos. Bigger and stronger arms took me from I'm guessing my new mother's arms into their own. My tiny pink and weak body was cradled gently against a strong chest, a soft deep humming sound vibrating in the chest. I whimpered softly, tiny fists flexing for something to grip. A pair of lips lightly touched my head, whispering something against my skin. Scrunching up my face, I just let out weak whines and little baby noises.

Oh look, my dignity, swirling down into the abyss. Yippee.

I wonder if they have FML t-shirts here. Because I could so use one right now. That and an expresso.

I gave my 'mother' a blank stare as she cooed at me, wiggling her fingers in my face.

So it turns out that I was born to...drumroll please...ta-da, Hiruzen and Biwako Sartobi!

YAY!

Not.

I've watched a fair share of the anime Naruto episodes with my nephews' while I babysat them, often arguing on who's the better ninja. At least I know who's who.

I inwardly sighed as Biwako made loud babbling noises and waved a stuffed animal in my face. 'I'm a 24 year old woman in a 8 month old's body. This is more humiliating than that stupid dare Jack made me do during spring break. Woman, keep on waving that thing my face and I will bite you! This time I mean it!'

"Biwako dear, I don't think Naegi likes that," Hiruzen said, bemused, from his spot behind her. Dark eyes shone fondly down at me, a grin on his face as he watched me glare at his wife.

Yep. My name is Naegi Sarutobi, my name meaning 'sapling'. Ironic right?

'Dad' may be the Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, but for naming a child he is not the guy to go to. My 'Mother' likes to tell me with pride that I am the "Honorable Daughter" of the Third Hokage and that I am heir to the Sarutobi Clan. And because of this information I came up with two main thoughts.

A) I better not become a Mary Sue.

and

B) Who the hell came up with the title of "Honorable Daughter"?

Anyways, moving on.

It has been 8 months since my oh so wondrous day of coming into this world. And in those 8 months, I gave my wonderful new parents holy hell.

Insert evil cackle here.

I cried during all hours of the night, I barfed up my breakfast, lunch and dinner on them, rolled away (since I'm not mobile yet) while their backs are turned. I would watch them freak out for a minute or two before Dad found me about to roll off the back porch. Needless to say, I was terrible baby. But I was their first child. What, do you think I would make this easy for them? All kids do this, its like, hardwired into our little evil baby minds. Make the first few months crazy, then be nice for a week or so, and then cause chaos again.

When I was not creating said holy hell for my parents, Mom would often cart me through the village as we headed to the Hokage tower. A pair of ANBU in animal masks followed her via shadows and alleyways while another one walked behind her. I often made faces at the one walking behind us just for the heck of it. More than once I thought I saw his shoulders twitch but who knows. As we approached towards the Hokage Tower, several villagers and shinobi would stop to gush to their neighbor about the cute little baby of Lord Third and his wife. Once we were in the Tower, Mom would head straight to Dad's office and open the door. His desk was covered in papers but at the door opening and seeing me in Biwako's arms, his tired face would light up. Mom would then leave me with Dad so she could check something at work. He would hold me in his lap while looking over papers, often commenting to me about something. To which I would respond by yanking on his beard and babble nonsense.

There are of course, downsides of me being their kid. You are so smothered with respect and ass kissing that it makes you want to barf. I mean, you can only take so much of, " Honorable Daughter" this or "Honorable Daughter" that. Next person who calls me that get's a toy block to the face.

Oh and please don't get me started on the changing of the diapers and the bathing. In one word?

Mortifying.

Never have I wished so many times to have the intelligence of a 8 month old so I could forget the whole experience.

I actually I got see my reflection in a mirror once after a bath, courtesy of Biwako. And I have to say, I am one good-looking baby. I had soft spiky black hair, pretty green eyes, and if one looked close enough, I inherited Dad's little black tattoos coming from the corner of the eyes. What are those things called? Tears? Anyways, what puzzles me is both Hiruzen and Biwako had brown hair and dark eyes, so where the hell did the black hair and green eyes come from?

Reaching up to Dad, I did the pick me motion, stretching my arms out pleadingly to the man. Chuckling, he leaned down and scooped me up into his arms, holding me to his chest where I could hear his steady heartbeat. Letting out a sigh, I rubbed my cheek against his rough clothing. Like most babies, the steady thrum of a parent's heartbeat soothed me. He spoke, his voice a vibrating rumble in his chest.

"So my little Leaf, did you manage to crawl out of your crib again this time?"

Mom huffed from her spot on the floor. "This time she managed to get stuck halfway down due to her diaper getting caught on the latch."

I scowled as Dad shook with laughter. Hey if you were stuck in a crib when you have the mind of 24 year old you would be bored as hell too. Plus, I wanted to try out my nonexistent ninja skills. I am ashamed to say...I stink.

"I'm sorry that I came home late." Dad apologized as he sat down in a chair, cradling me in one arm with my head tucked under his chin.

Mom tsked. "You are busy keeping our village safe, Hiruzen. There is nothing to apologize for. You are the Hokage."

'Explains the wrinkles starting to show.' I grabbed hold of Dad's goatee and tugged, giggling at the disgruntled face he made. "Oh yeah. He also taught the Sannin trio. Jiraya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru. I wonder when I'm going to meet them... '

Ah, Jiraya. One of the many Naruto characters I would fangirl over every time I saw him. Him, Kakashi, Hashirama, Tobirama, Neji, Shikamaru, Gaara, Madara, Itachi...

I made a face.

My god, I have problems.

Dad pulled my hand away from his goatee and kissed my pudgy hand. "I know my dear but there a matter I had to settle. "

Mom stared up at him bewildered while I just blinked curiously. "What? Why?"

Tired dark eyes gazed softly down on me, a sad smile on his face. "The council wishes to discuss Naegi and if she started to show signs of using chakra."

I furrowed my brow at him. What was he talking about?

"She's a baby! Only 8 months old!" Mom protested loudly and indignantly. Yeah, you tell him, Ma!

"I started to show signs of possessing chakra when I was 6 months." Dad reminded her.

"Well, you're you. Naegi is just a baby. She needs time." Mom shot back, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

Dad sighed deeply and looked down at me, as I attempted to stick my entire fist into my mouth. He gently tugged my fist out and said softly, "What is your future going to look like my sweet?"

I just yawned.

Beats me, old man.

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