A/N: check out the poll on my page if you can

Amanda didn't show up to work the next day, or the day after that, or even the day after that one. This deeply worried Olivia, but she pushed the blonde out of her mind. Amanda had been very clear and upright about her feelings towards Olivia when she started dating that cheating douche. Yet, what did the roses mean? She would never comprehend that, nor did she think Amanda would have an explanation. The roses had nothing to do with Olivia's worry. The way Amanda was walking, the dirt on her clothes, the bruised neck and red eyes were what was worrying her. She didn't want the worst forming in her head, so to distract her mind; she pulled out a book to read.

But after reading the same page three times and still not knowing what the damned page said, she gave up.

Olivia Benson stood up from her seat on her living room couch. Today was everyone's day off. Cragen called Amanda the first day she didn't 'show up'. She claimed she was sick.

Sure you're right.

Benson wanted to say something to Cragen, but every time she started to form a simple sentence, it got all jumbled in her head.

All day Olivia had been working to get the southerner off her mind. Whether it was her attraction or her worry, Amanda was always in her head. She had flipped through endless TV shows, tried a new cooking recipe, and even attempted calling Elliot again. As if she would ever get an answer from him. The young blonde still terrified her.

She pulled on a pair of black running shoes as she decided what she was going to do. Amanda was not just going to disappear from Olivia's mind, nor would the brunette just allow Amanda to ignore her. With one swift motion, she slipped her arms through the sleeves of her favorite brown leather jacket and opened her front door.

'Oh I don't need to pay for someone to listen to my problems'

The words streamed through Olivia's ears as she headed for the subway. They didn't anger her, just further worried her. Everyone was seeing a different Amanda, and no one liked her. It was all because of Nate. As she walked through crowds of people down the subway, she really started wishing that she had took Fin up on his offer to go teach Nate a lesson.

"Amanda." Olivia said softly from outside if the blonde's apartment door. No response except something crashing and falling.

"Amanda!" She was met by silence as she knocked. She was starting to get irritated. Amanda seemed to be going all out to ignore her.

"Amanda. I know you're in there!" Olivia shouted. She sighed and leaned back against the doorway. How was she going to do this? "Amanda, please open the door." Resort to desperation; that ought to do.

Slowly, the door cracked open. The taller woman pushed herself off the door and turned around to face who was on the opposite side. Amanda had the door open just enough to see her face, and even then, Olivia gasped at the younger woman's appearance. Rollins' eyes immediately gave away that she had not had any sleep the previous night. Her skin seemed paler than its usual complexion. She looked like hell, an Olivia was certain from the look in Rollins' eyes, that she knew it too.

"What do you want?" The younger said somewhat harshly.

"I'm sorry." The brunette said after moments of silence.

Amanda blinked a few times before a soft chuckle came from the back of her throat. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

Olivia opened and shut her mouth a few times, because she could not answer the question. She sighed again for the 100th time in 6 hours.

"A lot," She watched Amanda's eyebrows come together in confusion. "I'm sorry for treating you like a second class citizen when you first got here. I'm sorry for not understanding what you going through. I'm sorry for expecting you to have the same feelings I have for you. I'm sorry for almost ruining what we had as a friendship, and I am sorry that I fell in love who someone who doesn't love me back."

Amanda shook her head to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't face Olivia like this, she just couldn't.

"You were grieving over Elliot. You didn't know about my gambling. And I do Olivia. I feel the same way. But you can't expect me to show it. I'm not good as those types of things." Amanda said it quiet, almost too quiet for Olivia to hear.

The stood in silence for a while longer, but Olivia broke it again. "Amanda, what happened yesterday night?"

A/N: Second part because it was the only thing I felt like writing. I might continue this as a mini-story.

Oh, I might not update for a while on anything because my dad apparently wants to 'bond' with me by taking away my laptop for a week while we to go to the middle of fucking nowhere.

I feel like this a just an opportunity for him to try and talk the lesbian out of me. Oh well. I'll just use my sister's laptop to update.